by Hadena James
“It’s fine, I’ll call an ambulance,” Kenzie said, waving at me.
A few minutes later, Ivan showed up. He shook his head at me as he walked up. I shrugged in response. It hurt like hell.
“The dispatcher said mom shot someone?” He raised an eyebrow.
“Telisa thinks they were homeless men having sex in the back of the car,” I reassured him.
“Why does Telisa think that?”
“Because there were two of them.”
“Where’s the second one?”
“He ran away when mom hit the remote start. This one didn’t, mom went to check the car, saw him and shot him.”
“Ugh,” Ivan rubbed his forehead.
“Headache?”
“Yes and it has your name written on it. Is there a contract out on you?”
“Not that I’m aware of,” I told him honestly.
“Do you have any idea what this is about?”
“The universe trying to intervene on my behalf?” I answered.
“ Oh shit, mom used her gun, didn’t she?”
“Yep.”
“Is it legal?”
“Probably not.”
“How are we going to explain that?”
“Beats me, I’m not the cop trying to cover for her, I think I’d let her go to jail.”
“You just want an excuse to postpone the wedding.”
“There is that.”
“What am I going to do?” Ivan was shaking his head.
“For now, tell them she used my gun. I doubt they’ll test it. It was a good shoot.”
“I’m going to go talk to mom, see how she is.”
“Good plan, I’m going to go lean against something and look useless while wondering how we are getting home.”
“Don’t get mugged in the process.”
“No promises.”
I leaned against a cop car. They were extracting the bad guy from the trunk of mom’s car. Alex and Kenzie joined me.
“So, what is going on?” Kenzie asked.
“Beats me, I’m not a detective,” I answered.
“But you think something is going on?” Alex asked.
“Yep, I think so. Three days, three incidents, even for me that would be astronomically high odds.”
“Anything change in the last several days?” Kenzie asked.
“You guys,” I answered.
“Think this is about one of us?” Kenzie asked.
“Probably not, it probably has something to do with me, I just can’t imagine what. Maybe some wayward love interest from Zeke’s past put a contract out on me and I just don’t know about it yet.”
“That doesn’t explain yesterday,” Alex told me.
“Good point,” I frowned because I wasn’t willing to shrug again.
“Other theories?” Alex asked.
“Maybe the universe is getting revenge on mom or Ivan,” I answered.
“That’s absurd,” Kenzie grinned.
“Yep, but it’s time for my pain pill.”
“Maybe they are after your Percocet,” Alex suggested.
“That’s as crazy as the universe theory,” I told her.
“Yeah, it’s Percocet, not one of the good drugs,” Kenzie answered.
“Come on, I’m taking you lot home,” Ivan yelled at us.
“No men allowed at my house this week, except my dogs!” I yelled back.
“That’s convenient, isn’t it?” Alex grinned.
“Yes, it is. I should make it a ‘male free zone’ all the time,” I answered.
“It was, you still got shot at,” Kenzie replied.
“Your mom is going to have to hire someone to clean her car. Blood doesn’t come out easily,” Alex commented.
“I know, when do you think they’ll release it?” I asked her.
“Today, no one died and it was a good shoot,” Kenzie pushed away from the car.
“What exactly do you do again?” I teased her.
“Hey, the guy I shot in my car was my ex-husband,” Kenzie said defensively.
“Which one?” Alex giggled and started following her.
“Damn,” I pushed off the car and followed the girls and the mothers to the car.
We were at home again. The mothers were fixing a very late lunch, very early dinner. Alex and Kenzie were deciding whether we were going to watch Hotel Transylvania or The Avengers. I had no opinion on which one we watched first. I had every intention of watching both movies, plus Aliens v. Predator. We had promised Ivan we would stay in for the rest of the day while he tried to figure out what was going on. A uniformed officer had dropped the car off less than ten minutes earlier. There was still a puddle of blood in the back, but it was drying nicely into the carpet. In a few more hours, it would look like a mystery stain.
Kenzie made a comment about dogs chasing their tails at his request. He had frowned at her. Alex had seconded the comment and Ivan had frowned at her. I had kept my mouth shut and his last frown was directed at me. I wasn’t sure what I had done to earn it. I was guessing I existed.
Alex won and put in Hotel Transylvania. Kenzie made popcorn, ignoring the protests of the mothers about dinner being served soon, and the three of us finally settled down to watch the movie.
My dogs suddenly reacted to something we couldn’t hear or see. Anubis leapt from his spot in a recliner and shot down the hall. The others were quick on his heels. They weren’t barking, they were growling.
This was not a good sign. Alex and Kenzie both recognized the behavior of the dogs. Kenzie drew a gun; Alex took the stun-gun from my purse. They carefully and slowly followed. I did the same, grabbing my own Glock and tip-toeing down the hall.
Kenzie and I took point. There were shadows outside the door, reflecting on the glass window near the entry hall. Anubis and Baldur had already set to work. My doorknobs were “dog-friendly”. This wasn’t intentional, I just had smart dogs who had figured out how to open the damn things. As Anubis grabbed the handle and turned it with his massive jaws, Baldur pawed at the bottom and pulled it out.
The six of them couldn’t get out the door fast enough. They growled as they crashed through the already trashed screen door. Great Danes could be destructive if something was in their way.
Someone outside gave a shout. It was answered with a scream and a howl. I recognized the howl, it belonged to Loki. It was an alert howl, letting us know he had hold of something.
Anubis echoed him. Kenzie snuck out the front door, I followed her, Alex brought up the rear. It was still light and I could see a man. Half his body was inside my mother’s car, the other half was outside the car. Loki had a firm grip on his leg.
There wasn’t a strange car in the drive. There wasn’t a sign of another person. I let Loki hold onto the guy and dialed Ivan.
“Ok, so don’t freak out, no one has been shot,” I said instead of hello.
“Go ahead,” I could tell he was gritting his teeth through the phone.
“Loki has hold of someone who broke into mom’s car.”
“Has hold of as in he bit him or he just has him firmly clamped in his jaws?”
“Well, the guy’s gurgling and making some odd noises, so I’m guessing teeth have punctured skin.”
“I’ll send someone,” he hung up on me.
Melina and Telisa walked out.
“Is it safe?” Telisa asked.
“It is unless Alex decides to stun-gun you,” I told her.
“What is he doing?” Melina asked.
“What is in your car that people seem to want?” I turned on my mother.
“Beats me, it’s a car. I haven’t done anything with it lately.”
“Someone wants something from you, mom, think really hard.”
“Melina, have you done anything different?” Kenzie asked.
“Not really. I went to a garage sale on Friday morning, that’s where I got the blue purse. I went to the grocery store. I went to the mall in Blue Springs and then I came here. Since
then, I’ve been with you girls.”
“Fine,” I walked over to Loki. I didn’t tell him to let go. Instead, I grabbed hold of the man. He promptly tasered me. I felt the electricity surge through my body as the prongs entered my skin. As I fell to the ground, he hit the trigger again. The jerking increased, I had no control of any muscles. I wet myself and made a strangled throaty noise.
Alex hit the man with the stun-gun. Loki yelped and let go. Alex stunned him again. He stopped moving. Loki came over to me, curled up next to me. Kenzie jerked the prongs from my arm.
I heard the sirens by the time I could move again. They were distant but getting closer. I struggled to sit up and finally managed with the help of Telisa and Kenzie. Melina was lecturing the unconscious guy sprawled in her car.
“Officers, will you please search the car? This is the second time it has been broken into today and she doesn’t lock her doors. She went to the mall Friday and weird things have been happening since,” Alex informed the uniform as he got out of the car.
“Um, ok,” he looked at all of us. “Is everyone ok?”
“Define ok?” I asked him.
“Injured, bleeding, in fear of your life?”
“Then no, we are certainly not ok. The unconscious jerk tasered me. Alex stun gunned him and my dog, someone should call the vet. Then she stun gunned him again because he was still moving. I’ve been shot this week by a cop, someone tried to steal my purse, someone did steal Alex’s purse and her gun, I’ve bought four wedding dresses, one was puked on, one I couldn’t wear because I got shot, one was cut to ribbons because the fucking hoop skirt broke, but I plan to wear one of them! And now my mom’s car has been violated twice in one day. We are certainly not ok. Not by a long shot! And I’m getting married on Saturday,” I realized I was shouting and everyone was staring at me. I wanted to cry, but I didn’t.
“Oh honey, don’t worry, this won’t impact your wedding and Zeke has dated far worse than you,” Telisa told me reassuringly. “You are the first girl I’ve met that I liked. And he respects you, that is so important in a marriage.”
Other police officers were arriving on the scene. Ivan showed up. He flashed his badge, explained that he knew he was out of his jurisdiction but we were family and they let him through as a courtesy.
“Make sure they do a thorough search of mom’s car,” I told my older brother, refusing to get off the ground.
“What?” Ivan looked down at me.
“This is twice in one day that someone has gotten in mom’s car. She really needs to start locking her doors. Make sure they search it and find whatever these morons want.”
“You look like you are on the verge of hysteria,” Ivan answered.
“She’s worried Zeke won’t go through with the wedding because of all this,” Telisa tried to whisper to him. Unfortunately, she said it loud enough that everyone in my driveway heard.
“If he really loves you, this won’t matter,” one of the cops answered.
Since this was not why I was on the verge of hysterics, his comment was no help. Neither was Telisa or Ivan. I was starting to really look forward to the honeymoon. Even if the mothers packed all that weird stuff from the sex shop in my luggage.
The vet showed up while they were tearing apart my mother’s car. Loki was acting much better. The doctor looked him over and assured me that there was no permanent damage. He then talked to Alex about the effects of stun guns and how they shot electricity through everyone or everything connected to the person you were stun gunning.
I went up to my room, took another pill and climbed into bed. Alex and Kenzie could join me when everything was done. I was tired.
Tuesday
I awoke way before dawn. My stomach was churning. I rushed to the bathroom and made it just in time. I hadn’t thought about dinner when I took the Percocet. Now I was going to pay the price.
I was wondering if this week could get any worse, when Melina came into the bathroom. She wet a rag and put it on the back of my neck. She pulled my hair back into a ponytail and sat down on the edge of the bathtub.
“You really shouldn’t be taking those pain pills if you are pregnant. They could hurt the baby,” she informed me.
“I’m not pregnant mom.”
“Are you sure? You’ve been throwing up a lot lately and you’ve put on a few pounds.”
“I’ve been throwing up because of the Percocet. I have to eat when I take it, even then sometimes it still makes me sick. Stress makes it worse. Getting married is stressful. Me getting married is even more stressful. Me getting shot and having all this other crap happen the week I get married is just icing on the stress cake. And if I’ve put on weight, it’s because Zeke cooks almost every meal and I don’t exercise enough to compensate for that. Several nights a week, I used to have popcorn or potato chips, now I have meals. I was bound to gain some weight.”
“Stress will make you gain weight.”
“Yes and I have been very stressed. You know Zeke and I didn’t elope and that we are both just agreeing to this wedding because it is easier than arguing with you, right?”
“Yes, but he’s a good man and you’ll be a happy couple, so it worked out.”
I threw up again. I really wanted to stun gun her, but I was betting Alex didn’t have it upstairs. I put my head on the rim of the toilet.
“Sometimes, Nadine, a mother has to do what a mother has to do. Telisa knows too, but she agrees with me. The two of you are going to get married and have years of wedded bliss. If we left it up to the two of you, you’d just continue to be roommates until you died, alone, of old age. This is better.”
“We don’t love each other,” I protested.
“Love,” my mother made a noise. “Love is grown and earned, it isn’t a flash in the pan, a spark that ignites the first time you lay eyes on each other. You are almost 33 years old, Nadine. It is time to get married and Zeke is perfect. He comes from a good family. He’s a good man. He’ll work to make you happy.”
“I don’t believe this,” I groaned.
“Do you need anything?”
“Unfortunately, food,” I flushed the toilet.
“I’ll go downstairs and make you something,” my mother exited through one door, I went back into my room using the other.
“You are not going to believe this!” I shouted waking up both Kenzie and Alex.
“What now?” Kenzie groaned.
“Come on Nadine,” Alex moaned.
“My mother knows! Telisa knows! Yet they are still going to make us go through with the wedding.”
“I know,” Alex pulled a pillow over her head as I flipped on the lights.
“You know?” I scowled at her.
“Of course I know. Everyone knows. You just thought your mother was blind and daft. In reality, she had it set up from the moment she met Zeke. The ring just gave her an excuse to start pushing. When neither of you bothered to say boo, she went right ahead with her plans. This is no different than prom. And the best part, you’ll do it and you’ll be happy afterwards because you and Zeke are really great together,” Alex told me.
“I hate you,” I told her.
“That’s twice this week, one more time and I’ll start to believe it, I’ll get a complex,” Alex moved the pillow long enough to show me she was smiling.
“It’s three-thirty in the morning, go back to bed,” Kenzie told me.
“I can’t, I have to eat.”
“Are you pregnant?” Alex teased through the pillow.
“Don’t even joke about shit like that,” I said back.
“Well, you were tossing your cookies in the morning, sounds like morning sickness to me,” Kenzie joined in. “Maybe she should have gotten the hoop-skirted wedding dress.”
“It’s Percocet sickness and stress. I…” I spun around in a slow circle, realizing they were just poking fun of me. The entire day was off to a bad start. I was going to eat breakfast, kick the girls out of my room for being pains in the but
t and sleep all day long. Maybe for the rest of the week.
“Go eat,” Alex got up, she walked over and flipped off the light. “Your spot will be here when you get done.”
“Yeah, but yours won’t be,” I told her, walking out of the room.
“Yes it will,” she yelled at my back, “remember we are guarding you from any hanky panky this week.”
I thought about getting the stun gun while I ate. Some part of me told me that if I stunned both of them, they would pee in my bed. Since I didn’t want them to pee in my bed, I left it downstairs.
“What did they find in mom’s car?” I asked when I got back upstairs. Mom had fixed toast with peanut butter and gone back to bed by the time I had gotten downstairs.
“Good grief, really Nadine? Don’t you know not to wake sleeping women?” Kenzie groaned.
“It’s sleeping dogs and I have questions.”
“Go to bed,” Kenzie answered.
“No, wake up, we’ll talk about this, then I’ll go back to bed.”
“We might as well, she isn’t going to let up,” Alex rolled over and uncovered her face.
“She has moments when she is like her mother.”
“Oh god, I’m turning into my mother?!” I nearly shouted.
“No, you are not turning into your mother. There are just moments when you are stubborn as she is,” Kenzie reassured me.
“That is my nightmare,” I took a deep breath. “So what did they find in mom’s car?”
“Nothing, nada, zip, it was completely clean,” Alex told me.
“So, why do people keep climbing into it?”
“Because we live in a dangerous, crime-riddled city where unlocked doors are an invitation,” Kenzie answered.
“Kansas City isn’t that bad,” I responded.
“It is according to your mom. Blue Springs isn’t any better. She’s already talking about moving you and Zeke to Lexington when you start breeding,” Kenzie answered.
“I’m not breeding, ever, so I will keep my little house in the country outside the big bad city, thank you very much.”
“You have six dogs, I think that counts as six children,” Alex responded.
“Agreed,” Kenzie yawned. “So they found nothing in your mom’s car. What about it?”