“Richard, will you listen to yourself for a moment? Not the sort the likes of us marry? Who the hell do you think we are? We are the type of people who will only speak to someone if we think they are good enough for us; we are the type of people who will ridicule someone sitting on the wallflower benches because we don’t think they are worth our notice. Instead, Miss Basingstoke welcomed me without question and helped me in such a way that it changed my life. Perhaps instead of condemning those who perhaps aren’t so well off, we should see what they do have to offer.”
“I think you are being too hard on yourself,” Richard said.
“I’m not being nearly hard enough,” Alexander responded bitterly. “Tell me Richard, what effort would it take if, at every ball we ever attended, we asked someone who was sitting out for a dance? To look at some of the young ladies who weren’t the richest or the prettiest would it really have spoiled our evening?”
“Well, no, I suppose it wouldn’t have spoiled our evening, but it still would have been a tiresome exercise. I’d prefer to dance with a pretty face,” Richard admitted with a shrug.
“How many times have I danced with a pretty face only to find out that she is the most tedious of partners? Or the latest heiress to be nothing but a spoilt miss? You never know; spending half an hour in the company of an unknown could have been enjoyable. We’ve been very arrogant and unfair. We aren’t that special, Richard,” Alexander said bitterly.
“We are young, attractive, wealthy men, Alex; what more would anyone want?”
Alexander shook his head sadly, “I can’t believe you still think that is enough. Has this last twelve months done nothing to show you that being shallow isn’t enough? I certainly need something more.”
“Are you telling me you are going to offer marriage to Miss Basingstoke? That’s it, isn’t it? You think you are in love with her. You are feeling in her debt, that’s all. You don’t have to get leg-shackled to say thank you!” Richard smiled.
“I am in love with her,” Alexander said seriously. “I think I was from the first moment she spoke to me in that godforsaken ballroom.”
“Don’t mix gratitude with love, Alex. It could be a costly mistake.”
“Ha! A costly mistake! You have no idea!”
“What are you talking about Alex? There’s obviously something going on,” Richard said, concerned about his friend.
“This morning I asked Mr Basingstoke’s permission to marry his daughter, and he refused. I’m not good enough for his daughter and, even though I know I’ve changed, he doesn’t believe me. The problem I have is that I’d realised from my previous behaviour how shallow I was; I could only agree with him in his view that I’m not worthy of her,” Alexander finally admitted.
Richard looked aghast. “He said no?”
“Yes! And I have lain here all day and thought over his words, and I can’t disagree with his arguments. She does deserve someone who treasures her no matter what her background or who her family is,” Alexander admitted. “I’ve been a bloody arrogant fool, and it has cost me the one person I care the most about.”
*
The Basingstoke house was a hive of activity. The visitors were leaving in a warm carriage Mr Critchley had hired. The journey would be only one mile, but every care would be taken of the patient. The Basingstoke brothers who remained at home had all said their goodbyes and helped to load the carriage. Mrs Basingstoke had supplied warm bricks for the Captain and Mr Critchley and insisted that a letter be sent to assure her when they were settled into the Golden Lion.
Samson was staying close to Alexander, having been allowed into his room in the morning. When Alexander had moved about, even though he was very carefully monitored by Peterson, it was obvious Alexander still needed the help of the dog to move around comfortably.
Amelia had been absent during the hustle and bustle but, when it was clear that it was time to leave, she could stay away from her bedchamber no longer. She was confused and upset about the turn of events but was magnanimous enough to admit it was as she had thought: he had kissed her when he thought he was dying. She could not condemn him for that no matter how her heart was breaking.
She approached the open doorway and was greeted by the thumping of Samson’s tail on the floor as he sat next to Alexander, who was seated on a chaise lounge in front of the fire. He was ready for travel, all his clothes cleaned and looking as pristine as usual. His greatcoat was folded at the end on the chaise lounge, ready to be put on. The only difference in appearance was that his hair was not tied neatly into a queue, the bandage on his head made it impossible to wear his hair neat; the unruly locks were in stark contrast to the normally well-dressed captain.
“Miss Basingstoke, I’m so pleased you have come. I didn’t relish trying to find you in the house; I’m still not steady on my feet,” Alexander said trying to sound light-hearted. He noticed her pale face and drawn expression and had to sit on his hands to prevent himself from rising from the seat and taking her in his arms. He longed to hold her, but it would be unfair to them both; he had been refused permission, and he had to respect Mr Basingstoke’s opinion.
“I’m sure it must be very confusing at the moment,” Amelia acknowledged.
“I’ve missed your visits,” Alexander blurted out before he could stop himself.
“I thought it for the best,” Amelia said with a flush.
“The best for whom?” Alexander said, but then let out a long breath. “I’m sorry, Miss Basingstoke, I’m being selfish as always. Thank you for everything you have done for me. I can never repay your kindness throughout everything we have shared.”
He thinks I am kind, Amelia thought bleakly. Not quite the declaration of love she longed for when she allowed her foolish thoughts to surface. “You’re very welcome. You helped with the last few weeks in London. We supported each other.”
“You are very magnanimous,” Alexander said with a smile.
They were interrupted by the arrival of Richard. “Everything is ready for you, Alex.”
Alexander stood, putting his great coat on and immediately Samson moved into his usual place. He placed his hand reassuringly on the neck of the dog. In his first venture downstairs he needed Samson’s guidance and confidence all the more.
“Will you still need Samson?” Amelia asked.
“I would imagine I will never be able to walk without him anywhere apart from places that are extremely familiar. Although the ability to see even a little is far better than before, I am still struggling with getting around,” Alexander explained. “Samson will always be needed.”
“Hopefully not when you are able to return to the dancefloor,” Richard said with an easy smile. “It won’t be too long before you are back in the fold.”
Alexander sent a dark look to his friend. It was as if the conversation they had shared had not happened; he seemed intent on disbelieving everything Alexander had told him. He really did not understand how Alexander had changed and, with the expression on Amelia’s face, it was clear that Richard was doing damage with what he said.
“I shall bid you goodbye here,” Amelia said, knowing she could not watch the carriage leaving the lane. He would be only a mile away, but she would not see him; it would not be appropriate for her to visit him, and she doubted that any of her family would seek out Alexander when they were busy with their own lives. “I hope you continue to make a speedy recovery.”
“Thank you, Miss Basingstoke. Good day to you,” Alexander said, holding out his hand in expectation of receiving hers. When Amelia placed her hand in his, he raised it to his lips and kissed it, squeezing her fingers gently with his own.
Amelia felt tears spring to her eyes, but she blinked them away. Now was not the time to show weakness; she had known from the start he was too good for her no matter that her father had tried to convince her they were all equal. She smiled at him despite her breaking heart. “Good bye, Captain Worthington.”
Richard made his bow, and the two ge
ntlemen left the room. Amelia could hear the good-byes from her father, mother and brothers, but she remained still. She would get herself under control; she would not turn into a feeble miss.
William walked into the room and, seeing his sister standing so stiffly, a frown on her face and tears in her eyes, he went immediately to her and wrapped her in his arms. “I’m sorry, Amelia.”
Amelia leaned into her brother’s shoulder, his strength welcome. “God must have accepted my bargain. He lived and has gone to rejoin his former life. It’s what I asked for; I just wish it didn’t hurt quite so much,” she whispered.
Chapter 15
Alexander had not expected the one-mile journey to the inn to take quite so much out of him. He willingly remained in his bed for the following days, most of the time sleeping. Doctor Johnson had stayed in the area; Alexander was paying a handsome sum for the privilege. As long as there was a chance of a relapse, Alexander wanted his own doctor close by. The medical man was not worried about Alexander’s recovery; a patient sleeping for most of the day was enabling the body to recover at its own pace.
Five days had passed and Alexander was able to sit in a chair for some of the afternoon without getting overly tired. A large, fabric-covered winged-back chair had been brought into the bedchamber so Alexander could be comfortable. It faced a sofa, both being positioned near the brick fireplace that kept the room warm. Apart from a screen covering the washstand, bed and wardrobe, the room was bare. It was all clean but sparse. Alexander had lived on ships for years, so he did not need much in the way of furniture and trinkets, but he was not comfortable; he was unsettled and discontented.
He was seated on the chair late one morning when the maid knocked and announced that Lord Newton had arrived. Alexander stood with a shout of happy surprise as his brother entered the room, and the brothers embraced.
“Alex, it is good to see you!” Anthony exclaimed.
“And you! I must say, you have gone grey around the temples since I last set eyes on you!” Alexander responded with a chuckle.
Anthony, put his brother at arm’s length. “It is through worrying about my tiresome younger brother!” he responded good-naturedly. “I can’t tell you what joy I felt when I received Richard’s letter telling us that some of your sight had returned.”
“If it was half the joy I felt, I certainly can imagine. Although the first few days were terrifying,” Alexander admitted. “Come, sit, let me order some drinks.”
The two brothers talked and drank a jug of small beer before the news exchange was completed to the satisfaction of both. Anthony settled back on the sofa, a contented smile on his face. “Richard’s letters were full of what the two of you were going to do on your return to London; I think he has really missed the hijinks you both seemed to enjoy so much.”
A dark cloud crossed Alexander’s expression. “I can’t make him believe what I’m telling him.”
Anthony was curious. “What’s that?”
“Richard thinks I’m just going to go back to how things were before Trafalgar. I know I changed after the battle; those who came through it can’t have helped but change, whether they were injured or not. You all saw how the blindness affected me, but it was more than the physical. I could not see, but I clearly saw how shallow and fickle Society was; we had this conversation when you joined me in London. I would be as fickle as they if I rejoined Society now that I have some sight; but to be honest it’s the last thing I want to do.”
Anthony was surprised. This was the Alexander who would party until there literally was nowhere else to go, who needed the highlife to ease his high boredom threshold. He had purchased a house in the centre of London, around the corner from many of the clubs he frequented; he hated the countryside apart from a hunting trip or racing trip. Alexander was everything that the country-loving Anthony was not. Yes, Alexander had said that Society had more or less shunned him after his accident, but Anthony had presumed his brother would wish to continue his life as before now that he had some vision.
“What do you want to do?”
Alexander smiled a bitter smile. “I wanted to marry the woman I had the good fortune to meet and who I chased here. She is the only one I could envisage spending the rest of my life with.”
“And what happened that we are not toasting your upcoming nuptials?” Anthony asked.
“Her father refused to give me permission to pay my addresses to her,” Alexander said, unconsciously slumping in the chair.
“You’d better tell me more!” Anthony said in surprise. He was fully aware his brother would be seen as a desirable match for any young woman, especially one without dowry and on the shelf as Alexander had mentioned previously about the young woman he admired.
“She has no dowry; she is not even in the middle echelons of polite society, and her aunt and cousins are the type of people one would definitely not willingly associate with,” Alexander said honestly.
“She sounds delightful!” Anthony said sarcastically, wondering why his brother would fall for such a woman.
“She is,” came the serious response. “I knew she was beautiful even before I was able to see her physically. She didn’t pander to me; instead I felt I had to be good enough for her. She did everything she could to help me, but in a way that never allowed me to feel sorry for myself; even if she hadn’t introduced me to Samson, she would’ve liberated me by just being my being in her company.”
Anthony saw the way Alexander became animated when he spoke of the young woman who had affected him so much. He was not surprised his brother had chased her to her home; he knew that, if Alexander fell in love, he would do it wholeheartedly, and it appeared that it had finally happened.
“I had presumed that once you followed her here, I would receive notification of your engagement,” Anthony said honestly.
“You obviously have the same arrogant tendencies I do,” Alexander said with a half-smile. “Her father quite rightly pointed out I was not in the slightest bit interested in his daughter prior to my accident. He didn’t believe I truly loved her, just that I considered being with her was better than nothing.”
“And is it?” Anthony asked quietly.
“No!” Alexander almost shouted. “I didn’t let anyone know when my sight first returned. I was afraid it was a temporary aberration, and my brain was screaming, trying to process all the images it was seeing once again, so I couldn’t face the long conversations I would have to undergo if I admitted what had happened. I genuinely thought my head was going to explode.”
“It must have been terrifying.”
“It was, which in some ways is a ridiculous thing to say: sight being more terrifying than blindness,” Alexander said. “But she would leave my side only when forced to do so, so when I opened my eyes after speaking to Doctor Johnson, I could watch her without her knowing.” Alexander thought back to the time when he had first looked at Amelia fully. “It was as if I had been able to see her even when I was blind; none of her features came as a surprise; she was the pretty young woman that I had imagined. Oh, she’s not classically beautiful; society would not consider her a beauty of the season, but there is something about the way she is that draws me in and makes me long to spend the remainder of my days by her side.”
Their conversation was interrupted by another knock on the door. The maid announced that Mr Basingstoke was wishing to visit Captain Worthington. Alexander instructed the girl to show him up. He smiled warmly when William walked into the room.
“Good afternoon, Mr Basingstoke! This is a pleasant surprise!” Alexander said. “Come in. Please send another jug of beer up,” he instructed the maid as she made her curtsey and left the room.
“Good afternoon,” William responded with his usual easy smile. “I’m leaving tomorrow, returning to Portsmouth, but I couldn’t go without seeing how you were faring and wishing you all the very best.”
“Let me introduce you to my bother. Anthony, this is Able-seaman Basingstoke of the Agamemno
n; this is my brother, the Earl of Newton.”
The gentlemen made their bows and were seated. Alexander poured William a cup of small beer and refilled his own and Anthony’s jugs. “So, you are off once more? I’m very jealous of you.”
William grinned. “I shall think of that when I’m scrubbing the deck!”
“You will continue to rise through the ranks. We’ve all had to do our share of the heavy work; I have the calluses to prove it.”
“I love it, really,” William admitted.
“Yes, it’s been a pleasure to hear the sea once more as I did at the start of my visit to Lyme and, when I’m finally able to leave this room, I hope to see it before I leave the area.”
“Are you leaving soon?” William asked.
“I’m not sure; it depends on Doctor Johnson. For once I’m doing as I’m bid.”
“That’s definitely a first!” Anthony laughed.
“Don’t you just love brothers?” Alexander asked drily.
“With seven of my own, I completely sympathise.”
“How is your sister?” Alexander had not known how to bring Amelia into the conversation, but Anthony had inadvertently given him the perfect opening.
William faltered a little. “She is well, thank you.”
Alexander had picked up on William’s hesitation. “Is there something amiss, Mr Basingstoke?” He watched William intently. Not having full vision made it easy to miss expressions, so Alexander was learning to watch very carefully when speaking to someone.
“No! She is not ailing I assure you, s-she is just a little quiet at the moment. If I’m being truthful I would’ve liked to stay at home longer. There is a ball on Twelfth Night at the Assembly Rooms in Lyme. I should have liked to accompany my sister to force her to enjoy herself, but duty calls, and I cannot.”
“Are all your other brothers away from home?”
“They’ve all returned to their own lives. Mother and father will be attending the assembly; it’s the highlight of the social calendar around here, but my sister will attend my mother without one of us there to force her into enjoying herself,” William replied honestly. He was worried about his sister, but did not wish to say anything that would break any confidences.
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