by Laura Benson
Joey’s eyes flashed with anger. “Well then I guess you’re no better than me, because Eva here is Matthew’s girlfriend, and you guys were practically fucking each other on the goddamn dance floor! What do you say to that?”
I looked over to Matthew who eyes were steely slits and his jaw was rumbling.
“Eva is not my girlfriend, Joey,” Matthew said icily.
“Okay, your fuck-buddy. Is that how you treat Charlie? Is she just another notch for you?” Joey was baiting Matthew and before I knew it, Matthew threw a punch that knocked Joey down on the floor. I stood there staring at the both of them in shock.
Mayhem started as the punches flew. I could see band members coming to break it up, but by then the damage was done. Finally, the drummer, I think, pulled Joey back and Ben had come to grab Matthew. Joey’s eye was bruising shut, and Matthew was wiping the trickling blood from his mouth. I just stood there while the two huffed and puffed.
“Charlie…” Joey called as I turned to help Matthew.
Grabbing a napkin from a nearby table, I used it to stem the dripping blood on the corner of his mouth. Matthew grabbed hold of my hand keeping it close to his lips. I knew what I had to do to finally break free from Joey.
Taking a deep breath, I spoke: “I’m not your girl, Joey. I’m not anything other than an employee trying to get you back on track. What goes on in my personal life is of no concern to you. You do not get a say in my life anymore.” Pulling back from Matthew, I gave him a sad smile and walked back to the table where Stefanie was waiting. Ben had already gone back after seeing that no more fists would be thrown.
“Are you okay?” Stefanie asked.
“Yeah, peachy.” She raised her eyebrow at me, sensing the sarcastic tone. “This never should have happened,” I said, shaking my head.
Eva sidled up to me. “I don’t see what the big deal is about you, but when it comes to Matthew, he’ll always come crawling back. We just work.” I just looked at her with mouth opened. Shaking my head, I walked away and tried to get the two boys to break it up.
For me this night was officially over
I’d been staring at my computer for nearly an hour and getting absolutely nothing done. Hiding out in a hotel room and not dealing with the issues was pretty childish. After what had gone on at the Bowl, I really needed to stay away from Matthew and Joey.
I’d received an email from Matthew, firming up our meeting with NuHitz Records. Joey must’ve been laying low because I hadn’t heard from him since the after party. Really the only person I was technically avoiding was Matthew. His email was professional, nothing indicating anything happened between us over the last week.
Even with its professional tone, I was becoming stir crazy, trying to decipher if he meant anything beyond his words. I couldn’t stay in my hotel room any longer, so I put on some shorts, a tank top, and sandals. A walk was exactly what I needed to clear my head. I could’ve called Stefanie and scheduled lunch, or even dinner with her and Ben, but I wasn’t quite sure I’d be the best company right now.
Throwing my hair up in a ponytail, I glanced over my room. My computer was on the bed, papers strewn across the rumpled sheets and the desk, dirty water glasses sat on the nightstand, along with an empty wine bottle. Maid service was going to have my head today. Ah well. That’s what happens when you realize you’ve started having feelings for your ex-boyfriend’s best friend. Not a very good place to be in, honestly. I shrugged and walked out the door.
Outside, the sweltering L.A. heat greeted me. Maybe a walk was a mistake. But I was already sweating and walking, so I continued on. Clearing my head was the end goal of this escapade, and I wanted it completely empty by the time I got back to the hotel. As I walked around downtown L.A., I found myself watching the various people rushing around, eating lunch at eateries with outside seating. Cars zoomed down the road, creating an effect of melting tar in their wake. After I’d been walking for a while, I decided to stop somewhere for water. I was getting a bit parched. I wasn’t really sure where my feet would take me, but once I realized that I was outside of the bar that Joey brought me to last week, I figured I would duck in.
The place was fairly quiet with locals sitting around the bar, shooting the shit with the bartender. The place was so dark that when the front door opened, it flooded with light, and people shouted to shut the door. I probably should’ve just gone to a café, but I’d liked the vibe I got in here. I took a seat away from the door, but not too far away from the other patrons.
A waitress came up to me and placed a menu down. “Did you want a drink?” She pulled out a pad of paper to take my order.
“Sure.” I glanced down at the menu, but said, “I’ll start with an ice water.”
She stuck the pen in her hair and walked over to the bar, presumably to get my drink. I perused the menu and decided on a cheeseburger. The grease and melted cheese sounded comforting. It was that kind of day. Once I placed my order, I glanced around the place, taking in the interesting space. It was sadly styled. Just tables, a long bar to the left of the front door, and a stage that looked to be about twenty by twenty. Smaller than what I’d seen most L.A venues in the area.
The door opened, and I suddenly understood why everyone was yelling at me when I came in. I was temporarily blinded by the sun that poured in, which made me think of the place as a vampire lair. I shook my head, wondering if any hunky, sparkly vampires would invade L.A. Then I giggled at my own stupidity. Vampires in L.A…ha!
“What are you doing here?” a tense voice asked as I played with the silverware.
I looked up into bright green eyes and spluttered, “Joey!” Blinking in surprise, I offered him the seat across from me, and he took it.
“So what are you doing here?” he asked again.
I frowned at his tone. “Having lunch,” I threw back at him. “What are you doing here?” I was here first, after all. Who the hell did he think he was?
“I’m meeting with some people from a band I’m interested in. Wanted to feel them out.”
I nodded. The waitress came back over with my food and a bottle of ketchup.
“Did you want something?” I asked him.
The waitress looked at him, awaiting his answer.
He pursed his lips. “I’ll have the same thing she’s having, but I’ll take a beer.” He smiled at her.
I glanced longingly at my food, wondering if I should wait. Do the polite thing.
“Eat,” he ordered. Somehow reading my mind.
I didn’t need to be told twice.
We chitchatted for a while. I didn’t want to bring up what I saw Friday night, and I was certain he didn’t want to remember what I saw. I was surprised actually. Today he looked well-rested and bright-eyed. Still, I wondered if he used before coming here. I guess I’d always wonder that now, if he was sticking something up his nose or smoking it. I grimaced at the thought and tried to turn them around to something more pleasant.
“That brain of yours looks like it’s working overtime right now. What’s going on?”
I wiped my mouth with the paper napkin and tucked it under my plate. “I’m worried about you, Joey.” I sat back in my chair, crossing my arms over my chest. He opened his mouth to say something, but I held up my hand. “You’ve changed, and sometimes I don’t think I know the person sitting across from me.”
“I’m still the same Joey, Charlie. Just richer than the last time you saw me.”
I shook my head, feeling sad and pissed off. He was throwing his life away. I’d known Joey for so many years that he couldn’t even see it himself. He was delusional.
“No, Joey, you’re not. The guy I knew was contemplative and reflective. He worshipped his body and would never put anything in it that wasn’t legal. I saw you with those girls the other night. That’s not you.”
He looked away from me, muttering something I couldn’t hear. “There’s this certain aspect to the life I lead, and at times it gets the best of me.” He returned his h
ard gaze to me. “I tried, Charlie. Goddamn, I tried. You have no clue what it’s like to be on the road. It’s lonely and boring. Sharing a bus with the other guys isn’t easy. So you have to create your own fun. But then you start and you can’t stop because you’re on top of the fuckin’ world. It was never supposed to be like this. You, Charlie. You always meant something to me.”
He cupped his other hand against my cheek. I could feel the tears welling, one managing to escape. He brushed it off with his thumb. “Don’t cry, Charlie. It’s not all bad.”
“I’m afraid for you, Joey. You seem to be on this self-destructive path, and you don’t want to get off.”
The door opened, and we both brought our arms up to shield our eyes. I thought it was the band he was meeting. As soon as his hand left my cheek, I felt the separation greatly.
He stood up to acknowledge them, gesturing what table they should sit at. It was the one closest to the stage and away from everyone else so they could talk in peace.
He stood up, shooting me a look. “This shouldn’t take long. Stick around and we’ll get a drink? My treat?” There was hope in his look that I’d say yes.
I didn’t have anything else to do, so I agreed.
Joey sent over a shot of tequila for me to do before we got together again. I slammed the shooter down, thankful for the food in my belly. I kept looking over to where Joey was meeting and watching how animated he was brought a smile to my lips. His hands were going a mile minute; the band members were shaking their heads excitedly.
It struck me funny that in all of L.A., he could come here and be himself. This dive bar where nobody batted an eyelash at him. The waitress kept the water coming, and I was thankful for that. I knew the new endeavor that Matthew and Joey wanted to start would be extremely successful, and I found myself getting excited for him. Just watching him with the guys gave me this moment of clarity that this had been his real calling. Finding talent and making them successful. Of course, people would miss out on seeing Joey Carino perform live, but this was definitely for the best.
After about a half hour, I saw the guys get up and walk away from the table. Joey sat there for a moment. I looked over at him wondering what was going on. He looked over at me with a sexy grin. I smiled back at him, watching as he got up from the chair and strutted over to me.
“Dance with me, Charlie,” he asked as I looked around as there was absolutely no music playing, and I didn’t even see a jukebox. Made me wonder how the music was piped in the other time I was here.
His hand was held out for me, and I looked up at him, confused. “There’s no music, Joey.”
He smirked at me. “We can make our own music, Charlie.”
My eyes widened not sure what he really meant with that statement. So like a fool, I took his hand as he walked me toward an open space and wrapped his arms around my waist. I kept my hands lightly around his neck as he rocked me back and forth to the music only he heard.
He rested his forehead against mine, his eyes closed, just swaying the both of us back and forth and side to side. To say I felt silly was an understatement. I could feel a million eyes on me and embarrassment crept up my neck to settle on my cheeks. Finally opening his eyes, he looked into mine and within those depths I saw sadness. When we’d broken up, I didn’t want to see him and refused his calls. He’d cheated on me, and I was pissed. But looking at him now I know he didn’t get his closure.
“I still love you, Charlie.” I stopped moving and removed my hands from his neck to cup his face in my hands.
“And I’ll always love you too, but too much time has passed between us. Too much stuff has happened to you to change you. Yes, Joey, you’ve changed.” I looked straight into his eyes. “You were my first everything and you’ll always hold a special part of my heart, but I can’t allow you to break it all over again.”
“So I guess that this is completely out of the question?” I narrowed my eyes at him, not understanding when his lips came crashing down on mine. His hands were still around my waist and as he pulled me closer to him, my hands were trapped against his chest. The shock of the kiss and the inability to push him away confused me enough that I kissed him back. He moved his hands from my waist and tangled the ponytail around one of them. He pulled back suddenly and stepped away.
“What the hell was that about?” I hissed.
“I wanted to kiss you.”
I looked at him like he was crazy, but he just stood there and smirked at me. “Well you’re not allowed to kiss me anymore, Joey,” I said as I tried to push him backwards. “You are no longer the owner of these lips.” I pushed him back again. He laughed.
“You need a drink to disinfect your lips.” He chuckled at me as he walked toward the bar.
“Damn straight, bucko!”
I had no idea how long I stayed at the bar. In between shots, and beer, and Joey, the place got busy, and the sun was no longer blinding us whenever someone opened the door, so it had to be late. I tried to check the time on my phone, but everything was fuzzy. Even though I’d been keeping myself hydrated with water, I drank more than I should have. Now I had no idea how I’d get back to the hotel. Unless I crawled.
Today was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have been here. I shouldn’t have been with Joey. He needed a better influence than this. But the past got the better of me, and I couldn’t turn him down. The drunker I got, the more I saw the old Joey I’d fallen in love with. The boy who stole my heart.
Joey had made the rounds to various tables, socializing with people he seemed to know. He seemed fine, but I felt like anything I ate would be coming back to pay me a visit, and I really didn’t want to have to deal with that cheeseburger a second time.
“We should get out of here,” he said so suddenly I had to whip my head around to see where he was.
“I think I’m blind, Joey,” I whined. “I can’t see a damn thing.” I squinted my eyes in his direction, and he laughed at me.
“Well, hell, you drank yourself blind. It does happen.”
I frowned. How did he sound so put together? He drank double what I did.
“Come on, drunkie.” He grinned at me. “We’ll get a cab to your hotel.”
As he helped me out of the chair, I patted his cheek. “Now that’s the boy I remember. I missed him.”
“I missed you too,” he replied, and there was something soft in his eyes, but I couldn’t tell what it was. I was going blind, after all.
My stomach started to grumble, and I pressed my hands there. “Yeah, we’d better go. Like now.” I hoped the fresh air would make me feel better, but then I remembered this was L.A. and the smog was probably hanging low because of the heat.
I leaned against Joey for support, tripping and sliding like my legs were made of Jell-O. “Are you taking me home?”
Joey looked down at me. “Yes, Charlie. We’re getting you to your hotel.”
“Oh,” I said sadly.
“Oh?” he asked still looking at me.
“Well I thought you wanted to fuck me.” I burped and covered my mouth, giggling at my outburst.
“Well, yeah, but you can’t even see.”
Pressed tightly to his side, I inhaled his scent. He smelled faintly of booze and sweat, but it was a comforting scent. I stuck my nose in his neck. “You smell good,” I mumbled.
He chuckled, sniffing himself. “Really? I think I kinda stink.”
“Stink?” I laughed and took another whiff. “No way. You smell amaaaaazing!”
“Hmmm…you can fuck me in my hotel!” I shouted as we headed out the door. I heard Joey muttering to people around us. One guy shouted ‘go get her, tiger!’.
On the street, Joey opened a cab door and gently lifted me inside while he went to the street side to climb in. I wanted to wonder about where the cab came from, but my brain wouldn’t work for shit. Damn, I’m drunk. Then I laughed at my own silly thought.
When the driver pulled away from the curb, I felt my stomach lurch. Dizzy, so dizzy. I lean
ed my head against the window, which wasn’t cool at all. It was hot and sticky.
“Is she gonna puke in my cab?” the driver asked. I must’ve been making noises.
“She’ll be fine.”
That’s right. I’ll be fine, I wanted to tell the driver, but my stomach lurched again, and I wasn’t so sure. We weren’t that far from the hotel. I managed to hold in anything that wanted to come out. Joey helped me out of the cab and into the foyer of the hotel. I was sick of being here. It was impersonal, and I missed my dog.
“Did you know I have a dog?” I slurred as Joey kept his arms tight around me, walking me carefully to the elevators.
“No. Didn’t know you had a dog.”
I nodded and tilted my head. “I do. His name is Paco. He’s neurotic. He reminds me of you.” I closed my eyes once we were inside the elevator.
He grinned, raising an eyebrow. “Your dog reminds you of me?”
“Mhm.” I tried to smile at him, but he was blurry. So tired. Why can’t I keep my eyes open? I started sliding down Joey’s side, but he just hitched me back up. I patted his arm. “He’s cute like you.”
“So you have a dog that reminds you of me and he’s cute. Like me.”
“Yep,” I said, squinting to bring him into focus.
The elevator dinged, and Joey asked, “Which room, babe?”
Babe? I ran a slow hand down his chest. “Aww, you just called me babe.” God, I missed him. So, so much. I felt a sadness falling over me, but I shoved it away.
He smiled softly. “Room?”
I pointed out into the hallway. “Room, right. Room.” I gave him a number, hoping it was the right one. He walked me down the hall. When we reached a door, I suddenly realized he was holding my purse. He kept a strong arm around me while he searched for the keycard. He slipped the white card in, but it gave a beep and a red light.
I made a buzzer sound. “Try again.”
He laughed. “I’m trying, I’m trying.”
He tried it several more times. It looked like a struggle. I guess trying to hold me up and open a door at the same time was kind of difficult. But he finally managed it, and we both stumbled in to the darkened room. I looked around to see the bed was made, and my computer was on the desk, with the sheets of paper neatly stacked on next to it.