But he stands up. Steps away. He smiles at her confusion. His fingers slide through her hair, wishing he could pull her close. Instead, he turns to his partner. "Mind if I use your kitchen? I can have dinner ready in half an hour." Just like his mother promised, he has faith that everyone will feel better after a good meal.
Kyle turns around and walks away, even though his feet feel stuck to the floor with each step. Part of him screams, trying to stop him. But he keeps going, out the glass doors and through the patio, not stopping until he's in the parking lot, staring into the trunk of his car. He busies his hands with groceries, comforting himself with the fact that their partner is there with Juli, there for her, when he can't be. When it's better for them both, if he's not. Because, for all the love he saw there, Kyle knows he didn't see that sensual slide of silver in her eyes.
*~*~*
From the couch, Dona watches Juli watch Kyle walk away. Confusion creases the other woman's face. Dona sees Juli sniff herself and wrinkle her nose, as if every encounter and incident today had stuck and clung to her skin. Her arms wrap around herself, her nails digging deep. She looks like she wants to shed her skin, scratch and tear it off.
Dona knows that feeling. Of being a stranger in her own body. Of wondering what other people—the people who matter most—see and sense when they're with you.
Frowning, Dona drops down on to the carpet and goes to her. Dona lays a hand on her back. "He loves you, you know."
Juli scoffs, disbelieving.
"You've never actually felt it—the effects of the cycle, I mean—from that side, so you wouldn't know." Dona tilts her head thoughtfully. "But walking away from you right now, that's love." She's sure of it.
Juli turns to look at her, about to argue—that she doesn't know what she's talking about, that she couldn't understand—but they both know that she can. That she's the perfect person to understand. Curious, Juli closes her mouth and leans in. "How so?"
Dona touches Juli's face. "I'm not scent-blind by you, so I can read you clearly. The way you touched him was inviting, but you didn't want him. Not really."
Juli shakes her head. "I'll always want him."
Dona shrugs her off. "Sure, sure, in the overall, big-picture sense, of course. But, in the heat-of-the-moment kind…" She levies a meaningful look at Juli. "You want to make him feel better."
Huffing, Juli pulls her knees into her chest, wrapping her arms around them tightly. With a mulish jut of her jaw, she pouts. "You say that like it's a bad thing. He's always trying so hard to make me feel better; how can I not want to do the same?"
Dona sits cross-legged in front of Juli. "It's not bad." She touches Juli's crossed wrists. "That's love too. And I'm sure he appreciates it. Just not right now. Not like that." Dona shakes her head. She doesn't really understand how anyone could enjoy sex that felt more like a sacrifice. "He wants you to want him too. I get why he walked away." She sighs and looks off at the door. "I also know how hard that must have been to do."
*~*~*
Juli hates that it's so hard, like some unpassable, unending test, with Kyle sometimes.
But not with Dona. Cycle or not, Juli never feels pulled to her. Not like that. Dona is attractive. Her hair is a darker, metallic gray than Juli's and cut stylishly short in a defiantly mocking pixie cut. She's taller than Juli too, even if she's still much shorter than a human, and broader and stronger. Her skin is more monochrome, almost a silvered violet, with only a few splashes of color along her shoulders and thighs. Sure, on both their home world and this planet, Dona might not be considered a classic beauty, but she's steady and practical and more capable than a person should have to be. Every moment Juli shares with her is a choice. Juli chooses her.
She actively chooses Dona in a way that, sometimes, she wonders if Kyle does with her. Or if, with the cycle, they've been bound by genetics. She wonders if, on days like today, this feels like less of a choice for him and more of a trap. Some days, she wonders if she ought to let him go. Not because she wants to, but because it would be better for him.
But, with Dona, she knows. There's nothing strange or other or beyond her control compelling her. It's just her and Dona. Juli looks at her and wonders other things. "Why are you with me?" It's such a selfish, needy question, sounding pathetic even to Juli, but she needs to hear the answer. She needs to know that there's more to her than just genetic makeup and a mating scam.
Dona gazes at Juli sympathetically, understanding in her eyes. "I love you." Her eyes narrow on her lips. "I love your smiles. All of them. Every single one. From the beaming, teeth-out ones that can't seem to contain your joy to the wobbly ones that try to hold back tears to the tense, hard ones that tell me you're sick of my shit." They both laugh at that. "And I love your laugh, the fact that you can. That you look at this world, flaws and all, and still laugh." She looks at Juli, her black eyes taking her all in. "I love your passion and your drive, the fact that you know exactly what you want and will do what you have to do to get it." She scoots forward. "I love your bravery, the way no one else's rules or standards matter if they don't feel right to you. That kind of fight isn't common, especially in a small community like ours, and it's amazing and inspiring."
Her words heal the hurt in Juli's heart, making the scars on her soul ease. Juli looks at her, needing more. Wordlessly, she waits, wanting Dona's words.
She touches Juli, just on the wrist, but the feel of Dona's skin against hers hits her strong. "And I love that you love him." She nods to the kitchen, where they can both hear Kyle rummaging through shelves and drawers. "And that you love me. And the fact that, just because one of those statements is true, you would never let it lessen the truth of the other. I love that you're the only person I've ever known who makes love not feel like some impossible either/or choice. I love your capacity for love. I love that, of all the places I've been and all the people I've known, being with you—the both of you—makes me feel like I belong."
Almost embarrassed by her praise, Juli's eyes flutter shut. She hears Dona move even closer. Her lids moving slowly, Juli meets her admiringly seductive gaze.
Dona reaches out and touches Juli's feet, stroking the bones there, tracing the vines of color snaking in streaks over the hard ridges. "I love everything about you, from your head to your toes. Everything about you makes me wonder where you've been, where you're going, and if I can come too." Her touch trails up Juli's ankle, following the straight line of her shin through her pants. "I love your legs, lean and quick and stronger than they should be." She leans up on her knees to touch Juli's thigh before inching closer to touch her hip. "And I love your hips—petite even for a Pixiso—but, with your legs spread, it's like you're opening like a flower for me."
Juli opens her legs for Dona now as she moves between them. Watching Dona inhale, Juli knows that all she smells is the scent of her honest arousal. Dona bends to kiss Juli's belly before looking up at her heatedly. "Want to head to the bedroom?"
Juli pauses and purses her lips. Does she? She listens to Kyle hum a song as the scent of spaghetti begins to fill the room, fragrant with herbs and garlic. It doesn't really matter where they go; Dona's place isn't large enough for it to make a difference.
And what difference would Juli want it to make?
It's true, while she'd never hide her relationship or intimacy from either of them, she tries to do her best not to flaunt it in front of them either. She's in a relationship with both, but outside of her, they don't have much of a relationship to each other. They're coworkers, ever since he recommended her for a position at his company. And friends, she supposes. But definitely not intimate. She's never had sex with one of them while the other was in the home. It'd always felt out-of-bounds.
But is it?
Juli pushes back a bit, biting her lip.
Dona tilts her head. "What's wrong?"
Her brow furrows. "Is it rude"—or worse, cruel—"to do this? Here? Now? With him…" Juli looks down the short hallway separating the livi
ng room from the kitchen.
Dona sits back on her haunches. "We don't have to, if you don't want to."
Oh, she wants to. But… "Can I talk to him about it first?"
Dona's eyes widen and she nods. "Of course. You should."
Juli arches an eyebrow. "You sure you don't mind?"
She shrugs. "Why would I? He's your boyfriend, I'm your partner; we're in this together. I don't want to do anything either of you don't want."
God, she is so beautiful. Feeling bright excitement shift today's shadows, Juli leans in to kiss her. "Be right back."
*~*~*
Juli's almost sure he'll say yes.
She's certainly worried he's going to say no.
And, as for Kyle, well, he has no idea what to say. "You want to have sex with her and you're asking me what, exactly?"
She shrugs. "If you're okay with it."
His brows furrow. "I guess." He shrugs too. Juli is Dona's partner. This is her apartment. "I don't get why you're asking me." Does she want him to hold off on making dinner? Does she want him to leave? Does she want him to join?
His frown deepens. Does he want to?
"It's just that you've never been here when we're…" She waves her hands a bit nervously. "You know."
He knows. "Should I go?"
She straightens. "No!" She bites her lip. "Not if you don't want to."
He arches his eyebrows, wondering if she knows what she wants. "So you want me to stay?"
She nods. "Yes." She nods again, more decidedly. "It'd be nice to have dinner together." Then she wrinkles her nose, the uncertainty back. "But, as long as you're here, making dinner…"
She wants to be out there making love.
Kyle tries not to feel hurt. Turning back to his sauce, he fills his senses with the savory spices, even though he can still smell her, can—will always—feel her inside himself.
She lays a hand on his back. "You can say no, if you want." She rubs his back. "We'll understand."
He shakes his head, trying to clear it. Not knowing what he wants, he frowns. "It's just…" He sighs. "It sounds pathetic."
She kisses his back. "If it bothers you, if you need to talk about it, it won't to me."
He lets out a small laugh at her repeating his own words. Okay, he thinks, let's talk about this. He picks up a large spoon to stir the sauce, while he collects his thoughts.
She hadn't wanted him before. He knows that. He could see it in her eyes.
But she wants her partner now. That's just as clear.
It's not that he doesn't get why. It's less complicated with Dona than it is with him. Today, being with Dona doesn't remind Juli of all the things she'd rather forget, like it does with him.
And she needs this. Who wouldn't need some affection and love after a day like today? So how can he say no? What kind of person would he be to deny her that?
But where does that leave him? He feels like he's on the outside looking in, watching her partner be there for his girlfriend the way he wants to be. "I want to be the one to hold you, to be there for you." To love you. His jaw tightens. "But I can't. And I hate that."
It sounds so selfish, saying it out loud. So pathetic.
She makes a sympathetic sound and kisses his back again before wrapping her arms around him. "You are there for me all the time. In a million different ways. Just like I am for you." She squeezes him, and he wants to sink into her touch. "But no one can be everything for anyone. That's too much to ask for any one person." She turns him around to face her. "I need you every day; I want to build a life with you." The look she gives him is so sure and secure, it soothes him. "And wanting her, needing her, does not and will not change that."
Kyle knows that, but he feels better hearing it. Closing his eyes, he feels the connection and love between them. He lets it fill him too, helping to give him perspective in the fog.
She's having a bad day. She's hurting right now, vulnerable and insecure. She needs someone to make her feel safe and cared for, who understands her and can be what she needs. And they have a partner who can do that. He wants to be the kind of man who loves his girlfriend enough to let her have this moment. To share it with someone they both trust and love. He wills himself to trust that she loves him enough to want this, want her, and still want him too. Their love is more than her cycle, more than this moment, and this doesn't have to change that. Not if he doesn't want it to.
So he thinks. Thinks about her. About himself. About their partner. About the world. And decides what really matters and what he really wants.
He nods. Taking a deep, decisive breath, he turns the stove to a slow simmer. "Enjoy yourself. Take your time."
"You're sure?" She looks hopeful but doubtful. "We don't have to. Not if you're not really okay with it."
With a surprisingly confident smile, he realizes that he honestly is okay with it. Just because she needs her partner right now doesn't mean she doesn't need him too. He's her boyfriend; of course she needs him. She just needs something different in this moment. If anything, his acceptance and understanding for all that she is and all that they are together is part of why she wants him, why she chose him.
So, with hands clasped behind his back, he leans in and presses his lips to her forehead, before backing off again. "I'll let you know when dinner's done."
*~*~*
Juli is so incredibly hot. Rolling over Dona, Juli kisses her deeply, letting her taste her, warm and wet, against her tongue. Dona's hands grip Juli's hips, rubbing the drab fabric against her gorgeous skin. Closing her eyes, Dona moans, loving the feel of soft cloth, heated friction, and Juli.
It's a little weird to think that Kyle is in the other room. Puttering around in her tiny, rarely used kitchen. For a moment, she wonders if Juli had been right. Was this wrong? Fucking his girlfriend where he could hear them, smell them? Dona inhales. She's met other Pixisos whose cycles affected her. They smell amazing, intoxicating, irresistible.
But, to her, Juli smells just as good. Not as all-consuming, but still sweet and warm, even beneath all that perfume. She smells like her girlfriend. Like every scent memory they share of lazy weekend mornings and tired, grimy road trips. The scent of her sweat makes her mouth water with want, the desire to lick it from her body rising within her.
Kyle gave Juli his permission. His consent. She knew him. He wouldn't do that if he hadn't meant it. He'd never intentionally play mind games or emotionally guilt-trip or trap them. If he said he was okay with this, then he is. If she wants others to accept her no, she has to accept other people's yes, right?
God, she hopes so, because she never wants to hurt either of them. She doesn't even want to imagine being without them. On a desperate groan, Dona's hands coast up Juli's waist, under her shirt, to cup her breasts over her bra, her lips following in their wake. Dona caresses them and looks up at Juli, who arches into her touch. "You sure you don't want to go to the bedroom?" She strokes Juli teasingly. "We have toys there…"
Juli bites her lip. "It sounds weird but, I don't want any doors between me—between us—and Kyle. He may not be here with us, but with the scent of dinner mixing in the air…" She smiles slightly and shrugs. "I just like the idea of him still being present." Her brow wrinkles. "Is that weird?"
Dona smiles. Maybe, but what about them isn't? And it works for them. Feels right to them. Dona's smile widens at that. At the truth and reality of that. This—this moment, this arrangement, this relationship—works for them. So what does it matter? Pulling Juli closer, she shakes her head. "It's not weird." It's perfect.
With a grin of her own, Juli leans in and kisses Dona, pushing her further into the couch cushions. "Besides, we have toys right here." Juli reaches for her belt, pulling it from the loops of her long, loose pants. So over-sized, they'd never stay up without the belt.
Which is just fine by Dona.
Her smile widens as Juli lets the fabric slide down her hips and thighs before kicking it off to pool on the floor, leaving the woman in
just her shirt dress, a bra, and panties. Dona's eyes widen as she takes her in. While she enjoys the view, Juli grabs the hem of Dona's shirt and pulls it over her head. She peels her sports bra from her too, revealing her breasts, her nipples already tight. She licks her lips as if she wants to taste them, to tease them with her tongue. Which Dona is all for. Instead, with her hands on her hips, Juli looks down at Dona. "Hands behind your head."
Dona lets out a game giggle. "Yes, ma'am."
Usually, they both enjoy letting Dona take the lead. She's naturally more assertive and dominant than Juli. And, without the dynamics of the cycle between them, Juli's usually more than happy to let Dona take control.
But Juli seems to want to flip the script. As if to remind Dona—and herself—that she's not as submissive as she appears to be. Which, again, is just fine by Dona.
She just sits back as Juli straddles Dona's lap and reaches behind her head to wrap the belt around her wrists, trapping her with the soft, worn leather. She tugs on the still long length trailing down from her arms.
"What are you going to do now?" Dona's voice is amused, a little cocky. Juli pauses, obviously stymied. There are no bedposts here. No nearby shelving units or furniture pieces to anchor to. She bites her lip, thinking, while Dona smirks. Topping's not as easy as it looks, is it?
But then, reaching for Dona's belt, Juli grins. She takes it off, pulling it free from Dona's pants, only to cinch it around her bared waist again. Juli gives it a tug, arching Dona's back to thrust her breasts close. Sealing her mouth over one tip, she makes Dona moan.
Without warning, she tugs the length behind her back.
Juli chuckles at the squeak that cuts Dona's pleasured sound short while Juli secures the belts together, holding her in place and thrusting her breasts forward. With her gaze lowered, Dona struggles a bit against the makeshift harness, not trying to get free so much as to test her new bonds. She raises an eyebrow at the secure, if makeshift hold. Well done.
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