Forever Touched

by Lilly Wilde

  “Let’s take a look,” Dr. Burgess replied. “Aria, can you step outside?”

  “I’m staying.”

  Obviously sensing my resistance, he turned back to Aiden.

  “Did the tests show any abnormalities?” Aiden asked.

  “None at all. There was some initial swelling, but we monitored it very closely, in case a need for surgery presented itself,” the doctor replied. “This is sometimes a side effect of the swelling. There’s no reason for alarm at this point. Let’s give it a couple of days. We can also start physical therapy to help get the circulation back in your lower extremities. I want to run a few more tests just to be sure, but I don’t anticipate anything that will delay your recovery.”

  Dr. Burgess conducted a muscle strength and sensory test, but Aiden didn’t feel any of the taps or pinches. And despite the comfort of the doctor’s words, the alarm on Aiden’s face remained.

  “Any history of traumatic injury or spinal cord issues?” the doctor asked.

  “No,” Aiden said.

  “These preliminary tests don’t really mean much in cases like these, but there’s an absence of sensory and motor function in the lower extremities and a mild loss of muscle tone.”

  “You don’t look worried,” Aiden said.

  “As I told Mrs. Raine, this is often the side effect of swelling. I don’t see it being any more than that, but I want to run a few other tests, just to set our minds at ease.”

  Aiden nodded and glanced at me.

  I gave him an encouraging smile.

  “Nurse, we’ll need a complete health history on the patient,” Dr. Burgess said. “And let’s get more x-rays and schedule another CT scan, a CBC, a rectal exam, and a lumbar puncture.”

  “What are you looking for?” Aiden asked.

  “If there’s a problem, the neurological exam may reveal spinal cord damage and localize the level of injury,” the doctor replied. “Although I think it’s highly unlikely. As I said, I want to rule out everything just to be sure.”

  Once the doctor left, I asked, “Why would he request a rectal exam?”

  “To check the motor function of the anal musculature.”

  “I don’t follow,” I said.

  “He’s checking to see if my bladder and sphincter muscles are affected. If they are, it could result in a loss of bladder and rectal function.”

  “Oh,” I said.

  “Don’t worry. As he said, he’s just ruling everything out.”

  “And the lumbar puncture?” I asked.

  “Have you ever heard of a spinal tap?”

  “I think so, but I don’t remember the purpose,” I said.

  “It’s a procedure used to help rule out infection. They’ll use a hollow needle to take fluid from the spine in my lower back.”

  I grimaced.

  A hint of a smile traced his lips. “It’s okay.”

  “You don’t seem worried, so that’s a good sign,” I said.

  “I was initially, but I can read people pretty well. The doctor didn’t seem to think it was anything beyond a delayed recovery time. I can deal with that.”

  “In that case, I can, too,” I said, letting out a breath.

  He frowned. “I can’t believe I was in a coma for nearly two weeks,” he said, staring blankly in front of him. “I hate I missed that much time with you and Lyric.”

  “We’re fine. Especially now,” I said. “You’re back with us.”

  “As much as I don’t want to be away from you right now, I think you should go home and get some rest.”

  “No,” I said. “I’m fine.”

  “Just for a few hours. Spend some time with Lyric. Tell him that his dad will be home soon,” Aiden said.

  “I don’t want to leave you.”

  “I know you don’t. But I’d feel much better if you gave yourself a break.”

  “Okay, but only for a little while. Can I bring some things from home for you?”

  He glanced around the room and smiled. “Looks like you’ve taken care of everything.”

  “If you think of anything else, just call me. Your phone is charged,” I said, grabbing it from my purse and powering it on. “And I’m sure you want to confer with Benjamin so he can help draft a statement for the press,” I added.

  “Look at you,” he said, a wide smile spreading across his lips.

  “What?”

  “You’re a little powerhouse,” he said. “Do you know that?”

  “I have to be to keep up with someone like you.”

  “You always were,” he said. “I knew it the moment I met you. Now the entire world will know it, too.”

  “I’m off,” I said and gave him a kiss. “Here’s your shaving kit, a towel, and some water.” I rolled the bed table across him. “Are you sure you don’t need anything else before I go?”

  “I’m positive.”

  “I’ll have Benjamin bring your lunch,” I said. “You don’t want the stuff they call food.”

  “Thanks, babe. And make sure you have security with you. I don’t want the press harassing you.”

  “Brody and a few of the other guys are right outside,” I said. “I’ll see you in a bit.” I hated to leave him, but I actually did need some time to myself to really breathe. I’d been tied up in knots since the accident, and waiting on him to wake up had been hell.

  Tristan had taken a room near the hospital in case I needed anything. He’d also been there just to keep me company on the nights when the family wasn’t around. I sent him a quick text on my way to the nurse’s station asking that he meet me at the house in about an hour. Connie, Aiden’s nurse, looked up as I approached her.

  “It’s great Mr. Raine’s awake,” she said.

  “Yes, it is. Can you keep a close eye on him? I’m leaving for a while, but I’ll be back in a few hours.” I pulled my card from my bag and passed it to her. “Call me if he needs anything or if anything changes in his condition.”

  “Of course,” she said.

  Two of the security detail stayed with me as the other two went for the SUV.

  *****

  The feeling remained absent in Aiden’s legs. The doctors were at a loss, and since there was nothing more they could do, Aiden’s only prescription was physical therapy and positive thinking. As usual, my husband was already one step ahead. Wanting only the best, he’d procured a therapist who was the top in his field, Kevin Rawls. Kevin initially declined the assignment, but upon learning the identity of the patient, he cleared his schedule with plans to arrive in Boston in as little as four days. In the interim, he’d sent his assistant Lauren Wiley to initiate a management plan for Aiden’s rehabilitation.

  Lauren was a bubbly personality, always smiling and encouraging as she worked through the range of motion exercises with Aiden. She was also quite meticulous, explaining how each stretch would prep him for the next phase of Kevin’s therapeutic regimen. Although Aiden still exhibited a small degree of calm during the process, I saw the impatience rearing its head.

  Two days later, Aiden was released from the hospital, but not before being fitted for a wheel chair. And that was the point at which Aiden’s semblance of optimism disintegrated. Something within him shattered right before my eyes.

  The first couple of days back home were strangely atypical. Instead of enjoying our reunion as a family, Aiden became increasingly ornery and focused—shutting himself off from anything that wasn’t related to medical journals, specialist consultations, and physical therapy. He barely accepted assistance with anything, at least not from me. With the exception of my bringing Lyric to him for father-son time, he’d all but rendered me useless.

  I offered to fluff his pillows, help him dress, bring him water, get him into the wheelchair, anything at all … but with each offer, he became less receptive. I understood it was an adjustment, one that would take a toll on anyone in the same condition, so I wanted to respect his need to remain independent. He had my unwavering support, even if he wasn’t in
a place to accept it.

  He’d been up all night. He looked tired.

  “Aiden, you can’t …”

  “Can’t what? Figure out what these quacks are missing?” he asked, looking up at me, his emerald eyes sparkling with a renewed determination.

  “I made breakfast,” I said, offering him the tray of bacon, eggs and toast.

  “You didn’t have to do that,” Aiden said.

  “I know I didn’t have to, silly. I wanted to.”

  “You shouldn’t have, because I’m not hungry,” he said, and returned his gaze to the journal.

  “Oh,” I said. “I just figured since today was Dianna’s day off, I’d help out.”

  “No, I’m fine.”

  “What about coffee or juice?”

  “I don’t need anything, Aria. Why don’t you go to the office? Dianna’s only taking a half day and Anja will be arriving this afternoon.”

  “Anja? Since when?”

  “Since I asked Brooklyn to contact her.”

  “Are you referring to Anja Schmidt?” I asked. “The nurse you’d hired as one of Lyric’s nannies?”

  “One in the same. Is there a problem?” he asked, finally looking up at me.

  “Why did you request her?” Aiden knew I had an issue with that woman.

  “I didn’t want to bring yet another stranger into our home. It’s best if we use someone who’s already familiar with us, especially Lyric.”

  “Why am I just hearing about this?”

  “It’s no big deal, Aria. Just a precautionary measure. I don’t need articles popping up in the papers, and I trust Anja to respect our privacy. She maintained our confidentiality in the past. I trust she’ll do the same in this case.”

  “What’s so special about that? She’s a professional—that should come with the territory.”

  “It should, but we both know that isn’t always the case, especially regarding high-profile families such as ours.”

  “Yeah, I guess.” I let out a sigh. And what exactly had he hired her to do that I couldn’t? I didn’t need a nursing degree to do the same things I’d been doing since the accident. Perhaps he felt more comfortable with someone who wasn’t as emotionally vested in his recovery. I guess I could go along with that—not that he’d given me much choice. And given his condition, I didn’t want to argue.

  “Are you okay?” he asked.

  “Peachy.” Was I jealous? No. I knew I was the only woman for Aiden. But that didn’t mean I wasn’t bothered. He could have hired any number of nurses to work for him. Yet he hired the one he knew would get under my skin. Why had he done this, and why had he sprung it on me out of nowhere? He wanted to send me a message. He didn’t want my help. He wanted me as far away from him as possible while he was in this condition. But why? Did he think I couldn’t handle it?

  Or maybe it was that he couldn’t handle it, and he didn’t want me to see him in his condition.

  “Go to work, Aria,” he said. “Give yourself a break.”

  “Who says I need one?”

  “You need something to occupy your mind.”

  “Are you trying to get rid of me?”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “You didn’t have to.”

  “I think it will do us both some good.”

  “But what if you need something?”

  “I have help if I need it. Go to work. Knowing I don’t have to worry about you along with everything else will take a load off.”

  Is that how he viewed me? As a worry? “Fine,” I eventually replied. “I’ll go in for a few hours. I guess I should leave the food here in case you change your mind. I programmed this button that calls Dianna if you need anything,” I said, pointing to the key on the remote that controlled the drapes, lighting and sound system.

  “I don’t need you to do things like that for me, Aria. I can do it myself.”

  “I was just trying to help,” I said. “I’m sorry.”

  He turned back to his reading.

  “Do you need anything before I go?”

  “No,” he said.

  “Well, okay. I’ll leave as soon as I get dressed, but your phone is on the bedside table and you can call at any time.”

  “Aria, I always have. I don’t need you to tell me that.”

  I walked over and leaned in to give him a kiss. He didn’t turn his face toward me, so I kissed his cheek. “I love you,” I said.

  It was as if I hadn’t said a word. He didn’t respond to my kiss or to my sentiment.

  I stood there, looking down at him until he cleared his throat. My heart clenched as I stepped away and walked out of the room. Just as I crossed the threshold, he asked, “Can you close the door?”

  “Sure,” I said in a quiet voice.

  I drew in a deep breath and slowly exhaled my emotions. I didn’t understand what was happening or how to make anything better for him.

  Chapter Seventeen

  I’d thought the light of a new day might give us both a fresh perspective, but my hopes were dashed as soon as I encountered Aiden in the mock therapy room. It was a new day all right, but it was just an extension of the previous day. Aiden wasn’t callous or inconsiderate; he was just different. It was almost as if he resented me. If I hadn’t known better, I would have thought he didn’t want me around at all.

  And for all intents and purposes, I wasn’t there as his wife—I was just an onlooker, sitting by as he accepted the assistance of others. Anja’s arrival left little for me to do, and I didn’t like that in the least. But how could I possibly object to someone helping him?

  I sat on the edge of the weight bench watching as Aiden slid on the lifting gloves. “I’m trying my damnedest to be what you need, but it’s like you wish I was anywhere but here,” I said.

  “Is that what you think?” he asked.

  I shrugged. “I don’t know what to think at this point.”

  “There’s not a minute in a day that I don’t realize how lucky I am that I get to love you.” He reached for me, and I stepped closer, placing my hand in his.

  “Then what’s wrong? What am I not doing?”

  “You’re doing everything right. It’s me. This has nothing to do with you.”

  “Are you going to let me help?” I squeezed his hand gently.

  “Knowing I have your love is all I need.”

  “You’re not answering my question.”

  “I just did.” He released my hand and pushed away from me.

  No matter what, he planned to keep me at arm’s length. And that hurt. Of course, I couldn’t make Aiden’s recovery about me, but did he not realize how his continued rejection was making me feel?

  On the previous day, he’d all but pushed me out of the house. Today it was the same thing. To make things easier, I’d agreed, but now I was second-guessing that decision. My place was here, with him. But if he didn’t want that, what was I to do? Force something on him that he obviously didn’t want?

  I was sitting at the foot of the stairs, my head on my knees, sobbing into my sleeve, when I felt the touch of a hand on my shoulder.

  “It’s going to be okay, Aria,” Dianna said. “He just needs time.”

  “I’m doing everything wrong,” I sniffed.

  “It’s not you. It’s the circumstances, and quite frankly, it’s Aiden. Can you imagine someone like him coming to terms with his condition, temporary or not? He’s always relied on one person—himself—and now he’s dependent on others. He’s going to have to work through this.”

  “I know you’re right, but it’s hard,” I said. “He’s barely eating. He’s not sleeping. He’s angry—and I get that—but it feels like he’s angry with me.”

  “I’ll speak with him, make sure he eats something and that he gets some rest.”

  “Thank you, Dianna. He wants me to go to work, but I don’t want to leave him. He says if I stay it will only place more pressure on him. I don’t understand how I’m doing that. How am I pressuring him?”
<
br />   Dianna pursed her lips and looked at me with sympathetic eyes. “Go to work for a while. Give yourself a break from all this.”

  “I told him I would,” I said, thinking it might do me good to get some fresh air. “Maybe you’re both right. But promise you’ll call me every hour and let me know how he is—or if he needs me.”

  “Of course I will. Now go freshen up and get out of here for a while.”

  I doubted Aiden would need me for anything—and if he did, I doubted he’d admit it. If he wasn’t back to himself soon, our first months of marriage would be nothing like either of us had expected.

  Aiden’s parents had gone back to Chicago to give him a chance to get settled. They’d planned to return to Boston later today, but I questioned the wisdom of that decision. How would he respond to having them around? I guess we’d soon find out. For the time being, I’d do what he asked and go to the office.

  *****

  Sitting at my desk, Andrea across from me patiently awaiting my instructions, I read an email from Stephanie for the fourth time. She’d made some additions to one author’s book tour. As I read it, trying to figure out why I had been cc’d on the correspondence, I was again sidetracked by thoughts of Aiden.

  Coming to the office had been a mistake, and I’d known it even before I’d left the house. Every time I tried to work on something, I found myself wondering how Aiden was doing. Had he eaten yet? Was he in a better mood? Why was he dead set against my helping him? And my last thought was of Anja Schmidt. For a second time, I was living under the same roof as that woman. Aiden had hired her again as a means of putting distance between him and me.

  Turning my attention toward the files on my desk, I frowned at the memo on top of the heap. How had it landed on my desk for approval?

  “Andrea, check with legal on those two pending contracts for the young adult imprint.” I passed the piece of paper to her.

  “Yes, ma’am,” she said, tapping a note on her tablet.

  “If everything’s been signed, sealed and delivered for the Edward Roberts and Dora Foucault submissions, please let Raina know she has the go-ahead to offer the deal we discussed.”