by L A Cotton
“We’re good,” I answered.
The waitress’s smile faltered and her eyes narrowed on me. Just for a second. But then she was beaming again and walking away to collect our drinks.
Too wasted to notice, Perkins stumbled back into the booth and continued.
“Ah yes, the parties. Your uncle used to open up his house for the whole weekend. Alcohol flowed freely. The girls, every drug you can think of, good times, kid. Good fucking times. He and your dad knew how to party hard, but they never let anything slip past them. This one time…”
Perkins' voice was a blur. I’d zeroed in on the word dad and heard nothing else.
Dad.
Dad.
“…and Marcus pulled a gun on him, pressed it right to his forehead and told him to get out of his house before he redecorated with the guy’s brains. Intense shit.” Perkins’ eyes drooped shut and he hunched over his glass. “Good man, Michael.”
He looked about to say something else, but the waitress reappeared with our drinks. Instead of just putting them down and leaving us with the tab, she placed down her tray and start moving seductively in front of us. Perkins shifted upright, getting comfy for the show, shooting me his trademark grin.
Bastard.
The last thing I wanted was to sit here and endure this, but I didn’t want to offend Perkins either. So I sat there, rigid, looking right through the waitress as she rolled her hips and popped her ass in our direction. Relieved I was positioned behind the table enough to avoid a lap dance, I nudged Perkins to the edge of the booth so he could get his money’s worth.
When the song finally ended, Perkins fumbled a bill out of his wallet and tucked it into her bra strap. The waitress smiled, flickering her eyes to me before sauntering away. Perkins dropped forward onto his elbows, clearly wasted, and mumbled, “I’m so fucking hard; do you think they do extras?”
Unprepared to let him make a fool of himself—or worse, end up roughed up by security—I left my side of the booth to go to him. Looping my arm around his waist, I hoisted him up. He was dead weight, but I’d beefed up since training with Dennis.
“Come on, old man. Let’s get you back.”
“No, the pussy, the pussy,” he groaned, flopping against me.
~
By the time I had him back to the motel, my arms ached and I needed a shower to wash off the stench of alcohol and bad breath. Perkins was sleeping soundly in the room adjoining mine, so I peeled off my crew neck shirt, yanked down my jeans, and headed for a shower. I wanted to call Ana, but I wanted to be clean first.
Twenty minutes later, I padded through the small room wrapped in a towel with droplets of water still dripping from my hair.
Ana answered on the third ring. “Hello.” Her voice sounded groggy.
“Did I wake you?”
“Jackson? No, no, I’m awake. Where are you? Are you okay?” Ana’s words were rushed—full of panic—and guilt clawed up my throat.
“I’m okay. Missing you like crazy.”
“I miss you, too. Dennis met me at the library tonight. Did you put him up to that? I don’t need a babysitter, Jackson.”
My lips curled into a smile imagining Ana’s pouty face as she attempted to scold me.
“I might have told him that you tend to study late on a Friday.”
“Jackson…”
“Ana…”
“V called yesterday. I didn’t get a chance to tell you yet. Otis is sick. I knew that old fool was hiding something. She asked when we could go see them, and I said I’d talk to you.”
“We could go for Thanksgiving? How is he?”
“She didn’t say too much, just that he’s being a stubborn ass and refusing treatment.” My voice cracked. I’d known Otis was sick for some time, but he hadn’t said a word to me. Not a damn thing.
“You’ll talk some sense into him. Our bed seems too big when you’re not here.”
“Better than the thing I’m sleeping on. You don’t even want to… never mind. Let’s not go there.”
I just want to talk to you, hear your voice.
“Jackson.” Ana’s voice whispered over the line so softly that I almost missed it.
“Yeah.”
“We’ll get through this, won’t we?”
And there it was. The question neither of us wanted to answer.
“Of course, we will.”
We have to.
“Just you and me. Always, remember?” I said the words, but the hollow feeling in my stomach made it hard to believe them.
Chapter 9
~ ANA ~
I lingered behind Elena, Cassie, and Talia as they fingered dresses and shirts, oohing and ahhing at the pieces they liked.
“Not feeling it today?” Lydia asked, linking her arm through mine.
“Not really.”
“Missing Jackson?”
“Something like that.”
He’d only been gone a night—less than twenty-four hours—but I knew firsthand that enough time had passed for something to go wrong.
“He’ll be fine, Ana. Come on, today is about us girls. At least try and have fun.”
I pursed my lips together and gave her a little nod.
“What about this one? This one will make his eyes pop right out of his head, right, chica?” Elena held the mini dress to her body and strutted in front of us. While the others nodded and smiled their agreement, I hardly managed a smile. It was impossible to pull myself out of the funk I seemed to fall into whenever Jackson was out of town on business.
What did that even mean? Was he off somewhere handing over money for bags of coke and weed? Beating some lowlife to a bloody pulp because they owed money? I’d heard the rumors and had spent two years trying to ignore them. Before Marcus handed Jackson the reins, things were simpler. Still messed up, but at least Jackson wasn’t out there doing God only knew what.
“Ana, Ana. Earth to Ana.” Elena marched up to me and snapped her fingers in front of my eyes. “Hellllo, I said shall we grab some lunch after this? You were totally spaced out.”
“Huh, sorry. Didn’t sleep much.”
Elena’s eyes softened around the corners, and she smiled sadly. “Come on, chica. Lunch is on me.”
The girls paid for their items, and we walked the short distance to the food court. Talia had insisted on driving us to Portland to one of the bigger malls; it was her way of trying to bridge the gap. As long as she wasn’t throwing backhanded comments in my direction, I was indifferent about the whole thing.
Talia, however, seemed intent on trying to fix things between us, and when we reached the line for Chipotle’s, she maneuvered herself between Elena and me.
“Hey, Ana.”
I smiled, biting back some sarcastic reply. It all seemed too little too late where she and I were concerned. But Jackson had made a point to inform me that Jarrod had told him she was trying hard to change. And everyone deserved a second chance, right?
“How are things?”
Things are still fucked up.
“Things are good. Classes are crazy. What about you?”
Talia beamed. It seemed genuine, the way her smile reached her eyes. Was she that bothered I was prepared to give her an in?
“Same. I’ve been looking forward to today, a time-out, you know? Just for me. Being with Jarrod is great, but it’s nice to spend time with the girls.”
I nodded and tried to focus on the food counter, but she grabbed my hand and stopped me in my tracks.
“Listen, Ana. I’m really sorry about before. In freshman year, I was jealous, I guess. Anyway, I was a total bitch. I know I should have said all this before now, but I really hope we can be friends. I’ve missed you guys.”
“Yeah, sure.” The words rolled off my tongue with little emotion behind them.
It wasn’t that I didn’t accept her apology—no, that was all fine and good. I just didn’t understand how people treated my situation like an everyday occurrence. Even after living in the Donohue’s sh
adow for over two years, it still felt unnatural to have to constantly fight for the things you loved. To live in fear of when the next shitstorm was going to sweep through your life and leave a path of destruction in its wake. That wasn’t normal, was it? Or were the people of Chastity Falls so desensitized to it all? Because while everyone else seemed to go on with their lives, not giving the Donohues and the strange happenings in the town a second thought… it was all I thought about.
Every second of every single day.
Talia smiled and let go of my wrist to join Lydia, Cassie, and Elena, leaving me by myself. The four of them laughed and joked while they picked their salad items. My appetite was away with Jackson and his latest job.
When he called the night before, he had sounded so torn. His loyalty to me and his false loyalty to Marcus were tearing him down the middle and threatening to rip him clean in two. But just like the week before, when he’d loved me tenderly, it was a beacon of hope in our dark waters. He was reaching out and clinging on for dear life. And I could be his buoy.
I wouldn’t let him drown.
~
“We should do this more often.” Talia licked a spec of frosting from the corner of her mouth and groaned. “These are so good; I think I died and went to heaven.”
“How many of those things are you going to eat? I swear I gain five pounds just looking at one.” Cassie pushed the box of Cinnabon stix away from her and readjusted herself on the bench.
After hitting a few more shops after lunch, we’d paid Cinnabon a visit and were now sitting outside watching the hustle and bustle around us.
“So what gives lately, Cass? Don’t think I haven’t noticed the way you're constantly checking your cell. Who is he?”
Cassie’s cheeks flushed, and she ducked her head muttering something about not having a clue what Elena was talking about.
“Don’t give me that. You’re hooking up with someone on the sly.”
“I am not,” she shot back a little too defensively.
“Fine, be like that. It’ll all come out eventually. It always does,” Elena huffed and stuffed another stix into her mouth.
I offered Cassie a sympathetic smile, but she dropped her eyes. It was unlike her to be so secretive about things; usually, she was the first one to share news of her latest crush.
“So Mari didn’t come,” Lydia said catching us all off guard.
“Did you only just realize that, Lyd?” Talia laughed, but it quickly trailed off when none of us joined in. “Wait, what am I missing?”
“More like what is Mari missing. I swear that girl has no filter, the things she says. It’s like her mouth opens and shit just falls out.”
“Lydia!” I scolded, shocked at her brash description of Mari. Sure, she was a little unguarded, but she was supposed to be our friend.
“What? It’s true. We all think it. Whatever Paul sees in her, I’ll never know. She tried to ask me for sex advice, Ana. Wanted detailed rundowns and everything.”
We all exploded with laughter. Even Cassie who had remained quiet since Elena called her out in front of the four of us.
“She’s asking the wrong person. You should have directed her to T,” Elena said with a smirk.
“Hey, bitch. Not cool.”
“What? It’s true. You love cock.”
“Loved. Past tense. I love one cock now. Jarrod’s.”
“Whoa, too much information,” Cassie and I said at the same time.
“Oh, come on, we’re all friends. Everyone’s getting regular cock except Cassie, but that’s open for debate. Apparently.”
“Can we please not,” I urged.
“You’re not a prude are you, Ana? I bet Jackson is well hung, like a donkey. Come on; is he as good between the sheets as every girl on campus imagines he is?” Talia grinned at me, and I contemplated the ways to wipe the smile right off her face.
“Seriously! I’m not answering that.”
“Come on, chica. It’s just us, your best girlfriends. Give us something. Anything. He’s a stallion in bed, right? I bet he can go allll night long?” Elena sang, swishing her head in time with the tune.
My so-called friends watched me, eagerly awaiting my answer. Lydia was even leaning across the table, her eyes dancing with excitement.
“You guys are freaking me out a little.”
“Ana, we’ve known you for two years, and I don’t think we’ve ever just had a good ole gossip. We’ve never talked boys or sex. Not unless it involved tears or cursing. Come on, chica. It’s time to join the sisterhood.”
“Sisterhood. You’ve got to be shitting me,” I mumbled to myself rolling my eyes.
“Ana…” Elena had that look; the one that told me no matter how much I fought them on this, she was going to make me answer. One way or another, I was going to divulge something to them.
“Fine.”
“Oh, goody.” Lydia clapped her hands together, and I shot her a glare.
“Sex with Jackson is… hmm, well, it’s intense.”
“Intense? That’s what you’re giving us?”
“What? You asked, I told.”
“Nah-ah, chica. We want the good stuff.”
Good stuff?
Elena draped her arm around my shoulder and hugged me to her. “The good stuff. Does he make you come? Does he make your body sing? Does he know exactly how to get you off?”
I buried my head into Elena’s shoulder, uncomfortable at how crass she made it sound. I’d never really given those things much thought. Sex with Jackson was, well, it was pretty damn near perfect. We just fit.
Lifting my head, I faced my friends and said, “Sex with Jackson is everything. He knows my body inside and out.”
Four eager faces turned dreamy and I was pretty sure I heard Lydia sigh. Knowing I had them on my every word and feeling like a little payback for putting me on the spot, I rose from the bench and turned back to add, “And he makes me come every damn time.”
I walked away from their dropped jaws and Elena’s proud look.
~
The house was empty when Talia dropped me off. Of course, it was; it was only Saturday and Jackson wasn’t due back until tomorrow or even Monday if the job took longer than he anticipated.
After my admission at the bench, the girls didn’t grill me anymore. I wasn’t sure who was more shocked, them or myself. But Elena was right about one thing. I didn’t open up about my relationship with Jackson. Sure, I occasionally shared things with Elena, but it was usually when the shit hit the fan. We never just sat around and chatted about our boyfriends and their sexual prowess.
I dropped my purse and couple of bags from the mall down on the floor by the kitchen counter and went to the refrigerator for liquid refreshment. My purse started vibrating, and I left the glass and ran to retrieve it. If it was Jackson, then I didn’t want to miss it.
Do you know what your boyfriend is really up to when he leaves you?
The text stared back at me as my heart pounded in my chest. The number was unknown, but it had Briony written all over it. I was waiting for her to pull a stunt like this after she threatened me the first week of the semester.
My hand vibrated, alerting me to another text, and I opened it. Everything stopped and I stumbled back against the counter. The photo was grainy like it had been taken from CCTV, but it wasn’t distorted enough to disguise Jackson and the guy next to him getting up close and personal with a virtually naked stripper.
Another beep and my heart exploded in my chest.
You’ll never be good enough for someone like Jackson.
I hated giving that bitch power over me, but I couldn’t stop the tears from forming behind my lids. No matter how much I blinked them back, they were determined to fall because, while I could deny Jackson’s involvement in a lot of things, I couldn’t deny what was staring me right in the face.
Chapter 10
~ JACKSON ~
I knocked harder, waiting for Perkins to answer his door. It was past ei
ght and he’d said we needed to be awake by nine at the latest.
“Perkins, open up.”
There was shuffling on the other side of the door then the handle turned.
“Fuck off.”
“Is that any way to greet the guy who saved your ass last night?”
“Fuck off,” he groaned again, still dressed in the clothes he was in last night.
“You stink. Go shower; it’s past eight.”
“Fuck off.”
“Yeah, you too. Now shower.” I pushed him in the direction of the small bathroom and made myself comfortable in the chair next to the window.
The motel didn’t look any better in the light of morning. It was still a run-down shithole.
“Hey, Perkins. You bring me to all the best places.”
A grumble traveled underneath the gap of the bathroom door. “Fuck off.”
~
“How’s your head?”
“Feels like I drank my body weight in bourbon.”
“You did.” I followed signs for downtown Seattle, just as Perkins had instructed.
“Did I get my dick sucked? Please tell me I did. It’s been too fucking long.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him lean his head back and pinch the bridge of his nose. He was suffering.
“Shit out of luck, man. Sorry.”
“Ahh, a guy’s got to try, right? I’m not getting any younger, and woman ain’t exactly lining up to get with an old man like me.”
“No wife and kids back home waiting for you then?”
“Nah, not in this life. Been there, seen how it ends, and let me tell you, it ain’t pretty, kid.”
I considered his words. He was right; this life wasn’t for the faint of heart. Which was exactly the reason why I wanted out… until I found out about Dad. Now I had to find out the truth, or I knew I’d regret it. It would eat me up until there was nothing left.
And Ana deserved better.
This was just a means to end.
Get in, get out.
“Take a left, kid,” Perkins directed me. “Park up on the right.”
I parked the car and cut the engine. We were outside of a row of shops, but my eyes honed in on the narrow steps at the end of the block leading up to a black door with a neon sign hanging above it indicating Paradise Lost.