He watched the play of uncertainty in her eyes and said reasonably: ‘How long will it take you to collect the van-load of fashion equipment without which few women seem to be able to proceed into marriage?’
She had not thought of that aspect at all. ‘I - I don’t think I need a trousseau. I had to buy quite a lot of new things to
come out with - the different climate.’ She hesitated and looked away. ‘Except, of course, a wedding dress.’
He moved away to stand by the desk, glancing idly at a sheaf of papers neatly clipped together on top of a blue folder. He lifted the top leaf. ‘Have you thought about that?’
‘A dress? No, not yet.’
‘I mean, do you want the full regalia? The white lace and trailing blossom; the procession of bridesmaids, and a reception for half the island?’
Her mouth quivered suddenly and she tried to see his face, but it was in profile and shadowed against the glare from the window. She said clearly: ‘That would be a mockery, wouldn’t it?’
‘Is that how you see it?’ He slipped the papers inside the blue folder and swung round.
She met his gaze levelly. ‘I don’t think it goes with the bargain we made.’
‘I see.’ He folded his arms and sat back on the edge of the desk. ‘The loophole. Very well, shall we make it a civil ceremony?’ his brows went up slightly.
‘I - I think so,’ she said uncertainly.
‘Then there’s no need for undue delay,’ he said crisply, after a fractional hesitation. ‘I’ll see about a licence immediately. We’d better decide on a date.’ He reached for the big desk diary and flipped over the pages. ‘I have to be away on the tenth, and the Agricultural Commission officials are due at the end of the month
Suddenly his voice sounded a long way away and the room receded into an echoing haze. She was aware of her own voice, small and brittle, calmly answering, discussing ... and all the time she wanted to cry out the fierce protest storming to be heard. Yes, I want the full regalia, the white lace and the mist of veiling, and the hush of the church. Yes, I want to make my vows until eternity and give my love and myself to one man for as long as we shall live, and know that his vows are as my vows and his love as my love. How could I ever believe that I could go through with this affair of expedience? she cried silently. I can’t marry without love. Not for all the sane cold reasons of security and advantages. Not even for Juliet’s sake.
‘Toni!’
She gasped as she saw him straighten jerkily and stare at her, tall and almost frighteningly powerful. ‘What’s the matter?’ he rasped.
She gave a mute gesture and shook her head helplessly, trying to break the intensity of his gaze. Then the dark glimmers went from it and his taut mouth softened. He came forward and put his hands on her shoulders.
‘Don’t look at me like that,’ he said softly. ‘Almost as though you were afraid of me. Listen, Toni, it’s not too late. If you don’t want to go through with it, then tell me.’ His voice sharpened a little. ‘Have
you changed your mind? And feel frightened to tell me?’
An age seemed to pass while she stood silent, numbed by a sharp, inexplicable feeling of sorrow. At the abrupt tightening of fingers hard on her shoulder she stammered: ‘N-no, I haven’t changed my mind. I’m just - just—’ She caught her lip under her teeth to stop its trembling. ‘I’m sorry. How could I ever feel afraid of you?’
‘The feminine mind has strange quirks.’ He smiled faintly. ‘Surely you know I’d never willingly hurt you. Believe me, it’ll work out when you’ve got accustomed to the idea. Give it time. Will you trust me?’
Under that steady, compelling gaze she gave a single downward inclination of her head and managed a small smile. His own came immediately in response and with a sudden tender gesture he touched his lips lightly to her forehead and brushed the back of one hand against her soft smooth cheek.
Almost immediately he released her and stepped back, and she did not move as he went quickly to the tray and poured out two drinks. She watched the deft movements of his hands and raised her own hand to touch where his had rested those brief moments ago. Suddenly the aching sadness came again to numb her throat. It was the first time she had felt his lips and seen that particular look of tenderness flower for her in his eyes. A tenderness not new
He came to her side and held out a tall glass opaque with icy mist. His warm fingers brushed her own as she accepted it and murmured her thanks, and once again she was compelled to meet his gaze over the rims of the two glasses.
She saw the tenderness still lingering in the clear grey depths, and the ice-cold from the glass seemed to steal from her hand into her entire being, to encircle the fire of truth that had blazed in her heart. Suddenly she experienced fear and ecstasy and despair, and at last knew why she would go through with this marriage no matter what the cost. She loved Justin Valmont!
And he looked upon her with the same tender affection as he looked on his daughter, Juliet.
CHAPTER SEVEN
The wedding was fixed for the following Friday week.
Marise’s Chinese dressmaker was to make Toni’s wedding dress, a simple, sleeveless white sheath of matt-textured silk with a plain high neckline and a short matching jacket, and as the days passed she was increasingly aware of the feeling that it was not really she who stood patiently for the fittings, shopped for the additional items she would need and firmly resisted all Marise’s pleadings for ‘Just a tiny reception, darling. Just a little celebration. You won’t
feel married.’
She was beginning to wonder if she would ever feel reality again; events seemed to have caught her and carried her far beyond the point of no return.
Business was enforcing Justin’s absence for three days immediately preceding the wedding, and for this she was profoundly thankful. It was becoming more and more difficult to talk to and be with him while maintaining a cool, natural calm. He now filled her horizon to the exclusion of everything else, except the growing obsession that he must never guess the extent of her true feeling about him.
The problem arose of Juliet; she could not be left alone during their absence. It was Marise who suggested she should move into their villa the night before Justin left and remain there until the wedding was over and he and Toni returned from their brief trip to Durban.
At first Justin was not too happy about this idea. He was quite amenable to Juliet’s staying there with Toni, but he was not so happy at the thought of leaving her there while they were both away.
‘With all due respect to your stepmother,’ he said gently, ‘she’s out more of a night than she’s at home.’
Toni sighed; she knew this was true. On an impulse she suggested, ‘Why don’t we take Juliet with us? She’d adore it,’ and was startled by his abrupt reaction.
‘On a honeymoon? Are you serious?’
‘Why not? It would be a holiday for her.’ A tinge of colour stained her cheeks. ‘It isn’t as if we ...’
His almost angry gesture checked her. ‘It would certainly give the Port tongues something to wag about.’
‘Does that thought worry you?’
‘Not in the least,’ he rejoined. ‘But I wasn’t thinking of myself,’ he added pointedly.
‘Neither was I,’ she said bitterly. ‘I was thinking of what’s best for Juliet.’
‘Yes, I realize that.’ His mouth tightened a little. ‘I didn’t want to add to Ellie’s responsibilities when I’ve arranged to have the villa re-spruced, but I see no other alternative.’
But finally it was Mrs. Raleigh, the D.C.’s wife, who resolved the problem by asking what they were going to do about Juliet and suggesting that she might like to spend the five days with them, where she would have the company of their own small daughter and baby son.
With Juliet, Toni went to see Justin off on his trip to Mauritius. About to board the plane, he turned back suddenly and put a hand on each of their shoulders and drew them towards him. ‘Look after each
other until I get back.’ He ruffled Juliet’s hair and touched Toni’s cheek with a brief gesture of tenderness before he strode
towards the plane without looking back.
A sense of loss swept over Toni as the plane soared up and quickly diminished into a silvery gleam against the blue. She felt Juliet’s small hot hand steal into her own and forced a smile as she said: ‘We’d better get back and see about moving you in with us.’ ‘Yes.’ Juliet screwed her eyes against the sun. ‘I wish it was Thursday and Daddy was back - or better still that it was next Wednesday. Then you’d both be back.’ A thoughtful look crossed her face. ‘I hope he’ll like the present we chose for him.’
‘I’m sure he will,’ Toni assured her as they returned to where Tom waited at the wheel of the Mercedes. There had been several whispered confabulations between Juliet and her father and Juliet and Toni concerning the important matter of wedding gifts, Juliet scorning the notion of anything as prosaic as table linen or household ware being the kind of wedding gift she considered suitably exciting enough for the recipient. A new silver-backed hairbrush had been chosen for Justin; Toni’s present was still a well-kept secret.
Villa Mimosa seemed strangely deserted without Justin. Ellie had already begun a wholesale spring-cleaning, and stripped beds and shrouded furniture added to the air of desolation.
The transfer of Juliet’s bits and pieces did not take long, and the business of helping to make up a bed in Toni’s room soon banished the shadow cast by her father’s departure.
She settled down quite happily at eight o’clock and was sound asleep two hours later when Toni tiptoed into the dimly lit bedroom and undressed as soundlessly as possible. Reaching to switch off the small shaded lamp, she hesitated, remembering the little girl’s request to have the lamp left burning and wondering if she was nervous of the dark.
While she hesitated she saw the small sleeper stir and sit up sharply to stare wide-eyed across the shadowy room.
‘All right, darling?’ Toni asked quickly.
‘Yes,’ Juliet said uncertainly. ‘I just forgot where I was when I woke up.’
‘Sorry I wakened you.’ Toni smiled down at her. ‘I know it does feel strange sometimes when you wake up at night in a new place.’ ‘Did you feel like that when you first got here?’
‘No, not here,’ Toni sat on the edge of the bed, her eyes reminiscent, ‘but I did the first time I ever went on tour with the ballet company. The first date of the tour was a big, grey old city up north. We had our digs in an old stone terrace house out in the suburbs. It was bitterly cold and Lisa and I were up in the attic. The wind howled all night and there was a ventilator thing in the wall that flapped with every gust of wind. We’d just be dozing off and the darned thing would go flap-flap right over our heads. At the finish we got up at three o’clock in the morning to try and stuff paper into it, then we pooled our blankets and got into Lisa’s bed together to try and get warm.’ She laughed and stood up. ‘And now it’s time—’
‘I like you,’ Juliet interrupted. ‘You’re the only grownup I’ve ever known who didn’t just say “Go to sleep at once, Juliet,” and go on about my not being able to get up for school in the morning.’
Somewhat taken aback, Toni said, ‘That’s exactly what I was going to say. Especially as you have to get up a lot sooner here. It’s nearly half past ten.’
Juliet nodded solemnly. ‘But it’s nice to talk when you’re not sleepy. Daddy is the only one who’ll sit and talk to me when I can’t go to sleep. Ellie nags, and Gran used to get cross.’ Dark head now buried in her pillow, Juliet watched Toni climb into the other bed and said plaintively: ‘You won’t nag me, will you, when you come to live with us?’
‘I’ll try not to.’
‘And will you and Daddy come and talk to me before I go to sleep?’
‘Yes, of course,’ Toni said after a perceptible hesitation.
‘Because people are different when they’re at home, they sometimes forget to be nice.’
‘I know what you mean, darling, but it isn’t exactly that they forget to be nice. At home with their families people just become their natural selves.’ There was no response and Toni reached over to turn out the lamp. ‘Good night, darling, sleep tight.’
Juliet murmured a sleepy response and Toni settled down, her eyes wide and thoughtful in the darkness. There was something rather quaint and amusing about Juliet’s occasional droll observations on adult behaviour and the way they were delivered. Possibly the loss of her mother and the ensuing unsettled circumstances had accounted for this. Considering everything, Juliet was remarkably well adjusted, she might easily have become either hopelessly spoilt or emotionally disturbed during the shuttling between relatives and her father during her formative years. She had become neither, but there was a wistfulness lingering unspoken, the subconscious longing for the completeness of home with father and .
‘Toni ...?’
‘Yes, Juliet.’
‘When you’ve married Daddy and come to live with us what shall I call you?’ The young voice paused a moment, thoughtfully. ‘Ellie said it wouldn’t be proper to call you by your first name. But it would feel funny now to start calling you Mummy, even though you will be my mummy then, and I don’t like Stepmother ...’
Toni was silent so long that Juliet propped herself up on one elbow and said anxiously: ‘Toni, are you mad at me? I mean I’m not being rude, it’s just that I—’
‘Oh, darling, I know what you mean, it’s just that I don’t know what to say.’ There was a catch in Toni’s voice. ‘I don’t think I’d like to be called Stepmother, and I think I’d feel just as funny if you tried to pretend that I was your mother. I think in this case Ellie is mistaken, and anyone else who thinks the same way. If you hadn’t known me - if I’d come as a stranger it might have been different.’ ‘Yes, that’s the way I thought it out.’ Juliet sighed. ‘But I didn’t like to ask Daddy.’
‘I shouldn’t worry about it, darling, just remember that I do love you and I’ll always try to look after you as well as your own mummy would if she’d still been with you.’ She paused, then added softly, ‘Now you must go to sleep.’
‘Yes. Toni ... just for this once, can I come in beside you?’
Now there were only the long-subdued uncertainties and longings of a child robbed of what she had scarcely had time to know, the searching for the security only mother-love could bring. Toni switched on the lamp until the small bare feet pattered across the space between the two beds and their owner clambered in beside her to curl in a heap and murmur contentedly: ‘I feel happy now. ’Night, Toni. I’m glad Daddy picked you.’
Almost instantly Juliet’s breathing became light and regular, but it was a long time before Toni’s eyelids drooped. At last it had all become real. She was going to marry Justin Valmont and take the place of the mother Juliet could not remember, take on all the attendant responsibilities it entailed.
After this, how could she ever fail this child’s trust? But what of a loveless marriage? What of Justin? And what of her own heart ... ?
‘Well, it’s all over. You can relax now.’
With leisurely movements Justin produced cigarettes and settled back comfortably, visibly matching action to his words. ‘We should be in Durban with time to spare before dinner, and then four days of peace.’ He turned his head and regarded Toni with friendly, quizzical eyes. ‘Was it as nerve-racking as you feared?’ ‘No.’ She tried not to stare at the broad gold band, bright in its newness, on her left hand and wondered inconsequently if all brides found it difficult to resist touching and turning their wedding rings.
He said, ‘We’ll choose the other in Durban — there’ll be more choice.’ She glanced at him sharply and he smiled. ‘An engagement ring. I know it’s a bit late to think of that, but you should have one.’ ‘Oh.’ Her gaze dropped. ‘Does it matter?’
‘I think so. It’s an old established part of the ritual.’ She was silent, resisting the temptation to state
that there was no longer any need for pretence. An engagement ring was a token of promise between two people in love; for her it would be as empty as the engraved band which felt so alien on her third finger. A ritual; was that how he thought of it?
She opened one of the magazines he had bought for her and pretended to immerse herself in its pages. The contract was complete; she was Mrs. Justin Valmont. The ceremony had been so brief, less than ten minutes in that bare little room with the overhead fans whirring and a subdued Marise and Roger Drew as witnesses, and then a short time at the villa with half a dozen people to wish them well before they bade farewell to a suddenly tearful Juliet at the airport. ‘You won’t forget to send me a postcard every day, Daddy,’ she had begged, and he had said gently, ‘We will, but we’ll probably be home again before they reach you, poppet.’
Toni sighed; Juliet had been the only person visibly affected by the ceremony, and the only one who seemed to sense in a puzzled way that something was lacking in this particular wedding.
She glanced at Justin, but he had also occupied himself with a book, and she silently closed her own. The four days ahead suddenly stretched like an eternity. She had longed for the prewedding days to be over, to escape from the temporary interest of which she had been the centre. Now she suddenly wished that the four-day trip had never been planned. Twenty-four hours a day entirely dependent on one person’s companionship was an impossible prospect unless ... Resolutely she closed her mind to the picture of what might have been had Justin married her with his heart and tried to envisage the relationship which lay ahead. She knew so little of him, of his hopes, his likes and dislikes, his interests. Surely it would have been far easier to begin her new role at Villa Mimosa, adapting herself to becoming its mistress, looking after Juliet, while the day-to-day matters of the plantation continued to absorb a sizeable portion of Justin’s day and she gradually accustomed herself to sharing a marriage of arrangement. Four days of peace, he had said. Was that what he looked forward to? A break, a rest? Her hands twisted feverishly in her lap and she stole a covert glance at his calm profile. What was he thinking? What did he expect of her ...?
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