by Hart, Kaily
Her stomach knotted when she looked at Nash in the photograph. Both his hands were fisted in the back of her shirt, his knuckles white as he'd held on to her, as if he’d been afraid she’d be yanked from his arms at any moment. His head was buried against her neck, but she could see his eyes. They were closed tightly, almost a grimace of pain on his face.
Oh God. He’d felt that, all that as he’d held her, and she’d had no idea.
Lexi looked up when Nash stepped into the room, fresh from his shower. She didn’t think she’d ever get over that instant of shock at the sight of him, here, with her, in her own space. He was clean shaven. Mostly. He’d left a small wedge of stubble under his bottom lip, a tantalizing triangle. It made him look sensual, wicked and oh, God hot.
“You, ah…missed a bit,” she managed.
“Nah. I left it on purpose.”
Lexi frowned. “Why?”
He smiled, slow and sinful and the bottom dropped right out of her stomach. “I plan on showing you. Later.”
Oh, boy.
He pinned her with his gaze. It was blazing hot, filled with explicit promise and suddenly she was too—hot, wet and wanting to fulfill every thought he had in his head.
He motioned to the newspaper. “I didn’t realize there were cameras. You?”
She shook her head. “No.”
He glanced down at the photograph, cleared his throat and glanced up at her from beneath his lashes.
“I couldn’t stay away, Lexi. I meant to. When I left? Yeah, I really wasn’t coming back.”
“I know. Yet here you are.”
Her voice was thick, barely audible. It wasn’t as if they’d stumbled across each other this time by chance. He’d sought her out. On purpose. And she was afraid to even wonder what that meant because maybe it meant absolutely nothing at all.
“You slept with me last night,” she blurted out. “I mean, actually slept. You didn’t leave…after.”
He swallowed. “Yeah. You know, I’ve never told anyone I get nightmares before. Sometimes…it’s not pretty. Last night… Last night was worth the risk because no way in hell was I leaving you.”
“Oh, Nash…”
He looked her square in the eye and everything in her went still. “I think about you, Lexi. When I shouldn’t. When I told myself I wouldn’t. I had to come back to see…”
Right. So she was some kind of novelty to him, an anomaly. She didn’t fit neatly into anything he knew, he couldn’t figure her out, couldn’t categorize her. At least she hadn’t faded into the obscurity of probably every other woman he’d ever screwed. Not yet anyway.
“And I… Man, I can be a domineering asshole, Lexi.”
She could see that wasn’t what he’d meant to say. She licked lips all at once dry. “Yeah. Turns out I like that about you. Who knew?”
His shoulders relaxed. Some. His mouth lifted ever so slightly at the corner. “So what’s the deal with the tattoo?”
Yeah, as if he wouldn’t have noticed. And it was hard to explain. After he left, having another man’s name on her body had begun to bother her when in her mind, her heart and her body belonged to him, to Nash. And suddenly she’d had to fix it. Danny was old news, ancient history and no more than a bad mistake. She’d lived with the tattoo for years and it had never really bothered her except to remind her she’d once been young and stupid. And it couldn’t hurt to be reminded of that occasionally, right? Only, when Nash had gone it had just felt wrong, so very wrong, so she’d had it slowly and painfully removed. Sort of. The faint mark would probably always be there.
She shrugged. “It was just time.”
“So now, are you…free?”
“Free?”
“Yeah, are you with anyone? I mean, I know you wouldn’t be now because you’re here with me, but before, after I left, I…”
“There’s no one else, Nash.”
“I wouldn’t have thought anything of it if you had. I mean, I left so if you’d—I wouldn’t have—fuck.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Honestly? Thinking about you being with someone else after me?” He swallowed. “Yeah, it bothers me, okay—”
“Nash—”
“But it’s my problem, mine. I left. I never asked you for anything, never promised you a thing or gave you anything, not even my fucking phone number so yeah, it’s my issue to deal with if—”
“Nash, I haven’t been with anyone else. Not even on a date. I couldn’t. It just didn’t feel right and I—” Her voice broke. “I missed you so much it hurt.”
He took a deep breath. “Jesus, Lexi, I don’t deserve that, but I’ll take it.”
He stepped to her, slid a rough hand around the back of her neck in a move that had become trademark Nash and held her still. His gaze searched hers.
“What happens between us isn’t just sex. You know that, right? At least not for me. I’ve had ‘just sex’ and this isn’t it. Not even close.”
Lexi tried to stem the surge of jealousy at the mere thought of him touching another woman, of all the women he must have touched. “Yeah, I know. For me either.”
“And I haven’t even thought about another woman since I met you. I couldn’t.” His gaze deepened, bored into hers. “I’m done with being subtle.”
And that meant—what? “Nash—”
“I know I’m all the way gone on you, totally, completely nuts about you. What I don’t know is how you really feel about me.”
“I—what?”
“I always thought I didn’t want to be pinned down. By anything or anyone. I didn’t want the hassle, the ties, the responsibility. I liked knowing…hell I loved knowing that I could leave a place and never come back if I didn’t want to. Now? All I could think about during this last mission was being here with you. Actually, the ‘here’ didn’t much matter. I just wanted to be wherever you were. I missed you, Lexi.” His voice went deep, rough. “So damn much.”
“You’re ready to settle down, to be in one place?”
“No.”
Oh God, had she totally misunderstood?
“I’m ready to be with you and if you’re here that’s where I want to be. The physical aspect of it? Irrelevant.”
“But what about your service, your work—”
“I quit.”
Lexi frowned. “Quit? How can you quit? I mean, isn’t there a specific amount of time you sign up for?”
He smiled. “I used to be special forces—a Seal—but I’ve been—independent for awhile. It’s complicated, but not a whole hell of a lot of difference except the flexibility and the paycheck. Jake and I, we’ve talked about doing something together when we got too old helping fight other people’s battles. We decided now was the time to see if we could put some of those plans into practice.”
“Here?”
“Yeah. Here.”
“Nash—”
“I was always sure I’d never be able to remain faithful to one woman. No one has ever held my interest before, not past the sweat drying on my body part anyway. I didn’t think I was wired that way. Now? It’s not just that I can’t imagine being with any woman but you, it’s also that I can’t stomach the thought of anyone else touching me. It has to be you. I just want for it to be you, no one else will do.”
The look in his eyes did weird things to her stomach, things she’d come to relish. Treasure. Love.
“I’ve never let anyone close before, but you smashed through every single one of my barriers, whether I wanted you to or not. You’re my fucking Kryptonite, Lexi.”
Lexi swallowed. The hum of contentment and excitement buzzed through every nerve ending in her body.
“You don’t fight fair, Nash.”
He smiled. Slow and sultry, just the way that was guaranteed to get her hot and bothered and eager to be out of her panties. He leaned forward, his hot breath against her face, his lips almost touching hers.
“Honey, anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.”
She took a deep, steadying
breath. “Oh, man. You are so about to get laid again right now.”
EPILOGUE
Nash leaned back in the booth. He knew he looked relaxed because he tried damn hard for it, but the reality was the position gave him an unencumbered view of the dance floor.
Keeping one eye on Lexi and another on a despondent Jake was making him cranky. At least it gave him something to focus on rather than trying not to punch out every guy who thought it was okay to watch Lexi dance. And it was still driving him nuts. The only thing that kept him from doing exactly that was knowing he’d be the only one touching that body later, loving that body later, loving Lexi the best way he knew how. That and the fact that she’d give him hell if he got them kicked out of this joint again.
Nash frowned when he registered where Jake’s attention was focused—on the stacked, on-the-make redhead, giving him the “look at me I’m available if you wanna fuck” signals.
“You don’t want to do that, man,” Nash murmured.
“No?” Jake took a deep pull of his beer, his eyes never leaving the woman he’d been eyeing. “Why’s that?”
Nash knew he wasn’t one to talk, but now that he’d found Lexi, well…he knew what a lonely, empty path pick-up sex could be, especially for a guy like Jake. He hadn’t so much as looked at another woman in five years, not once.
“What about…” God, he’d never even gotten her name. Nash had only ever seen her once but why the hell hadn’t he ever asked about her? Jake had come back to San Antonio every chance he had to be with her and he hadn’t ever even asked about her.
“Raine? Yeah, seeing someone else.”
Aw fuck.
“She told you that?”
“Not in so many words. Doesn’t matter. She cut me loose.”
“Jeez, Jake, I’m sorry, man.”
“Yeah, how fucked up is that?” He took another deep drag on his beer and motioned the waitress for another one. “She waited for me. As far as I know. Every fucking time I came home and she was here, waiting for me. And now I’m finally back to stay? She dumps me. Just like that.” He snapped his fingers with a short, loud crack. “No fucking reason or any I can understand anyway. She’s with someone else. I know it.”
“And you’re just going to give up? Just like that?”
“She doesn’t want me anymore. Told me so.” His voice thickened as he twirled the empty bottle in his hand, kept his eyes lowered. “She ah…told me I’d never satisfied her, you know, in bed. Not really. That I was…ah…”
Ouch. Harsh, real harsh.
“That’s bullshit, Jake.”
It didn’t ring true—at all—not with everything Nash knew about Jake. The guy was a fucking perfectionist in everything he did. No way was he a failure in the sack, just…no way. But what the hell was he supposed to say to that?
“Fuck, Nash.” Jake ran his hand through his overlong hair. “Raine was it for me, you know? And I never told her, not once, not a single fucking time that I…I just took it for granted she’d always be here, waiting until I was good and ready. Yeah…seriously I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do now.”
Nash leaned forward. “So do what you do best,” he drawled.
“Yeah?” Jake choked out a laugh that had nothing to do with humor. “And what’s that exactly?”
“You still want her? She put a lot of time into you, man, that’s got to count for something. You’ve got the skills and the patience, the determination. Use it. Fight for her, my man, fight for her.”
Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed PIN DOWN, the first book in my Men Out of Uniform series. Keep on the lookout for Jake’s story in NAIL DOWN, out later in 2015.
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