‘But I’m not,’ Justin objected wryly. ‘Oh well, I suppose I’ll dry out in the sun.’
There was a strange and almost eerie sensation in standing under the overhanging crag, enclosed by that rushing singing curtain of water and the trailing creepers brushing cold moist fingers against shoulders and hair.
The snapshots were taken,, posed with earnest care by the hopeful camera enthusiast, and then they moved further along the ledge, gasping as they ducked through the icy spray, and approached the main fall.
‘Doesn’t it make a terrific splash down there?’ Juliet looked over the brink and shuddered with delicious fear. ‘That’s a whirlpool down there.’
‘Yes.’ Justin caught hold of his daughter’s arm and drew her firmly to his side and at the same time extended his free arm and placed it round Toni.
Drawn close into that protective embrace, feeling the warmth and strength of him, Toni looked at the small dark head of Juliet nestled against the white of his shirt and felt a sense of safety and comfort steal through her. This is what belonging to a family means, she thought, knowing a reluctance to ever have to stir. This is joy and the kind of completeness I’ve never experienced. But Justin’s nearness was already evoking the hopeless yearning. For how long would this be enough to satisfy a loving heart . ?
The lively Juliet could not be still for long, however, and she stirred impatiently, breaking the warm moments. When they had returned to the beach she looked up towards the sleeping volcano in the distance and suggested they climb to the Eye.
But Justin refused, and a little while later said it was time to turn homewards. They reached the villa shortly after sundown and Toni began the tactful steering towards bed. However, she had forgotten the extra time “up late’ which Justin had promised and when he finally emerged from the good night kiss ritual he said ruefully:
‘I made a mistake promising her that extra hour. It’s going to make us late. I thought the outing and the later bedtime would settle her like a switched-out light,’ he added somewhat erratically.
Toni glanced at him, puzzled, and he exclaimed: ‘Did I forget to tell you? I’ve booked a table at the Silver Salamander. I thought we’d make a day of it.’
‘Tonight?’
‘Yes. Unless you’re too tired after the jaunt.’ He came to the back of the lounger where Toni had flopped and leaned over the back, surveying her curled-up form. ‘Shall I ring and cancel it?’
‘No,’ she said, after a moment of surprised cogitation, then more firmly. ‘No, of course not. Unless’ - she checked in the middle of reaching for the shoes she had kicked off - ‘you are feeling tired.’
‘Do I look tired?’ he asked with a trace of sardonic humour. ‘I’m not yet completely sere.’
‘Oh!’ Her eyes widened. ‘I didn’t mean that. I meant if
- if you couldn’t be bothered to go out again.’
‘Would I have mentioned the matter if I couldn’t be bothered? Oh, Toni,’ he exclaimed impatiently, ‘must you take every syllable I utter with such deadly seriousness?’
Her gaze fell and she stood up abruptly. ‘I - I’ll just have a quick shower and change.’
He waited until she had reached the door, then he called in somewhat ominous tones: ‘And if you’re not out of that bathroom within ten minutes I’ll come and throw you out.’
‘O-oh!’ Toni put her hand to her mouth and fled.
CHAPTER NINE
The careless rebuke-if it were that — lingered in her mind during the drive down to Port. Did she take Justin too seriously? But ever since she had known him she had found it difficult not to regard him with a certain amount of awe. For one thing he was so utterly adult; yes, but he has fifteen years’ extra maturity ahead of you, she reminded herself; and that calm mien of his seemed to inhibit in her that youthful zaniness of those far-off days of life in London. And yet he was certainly not without humour. Why couldn’t she respond instead of retreating more and more behind a facade of solemnity which was obviously beginning to evoke in him an irritated response?
She experienced a flutter of panic. Did she irritate him? Or did he experience the same uncertainty as she? That of two strangers blundering in search of one another in the dark and trying to remain polite? Or did she merely bore him?
The reflection gave rise to a whole host of fresh anxieties, and suddenly she made a new resolve; somehow that impression she feared must be eradicated. She must forget her own feelings. If Justin disliked solemnity she must try to be otherwise ...
‘Penny for them.’ Justin had stopped the car outside the entrance to the hotel.
They’re not worth a penny.’ She flashed him a bright smile.
‘A stock answer to a stock question.’ His eyes mocked her. ‘Juliet could do much better than that.’
‘She’d demand a king’s ransom in payment.’
‘Or burst to confide the secret if one pretended indifference long enough.’ He came round to open her door and proffer a courteous hand.
She straightened and adjusted her silvery lurex stole, giving him a level look. ‘Such heartless psychology, Justin. Against a babe. For shame!’
His mouth twitched. ‘Are you challenging me to select a more lightly handicapped opponent?’
‘Perhaps. If your ego requires that self-indulgence.’
He took her arm and moved forward. ‘You’d better beware. You’re on the spot. And may I tell you that your concern regarding the babes is quite unfounded. My daughter, despite her tender years, packs a potent psychological punch when it comes to scoring off her father.’
His grasp slackened on her arm as the waiter approached and led them to their table. Toni paused, aware of a breathlessness that owed nothing to physical exertion, and met Justin’s questioning glance.
‘Do you want to sit beside the fish?’ he asked.
‘Fish?’ she said blankly, then started with comprehension and smiled. She had been so engrossed in the part of amusing companion as she entered the restaurant that she had been oblivious to its exotic decor of trailing vines on black velvet-covered trellis against a silver background emblazoned with salamander motifs. Now she saw the aquarium set behind the plate glass wall by the table which the waiter was indicating.
‘Perhaps Madam would prefer an alcove table,’ the waiter broke
in.
‘No, I think—’ Through the network of trellis at the end of the room she glimpsed the flash of napery and crystal on secluded tables and wavered. “Yes - yes, I think I would prefer an alcove table,’ she said firmly.
Another little procession, then they were ensconced in one of the quiet alcoves under the intimate glow of a rose shell lamp.
‘I was always under the impression that watching fish cavorting in one of those things was relaxing,’ he said dryly after he had given their order.
‘Another psychological twist - they sometimes have them in dentists’ surgeries,’ she said lightly. ‘But I don’t think I want to relax.’
‘You prefer to live on edge?’ His brows went up.
‘No, of course not. N-not all the time,’ she faltered, suddenly uncertain of him again.
‘But you’ve been on edge ever since we set out,’ he observed coolly. ‘This psychological nonsense you keep dragging like a bone into the conversation proves it. What’s the cause?’
‘Does there always have to be tangible cause?’ she countered.
‘Usually. We should have stayed with the fish,’ he added, ‘and experimented with that particular therapy.’
Therapy for what? She sipped her aperitif and regarded him warily. Matching Justin was proving more difficult than she had anticipated. For the moment she abandoned the attempt and restricted her conversation to the safer topic of Juliet and the visit to Rainbow Falls.
It wasn’t until he asked if she wished to sample the special dessert - a luscious confection of liqueur-glazed tropical fruit topped with meringue - that it occurred to her just how little time she spent alone with J
ustin. Apart from the four days in Durban, their outings during the first weeks of their marriage had been, naturally, with Juliet, and the hours that remained after the child’s bedtime and the evening meal seemed all too brief, when he spent them alone with her. It had become obvious almost straight away that his evenings conformed to a pattern. Sometimes he had paperwork to see to, often Roger Drew would drop in for a drink and discussion on plantation matters, and when at last she was alone with him there were times when his friendliness was more than she could bear and she would return to her sewing or choose herself a book from his well stocked shelves, curling up with it and knowing somehow that it was a kind of relief to him that he could also relax with one of his favourite detective stories. At least a book made a meeting point for discussion, she reflected, but it had limits. She sighed; the way to discovery of him was not easy. How long could they - could she - maintain this platonic relationship? Or was there only to be the gradual coming of that easy acceptance which springs from the close association of shared lives under the same roof?
She finished the too rich dessert and glanced up to find him watching her steadily. She ventured a smile and he said:
‘Thoughts again? Or just enjoying that orgy of calories?’
‘A little of each. I’d never have dared eat things like that when I was dancing.’
‘I should have thought you’d have needed lots of sweet things to give you energy.’
‘No.’ She smiled. ‘We had enormous appetites, but for steaks and salads and things like that. They give more stamina without fattening.’
He leaned back and laughed. ‘I can’t imagine anything fattening you. I could pick you up in the palm of my hand. In a couple of years Juliet will be outweighing you, if she’s not topping you by an inch or so as well.’
She thought of Juliet’s measuring post by her bedroom door and the first mark that stood at exactly four feet, and realized it was quite possible. Justin was tall; Juliet could well reach and pass five feet two before many more years were gone.
‘I saw a tremendous change in her since last year,’ Justin mused. ‘She still seemed like a baby then, and then when I saw her get off the plane three months ago, tall and leggy in that pleated thing, I wasn’t sure that it was her. She’d lost all the chubbiness I remembered.’
Toni was silent, remembering a certain loss of poundage mentioned on that plane journey and the reason for it. She would not betray Juliet’s confidence and said lightly: ‘Some children do shoot up suddenly when—’ She stopped, her attention drawn beyond Justin’s shoulder.
Roger Drew was standing by the trellis opposite the next alcove. He was talking to someone at present out of Toni’s line of viewpoint. Suddenly she hoped that Roger would not see them; she did not want anything to interrupt this interlude which was proving so pleasant an end to a lovely day.
Then Roger moved and she saw the tall, auburn-haired girl in white come forward, to stop short, surprise and recognition lighting her vivacious face, by their table. ‘Justin!’
He turned his head sharply, and his own surprise brought him quickly to his feet. Toni felt a sharp chill of disappointment as he cried:
‘Lucy! I didn’t know you were back.’
The girl in white was smiling radiantly, holding out both hands to grasp his and saying quickly and excitedly: ‘How lovely to see you my very first night home. Oh, Justin, is it really almost a year? I can’t believe it. How are you, and how is Juliet settling down?’
‘Very well, thank you.’
‘I’m so looking forward to meeting her. And your news! Justin, you’re married!’
He turned. ‘Toni, this is Miss Sandanna; Lucy, my wife.’
Slowly Toni stood up and extended her hand. Over the polite brushing of fingers she looked at wide eyes that were sparkling green flecked with tawny lights and hard with sudden assessment and calculation. The chill little prickles of disappointment became stabs of apprehension. Because Lucy Sandanna was beautiful.
Her auburn hair was a burnished aureole of golds and red about her heart-shaped face, her creamy skin betrayed not a trace of a freckle, and her flame-coloured mouth was the kind that made men’s eyes linger on it long after she ceased to speak or smile.
Beside her Toni felt small, insignificant and colourless. Lucy was like a flame; already Roger and Justin seemed caught within her glow, and more than one male head turned from nearby tables to gaze at the little group she centred.
She flashed a disarming smile at Toni and the lustrous smokey lashes partly veiled those vivid green eyes. She said, ‘I’m so glad we’ve met. Mother has just been telling me all about you. How awful to have to give up your career. Such a romantic one. Don’t you ache for it?’
‘At times,’ Toni admitted stiffly.
Lucy glanced at Justin and gave a small, attractive shake of her head. ‘I still can’t believe it. We thought you were going to remain a confirmed old widower for ever. But she’s so incredibly young, darling, not a bit like what we would have expected. I think you’re very brave, my dear,’ she glanced down at the taut young face, ‘to take on a ready-made family.’
Toni stiffened, and the older girl laughed. ‘Oh, my dear, don’t look so shocked. Everyone on Salamander says what they think. Justin is used to my outrageous personal remarks. Aren’t you, darling?’ Her mouth curved its expectance of his confirmation of this, and he nodded slightly, although his mouth betrayed a slight compression at its corners before he said:
“Yes, but my wife isn’t.’ He glanced down rather pointedly at the cooling coffee on their table, and Lucy instantly put her hand on Roger’s arm.
‘We mustn’t interrupt the celebration.’ Her warm smile flashed again. ‘We’ll have to get used to the idea that you’ll want to be left alone for a while. But you must come to one of our week-end do’s very soon.’
Half turned away, she stopped and came back. ‘How could I forget? My congratulations! I hope you’ll both be blissfully happy.’
For a moment the full force of that wide green gaze met Toni’s, and in the eyes that held the hard bright beauty of zircons she read puzzlement, disbelief, and dislike, and suddenly she recognized the eyes of an enemy.
‘But of course you will,’ whispered Lucy throatily. ‘Good-bye.’
Slowly Toni sank into her chair, trying to quell the inexplicable suspicion that Lucy Sandanna knew the truth. But it was ridiculous; how could she know that this was a loveless marriage of convenience? No one knew. She hadn’t told a soul, and certainly Justin would not betray ...
She picked up her cup and sipped the cold coffee, aware of the silence that had come between herself and the man regarding her with grave eyes across the table but for the moment powerless to break it.
Suddenly he reached across and pushed her cup and saucer aside. ‘Leave that. Let’s have another drink. Champagne or something. I suppose we are celebrating tonight in some way or other.’ He snapped his fingers and gave his order brusquely.
Still silent, she saw again that faint compressing of his lips and then a flicker of expression as though he had come to a sudden decision. He put his elbows on the table and leaned forward, looking at her levelly.
He said: ‘Listen, Toni. You might as well hear this from me before somebody else decides to inform you - if they haven’t done so already. Last year I had an - an association with Lucy Sandanna, and I’m perfectly aware of the conjectures with which our names were coupled. I am also aware of the way people’s minds work in a community like this where for most of the year it’s too warm for women to do anything but sit around looking for fresh subjects for gossip. Sooner or later some old biddy is going to take great pleasure in informing you that your husband had an affair with Lucy Sandanna and didn’t you know about it.’
‘I already know,’ she said in a low voice. ‘You don’t have to explain about something that happened before I ever knew you.’
‘I know, but I prefer to tell you myself.’
‘Yes - well—’ she
stammered, ‘please don’t worry about
it.’
‘I’m not worried,’ he said coolly. ‘But I dislike gossip and conjecture attached to my name and I don’t want you to be caused concern.’
‘People gossip and conjecture everywhere,’ she said unsteadily. ‘You can’t escape it.’
‘True. But Lucy’s return may revive it and possession of the facts prevents misunderstanding. In view of our particular circumstances I feel it’s as well that you should know.’ He leaned back and got out his cigarettes, not speaking again until two were lit. Behind the curling wisps of blue haze his eyes held something that to Toni looked like bitterness.
He said slowly, ‘I came near to marrying Lucy Sandanna, but it wouldn’t have worked.’ He paused deliberately. ‘You see, she didn’t want Juliet.’
The words seemed to hover in the air. Toni sat stunned, her dismay and fear a tangible pain as the only possible construction of his divulgence came home to her; he had loved Lucy Sandanna, but he had put Juliet’s future happiness before his own. The question she longed to ask tore at her heart, the question she dared not ask; did he still love ... ?
Her thoughts in a whirl, she hardly saw the waiter bring the ice-packed champagne, and when it was poured the sparkling wine had the bitterness of gall as it touched her lips, Justin’s dark handsome features misted and she set down her glass with trembling fingers, feeling that another mouthful would choke her.
‘Toni!’ His glass tilted as it was set down forcibly, and his hand came instantly to cover her own. ‘What’s the matter? Surely what I’ve told you hasn’t upset you.’
‘I - I—’ She gulped and tried to smile. ‘I can’t imagine anyone not wanting Juliet. She’s the dearest little girl I’ve ever known.’ She hesitated, then knew it had to be said. ‘Lucy wouldn’t know Juliet then. If she had ...’
‘No!’ Justin’s mouth tightened. ‘Lucy is a butterfly. She’s the kind who could never feel any interest in another woman’s child but would probably ruin any child of her own.’
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