I have to try and make this right but I don't know how to do this when I can’t tell him what’s really going on. I’m not worried about Dolly, Jonas will sort things out with her. How could Chris think I would do that to my best friend? Is that how he really thinks about me and he let the truth come out in a moment of anger?
The tears have been overtaken by sobbing, I need a drink. I go and retrieve my gramps’ secret stash of whisky, I know he has one and he brings a fresh bottle every time they come and stay. I start off by putting two or three fingers worth into a tumbler and knocking it back and it burns as it goes down. The slightly salty taste mixed in the flavor is my own tears and I can feel snot running from my nose so I use my sleeve as a handkerchief.
I cannot believe I read Chris so wrong, I thought he was a good guy underneath his whore ways. Clearly I was wrong and I feel such self disappointment that I fell for someone who really thinks so little of me, that I’d be capable of what he’s accusing me of. I’ve never dated multiple guys at the same time, I have no previous track record of this and his assessment of me is unjust and it hurts.
I’m still crying and the tumbler is now getting in the way, from my slumped position against the wall. I hurl it across the room to the far wall where it hits and explodes on impact. I carry on my pity party and swig the brown liquid straight from the bottle. After a while the bottle is empty, it wasn’t that full to start with but I’m still feeling drunk and woozy. My thoughts turn to nothing apart from spinning the empty bottle on the floor beside me.
I have no idea how long I’ve been in that same position when I hear, “Neely, Jesus, remember how drinking didn’t help me. This is silly.”
“Dolls dude, whatcha doin ere?” Getting the words out is a wrestle.
“Your mom called me, she’s not pleased with you right now.”
“Shiiit, I mished famlee dinner.”
“Yes, that’s why she came looking for you. She called me and said you were crying, incoherent and mumbling.”
“No drama, have alredee done famlee dinner. Chris, fuckin’ a-hole came. ‘e’s fucked me over ‘gain. Nev mind. DONE. I am done. D. U. N, wait,” I chuckle stupidly thinking about the correct spelling, “nope still can’t do it.”
“Come on sister, let’s get you up. Some water and coffee needed I think.” Dolly starts to haul my ass off the floor, fortunately she’s bigger than me so she copes easily with the task.
“There’s no me and Jo, hey rhymes. Love ya sister, would ne’er do that to you. Jo is your guy. I can’t ge’ one. Fuck. Men can fugoff.” I’m definitely not with it and mumbling as she tries to get me settled.
“Hey, enough silly chat, I won’t listen to that nonsense, even when you’re smashed. You know your guy is out there. He’s just confused at the moment. It will all work out. Christ Neely, for someone so small you’re proving tough to move, help me out a bit”
“Fabuuulass. Now I’m a fat whore, day get fuckin’ better.”
“What don’t be stupid and who called you a whore?” she asks.
“Chris, sez I disgust him and he doesn’t wanna see me ever ‘gain.” I finish by blowing my nose on the sleeve of my top.
“He didn’t say that Neely, come on girl, pull it together.”
My sobbing starts again as she scolds me, “Said he couldna ‘lieve he wanted to be wi’ me and I was a whore.”
“We’ll see about this, give me a minute to sort you out and then we’ll sort him and shit out.” I’ve made it to the bed and she’s undressing me so I can have a proper sleep. Once I’m in there she comes back with a box of tissues, a glass of water and a couple of headache pills. When she’s watched me take the pills she helps me settle down. I hear her talking on her cell phone.
“Jonas you did not tell me that he spoke bull shit and trash to her. You’ve got to convince Ross to tell Chris what’s going on. Neely is a mess and it’s not on. Alright I’ll be home tomorrow, I’m gonna stay with her. Kiss my girls for me, love you too. Bye.”
I expect her to hang up the cell phone, but she doesn’t, she starts dialing again and is tapping her finger impatiently on the back of it whilst she waits for it to be answered. “Don’t you fucking hello Dolly me Chris Hales, you’d best rethink some of the things you’ve said today,” she listens for a moment and then cuts in, “you arrogant piece of shit I’m not talking about the stuff you’ve said to Jonas. He’s my guy and we have no secrets. I’m sure you’ll feel his mood over those ridiculous fucking accusations when he’s calmed down. I’m talking about the nasty trash you said to Neely. I’ve stayed out of things for long enough, but not anymore. You do not get to treat my sister like shit, ignore her, avoid her and then call her unspeakable names. I’m going to say this once, get your facts straight, your head straight and your shit together before you lose the chance to have what you know you want.” She pauses, “I have not finished speaking, when you come to your senses you’d best pray that I can talk her into hearing you out. Now I’m going to go and attempt to sober her up and assess just how much you’ve cut her up this time.” Then she finally hangs up on him.
Listening to her defend me has made me cry again, her words and ass kicking was beautiful, I love my soul sister. I blow my nose and take some gulps of water to try and calm myself down, then turn on my side away from the door and pretend to sleep. After a few minutes I feel her tuck in behind me and get comfy as she starts to soothe me like child and whisper words of comfort in my ear.
The last thing my mind hears is her saying, “It’ll be OK, you’ll see. Remember the pain I went through to get my badass happily ever after? Yeah, I know you do. Well this is just a bump in the road sister, just a stubborn bump in the road.”
*****
Chris
No amount of beer and trying to talk myself into calming down is going to make me feel any less shitter than I do right now. If I’ve had a bad day I come home, sit on my deck and let nature bring peace to me.
For the first time ever, it’s not working.
How big of a fuck up am I? A gigantic one is the answer.
What kind of dickhead accuses a solid guy like Jonas Drakeson of shacking up with his wife’s best friend? A fucking huge dickhead, that’s who.
Those things I said to Neely were awful, a new diabolic low.
“Shit, FUCK, shit,” I shout and hurl my beer bottle across the back yard.”
I didn’t need the call from Dolly to tell me how much of a mess I’d made of things and I have absolutely no idea how I am going to put this right.
Not a fucking clue.
I have to make a start somewhere though and as I decide that I hear a vehicle pull up on my gravel driveway. I hear Polly calling my name and I’m in no mood to be civil, with a bit of luck she won’t find me.
“Chris honey, what’re you doing out here, looking like you’ve lost a dollar and found a dime?”
“What do you want Polly?”
“Can’t a girl pop round for a drink?” she asks.
“No, she can’t when that girl is you. I thought I’d made myself clear. I’m not interested, what we’ve done in the past isn’t happening again, so just go.”
“I just needed to give you one last chance to see we could be good together,” she comes over to me and runs her hands up my arms to the back of my neck and up onto my head, where she tries to pull me into a kiss with her. I don’t stop her so she thinks it’s working.
At the very last minute when she expects me to kiss her I lean into her face and say, “Get it through that empty skull of yours, this stops now. No more games or attempts to get your feet under my table. Stop. Go home and don't come back. Ever.” I look her straight in the eye and don’t feel the slightest bit of regret or guilt when her eyes well up. I don't move and neither does she until I say, “You’re still here Polly.”
She snaps out of her trance and then walks back the way she came.
I begin to breathe easier than I have for a while. At least I’ve dealt with something ri
ght today.
“Well that’s the first sensible thing you’ve done in a while,” says Jonas who comes from around the corner of the back yard onto the decking. I didn’t even know he was here, but then he was navy special forces, creeping around silently is like second nature to him.
“Your girls are fucked if they think they’re gonna sneak around you when they get older. How long have you been there?” I ask, purposely avoiding eye contact with him.
“Long enough to see the long awaited dismissal scene.”
“Jo, man, about earlier, I fucked up, I jumped to the wrong conclusion.” I start my apology or excuse and it’s a poor attempt.
“Yes. You did you stupid ass motherfucker. In the morning we’ll talk about the monumental error of judgment you made and all the other shit that’s been going on.” He’s calmer than I expected him to be and he’s standing casually with his hands in his pockets.
“Shit. I know I’ve fucked up,” I begin again.
“Do you have any idea of the state Dalton found Neely in tonight. Yeah, you do because you know what those words you said tonight would do to her. Yet you still said them. You’ve got tonight to dwell on the bullshit you spewed and then tomorrow we talk and put this right. OK?”
“OK,” I mumble back at him.
“I’m off, I’ve left my girls with Barbara because Dalton is spending the night with Neely. I’ll be back tomorrow,” and then he leaves as quietly as he came.
I had no idea how I was going to make her mine before all this, but now, I really have no fucking clue. I only hope she’ll forgive me. I can’t imagine she’ll want to have anything to do with me after this.
If friend’s is the closest I can get to her then that’s what I will have to settle for, but right now I can’t even see her wanting to be friends.
Slumping forward and dropping my head in my hands, I know I have well and truly fucked things up this time.
Chapter Fourteen
Oh.
Good.
God.
What is the matter with my head?
Why does my mouth feel like the bottom of a hen house?
Why am I sleeping in my bra and panties?
Who the hell is whispering in the kitchen?
My brain catches up to last night’s events, Chris accusing me and Jonas of cheating, him calling me a whore and telling me he never wants to see me again. Then finally me, getting comfy with gramps’ whiskey.
Yeah, that would be why I feel like shit. Lying back down, I try to listen to the voices which appear to be Dolly and my mom. I assume Dolly is the one that got me into bed, because if my mom had anything to do with it I’d have been waking up in the main house. I crawl back under the covers and listen.
“Dolly I’m worried about her. She’s been...off for a while and I know it’s got something to do with Chris. Even when you two were young and causing chaos, I never found her as drunk as she was last night.”
“I know Maiara, she’s just had a lot on her plate and needed to escape the real world for a while,” replies Dolly.
“I said some things to Chris at lunch yesterday, I hope I haven’t made things worse.” My mom sounds full of regret but what she said to Chris at lunch yesterday wasn’t that bad.
“I doubt you sparked off the nonsense he was coming out with last night but what did you say to him?”
“I told him that he wasn’t the guy I knew if he didn’t fight for something worth having. I told him that he wasn’t worthy of my daughter’s love if he carried on acting like he is at the moment. I told him...” she falters, “I told him he would only have my blessing when he proved to me he was the guy I knew him to be.”
What! When the hell did she give him that lecture? It must have been after I left the lunch disaster, clearly storming out wasn’t the best idea.
“Maiara listen, Chris is a guy who is really struggling to come to terms with his brain thinking it’s time to become a one woman guy. What you said was true, he deserved it and he needed to hear it from someone he respects and isn’t one of his guy friends. I know he feels the same as Neely, it’s just her more mature female brain was expecting him to be on the same page about twelve months ago. Chris not getting up to speed quicker has hurt her along with some of his more recent actions.”
“I wish I could help her through this,” my mom shares.
“So do I, but being there is one thing and her letting us in is another. I have a feeling we are in as much as we’re going to be, so if propping her up is the best I can do then I’m there to do it. I just hope Chris can undo what he’s done.”
“Well if he can’t, I was right, he doesn’t deserve my daughter.”
I’ve heard enough and remembering that shit all over again is bad enough but hearing my mom and soul sister discuss how hopeless I am is not helping.
“Water,” I groan, pretending I’ve just woken up.
“Hey beautiful girl how are you feeling?” Dolly asks me as she leans over the bed.
“Like getting vertical would be a bad idea,” I reply hoarsely. Mom then comes to the bed and perches on the end. She hands me a couple of headache pills and something green and sloppy looking in a glass.
“Oh no Mom, not your juice, it won’t sit right,” I complain.
“Get it down you, it’ll help I promise,” and I reluctantly take the glass and feel my face turn the same color as the stuff in the glass. “Drink,” she repeats.
I place the tablets on my tongue and then gulp. Fast. It’s disgusting and it’s made even more so because I know what’s going to happen in about an hour. This stuff is going to look just as gross on the way up. My gran and her mom before her used to experiment with herbs, plants and juices. The ones she’s just given me is a hangover cure. In reality it does nothing but make you puke shortly after you’ve drunk it, but it also empties your stomach with it. It’s only then that you feel better.
“Bleh. Can I go back to sleep now?”
“Nope,” says Dolly, “We’ve got a meeting scheduled in about an hour and a half. It’s time to bring this nonsense to an end.”
“What? No. I am not down with that,” I snap back at her.
“Relax, think of it as a business meeting. Jonas text this morning and Ross has agreed to bring Chris in on the investigation.”
“Marvelous, great news, I don’t need to be here for that, I am officially out of it remember? Forced vacation,” I tell her pointing at myself.
“Um, well everyone did think you were out of it, turns out sneaky Neely had other ideas. Anyway, Jonas says they need to meet here because anywhere else will draw to much attention and we need to make sure Ross’s cover stays intact. Him coming here to see you keeps that cover, but be warned, he is not a happy guy. My guy described his mood as electric after he caught you on your little field trip yesterday. Then when Jonas had to tell him about your personal reference library... well let’s just say it did not improve his disposition. Add to the fact that he now has to tell Chris and I also know about stuff...” she leaves the sentence hanging open.
“Hey I didn’t involve you or Chris so he best not turn up here being shitty. I am not in the mood,” I snap forcefully.
“Either way, shower time for you,” she tells me pointing at the bathroom.
I drag my ass out of bed and hit the shower. The hot pounding water hurts at first, but the stabbing pain of it quickly turns to relief. It feels amazing. My brain kicks in as soon as it begins to un-fog itself and I know I don't have much time to myself, so I focus on some important decisions I have to make.
First, Chris is dead to me. I will be cordial for the sake of this meeting, other than that I want nothing to do with him.
Second, if Ross thinks he’s taking his bad mood out on me, then he can think again.
Third, I still have the map in my back pack, Jonas didn’t take that. They also don’t know about my email enquiries to the land registry people. So sneaky Neely’s investigation is still on. Only this time I will have to be
more careful and perhaps not do it alone. There is only one person I can go to with this, Oli Hart. Working in the same office means he knows me, he knows I’ll go alone if I have to and he’s too much of a gentleman to let me do that.
“Neely, people are starting to arrive,” shouts Dolly, I quickly towel dry myself off and throw on some yoga pants and a vest top. I forget the underwear because I don’t have any clean stuff in the bathroom and I’m not rooting through my case in front of people. I roughly pull a comb through my hair and head to the living area.
Jonas is here first and he looks like he’s making up for a missed night with his wife. A mixture of emotion passes through me as I watch them, jealousy, I don’t have that and I want it. Guilt, I’m the reason they weren’t together last night and finally, happiness, because my soul sister has found it.
“Hey Jonas,” I say and he smiles at me before returning his attentions back to Dolly. After a brief knock at the door and Ross wanders in. A couple of minutes later and Steven arrives followed by the sheriff, these, I was not expecting amongst the guest list. Dolly plays hostess and offers fresh coffee, it would also seem that she’s thought ahead because she’s been for extra mugs from the main house. That must have been when my mom disappeared.
“OK, let’s get a few things straight before Chris turns up,” Ross starts, “There will be no more side line investigating. This is my case, I have jurisdiction and I expect you to remember that and comply. No more fuck ups or someone is going to end up dead and that someone is more than likely going to be me, it’s my neck that’s on the hook here.”
As he finishes his rant Chris walks through the door and it’s clear he’s heard the last part of Ross’s debrief, his face is a mask of confusion and it only grows more so when he sees the odd group of people assembled in the granny flat.
“This looks curious,” he says, “I thought maybe I was going to have to apologize for my recent conversational fuck up in front of Dolly but I did not expect a group intervention. Who wants to tell me what’s going on?”
Forgiving Love (The Soul Sisters Series Book 2) Page 12