Forever Touched

by Lilly Wilde

  “What are you saying?”

  “That I never should have conformed to my parents’ values.”

  Of course, I might never have met Aiden if he hadn’t done that—had he not invented a second identity.

  “You know, this situation serves as yet another reminder of why I have to be a better parent to Lyric than my father was to me. I know Lyric will make mistakes, and I will also in raising him, but he’ll never have to be someone he doesn’t choose to be.”

  I was relieved to hear him speak of the future—to not dwell on the misfortune of his current condition.

  “I kick my ass every day,” Aiden said. “I open my eyes each morning and I’m immediately reminded of the fact that I can’t walk. That I played a part in this outcome.”

  “Don’t say that. This is all Nadia. It has nothing to do with you. She’s obsessed, and I actually think any number of things could have flipped her crazy switch. If it hadn’t been you or the abortion, it would have been something else. She had mental issues that stemmed farther back than you.”

  Aiden kissed my hair. “I know. I realize that now.”

  “Good,” I said. I was relieved that at the very least, he wouldn’t carry that guilt around with him anymore. He’d tried to help a person he considered a friend. A person he thought he’d somehow wronged, but when someone is suffering from mental issues, no one is to blame for what is already chemically there. And that was the case for Nadia. Did that make me feel less violent towards her? No. She’d taken away something from Aiden and me—something we’d never get back.

  Chapter Twenty

  I was wary of what the morning would bring, but as it turned out, there wasn’t a need to be. Aiden was still riding whatever high he’d been on yesterday. I didn’t want it to end, so I planned to forego the office and stay home. When I told Aiden, he seemed rather happy that I’d be spending the entire day with him.

  We talked over breakfast, our conversations a mix of business and casual jokes. It was as if we’d opened a door and stepped back into our normal. We were once again the newlyweds who wanted every minute filled with nothing but each other.

  After breakfast, I suggested a trip to the park, and without the slightest hesitation, Aiden said yes. I was shocked he’d agreed so easily, considering his dogmatic position on avoiding the press, but since he was on board, I hurriedly packed a lunch before he changed his mind. The caveat: Aiden would only go if the security team could accompany us. I wanted our privacy, but Aiden assured me they would keep a respectful distance. I couldn’t wait until the day when the need for a team of strangers following us was gone.

  Once loaded into the SUV, we were driven to Boston Common. I’d watched Aiden, looking for any signs of unease at being lifted and assisted into the vehicle, but there was nothing. He was doing well, and he was looking at me like I was the only woman in the world. Obviously, he’d been more encouraged by that twinge than he’d let on … which was fine with me. I preferred this Aiden a hundred times over as compared to the one who’d lashed out a few days ago.

  At the park, I’d asked Scott to arrange a private ride on the Swan Boats for Aiden, Lyric and I. We enjoyed our short boat ride, the baby looking and listening as Aiden pointed out the sky, trees, birds, and of course, the swans. Aiden repeated the word “swan” over and over to Lyric, but he wouldn’t say it.

  Afterwards we returned to a quiet, almost secluded area to enjoy our lunch. I placed a blanket on the ground for Lyric to roam around. He’d crawl to the edge and I’d pull him back. Then he’d stand, take a few steps, fall and crawl to the edge again. When he spotted a squirrel, he started towards it, but when it stopped and then suddenly raced toward him, he started to cry.

  Aiden laughed.

  “That’s not funny. I’m sure that frightened him,” I said, bouncing Lyric in my arms. It was kind of funny, though. Lyric probably thought of the squirrel as one of his stuffed animals, and hadn’t expected this one to start bobbing and weaving like that.

  Our last stop was to the Public Garden Lagoon to visit the resident swans, Romeo and Juliet. Aiden tried again to get Lyric to say “swan,” and he finally did, but it came out sounding like “sun.”

  Following a few feet behind us were Scott and his guys. And as Aiden promised, they stayed some distance away but I was still overly conscious of their proximity. I looked over my shoulder, hoping they had fallen a few steps back, only to see a mob closing in on us.

  “Reporters,” I said.

  Aiden spun around in the wheelchair. “My wife, my son. Get them out of here.”

  “Yes, sir,” said Scott.

  “We’re fine,” I said.

  “Get them home,” Aiden ordered.

  Scott spoke into his headset, instructing the two other body guards on where to meet us.

  I looked down at Aiden. “What about you?”

  “I’ll be right behind you,” he said.

  Could we not have anything that resembled a normal life? I lifted Lyric from Aiden’s lap, and as expected, he cried out for his dad. One of the other security guys came into view, ushering us away from the reporters and bringing our perfect day to an end.

  “Find out who those reporters are,” Aiden said. “I want names, and I want to know who they work for. They won’t have jobs tomorrow.”

  “Consider it done,” Scott said.

  Lyric and I were hauled off in one of the SUVs while Aiden went to the other. Why did this have to happen? Why today of all days? Everything had been falling back into place, and I hoped like hell this wouldn’t set us back. I noticed the way Aiden looked at me as the reporters hurled out questions about his condition.

  He was going to revert to distant mode, I just knew it.

  *****

  As soon as Aiden arrived, I sensed the change. I’d been right; he was going to pull away again.

  “I’m sorry our afternoon was interrupted.” I tried to keep my voice level and not show too much emotion.

  “It’s not your fault,” he said.

  “We can do something here. We didn’t get a chance to watch that movie last night. Let’s do that.”

  “I’m not really in the mood for a movie.”

  “Okay, so what would you like to do?” I asked.

  “I have a few calls to make.”

  “So our day’s over?” I asked, unable to disguise my disappointment.

  “I’m afraid so.”

  “We can’t let those idiot reporters dictate our lives.”

  Aiden rolled to the table. “Those idiot reporters reminded me that I can’t take care of my family.”

  “That’s not true. You shouldn’t think like that.”

  “I had to call my staff to protect you and my son. Taking care of you is my responsibility—not theirs.”

  “I don’t want to talk about this,” I said. “It’s ridiculous.”

  “It’s our reality.”

  I took a seat, joining Aiden at the table. “Only if we choose it, and we won’t.” I grasped his hand. “Can you give me this day, please? I need this, Aiden.”

  He looked at me, the hardness of his gaze softening as he assessed the pleading in my eyes. “What would you like?”

  “Last night was nice. Can we do that? I just want to be in your arms,” I said.

  “Come here.”

  I stood and he pulled me into his lap. “I love you,” he said.

  “I love you more, you silly man.”

  “Give me a couple of hours to handle some things, and I’ll meet you in the bedroom. Okay?”

  “Why can’t you come now?” I asked.

  “Because I can’t. Now go,” he said. “Take a bath. Relax. And I’ll be up before you know it.”

  I leaned in and placed my lips on his.

  He turned away. “Aria. Don’t.”

  “Why?”

  “Do you want me upstairs or not?” he asked. “The longer you keep me in this spot, the longer it will be before I can join you.”

  “Fine.
” I let out a sigh as I stood and headed upstairs.

  *****

  Aiden was already in bed when I stepped out of the bathroom. I’d half-expected him to have finagled his way out of spending this time with me. Maybe my Aiden was trying to come back, the one who couldn’t refuse me anything. The one who knew we needed these special moments together.

  “Nice bath?” he asked, as I slid in bed beside him.

  “Yes. Did you finish your calls?”

  “For the most part,” he said, motioning for me to lie on his chest. “But I didn’t want to keep you waiting, so I’ll finish up tomorrow.” He pulled me closer and pressed his lips to my hair.

  I didn’t want to talk about work. I wanted him to explain the reaction he’d had earlier in the kitchen. “Why didn’t you want to kiss me?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s like you think I have the plague or something,” I said sitting up and looking at him.

  His jaws flexed and he swallowed the irritation I knew my question would cause. “Aria, I love kissing you.”

  “Then do it now,” I said, moving my body over his, straddling him. “Kiss me.”

  “Why are you doing this?” he asked.

  “Show me how much you love kissing me.”

  When he didn’t move, I reached for his hands, placing them on either side of my face. “Kiss me, Aiden.”

  I stared at his handsome face, knowing that he, too, understood the poignancy of this moment. That it wasn’t just a matter of my need; that he needed this as badly as I did. With his hands still framing my face, he pulled me toward him and our lips finally touched. He was gentle, his mouth caressing mine with the warmth and tenderness that extended beyond the lips and tongues. It was a restoration of our connection. It was a reminder of our commitment to never lose us in the midst of our hardships.

  As he pulled away, I lowered my head, meeting the skin of his neck with sweet, chaste kisses. He’d given me what I asked, what I needed and I wanted to do the same for him. I wanted him to know that my love and desire for him was unending. The absence of his ability to walk would never touch that.

  “Aria, no,” he whispered, his hands grasping my wrists.

  “Please,” I replied, moving down his chest and placing a trail of kisses across his abdomen. “Let me give this to you.” My tongue snaked lower, reaching his happy trail.

  His hold loosened and my hand slipped from his, drawing his penis from his pajama bottoms and moving it across my lips.

  “I’ve missed you … missed this,” I said, and took him into my mouth.

  As I traced my tongue along the wide crown, his cock stiffened. Wanting more, I sheathed his length, taking him whole and moaning around him as I took him deeper. His breath caught and then his hands were on my head, guiding my strokes. It wasn’t long before he had a full hard-on and was pulsing in my mouth. His release was near. I sucked harder, but the harder I sucked, the less pronounced were the throbs that alerted me to his climax.

  Pulling him from my mouth, I masked his dick with the wetness of my saliva and then slid him between my lips. Within a few deep strokes, his dick was again pulsing at a steady rhythm.

  Just when I thought he was letting go, his length contracted and the throbs all but disappeared.

  “Shit,” he grunted, wanting to come, wanting to shoot his seed into my mouth. And then his cock did something I never imagined possible … as I stroked him, faster and faster, his hardness faded.

  “Aria. Stop,” he said.

  This couldn’t be happening. Not to Aiden, not to us. I was determined to give this to him. He needed this. Hell, I needed it, too. So I didn’t stop. Instead I withdrew his cock from my mouth and lavished his balls with my attention. My tongue glided across the skin of his sack while my hand worked his shaft. He started to harden again, and I slid his thick cock into my mouth, blowing him as my fingers massaged his balls. When it felt as though he was about to come, he hissed and then nothing. His size decreased in my mouth.

  “Damn it, Aria. I said stop. Just stop.”

  When I kept going, he pushed me away.

  “Fuck. Did you not hear me? I asked you to stop. Don’t you see this isn’t working? I can’t fucking come!”

  “Aiden, I’m s—”

  “Yeah, I know, you’re sorry. No sorrier than I am for thinking you would for once do as I ask,” he said, as he reassembled himself. He slid to the edge of the bed, reaching for his chair.

  “Aiden, you don’t have to leave. Please don’t do that.”

  “I can’t be here with you like this,” he replied.

  “Please.”

  “Don’t make this any more difficult,” he said. “Don’t make this about you.”

  “I’m not doing that!” I insisted.

  “Aren’t you? I think I’ll be more at ease if we’re in separate beds,” he said.

  “I get it, I’m crowding you. I’ll stop. I can sleep further on this side of the bed,” I said, as I moved away from him.

  “No, that’s not it.”

  “Then I don’t understand,” I said.

  “It’s just for a while.”

  “You don’t have to move to another bed,” I said.

  “It’s what we both need. And to be honest, I’ll be more comfortable if we slept separately.”

  “Well … okay, but does it have to be tonight?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do you want me to help you get settled in one of the spare bedrooms?”

  “No,” he said. His eyes didn’t meet mine—they were downcast, almost as if he were ashamed.

  “Goodnight, Aiden. If you need anything—”

  “I won’t,” he said, cutting me off. “I told you I’d let you know when I needed help.”

  “What about random acts of kindness? Am I not allowed that, either?”

  He didn’t reply and I didn’t know what else to say. It was like I’d lost another piece of him in the span of five minutes. I sat, helpless, as Aiden unlocked the wheels of his chair and then rolled away from me.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Sleep escaped me. My mind refused to shut off, falling into one worry after another … about pretty much everything. And those worries led to the fear of an outcome I could never accept.

  When I did manage to drift off, nightmares pulled me to consciousness. Every image was of Aiden, and each one changed over time. He was older. I was older. And even then, Aiden was still in his wheelchair. Was he right? Would he not ever walk again? Would he push me away, regardless of how badly I wanted to stay? Would this be the end of us?

  I couldn’t stand the questions or the images. I wanted to forget. I wanted to go back to a few short weeks ago when everything was perfect. Hopping out of bed, I ventured downstairs to the kitchen thinking a cup of chamomile tea was the only remedy for the night. I took small sips of the comforting beverage as I sat at my piano, playing the tune Aiden had sung to me on our wedding night. Since our arrival from Italy, I’d been practicing with my former piano instructor Vincent in secret, planning to surprise Aiden with my attempt to mimic his precision and skill. Maybe one day soon, I’d have the chance to let him hear it.

  On my way back up, I wondered which room Aiden had moved to. When I saw a light underneath the door on the third floor, I headed in that direction. Standing outside the room, my fingers curved around the door knob. I paused to consider what I’d encounter if I were to open it. It would be more of the same and neither of us needed that. It was probably best to let tonight go, to let Aiden have some time. I wanted to be close to him, but he wanted the exact opposite. This was killing me. I released the doorknob, and with a dejected spirit, I crept back to my bedroom.

  *****

  After two cups of tea, I drifted into a full night of restful slumber. I actually slept until after ten the next morning. I was sure the extra sleep had less to do with the tea and more to do with my anxiety. Stress had been my constant comp
anion for weeks now, and my body was compensating.

  As I turned over in bed, my palm landed on Aiden’s pillow, and the memories of the night before came barreling at me. The sense of calm I’d woken up with was replaced with a sadness that threatened to overwhelm my morning. I didn’t think I could stand another day of discord, and I couldn’t let Aiden see how this was affecting me; it would only add more fuel to his accusations. Instead of starting my day with him, I started it with the center of my life—baby Lyric. He was in his playpen occupying himself with his favorite toys as Dianna tidied his room. After some rather serious conversation with Lyric and his stuffed animals, I carried my big boy downstairs for breakfast. After he’d finished, I prepared something for Aiden and me, hoping he would be eager to move past the silly impulses of last night.

  I found him in the billiards room, lying on a padded table and working on the exercises Kevin had assigned.

  “I told Dianna I wasn’t hungry,” he said, looking up at me.

  “A good morning would be nice,” I said. “I brought this up just in case.”

  “Good morning, Aria,” he said. “Now, please take it back.”

  “But Aiden—”

  “Take it back. I can get my own damned food.”

  I wouldn’t do this. Not again. I set the tray on the table and started out of the room.

  “Last night. What you did,” he said. “That can’t happen again.”

  I spun around to face him. “So I can’t touch you? Is that what you’re saying?”

  He sat up on the table. “I can’t give you what you need, Aria.”

  “Have you even taken the time to ask me what I need?”

  He dismissed my question. “Don’t you want to be close to me? Like we were?”

  “You don’t have to put your dick in me for us to be intimate.”

  His eyebrows rose. “Am I supposed to believe you want a life without that?”

  “So this is about sex? Is that what you’ve reduced me to? A sex-starved woman who just has to have it? Why would you do that to us? To me? Whatever you think I want or need, you’re wrong!”

  “Even if I actually believed you’d be satisfied with a life with me in this condition, I couldn’t do that to you. I couldn’t do it to myself. And the way you look at me. Why subject either of us to a lifetime of that?”