Kenzie hid her grin behind her cup of tea while Tate coughed to mask his chuckle.
“Well, what are you going to do?” Tate pushed a plate of Kenzie’s special gingerbread bars Cort’s direction.
“I don’t have a clue, but leaving isn’t an option I want to consider. Although, if things get any more tense over there, I might beg and plead to camp out with you guys for a while. That way, I can still do the chores without staying in the house.” Cort didn’t like the idea of being away from Kaley or Jacob. However, the time around them since they returned from Vegas had been anything but pleasant.
“You’re welcome to stay anytime. That goes without saying, Cort.” Kenzie patted his brawny shoulder. “However, I will warn you, my family is coming for Christmas. The twins are so excited at the prospect of seeing you.”
Cort smiled as he thought of Kenzie’s twin sisters. The two teenagers had a huge crush on him and practically fell all over themselves whenever he spoke to them. It was hard to handle too much of their undivided attention, for even a brief period.
“I’ll save coming over here to stay as a last resort. I wouldn’t want your sisters to be too distracted from Christmas by my effervescent personality and astounding good looks.” Cort’s teasing tone made Tate and Kenzie smile. He felt better than he had since the day Kaley pushed him away for a second time.
“Don’t forget your humble attitude and modesty.” Tate rolled his eyes at his friend.
“Me play, Mama?” Gideon asked, wanting down from his highchair.
“Sure, Gid. You go play with your toys.” Kenzie washed his face and hands before setting him on his feet. She gave his bottom a playful swat as he ran toward the family room and his toys.
Gideon soon returned, clutching a stuffed horse in his hand. “Tort play wif me?”
“What are we playing, little man?” Cort stood up from the table and followed Gideon to the family room, glad for any distraction from his worries over Kaley and Jacob.
Kaley watched Cort drive off as she vacuumed the floor in the living room. Normally, he let her know if he planned to be gone, especially this close to lunch. Mentally shaking herself, she tried to put him from her mind, but found she couldn’t snatch her thoughts away from the man.
After her confession the other night, she’d barely spoken to him.
He knew more about taking care of her ranch than she ever hoped to learn and he’d stopped asking for her daily direction weeks ago. If she had a specific request, he willingly took care of it, but as far as the day-to-day operations, the ranch was in much better hands under Cort’s capable management.
That fact, though, left them with little to discuss, sitting in painful silence during meals. His efforts at bringing up getting a Christmas tree, the program at church, and a variety of topics were met with a “yes” or “no” answer if she responded at all.
In the last few days, Jacob looked at her as if she’d lost her mind, and Kaley wondered if her son wasn’t correct.
She’d lost her mind, her heart, her very essence to Cort. No matter how much she tried to convince herself it didn’t matter, it did.
With Christmas just a week away, instead of it being a joyous, exciting time for her son, she’d turned it into a strained, tense ordeal.
Anxious, she shut off the vacuum, put it away, and went to the kitchen to make lunch. Jacob sat at the kitchen table, cutting out snowflakes. Cort showed him how the previous evening and the boy had quite a stack beside him. Since he used the blunt-edged scissors she deemed safe, the snowflakes weren’t works of art, but to her they were precious.
“Hey, when you get done with these, let’s put strings through the tops and hang them in the windows. How does that sound?”
With a lack of enthusiasm, Jacob nodded his head. He set down the scissors and paper he’d been cutting, pushing a snowflake her direction.
The heart and diamond pattern was far too complex for Jacob to have made. The snowflake was one Cort cut for her son.
“It’s pretty, isn’t it?” She held it up so the sunbeams streaming through the window shined through the paper. Light filled the holes with a golden glow.
A sigh escaped her, wishing the holes in her heart were as easy to fill.
“Shall we eat some lunch?” she asked Jacob, placing the snowflake back on his pile.
He shrugged his shoulders and resumed cutting a snowflake.
Kaley heated leftover stew and poured glasses of milk then had Jacob join her at the counter. He climbed on a barstool, waiting for her to give thanks for their meal. She hoped he didn’t notice when her voice caught and she quickly finished the simple prayer.
Jacob played with his food and drank part of the milk. Kaley handed him a cookie in hopes it would interest him, but he only took one bite before setting it back on his plate. The little notepad he kept in his pocket appeared on the counter. The one word he wrote made her heart ache.
Cort
“I don’t know where he is. He left a while ago.” Fearful, she didn’t want to admit his leaving had her plenty worried, too. She could always find someone to do the chores, but she would miss Cort if he left them. Miss him more than she’d ever missed anyone.
Jacob hurried to write something else and slid the notepad to Kaley. Stunned by her son’s question, she sucked in a gulp of air.
Can Cort be my dad?
Kaley picked up Jacob and settled him on her lap. As she rocked back and forth, holding him close, she kissed the top of his head. “Oh, baby, I know you love Cort and he loves you, too, but he can’t be your dad.”
A questioning gaze met the hurt in her eyes.
“Why? Is that what you want to know?”
Jacob nodded.
“To be your daddy, Cort would have to be my husband and that just isn’t going to work.”
Another questioning look from her son made her grapple for an explanation. She certainly couldn’t tell him she was an idiot with no control over her emotions who’d fallen in love with the most wonderful man she was ever going to meet.
“Cort has his own life to live, buddy, and we can’t tie him down here. Besides, it wasn’t so bad when it was just the two of us. You and I get along okay, don’t we?”
Jacob didn’t respond. Slowly sliding off the stool, he looked at her for the longest time with sadness filling his solemn little face before shuffling off to his bedroom, his snowflake project abandoned.
Kaley sighed, struggling with her desire to make things better for Jacob. What she needed was a miracle.
After clearing away the lunch dishes and the little bits of paper from Jacob’s snowflakes, she retrieved a spool of silver thread from her craft room. Carefully, she tied strings to each snowflake.
When Jacob decided to come out of his room, she’d help him hang them in the windows.
Desperate for something to occupy her mind and hands, Kaley put a roast on to slow-cook for dinner, made a batch of chocolate candy, and dusted the living room. As she swept the front porch, she watched Kenzie park at the end of the walk.
“Hey, neighbor,” Kenzie called, carrying a plate wrapped in cellophane and tied with a jaunty red bow. “Long time no see.”
Kaley smiled. “Gosh, it’s been what, four days?”
“Really? Is that all? It seems like we were at the rodeo weeks ago, instead of just days.” The two women walked inside the house to the kitchen where Kaley made a cup of tea for each of them and asked Kenzie to taste the candy.
“Mmm. That’s good.” Kenzie took a second piece. “I brought over some treats I thought you might like.”
“That’s so sweet of you.” Kaley motioned for Kenzie to follow her back to the living room where they settled onto the couch for a visit.
Kenzie talked about her family coming and invited Kaley and Jacob to join them for Christmas dinner.
“You’ll have a house full of company as it is. We’ll stay home.” Aware of Kenzie’s disappointment when her family couldn’t make it for Thanksgiving b
ecause of the snow, she refused to encroach on her family time.
“No, you won’t. We insist. Besides, Gideon would love to have Jacob there. If you don’t show up, I’ll send Tate over here to get you.” Kenzie’s smile was teasing, but Kaley knew she meant what she said.
“You talked me into it, but you have to let me bring something.”
“Are you good at making pie? It would be a help if you brought a pie or a cake,” Kenzie suggested.
“I’ll bring a cake and pies, how does that sound?”
“Perfect.” Kenzie sipped her tea quietly as she looked around the living room. Impressed, her gaze landed on the coffee table, admiring the white and red jars filled with holiday candy and decorations. “These are really cute. Did you make them?”
“Yeah. It’s amazing what you can do with empty jars and spray paint.” Kaley pointed to the snowmen she’d made out of old flowerpots, explaining how easy it was to paint on the faces.
“You should seriously teach crafts. I bet some of the women around here would love to get out of the house once a month and learn something new.” Kenzie noticed the letters Kaley placed above the fireplace.
“Anyone could do what I do.” Kaley tried to brush off Kenzie’s compliments.
“No they couldn’t. Most of us don’t have the time or inclination to figure out how to make stuff. We’d much prefer someone else show us what to do. You’ve got so much talent for all things crafty, I just think you should share it with the rest of us, that’s all.”
“I’ll think about it.” Kaley wondered if Kenzie was just being nice or if other women really would like to learn crafts and quilting.
“Great. Now there’s something else you need to think about.”
“What’s that?” Kaley asked, taking a sip of her tea.
“Loving Cort.”
Kaley spewed tea across the front of her shirt and choked as what remained in her mouth went down the wrong pipe.
“Are you okay?” Kenzie handed Kaley a napkin and thumped her gently on the back.
“Why do I need to think about Cort, about loving him?” Kaley asked when she regained the ability to speak. She wanted to ask Kenzie why she thought it was any of her business, but managed to stop herself before the words left her mouth.
They must have showed on her face, though.
“Cort showed up today and told us about the conversation you had the other night. I don’t know if you heard about how I pushed Tate away and wouldn’t speak to him for months, but I almost lost him because of my stubborn pride.” Kenzie squeezed Kaley’s hand in hers. “It’s obvious you care for Cort and it’s no secret that he adores you and Jacob. Whatever happened, whatever the problem is, please consider working it out. I don’t want you to miss out on your chance for this once-in-a-lifetime love because you’ve convinced yourself of something that isn’t true.”
Kaley didn’t speak. She stared at Kenzie, blinking her eyes as she absorbed her words.
“Please, Kaley, think about it. Obviously something made you decide you can’t have a relationship with Cort, but I think the two of you belong together.”
“What happened with you and Tate?” Kaley finally asked.
“I saw him involved in a questionable situation and jumped to the worst possible conclusion. Instead of letting him explain, I refused to speak to him and ran away.” Kenzie took another sip of her tea. “At the time, I was a corporate trainer for Dew, the company I work for, and traveled all over the country. I literally ran away and managed to be gone for two months. He was traveling with the rodeo then, too. I ran into him in Vegas during the finals and agreed to talk to him after his last ride.”
“That’s when he got hurt, wasn’t it? He went home with you to recuperate, didn’t he?” Kaley asked, recalling bits and pieces of the story.
“Yeah. It was hard at first since he assumed I was still mad at him and I wasn’t sure I should trust him. We worked it out, though. I’ll even tell you a secret, one even Cort doesn’t know.”
“A secret?” Surprised Kenzie would share a secret with her, Kaley realized good friends did that sort of thing.
“Although we had a big wedding in Las Vegas the following December, Tate and I got married the day after Christmas the year he got hurt.”
“You did not!”
Kenzie nodded her head, recalling the secret exchange of vows she shared with Tate. “We did! Tate proposed Christmas Day and we couldn’t bear to spend a whole year apart, waiting to wed, so we drove to Coeur d’Alene and got married the next day.”
“No way! What a great love story.” The revelation helped Kaley see her friend in a new light.
“It’s not just a story. It’s what happens when two people love each other so much that they’ll do anything to be together. If you love Cort, you’ll figure out a way to make it work.” Kenzie stood and put on her coat. “I’ve taken up enough of your time today. Your hired hand will be in for dinner soon because I just saw him head out to feed.” Kenzie gave Kaley a hug when she joined her at the door. “Just think about what I said. If you ever need to talk, about anything at all, give me a call.”
“Thank you, Kenzie, for the offer and your friendship.” Kaley walked with her out onto the porch. She waved as Kenzie started out the driveway then went back inside, contemplating what the woman shared.
As she carried the teacups to the kitchen and set them in the sink, she made note of the time. She’d need to get the rest of dinner ready soon, but first she wanted to check on Jacob.
It surprised her he didn’t come out to see Kenzie.
Quietly opening his door, she found him curled up on his bed asleep, wearing his favorite ball cap and holding a stuffed longhorn steer Cort bought him on their trip.
After pulling the quilt at the foot of his bed over him, she returned to the kitchen. Her mind jumped from one memory to another as she put together a green salad then mashed potatoes and made a pan full of gravy.
Slicing apples into a pan with butter, she added cinnamon and sugar and let them simmer while she set the table. She warmed thick slices of homemade bread left over from the previous day.
As it heated, she took a jar of homemade raspberry jam from the freezer to serve with the bread. In the midst of removing the lid, she stared at it, because it was Cort’s favorite. Four different kinds of jam sat in the freezer, but she subconsciously picked his favorite.
Kaley briefly considered sticking it back and taking out a jar of strawberry, but set it on the table with a huff.
If someone asked her what Dean’s favorite jam was, she couldn’t have said. In all the time she was married to him, he ate his food without enthusiasm and definitely without a word of appreciation.
Cort, however, seemed to enjoy each meal she prepared, complimenting her efforts, telling her things he particularly liked. Without even giving it much thought, she could rattle off ten things he loved to eat.
Frustrated, she gave the apples on the stove a stir, and tried to block out the sound of the familiar stamping of his boots at the back door before he stepped inside. Quickly removing the apples from the burner, she spooned them into a bowl and set them on the table, giving Cort a cool nod as she walked past him.
The frosty greeting chilled him as much as the dropping temperatures outside. A quick glance around the room made him wonder what she’d done with Jacob. “Where’s Jacob? I haven’t seen him all day.” He missed his little companion.
Kaley usually let her son go outside in the afternoon to run off some energy if he’d completed all his school lessons in the morning. Cort and Jacob often worked in the shop and sometimes he took the boy riding with him.
“Sleeping. He’s still worn out from the trip,” she said, setting the rest of the meal on the table.
“I’ll get him.” Without waiting for her to reply, Cort walked down the hall.
The sound of water running in the bathroom as he washed his hands trickled back to her, along with the soft rumble of his voice as he spoke to
Jacob. He returned carrying her son on one muscled arm. Jacob wore a sleepy grin with his arm thrown around Cort’s neck.
The sight of the two together made her heart trip in her chest. Confused and at odds with herself, she didn’t know what to do.
Attempts at keeping Cort away from Jacob would hurt them both. She’d already noticed in the last few days Jacob grew more quiet and sullen as he spent less time around him.
Yet, having Cort actively involved in Jacob’s life meant he’d be involved in hers as well and she just couldn’t trust herself to let that happen. She’d already proven her inability to keep focused on Jacob when she was with the handsome, charming cowboy.
She filled glasses with juice and carried them to the table, trying to quiet the discordant thoughts tumbling around in her head.
Cort offered thanks for the meal then the three of them sat in silence around the table.
Most of the food on his plate was gone when Cort gave her an appreciative smile. “Dinner is wonderful, as usual. You make the best gravy.” He helped himself to another piece of bread and slathered it with jam. “And the best raspberry jam.”
Kaley gave him a brief nod of thanks then turned her attention back to her plate.
“Whoa, partner, I think you’ve got plenty.”
Jacob spooned another big glob of jam onto his bread. Kaley reached out to her son, but Cort already put some of the jam back in the jar then helped Jacob spread the rest on his bread. “It’s good stuff, isn’t it, Jacob?”
The little boy smiled then took a bite out of his bread as Cort winked at him. It was the most animated Kaley had seen her son all day.
Unable to eat with a lump of regret lodged in her throat, she pushed food around her plate and sipped her juice. It wasn’t fair to any of them to keep on like this.
She needed to make some decisions — the sooner the better.
Chapter Nineteen
Kaley thought back to the years when she made several unbelievably bad choices as a teen and the group of kids she ran with then. One of the boys often uttered a phrase that annoyed her at the time. Now, the words played nonstop in her head.
Wrestlin' Christmas: (Sweet Western Holiday Romance) (Rodeo Romance Book 2) Page 24