by Dylann Crush
Chapter Twenty-Nine
“You’re free to go, Miss Jacobs.” The bailiff handed her a her backpack along with a small envelope containing the key to her motorcycle.
Jinx blinked against the bright morning light as she exited the station. She hadn’t slept in over twenty-four hours, thanks to the all-night interrogation. Thankfully, when Wade had smashed her phone, the micro SD card had been unharmed. After the agent in charge finally listened to her recording, they realized she’d been telling the truth. Plus, Wade had copped some sort of bargain to shorten his jail time, probably selling out his buddy Josh, and confirmed she didn’t have anything to do with the drugs.
For all intents and purposes, she was free. Then why couldn’t she breathe? She checked the preprinted instructions on how to get her bike out of the impound lot. With any luck, she’d be in New Orleans before nightfall. Her heart squeezed. Holiday had become the closest thing to home she’d experienced since she’d left her old neighborhood in Seattle. But she couldn’t stay. Not when Cash had looked at her with that deep hurt in his eyes. He blamed her for putting his town, his job, and his family at risk. And the kicker was he was right.
Everything she touched turned to crap. Everything she ever cared about fell apart. Why would Cash operate outside the parameters of her clearly defined, screwed-up life?
She hooked a left, figuring she’d walk the couple of miles down the road to the impound lot. A flash of yellow caught her eye. Her bike sat in the front space of the parking lot. Cash straddled the seat, a tentative smile etched into the scruff of a few days’ growth of beard. She swallowed hard. No, no, no. She couldn’t face him. Not like this. Her throat constricted, and her eyes watered. She tried to swallow again, but it was like a cactus blocked her throat.
When she didn’t move forward, he climbed off the bike and took a few steps in her direction. “I figured you could use this.”
She looked at the pavement, at the sparkly pine garland someone had woven throughout the scrubby hedge—anywhere but at Cash. “I was about to go pick it up.”
“Saved you a trip then.” His feet moved closer until the tips of his cowboy boots appeared at the edge of her vision.
Her breath stalled in her lungs. She could smell him—that intoxicating combination of sunshine and leather. Her gaze roamed up his denim-clad legs to the snug T-shirt, the hands that had held her not more than twenty-four hours before, and finally, his jaw. She wouldn’t meet his eyes; she couldn’t. His pulse ticked along the soft spot at the hollow of his neck. She wanted to nestle in, bury herself against him, feel his arms wrap around her.
Instead, she croaked out, “Thanks.” She cleared her throat. “I see you got your jacket back.”
“Yeah, Tippy ran it over last night.” He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “Jinx, I’m sorry.”
Her stare drilled into his chest. Fire danced across her cheeks. “You don’t need to apologize. I’m the one who should be saying I’m sorry.”
“When you took off last night without telling anyone, I assumed you were part of it.” He shrugged.
“I was only trying to keep Wade from getting to you and Kenzie. He was after his gift cards. They accidentally ended up in my bag when I left LA.” She peeked at his face. His forehead creased.
“I know. The agent I met up in Dallas who was working the case filled me in. I thought you’d used me. Especially when he mentioned the gift cards. That time a handful fell out of your bag? He made me question everything. But I was wrong.”
She wanted to smooth out the worry, kiss his heartache away.
“It was crazy last night. Between the play and the nativity set…so many people. When I saw you at the dairy, I assumed you were involved like the DEA said.” His voice wavered.
She placed a palm over his heart. The rhythmic thud-thud-thud pulsed against her hand. “I’m sorry. I should have told you. I wanted to, but Wade threatened to hurt you or Kenzie if I brought you in. I heard Charlie had her baby last night. Were you at the hospital with her?”
His hand covered hers, sending warning chills racing up her arm. “She didn’t make it to the hospital. My nephew was born the old-fashioned way—in a manger.”
Jinx dared to meet his eyes. “Oh my gosh. Is everyone okay?”
“Yeah, Charlie and the baby are doing great. I’m scarred for life after having to deliver my sister’s baby, but I’ll survive.” His mouth quirked into a half grin.
This man had been dragged through hell already. He didn’t need her around—she was deadweight, always holding people back. He needed stability in his life. For himself and for Kenzie.
“I’m so sorry. I wanted to tell you everything, but I couldn’t find the right words. Here, with you, I thought I’d finally found a place away from all the trouble that always seems to follow me. But instead, I brought it to you. To Kenzie.” She wiped at the tears threatening to spill over onto her cheeks. “I can’t—no, I won’t—cause you any more trouble.”
Cash’s hands curled around her arms. “I should have listened to you last night. I know you were trying to tell me the truth, but I couldn’t hear it. All I could think about was how I’d failed. I jumped to conclusions, and I was wrong.”
“You almost died because of me. I heard the gun go off, and you fell, and I—” Her chest heaved, letting a sob escape.
He gathered her into his arms. “It’s okay.” His hand smoothed down her mess of hair. “It’s not the first time I’ve been shot at, and it won’t be the last.”
“No.” It took every ounce of willpower to wiggle her palms between them and push back against his chest. “My mom was right. I ruin everything and everyone I get close to. I won’t do that to you and Kenzie.”
“Kenzie loves you.” He made a move to tuck her hair behind her ear, but Jinx ducked out of the way. “I love you.”
The dam broke. Tears flooded her cheeks. She didn’t bother to wipe them away. “That’s why I can’t stay. I’m sorry. You both deserve better than me.”
She brushed past him, stepping to the side when he tried to grab her arm.
“Jinx, wait!”
Turning, she let her gaze roam over the only man she’d ever thought about settling down with. It would probably be the last time she’d ever see him. Her breath caught in her throat, and she gasped. Ragged sobs ripped through her chest.
He didn’t move, like he was afraid if he took a step toward her, she’d bolt. “I’ll admit you and I don’t seem like a natural fit. But we belong together. You’re the June Carter to my Johnny Cash. Things didn’t always go easy for them, but they knew they were meant to be together. Through thick and thin.” He dropped his head, shaking it side to side, then leveled her with a penetrating gaze. “You, Jinx Jacobs, are everything I never knew I always wanted.” He reached a hand out. A hand she wanted to grab, to hold on to, to cling to for the rest of her life. “I’m only going to ask once. Not because I don’t care, but because I know this has got to be your decision. I want to wake up next to you every morning. I want you to be a permanent part of my and Kenzie’s lives. We don’t have to get married if that’s not your thing. But let’s give us a shot. For good. Please…come home?”
For a moment, their future hung between them. The possibility of wrapping the Walker family around her, of building a home with Cash and Kenzie seemed like a realistic option.
But she couldn’t.
“I can’t. I wish I could, but I just can’t.” She turned toward her bike, her boots carrying her farther and farther away from that unattainable dream. Her heart shattered into a billion pieces, but she didn’t look back. She flung a leg over the seat of her bike, pulled her helmet on, and turned the engine over.
It was better this way.
If she stayed, she’d only mess up bigger next time.
* * *
Cash drifted through the next couple of days, tryi
ng to fake some holiday cheer so he wouldn’t ruin Kenzie’s Christmas. He had so much to be thankful for this year. His dad had been discharged from the physical therapy facility in Tulsa and had made it home in time for the holiday. Charlie and baby Sully were home from the hospital and doing just fine. Even Kenzie seemed to be handling the news of Jinx’s departure pretty well. It helped that she’d been preoccupied with Hendrix. Her nana had humored her and made a whole wardrobe of costumes for the little guy. Cash couldn’t wait to see what getup he would be forced to wear to Christmas Eve dinner.
Presley had even come through with a real tree. Coincidentally, he had shown up on the porch with it the same night the liquor store two counties over had reported a guy in a Santa costume coming in and stealing their Christmas tree from the front window. Of course, Presley denied having anything to do with the crime. The tiny bottles of booze on the new tree should have been a dead giveaway, but Cash couldn’t summon the energy to take his brother in, not when he’d been tossing back one or two shot-size ornaments each night.
He wasn’t in the mood for a big family get-together, but skipping out wasn’t an option. He’d agreed to bring Kenzie to dinner, but then they were heading back to their place. He wanted Kenzie to wake up in her own house with her own tree on Christmas morning. They needed to start building new traditions for the two of them. He’d relied on his mom and dad to carry them along for so long. If he and Kenzie were going to be a family of two, they needed to find their own way and have some of their own celebrations.
Kenzie had spent the day with his mom, baking up a storm, so he headed straight from work to the big house. As he passed through town, the roar of a motorcycle engine made him rubberneck, looking for the source. Just the Oakley twins on those damn dirt bikes. He’d ticketed them a couple of times already for not having tags. Hell, it was Christmas Eve. He’d let it slide.
Every time he caught a glimpse of teal, he expected to see Jinx. A few days ago, some canary-yellow Volkswagen had been parked in front of Whitey’s. Cash had almost hopped the curb and crashed through the front of the diner when it caught his eye.
He missed her. He hadn’t heard from her since she blew out of town. As he turned into the drive of his parents’ place, he wondered if she’d found what she was looking for in New Orleans. Pickup trucks in various sizes, shapes, and colors lined the drive and covered the front lawn. Here goes nothing, he thought. He practiced his everything’s-just-fine grin in the rearview mirror. No doubt he’d spend the whole night with it plastered across his face.
Before he reached the front porch, Kenzie launched herself off the steps and into his arms. “Hi, Daddy.”
He kissed the top of her head. “Hey, Tadpole. Your hair looks nice. Did you and Nana have fun today?” His mom must have gotten tired of trying to tame Kenzie’s nest. She’d twisted it up into some sort of braid on top of her head, secured by a huge red-and-green sparkly bow.
“Yep.”
“Did you make me a pecan pie?” That was about the only thing he had left to look forward to. That and the look on Kenzie’s face when Santa brought her that new bicycle she’d been hinting at.
“We tried.”
“What do you mean ‘we tried’?”
“I don’t think Nana will let me help with pies again.” Kenzie puckered her lips. “But I made the cookies with the kisses on top, the ones Papa loves. And Aunt Charlie’s here with baby Sully, and she let me help change his diaper, and Hendrix and I got to jump on the trampoline.”
“Wait a minute. What happened to my pie?”
Kenzie shrugged her shoulders, then ran off with her cousins. He crossed the threshold into the house. The smells of gingerbread, mulled apple cider, and Angelo’s smoked ribs wrapped around him like a security blanket.
“Cash is here. We can eat.” Statler clapped him on the back. “How ya doin’, Bro?”
The practiced smile slid into place. “Fine, just fine. Where’s Mom?”
Statler pointed to the kitchen. Cash threaded through his brothers, sister, aunts, uncles, cousins, and the extended family like Charlie’s employees from the Rose and anyone else who didn’t have a place to go for Christmas Eve dinner.
He stopped to drop a kiss on his sister’s head. “How ya feeling?”
Charlie grinned up at him. “Like I got run over by a truck.”
Cash held his finger out to little Sully, who wrapped his hand around it. “He’s got a good grip. I’m sorry I didn’t get you to the hospital.”
“We’re fine.” She nestled into her husband’s side. “It was a good thing you were there. I don’t think Beck could have delivered a baby.”
“Nope,” Beck agreed.
“We’ll get you out calving this spring. You’ll be a pro in no time,” Cash teased. He kissed his new nephew on the forehead and slid his finger out from the baby’s grasp. Heading into the kitchen, the savory smells assaulted his nose. There was nothing like a Walker family Christmas Eve.
Presley handed him a cold Lone Star as he passed. “I have a feeling you’re going to need a few of these to get through the night.”
Cash clinked his bottle against his brother’s. “Thanks.”
“Hey, Cash, merry Christmas.” Darby leaned against the kitchen island, putting the finishing touches on a platter of something deep-fried that smelled delicious. Waylon stood behind her, his arms wrapped around her midsection.
Damn, if his whole family didn’t seem to be made up of happily-ever-after couples. Had he never noticed before, or had it just never bothered him?
“There you are.” His mom wiped her hands on her apron. “Did you see Kenzie’s hair?”
“Yeah, looks real pretty.”
She took a huge dish of homemade baked beans out of the oven. “It does now.”
“Yeah, sorry. I’m not so good with her hair. Thanks for putting it up. Hey, did you happen to make a pecan pie?”
Ann squinted up at him through her glasses. “No.”
“Really? I’ve been looking forward to it.”
She lifted onto her tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek. “Go ask your daughter why we didn’t have a chance to make your pie today. Then see if Angelo needs help bringing in the ribs, will you?”
“What’s Kenzie got to do with it?”
She bustled around the kitchen, grabbing serving platters from the cabinets, utensils from the drawer. “Just ask her. I’ll make you one for your birthday next month though, okay? I promise.”
“Sure. No big deal.” His mom had been through enough over the past month. She didn’t need him to make her feel guilty about a stupid pecan pie. Now to locate Kenzie to figure out what kind of trouble she’d caused.
“Have you heard from her?” Ann’s voice dipped, low enough so that only he could hear her.
The reference to Jinx pierced through the protective shield he’d built around his heart. “No. I don’t expect to.” Sympathy flooded his mom’s eyes. He didn’t need or want anyone to feel sorry for him. “Angelo’s out back, right?”
She placed her hand over his on the granite countertop. Her wedding ring glinted under the overhead lights. “She might still come around.”
“I’m going to go find Kenzie and see about those ribs.” He slid his hand out from under his mom’s. She meant well. But nothing would bring Jinx back. That was the only thing he was one hundred percent sure of.
He found Kenzie on the trampoline his dad had just purchased as a Christmas gift for all the grandkids. Her braid had come loose, and her hair flew around her face as she executed a super-sloppy flip. Holy crap. No wonder his mom was so pissed. The top of Kenzie’s head was still the light brownish-blond it had always been—a nice mix of his dark-brown hair and Lori Lynne’s almost white-blond. But the bottom three to four inches appeared to be a bright shade of blue. Only one place she could have gotten an idea like that.
“Ke
nzie Ann Walker!” His voice thundered from his chest.
His nieces and nephews stopped bouncing. Kenzie froze. He didn’t usually yell, but this wasn’t a usual situation.
“Come here, Tadpole.” He spread the outer net circling the trampoline so she could climb out. “What did you do to your hair?”
Her lip trembled. “I took some of Jinx’s stuff. I wanted to surprise her. For when she comes back.”
He gathered her up in his arms. “Honey, I told you, Jinx isn’t coming back.”
Kenzie sandwiched his cheeks between her tiny palms. “Of course she is, Daddy. I asked Santa to bring her.”
His heart stalled. “I thought you asked Santa for a bike for Christmas.”
She smiled, like the idea of having to explain something so simple to a grown-up was beneath her. “I did. But when Jinx left, I wrote him a letter and told him I changed my mind. Am I in trouble about my hair?”
How could he be mad about something like that when her heart was about to get smashed to smithereens? “No. We’ll see if we can wash it out later. Go tell your cousins it’s time to eat.” He set her down and gave her a nudge toward the trampoline. He thought she’d been handling Jinx’s departure a little too well. How was he to know she thought it was a temporary setback?
As much as he wanted to go after Jinx, he couldn’t. That’s what he’d done with Lori Lynne—tried to convince her to stay in Holiday when all she wanted to do was leave. He wouldn’t do that again. If Jinx didn’t want to stay, he couldn’t force her. He’d gone all in, put his heart on the line, and she’d left anyway. He’d go on. He’d damn sure never lose control of his heart again, but he’d survive.
Only one thing had him worried now—what was he going to do when Santa didn’t come through?
Chapter Thirty
Jinx wiped down the bar and tossed the rag into the sink of soapy water. She’d already refilled all the ketchup bottles, rolled an entire bin full of silverware, and restocked the refrigerator in the bar area. She hadn’t served a customer in over an hour. Jamie had warned her things would be slow on Christmas Eve, but this was ridiculous. The place was probably losing money by having to pay the electric bill.