by L A Cotton
“I missed you,” Jackson whispered against my hair, drawing me back into his solid frame.
“Not as I much as I missed you.” I rolled in his vise-like grip and let my eyes take him in. He looked unharmed, but something was in his eyes, a sadness that wasn’t there when he left.
“What happened?”
“Sleep. We can talk tomorrow.”
“No, we can talk now. What happened, Jackson?”
“I talked to a couple of the guys about my dad. They knew him, Ana. It was surreal. Hit me kind of hard, but I don’t know why. Of course, they knew him.” His voice cracked with pain and I felt it in my heart. He was hurting.
My arms slid up and over strong arms until I was cradling Jackson against me. “I wish I could make it better.”
“You can, you do. This is all I need.”
But it wasn’t. I knew that now. Sometime while he was away, I'd finally realized Jackson needed closure. He needed to lay his past to rest. One way or another, Jackson needed to cut loose his ties to the Donohues.
“I’m right here.”
“How was your weekend? The party?”
I tensed involuntarily, and the second it happened, I regretted it.
“What, Ana, what happened?” Jackson was staring right at me demanding answers.
“Not now, let me be here for you. It’s not important. Not tonight.”
“Ana…” his voice warned, and I sighed leaning back slightly.
“Fine. I got some more texts and found something out.”
Jackson bristled. “More texts? What did they say?”
“There was another image.”
“Motherfucker!”
I dropped my arms from Jackson’s neck and hugged them to me, startled at Jackson’s sudden change of mood. He sat back and swung his legs over the side of the bed with his head hanging forward.
“Jackson?”
“Was it me?”
“Yes, with a topless waitress,” my voice trailed off at the end.
“FUCK,” he roared standing up. “Who the fuck is doing this?”
“Jackson, calm down, you’re scaring me,” I pleaded.
He paced up and down by the bed never once looking in my direction. Rage poured out of him, filling the room with tension. Unsure of how to calm down Jackson’s mood, I rushed out, “I found out Cassie’s mystery man is Dennis.”
He stopped dead and glanced over to me. “What the…?”
“My thoughts exactly.”
“I know what you just did.”
“What did I do?”
Jackson dropped onto the bed and drew me back into his side. “Distracted me.” He pressed a kiss on the top of my head. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
“But seriously, Cassie and Dennis? That’s a disaster waiting to happen.”
It was more than that, it was impossible. Cassie knew how much Jackson and I had suffered—well, she didn’t know everything, but she knew enough—and she had still made the choice to get involved with a Fallen. And not just any player, but Jackson’s best friend. I didn’t like it. I’d spent the last two years keeping my friends at arm’s length for a reason.
“What are they thinking?”
“What do you mean?” Jackson asked, a hint of confusion in his voice.
“Well, what do they think can come of it? Dennis is Fallen and your… well, your whatever the hell he is. He knows things. Does things. Cassie doesn’t need to be getting mixed up with him.”
“Whoa, Ana. Calm down. They’re both adults, and besides, we work, don’t we?”
“It’s different, and you know it. I had no idea who you were when I met you. You made damn sure of that, and then it was too late. I couldn’t have walked away even if I’d have wanted to.”
Blue pools narrowed in on me. “Okay, but is it really such a bad thing? Dennis is a good guy. One of the best.”
Jackson had a point, but I still couldn’t understand why Cassie would willingly be involved with someone like him. What did that say about me? I was a horrible person.
“I don’t know, Jackson, it’s just that I’m worried about her. If she knows stuff, then it makes her vulnerable.”
I knew that firsthand.
“Look, I’ll talk to him. Find out what’s going on. He hasn’t mentioned her to me before. Now that I’ve calmed down, show me the messages.”
“Jackson, I don’t thin-”
“Ana, go get me your phone.”
~
Jackson still didn’t think Briony was behind the texts. Part of me wanted it to be her. At least, if it was her, it wasn’t anyone else out to get us. We had enough facing us.
It was one of the reasons Jackson had suggested we skip the last couple of days of school, before the holidays, and get away. After saying a brief goodbye to Elena and Tyson, we packed a small bag and hit the road.
“Are you sure this is okay? What about Marcus? Practice?”
Jackson focused on the road ahead as he said, “I cleared it with Marcus. Coach, too. There’s somewhere I want to take you.”
I didn’t usually pay much attention to the route, but since Jackson was being cryptic about where we were headed, I checked off each sign as we passed it. We were currently headed on the H-101, better known as the Oregon Coast Highway. We’d driven through Garibaldi, passed right by Agatha’s house, and were about to arrive at Rockaway Beach. Jackson had brought me here before, and although I knew it held memories of his father, I didn’t understand the significance of today’s visit.
Jackson turned off the highway and pulled into a motel named the Twin Rocks Inn. The sea lapped at the shore, white horses racing to their end.
“Looks fancy,” I joked trying to cut some of the tension suffocating us.
“It’s clean and has hot water. That’s not why we’re here. Come on.” Jackson came around to open my door and left me standing by the car while he retrieved our bag from the trunk.
I followed him to the reception, a small room with a heating unit and rickety wooden bench that looked like it might collapse under my weight.
“Welcome to Twin Rocks. Name?” The woman on the other side of the desk dropped her eyes to the reservation book.
“Parry. Double for two nights.”
“Ah, there you are. Here’s your key. Do you need a tourist brochure?”
Jackson took the key dangling from her thick fingers and shook his head. “No thanks, we’re local.”
The woman smiled and gave us directions to our room. I followed Jackson out of reception and up the stairs. Our room was at the end of the row with a wraparound balcony, and the perfect vantage point of Twin Rocks.
“It looks angry,” I commented absentmindedly, waiting for Jackson to open the door.
“Come on, it’s cold.” Jackson stood against the door, giving me room to enter. He let the door close behind him.
The room was small; a double bed in the middle of the wall facing a huge veneered dresser. There was a matching wardrobe in the corner next to the balcony doors and a unit along the dresser housing a small television.
“It’s not much, but the view is the best.”
“You’ve been here before?” I joined Jackson at the doors.
He wasn’t wrong; the view was something else. Miles and miles of ocean and the Twin Rocks rising up out of the water. The whole scene had an orange hue as the sun descended.
“Dad used to bring me here. Always picked out this room for us.”
I tucked myself into his side. “Talk to me, Jax.”
His eyes flickered closed. He loved me to call him Jax, and although I didn’t use it much, I knew what it meant to him.
“Not yet. There’s somewhere else I want to take you.”
“Okay,” I replied trying to hide my irritation. This trip was about the guy in front of me. About the demons in his past. I was just along for the ride, and that was okay. I could be whatever he needed me to be.
“Wrap up; it’s cold out,”
Jackson instructed as he moved to unpack the bag.
I added another layer and a scarf. Jackson did the same, pulling a beanie down over his head.
“Ready?”
Nodding, I took his hand in my mine and followed him.
We walked the short distance to the beach. The wind swept gritty sand up around us, and I tucked my face further into my knitted scarf. Jackson held our entwined hands against his stomach, unwilling to let go as we walked away from the small town. He finally pulled us to a stop at a grassy clearing away from the last house on the beach.
Staring out at the ocean, Jackson spoke quietly. “This is where we came. After Dad died, Marcus brought us out here to scatter his ashes.”
A small gasp escaped. Jackson had never opened up to me like this before. Not about his father.
“We hadn’t been allowed to the crematorium. He said it was no place for children.” The pain in Jackson’s voice was laced with venom. Hatred for a man who had lied to him all of this time. “Afterward, he came and picked us up and drove us out here. He said Dad loved this place and would want his final resting place to be here.”
Silence fell over us. The wind stopped for a brief moment, the calm before the next gust.
“I don’t even know what really happened to him, Ana. Was it really his ashes? Was there even a cremation? For all I know, they dumped his body in the ocean or buried him in an unmarked grave. How do I live with that? How am I supposed to deal with that?”
A single tear slipped from my eye. Pain radiated from Jackson to me and back again. Watching him hurt only hurt me. I felt his grief, his heartache, and I wanted nothing more than to take it all away.
I rounded Jackson to stand in front of him. Looking at him, I said, “You just do. Every day will be hard. Some days you’ll want to give up, but you won’t because people need you. I need you.”
Jackson’s lips quivered, and I could see it was taking everything in him not to break down. I wrapped my arms around him and laid my head against his collarbone. “I need you, Jackson. Always.”
Time stood still. Our hearts beat gently against one another's. The wind whistled her eerie song all around us, carrying Jackson's voice. “I have to make this right, Ana. It’s something I have to do.”
He didn’t say the words, but I knew what he meant. Deep down, I’d known for some time. Jackson was going after Marcus. Nothing could stop him.
Not even me.
~
“I've been thinking.” Jackson's lips traced the curve of my waist. “Why don't you go and visit your aunty for the holidays?”
Blind panic surfaced so quickly that I shot up in bed clutching the comforter to my chest. “What? Why?”
Jackson sat back on his haunches, and he sighed. He looked so defeated. “Ana, please.”
“No.” My body trembled with frustration. Fear. “No. I'm not leaving you.”
He reached out for me, but I pressed further into the headboard, avoiding his touch. After everything, he wanted me to leave. That wasn't sticking together or standing side by side.
Scrubbing a hand over his face, Jackson's eyes creased and he dropped his head. “Ana, I don't know how to do this and keep you safe. It's just for the holidays.”
“Three weeks. You want me to leave you for almost three weeks? Being away from you in the summer almost killed me. You don't know what it's like for me to go back to that place. The memories, the guilt... I can't, I can't breathe there.”
I stared at Jackson, waiting for him to pick his head up and look at me.
“Jackson, don't do this to us.”
Too much could happen in three weeks. Bad things could happen. I could lose him altogether.
For the last few months, I'd tried to pretend we could weather any storm. That no matter what happened around us—to us—we would come back stronger.
So why did this feel different? Why was my heart shattering in my chest? I knew Jackson needed closure. I knew he was going to do something dangerous, but I didn't think he would push me away like this.
“It's only three weeks, Ana. I'm asking you to do this for me so I know that you're safe. This isn't about us. It's just temporary.”
His words hit me like a force field. Isn't about us. Was that what he really thought? Because for the last two years, everything that had happened was all because of us. Because Braiden didn't want us to be together. I'd been used as a pawn in a game I didn't understand or want anything to do with. But I'd ignored my voice of reason, let my heart rule my head, and I'd chosen Jackson.
It would always be Jackson.
And now he was talking about being apart as if it wasn't just a necessity, it was something he wanted. Moisture clouded my eyes, and I fought to keep the tears at bay. If he truly didn't want me there, then I wasn't going to be that girl. But I wasn't going back to Fort Pierce either. Since my visit in the summer, I'd come to the realization that it held too many bad memories. It was no longer my home. It hadn't been my home since I lost a piece of myself in the accident.
Home was with the person you loved. The person you loved more than life. It was the guy sitting in front of me with a defeated look on his face.
A guy who had already made his decision.
Chapter 24
~ JACKSON ~
I tried to help Ana pack, but every time I handed her something, she just glared in my direction and my heart cracked a little more.
I was not entirely sure of the moment I decided this. Maybe it was back in Seattle listening to Bobby talk about Dad. Maybe it was seeing O’Connor again, or looking at the grainy photo message of one of his girls serving me a beer, half fucking naked. It might have been standing with Ana in the place I’d scattered Dad’s ashes into the sea breeze and watched the last of him flutter away in the wind. But now that the words had left my mouth, I knew it was the right thing to do. For as much as it was tearing me apart inside, Ana would be safer away from Chastity Falls… and I would be able to do what needed to be done. Ana gave me strength, but she was also my weakness.
My Achilles’ heel.
I would always put her first.
Even if it meant I hurt her.
~
“Hey, man. Everything okay? You look like shit.” Dennis greeted me at the door to Fallen House. I’d text him to say I was stopping by after I watched Ana—my heart, my reason—leave for Fort Pierce.
“It’s been a rough day.”
“You’d better come in.” He grimaced pushing the door fully open so that I could step inside.
The house was quiet, but most students had already left for the holidays.
“Can’t wait to get out of this place, huh?” I joked to Dennis, secretly wondering if there was another reason he was sticking around.
“I’m going home in a couple of days. No rush.”
I tipped my head in response. He was playing things close to his chest, and although he was entitled to his privacy, I couldn't deny that it stung that he hadn't confided in me about Cassie.
Following him into the kitchen, I said, “Ana just left.”
He frowned, handing me a beer. “Left? I feel like I’m missing something here.”
“I asked her to leave for the holidays; I can’t worry about keeping her safe and watching my own back in Seattle.”
“What happened to being in it together?”
I sighed leaning against the doorjamb. “This is the only way I know how. Things are moving too quickly. I need to know she’s out of the picture.”
“How’d she take it?”
“How do you think she took it?”
Dennis smiled to himself. “She was pissed. Did she beat your ass?”
Actually, she’d done the total opposite. Ana had packed her bag, called a cab, and left without speaking so much as one word to me.
When I didn’t reply, Dennis added, “You need to make it right.”
I would when the time was right. But right now, I had bigger things to focus on. Deflecting his statement, I arched m
y eyebrow and said, “So, Cassie? I have to say, man, she's not your usual type.”
But now that I thought about it, I hadn't seen Dennis hook up for a while. “How long?” I asked.
Dennis dropped his head and leaned forward on the counter. “Before the summer. Fuck, I didn't mean for it to happen.”
“Why didn't you tell me?”
“I thought I had it under control.”
“And you don't?”
My best friend shook his head slowly from side to side. “I'm falling for her.”
When Dennis met my stare, it was all over all his face that he was in deep, and I muttered, “Shit.”
“Yeah. I tried to keep my distance, didn't see her the whole summer, but she's under my skin, man.”
Dennis was entitled to a life, but Cassie was not cut out for our life. I'd hung around with her a few times, and I knew she was a dreamer. She wanted a white knight to ride in and sweep her off her feet. Hearts and candy and all that romantic shit. She didn’t want drug deals and turf wars.
Neither did Ana, a little voice reminded me.
“I know what you're thinking; it's not fair to her.”
“I didn't say that,” I shot back.
He huffed, “You didn’t need to; I can see it all over your face. Look, I called things off. Until things blow over with, well, you know. She’s gone back home for the holidays. I’m all yours.”
“Good to know. We need to meet him in fifteen.”
“Where?”
“The cabin.”
~
I hadn’t returned to the cabin since Braiden was arrested. It only harbored bad memories for me, of the night I awoke on the wooden floor with a mouthful of blood, pain radiating through every part of me. The same night I watched Braiden and Briony taunt Ana as she sat helplessly tied to the chair. The night I ended my relationship with her before it even got started. But it was the first place I thought of when I called Landon Smith for a meet. With someone watching me, I needed to be discreet. The route to the cabin was overgrown and well hidden. It was perfect.
“Where is he?” Dennis rubbed his hands together, his breath coming out a cold stream of air.