“I think I’ve done all right with the guys I’ve dated,” she spoke to herself. “Most of them were pretty good guys, so I don’t know how I allowed myself to get tangled up with this nut,” she said, opening a letter from Rico that she had printed from her computer. The letter read:
Well for all of my 32 years I have always had hesitations when it came to women. My natural analytical ability allows me to see thoughts before words are ever spoken and due to that I have typically stayed away from giving my heart to unworthy women.
As I search this world looking for the woman GOD created just for me, I often have asked myself are the standards I have set here too much? Is there a woman out there that can actually live up to what I want? Hmmmm... Women of the past have only measured up to about 50% of what I want, and that's no offense to any woman I have dated. I look for a woman who has a relationship with GOD, who is striving to be a better person, intelligent, gorgeous, family-oriented, strong, compassionate, with a heart willing to give and a mind willing to accept. Now these things may sound simple, but believe me to find these things in one person have been impossible.
And then you appeared! You have everything I desire, everything I prayed for, everything I need, but the funny thing about requiring people to meet a certain standard, we as people must be able to handle exactly what we are asking for. And I openly admit I was not, you are so perfect that it scared me. I started to doubt myself, to doubt our relationship, to tell myself I wasn't ready to LOVE, but as hard as I attempt to come off, as many excuses as I tried to make, to no avail. My heart and mind were torn, my heart desires you, but my mind tried to cause me to lean toward some "standard" of time. But who cares about time, and GOD's time is not our own, if I asked GOD to heal my body would I not expect an immediate recovery, so why is it that when I asked GOD to place my wife in my path do I now try to push her away. So I apologize for ever doubting you or us, for not recognizing your worth and for every moment that I caused your heart to be weary. I thank GOD for you, I thank you for your time, your passion, your advice, your compromise, your mind, and your heart.
All of my life I have kept my heart hidden as a measure of protection, but on this day I present you with my heart. I recently told a group of people that relationships were in my mind Algebra, I myself being the constant and the woman being the variable, but on this day I stand corrected, every theory I have regarding relationships you have canceled, every doubt you have reassured me. Thank you for taking a risk on me, for being a real WOMAN, for the kisses, hugs, dinners, time, and even the soap operas that you force me to watch (smile).
Raegan Sanders, with this note, I confess to you that I will be not only a better man, but the best man I can be. I confess that I will always communicate with you, always be faithful and keep our best interest in mind at all times. I confess that YOU ARE THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME. Again I recognize and appreciate you as a woman, I recognize you as my queen, and I will always cherish you and treat you as such.
You are respected and you are loved.
I am Rico and this is my confession.
“Wow. And this is the same guy who thought I was trying to pressure him into marriage. Dude is either a great writer or a great liar. Maybe a combination of both? There has to be something more to him. I can just feel it,” she said, tossing the letter to the trash.
The mere thought of everything that Rico was putting her through when he was no longer in the picture made her physically ill. At that moment, all of her movie snacks made their way back up – from the popcorn to the fruit gummy candy. “Ugh! I despise you!” she screamed at the letter in the trash as she pulled herself up from the toilet.
CHAPTER 43
∞
Raegan needed to confirm her suspicions regarding Rico so she Googled him once more. Many results came up when she searched his name. The more she searched and clicked each link that seemed like it would provide new information, the warmer the back of her neck became. Bit by bit, each link seemed to provide a little more information about Rico’s secret life.
She finally came across a link to a fundraising gala sponsored by some association of nurses. She wasn’t sure why that particular link would show up in the search; he wasn’t a nurse. She was about to scroll right past it because she thought that it was irrelevant to the kind of information she was searching for, but decided to check it out anyway.
Clicking on the link, she scrolled down the page, not really noting anything. As she was about to exit the page, she caught a glimpse of his name, highlighted from her search. There it was as plain as the sun shining in the summer in Texas, a photo of Rico and his wife, Chloe, dated within the last month. The caption under the picture mentioned something about his wife being an outstanding nurse and being honored at the gala for her contributions to the organization and the hospital. Suddenly feeling physically ill, she ran into the restroom and threw up again.
Raegan washed the beads of sweat from her forehead and gurgled mouthwash. She couldn’t believe that the same man who wrote the letter she’d just read was the same married man standing in that picture. How in the world was he able to pull this off?
“I swear I’m going to kill him!” she screamed with rage. Now she felt like an even bigger fool. Someone else’s husband. “Lord, please forgive me. I didn’t know. I would have never even given him any attention had I known. I guess this explains the cheap dates, the calls at work during the day, the text messages in the evenings, the money going to his mom, never visiting his apartment, his attitude when I wanted to discuss his financial situation. I’ve slept with a total stranger!” She continued ranting as she clicked through the pictures.
“Why would he lie to me and lead me on the way he did? To such a great extent? Was the sex even that important? He has to be insane!” she continued to rant, wondering how she should handle the situation. Should I tell his wife? Should I stay out of it? Even after all that I’ve done, I didn’t and wouldn’t go this low. Compared to this craziness, spending time with Caleb while still in a relationship with Rico wasn’t all that bad.
“I guess while I’m at it, maybe I need to Google Caleb as well. You can never be too sure these days,” she said, intent on putting her investigative skills to work. She even put in a few phone calls to old classmates in an attempt to squeeze information out of them about Caleb. Many of the articles she found about him were related to work, with the exception of his social media accounts. Looks like he has been very successful as an architect. He didn’t make it sound as if it was such a big deal, but these articles give the impression that he is highly regarded in his industry, not only in Georgia but across the U.S. He should have drawn up the designs for his home instead of buying someone else’s home, she thought.
Satisfied that she didn’t find any terrible skeletons in Caleb’s closet, she closed her laptop and returned to her task. Staring at the heap of clothes on her bed, she decided to put them back into the drawers as they were before. She was in no mood to organize anything. In fact, she was mentally drained. She took a shower, climbed into bed and tried to work through her issues in her sleep.
CHAPTER 44
∞
Raegan spent the drive to her doctor’s appointment praying and asking God for forgiveness and a fresh start. She asked that God show her mercy during this time and to give her peace regardless of her test results. She wanted to be close to Him again and live in a way that brought Him glory. She realized that she had drifted so far away from Him in the past couple of months, in hopes of becoming a wife, that she gained an enormous amount of heartache. She prayed:
My Lord, my God! I know that I’ve been completely outside of Your will lately and I ask Your forgiveness. Forgive me for breaking my celibacy vow to You. Forgive me for acting as if I wanted to be married more than I wanted a relationship with You. Right now, I ask that You show me mercy. Have mercy on me Lord when I go into this doctor’s office. I have recommitted myself to You already but I want You to know t
hat I choose Your way and not my own. I will trust in You to help me through this. Thank You for being slow to anger and abounding in love. Thank You for Your love and compassion and for not treating me as my sins deserve. Thank You for loving me even in this. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
In the midst of her prayers, she was reminded of God’s faithfulness through a song that came on the radio. “Thank You Lord,” she breathed. “I can do this with You by my side,” said Raegan as she joined the artist in song, pulling up to the doctor’s office.
Giving her keys to valet, she stepped out of the car, only to be met by the wind whipping her across the face. She quickly reached back into the car to grab her peacoat. The cowl-neck sweater is not enough today, she thought. As she walked through the revolving doors, her stomach began to churn in knots once again. “You are going to be all right girl, no matter what happens,” she said in an effort to encourage herself. When she arrived at the elevator bank, her knees buckled slightly. She didn’t know if it was because of her boots or the anxiety. Pressing the button, she noticed that her hands were even a little shaky. “Girl, you have got to calm down,” she whispered to herself. She didn’t want anyone to think that she belonged in another doctor’s office for standing alone talking to herself.
Exiting the elevators and walking to the front desk to sign in, she felt as if she was walking into doom. She knew that things would be all right but that still didn’t help her nerves, especially since the doctor needed to see her. As soon as she checked in and walked to the back, the nurse opened the door to the waiting area and called her name. She didn’t get a chance to sit down.
“Good morning Raegan,” the nurse said and smiled. “You’re our first patient today. Come on back.” Handing a plastic cup to Raegan, the nurse said, “I’ll need a urine sample. When you’re done, meet me in room 11.”
Raegan did as the nurse instructed and went into room 11 to wait for Dr. Mallory. As soon as she sat down, Dr. Mallory came into the room. They are moving quickly this morning, she thought. She had taken the entire day off work because she didn’t know what to expect today.
“Good morning Raegan. How have you been? I hope you haven’t been stressing out over your test results,” said Dr. Mallory peering over glasses looking at Raegan, while holding her medical file up to her chest. Taking a seat, she explained Raegan’s results.
“Raegan, we tested you for everything and all the results were negative.” She paused, waiting for Raegan to breathe a sigh of relief. “Now you can relax,” the doctor said and smiled.
“Thank you Lord!” Raegan said smiling. A huge weight was lifted off her shoulders. “I was so worried. This is such a relief!”
Smiling at Raegan’s expression of gratitude, the doctor continued. “Raegan, your bloodwork showed some interesting results. It looks like you may be pregnant. Just to confirm, we’re going to perform a vaginal ultrasound this morning. I’m going to leave for a few minutes. Undress from the waist down, cover up with one of the paper sheets here and sit on the table for me. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Raegan’s hands, knees and feet were shaking. Pregnant. If someone saw her, they would have thought that it was because of the cold doctor’s office but Raegan knew better. She was scared out of her mind! What would she do with a baby? Oh, Lord! Whose baby is it? Please Lord don’t let it be Rico’s. She’d been so caught up in everything going on that she didn’t realize she missed her period. “I need a calendar,” she said, searching the doctor’s office for a calendar. “My phone! Duh!” she said rambling through her purse to look at the phone calendar, trying to reconcile the dates.
She couldn’t be that far along because she did have her period last month and she was now only a week late. She hadn’t slept with Rico since she had her last period, so that brought some sort of relief to her. But then again, that all depended on how far along she was. She often heard about women having periods while they were pregnant. Maybe she was one of them. She undressed, covered herself in the sheet and lay down on the table covering her face with her arm. Once again, she prayed. If anyone knew how she was feeling and could get her though it, it was God. Interrupted by the opening of the door, she jerked up into a sitting position.
“Raegan dear, you can lie back down. You will need to be lying down for the ultrasound,” said Dr. Mallory. Covering the long stick-like object with a condom, the doctor rubbed some sort of gel on it and inserted it into Raegan to get a closer view of what was going on in her uterus. The doctor sat quietly, observing the object on the screen, while Raegan observed her. She tried her best to read the doctor’s facial expression but that didn’t help. Turning the monitor to Raegan, Dr. Mallory explained the sonogram results.
“Raegan, you are definitely pregnant. Based on the measurements here, you are about 6 and 1/2 weeks along. I know this is shocking news for you, so take some time and let me know what you want to do about this pregnancy,” her doctor said, printing a picture and removing the object from Raegan’s body. She reached her hand out to Raegan to help her sit up.
“I don’t need any time to think about it. I’m going to have this baby,” Raegan said. She was mortified at the thought of any other option. In Raegan’s mind, having the baby was the only option. She was still in shock but now also in love with what appeared to be a peanut on the ultrasound photo. She was scared out of her mind and had no idea how to be a mother, but she would give the little baby the very best of her.
“Great!” Her doctor smiled. “Congratulations! Make an appointment to return to my office in about six weeks. We’re going to be seeing a lot of each other over the next nine months. Get some rest and try not to stress. You have a little person growing inside of you to think about now,” she said, hugging Raegan. “Have a great day!”
Raegan sat on the table in disbelief for what seemed like an eternity, after hearing Dr. Mallory close the door behind her, but only five minutes had passed. She dressed and walked to the nursing station, all the while staring at the sonogram printout in disbelief. Pregnant.
The nurse gave her tons of literature on pregnancy along with many packets of prenatal vitamins. “Take one of these each day, after a meal,” the nurse said. After several clicks on the computer, the nurse had scheduled her next appointment. “Alrighty, here is an appointment reminder card. We’ll see you in six weeks. Congratulations!” the nurse said with a huge grin.
Leaving the doctor’s office she was filled with many different emotions. She definitely wasn’t expecting the doctor to give her this kind of news. How was she going to tell Caleb? her friends? her mother? The uncertainties kept piling up. She decided that she didn’t feel like dealing with any of this today. She stopped to pick up some of her favorite snacks, grabbed a few redbox movies, and went home to relax.
When she made it home, she put her snacks aside until after lunchtime. She was hungry so she scrambled a couple of eggs and prepared grits and toast. Sitting down to eat, she noticed that she had a missed call from Caleb. “Oh yeah, that’s right! He is coming to town today. I completely forgot with all of the craziness going on in my life,” she said. Checking the voicemail, she noted that was the reason for his call. He was reminding her about his trip to town that day and asked that she meet him at the house around 2:00 p.m. “Sure, I can do that,” she said to the voicemail.
“Hey, I just listened to your voicemail,” she said to Caleb on the line.
“Great. Can you meet me at two? Didn’t you take off work today?”
“Yes, I did.”
“Perfect. Are you all right?” Caleb asked. He knew nothing about her doctor’s appointment.
“Yep. I just needed some time to myself to relax.” She wasn’t sure how or when she would share the news with him. She wondered how he would take it.
“Are you sure you’re up for stopping by the house?” he asked. He noticed that she sounded different, like something was bothering her.
“Of course. I’ll need some fresh air by then anyway.”
&nb
sp; “Awesome!” Caleb sent her the address and ended the call. He was very much looking forward to seeing her again. He really missed her beautiful smile while back in Georgia. All of that was about to change now that he would be getting the keys to their new home today.
***
Raegan took special care to touch up her curls, brush her teeth again, wash and cleanse her face and change clothes. Making sure her physical appearance was in order, her mind went to the little person that was growing inside her uterus. She paused her primping to rub her belly. She hadn’t decided when she would tell Caleb or how she would share everything that went on with her over the past couple of weeks. She wasn’t even sure how he would feel about the baby. Although he mentioned wanting to start a family, she didn’t know if he wanted to start so soon and before they were married.
In an effort to drown out her issues, Raegan sang to the top of her lungs on her way to meet Caleb. When she pulled up to his new home, he was standing in the doorway, waiting for her. When he saw her, he came outside to help her out of the car. Opening her door and reaching for her hand, he guided her down the long pathway that they both adored when they first saw the home. He opened the French glass doors and gestured for her to enter first. She was amazed at what she saw. Rose petals and candles adorned the entryway.
She turned around to see Caleb on one knee holding open a blue box.
“Cami, I know that we’ve only recently reconnected, but I know what I want and that is a life with you. Say you’ll grow old in this house with me. Cami, will you be my wife?” he asked.
Love, Lies & Consequences Page 20