The second her shirt was on Maddy bolted past me, the slam of the door echoing in the uncomfortable silence that followed her abrupt departure. John ran both hands down his face, stretching the skin taut before he stood up and walked behind his desk, using it like a barrier between us.
“I’m sorry you had to witness that,” he said finally, lifting his head. Our gazes met. He kept his expression carefully neutral but his color was high and I noticed his voice, usually so calm and level, shook ever-so-slightly. “I know what you must be thinking.”
If he thought I was thinking I’d caught him about to sleep with one of his students, then he was absolutely right. My hands twisted together, fingers locking. “John, I-”
“But it’s not that,” he said hurriedly. “Maddy came onto me, Imogen. I swear to you.”
My eyes widened. I didn’t believe him. Not for a second. I wanted to. God, did I want to, and maybe someone else would have. By the expectant look on John’s face I wouldn’t have been surprised if someone else already had. But I couldn’t. More importantly, I wouldn’t. I wasn’t blind, and I wasn’t mistaken. Even if Maddy had come on to John, he’d been a willing participant. More than willing, if I had to guess, and I doubted - even though the thought curled my stomach - this was the first time they had been together.
Maddy has a crush on me. It started freshman year…
Maddy was a junior now. Had they been having an affair for three years? She would have been seventeen when it started. Just out of high school. Young and naive and away from all of her friends and family. And John…John should have known better. Then and now. My fingers unlaced. I drew my shoulders back, spine stiffening beneath the blazer I wore over a yellow silk blouse.
“If what you are saying is true, then why is your shirt unbuttoned?”
He hadn’t been expecting me to question him. It threw him visibly off guard. “I… What?”
“Your shirt.” I pointed at his chest. The blue oxford I had seen him wearing when we passed each other in the hall earlier in the day was completely undone, revealing the white t-shirt underneath. “Why is it unbuttoned? And where is your tie?”
“My tie?” His hands went reflexively to his throat.
“You’re sleeping with her, aren’t you?” Disappointment weighed heavily on me, making it difficult to look him straight in the eye. This was a man I had respected. This was a man I had looked up to. A man I had trusted. And all the while he’d been having an illicit affair with one of his students. With one of my students. “John…”
His knuckles turned white as his grip tightened on the edge of his desk. “Are you going to say anything?”
I blinked. “You have to know I am going to. John, this is wrong. I like you” - liked you - “but that won’t stop me from doing what’s right. This needs to be reported. I’m sure we can keep it out of the press, but something needs to be done. Maddy’s a student, John.”
“She’s a legal adult,” he bit out. “We didn’t break any laws.”
The wave of deja vu that swept over me was so strong I actually took a step back before I caught myself. “You broke ethical ones. You’re her teacher. You’re supposed to help her. Nurture her. Instead you took advantage of her.” If John looked remorseful or even a little bit repentant, I would have felt a stirring of pity for him. Everything that I had been afraid of happening to me was about to happen to him. This was going to ruin his career. He would be fired from Stonewall. Ostracized from the academic community. Shunned by his peers. But instead of being ashamed, he stood before me openly defiant. Angry, even. It didn’t make any sense.
“She knew exactly what she was doing.” His top lip curled in a sneer. “And you’re not going to tell anyone.”
“I have to. I’m sorry for what this will do to you, but-”
“You’re not going to tell anyone,” he interrupted, “because you’re guilty of the same exact fucking thing.”
He couldn’t have shocked more than if he’d dropped a bucket of ice water over my head. How did he know about Daniel? How could he know? It wasn’t possible. Was it? Seeing my expression, John released a short, bitter laugh.
“You act like you’re so perfect. But you and I both know that’s not true, is it Imogen?”
“I… I don’t know what you’re talking about.” How did he know? Daniel and I hadn’t been together for almost three months. I’d ended our relationship for precisely this reason. Because I’d known in the eyes of the college it was wrong and I was afraid of being caught. Afraid of losing everything I’d sacrificed so much to achieve. Afraid of having the one thing I understood beyond a shadow of a doubt taken away from me. So I’d made a choice. A choice I had regretted every single day since.
I’d given up Daniel for my career… and now I was about to lose my career because of Daniel.
In one fell swoop I was going to lose the two things I had been trying to save.
And there was nothing I could do.
“That’s good,” John said with a nod. “That’s exactly what you should say. Too bad no one will believe you.” He stepped around his desk and walked up to me, so close I could see the bulging vein in his neck. His breath fanned across my face, a mix of gum and whatever he’d eaten for lunch. “What we have here is a little Cold War. If you tell on me, I tell on you. We both go down.”
I stiffened, but didn’t step back. I refused to give him the satisfaction of retreat. “You took advantage of a seventeen-year-old girl and you’re still taking advantage of her. I can’t allow that to continue. I won’t.”
“So noble,” John said softly. I flinched when he raised his hand towards my face. He stopped just shy of grazing my cheek with his fingertips. “And so fucking naive.” His hand dropped. “You don’t think this sort of thing happens all the time? Well it does. You should know. You did it yourself.”
“I didn’t know he was a student.” Even to my own ears, my words sounded like exactly what they were: a hollow excuse.
“I’m sure the dean will understand,” John said with mocking sympathy. “Do you need me to help you explain it to him?”
I glared at the man I had thought was my friend, disgusted by his arrogance but even more disgusted with my own ignorance. How had I not seen John for the predator he was? I’d let myself be charmed by his smile and his kindness and his easy going, all-american guy attitude. I had overlooked things I should have paid closer attention to, starting in the coffee shop all those months ago. It had been right there, staring me in the face. Maddy’s jealousy. John’s over-eagerness for me to report my suspicions, making me feel as though they there were unfounded. Yet I’d said nothing. I’d done nothing. Now it was too late. Now there would be consequences.
Consequences more severe than I had ever imagined.
“What you are doing with Maddy is wrong and you know it.” It was a struggle, but I managed to keep my voice steady. “You’re taking advantage of her, John. How old was she when it started? Seventeen? Eighteen?”
His faux sympathy vanished in the blink of an eye, replaced with a layer of smugness that turned my stomach. “Old enough to know exactly what she was doing.”
“Have there been others?” I asked. John didn’t answer. At least not with words. His expression told me everything I needed to know. “Oh my God,” I whispered, stumbling back a step. The door knob pressed painfully into my spine. I barely felt it. “How could you?”
“Imogen, Imogen, Imogen.” He clucked his tongue. “The question is, how could you? I have to admit, I’m a little impressed. I never figured you for the type to fuck one of your students. It kind of turns me on.”
“You’re awful,” I whispered.
“Join the club.” Pushing a pile of papers to the side, he sat on the edge of his desk and crossed his arms. “Look at you standing there, so self-righteous and judgemental, when you’ve committed the same exact sins.”
“No.” Tendrils of hair slipped out of my coiffure and whipped across my cheeks as I shook my head vehem
ently from side to side. “No.” What Daniel and I had was nothing like this. What we had was special and rare and beautiful. What we had was the exact opposite of whatever sick, convoluted relationship John had dragged Maddy into. “You’re wrong.”
His head canted to one side. “You say that as though it makes a difference.”
“I’m going to tell the dean.”
“No you won’t,” he said confidently. “Because if you do, I’ll make sure you burn right alongside me.”
I opened the door. Forced myself to swallow the hard knot that had formed in my throat. Met John’s gaze and took dark, secret delight in the way his eyes widened with sheer panic when I said, “Watch me.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Daniel
Before I lost my nerve, I went immediately to the dean. He was in a meeting, but when I had his secretary tell him it was an emergency he excused himself and met me in his office. An average sized man with a ruddy complexion, grey hair, and serious brown eyes, he gestured for me to sit. Too anxious to remain in one place, I told him I’d like to stand. And then in short, halting sentences, I told him everything else.
I started from the beginning and I told him everything, leaving out only the parts I didn’t feel he needed to hear. Parts that belonged solely to me and Daniel.
He listened attentively, his expression carefully composed. Every once in a while he asked me to repeat myself, but mostly he remained silent which somehow only made it all the more difficult. It wasn’t until I revealed what I’d seen in John’s office that he showed any hint of emotion.
His gaze intent on mine, he asked me only one question when I was finally finished.
“Are you absolutely certain you want me to know everything you’ve just told me, Professor Finley?”
I knew what he was asking, and I knew what my response needed to be. Teaching was something I did, but it didn’t define me. Daniel had taught me that. And if I was let go, I could always find another job. Jobs were replaceable but Daniel…Daniel was not. I only hoped my realization - and my subsequent confession - hadn’t come too late. “Yes.” I took a deep breath. “I am.”
“Very well. Thank you for being so forthcoming. If there’s nothing else-”
“Are you going to fire me?” I blurted. “I’m sorry,” I said immediately as my cheeks turned bright red. “I know it’s inappropriate to ask, but I would rather know now than later.”
The dean regarded me calmly. “Why would you be fired, Professor Finley?”
“For - for having a relationship with a student.”
He lifted a white, woolly brow. “Did this relationship occur when the student was underage?”
“No, of course not, but-”
“Did this relationship take place within campus grounds?”
“No. Well,” I amended, “we did hold hands. But it only happened once, and no one else was around.”
“Do you intend to resume this relationship?”
“Yes. Wait.” Stunned, I stared at the dean for five full seconds of shocked silence before I finally croaked, “What did I just say?”
Looking vaguely amused, he said, “Yes, Professor Finley, you said yes. And to answer your question, no. Your employment here at Stonewall will not be terminated due to a past or future relationship with Mr. Logan. Who is due, if I am not mistaken, to graduate this summer. That being said,” he added sternly, “I must ask you to refrain from any public displays of affection while on campus. Including, but not limited to, holding hands.”
Was the dean smiling at me? I couldn’t be certain, but after having been given the one answer I’d never expected in a million years I wasn’t about to stick around and wait for the dean to come to his senses and change his mind. “Thank you, Dean Biehl. I - thank you.”
“You’re quite welcome, Professor Finley. Meredith will see you out.”
Feeling as though I was walking on a cloud, I left the dean’s office…and went to find Daniel.
* * * * *
I made it two feet inside of Swordfish before I lost my nerve.
The bar was busy for a Thursday afternoon. People crowded around the tables and filled almost every stool at the bar, drowning their work week sorrows in pints of Samuel Adams and Guinness. I didn’t immediately see Daniel, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t working. He could have easily been in the back changing a keg or in the kitchen delivering an order. If I left now he wouldn’t even know I’d been here. If I left now I wouldn’t have to see the hatred in his eyes that had been haunting my dreams. If I left now I wouldn’t have to face the consequences of my actions. Actions that had been spurred by anxiety and fueled with fear.
Fear of failing.
Fear of deviating from the path I’d set out for myself.
Fear of finally stepping out over the ledge…and jumping off into the unknown.
Coward, I told myself even as I turned around and headed straight for the door. You’re a coward, Imogen Finley. Heart in my throat, I reached for the brass doorknob...
“Imogen! Wait.”
At the sound of Daniel’s voice a myriad of emotions washed over me.
Excitement.
Shame.
Desire.
Embarrasment.
Happiness.
Dismay.
I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t face him. Not after the way I had ended things between us.
But the new Imogen could.
I turned slowly. So slowly that by the time I was once again facing the bar Daniel was halfway to me. I drank in the sight of him, gaze lingering on his face. On his piercing grey eyes and his strong, square jaw and the flat line of his mouth. A mouth that had kissed me and teased me and made me feel things I hadn’t even known were possible to feel.
Some of the greatest love novels ever written spoke of soulmates. I’d never believed in them myself. In this entire, vast planet populated by over seven billion people, how could one person be singularly destined to be with another? It wasn’t logical. It wasn’t sensible. But standing here, studying the face of the man I loved beyond all reason, I finally knew the truth.
Love wasn’t meant to be logical.
It wasn’t meant to be sensible.
And that’s what made it so beautiful.
“Hi,” I whispered as Daniel lifted his head and met my gaze. For a split second I thought he would grin his old, familiar grin. For a split second I thought he would draw me against his chest and tip my chin up for a kiss. For a split second, I selfishly thought all would be forgiven. But then he stopped short, and the temporary surge of hope I’d felt plummeted to the bottom of my stomach.
“Why are you here, Imogen?”
Intensely aware that everyone had stopped what they were doing and were now staring at us, I shifted my weight from foot to foot with absolutely no idea what I was supposed to say now. This wasn’t planned. It wasn’t practiced or rehearsed. It was real. It was raw. It was everything I’d been hiding from my entire life.
But I couldn’t hide anymore.
I wouldn’t hide anymore.
Not from Daniel, and not from myself.
Drawing my shoulders back, I met him stare for stare. “I came to see you.”
“Why?” he said flatly.
“Because I love you.”
His nostrils flared. “Imogen, I told you-”
“No,” I said, cutting him off. “I have something I want to say.”
“Let her talk!” someone yelled from the back of the bar.
“Speech!” another person quipped.
I took a deep breath. In all my wildest dreams, I’d never imagined I would have to apologize to the man I loved in a crowded bar filled with strangers. But then, that was the point Daniel had been trying to make all along. Life wasn’t something you could plan or prepare for. Life couldn’t be scheduled. Life wasn’t perfect. You took what it gave you and sometimes, if you were very, very lucky, it gave you exactly what you needed.
“I went to the dean this afterno
on,” I began, carefully watching Daniel’s face for any glimpse of a reaction. “And I told him about us.”
Daniel’s entire body stiffened. “Imogen, why would you-”
“I told him about us,” I continued, “because I made a mistake. A mistake I’ve been regretting every day, every hour, for three months. You were right, Daniel. You were right all along. I made the wrong choice. I made the wrong choice and I came here to tell you…” I hesitated as my gaze swept past him to the two dozen or so people watching us with bated breath, their faces bright with expectation. “I came here to tell you - in front of all these strangers - that I love you. I love you, Daniel Logan. I’m sorry I couldn’t say it when you needed to hear it most, but I’m saying it now.” My voice broke. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I forced myself to continue. To give Daniel the words he deserved. Words I’d kept trapped inside of me for far too long. Words that I was ready, at long last, to set free. “Meeting you was never part of my plan. Falling in love with you was never part of my plan. Which is why I’m ready to change it. Because I did meet you and I did fall in love with you and now I can’t imagine a plan where we’re not together.”
I watched his expression change. From anger to confusion. From confusion to disbelief. From disbelief…to love. Because love was something you could see, and right now Daniel and I were both glowing with it.
In three strides he had me in his arms. The entire bar erupted in cheers as he swung me around. With a gasp, I grabbed his shoulders.
“I’m sorry it took me so long!” I yelled, forced to raise my voice to be heard above the crowd.
After one final swing, Daniel set me down on my feet, but he didn’t let me go. While people continued to whoop and yell and clap, he bent his head and in a whisper only I could hear he said, “You were worth the wait, little fox. You were always worth the wait.”
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