by Fiona Lowe
‘It’s probably Grace’s friend, Liz. She said she might call in.’
Noah’s face fell. ‘She’s no fun.’
Ellie tousled his hair. ‘In that case you’re not missing out on a thing. Come on, you were up to here.’
In a begrudging tone, Noah read, ‘Penelope watched the bees—’
‘Ellie,’ Wendy called. ‘You’ve got a visitor.’
‘Wow.’ Noah gave her a wide-eyed look that initially made her smile before it backhanded her with a stinging and rebuking slap. ‘No one ever visits us.’
Because she never invited anyone.
‘I wonder who it is?’ Luke? His name came uninvited and a fizz of either dread or anticipation—it was hard to tell—made her feel giddy and shivery.
‘I’ll go.’ Noah was already at the door.
‘Wait.’ But he was gone before Ellie could shove her feet into her uggies.
She hated that she paused on the way to the door to check her face in the mirror. You don’t do that, remember? You don’t care. But the mocking laugh she heard in the back of her mind said otherwise.
‘Mummy!’ Noah met her in the hall, grabbing her hand and tugging her towards the lounge room. ‘It’s Sarah.’
A wave of disappointment hit her with the nerve-tingling shock of icy water. She didn’t have the time or the desire to analyse the intensity of her feelings: they said far too much about her to be comfortable. What did strike her was that if it had been Luke standing in her lounge room, his presence would seem more normal than Sarah’s. Even before yesterday’s uncomfortable incident at Mill House, Sarah had never visited Guthrie Farm.
Ellie was used to seeing Sarah in her work wardrobe of black pants, white blouse and a smart, fitted fleece-lined shell with Mingunyah Bread and Cheese stitched over her left breast. Today, she wore faded jeans and a pretty Liberty print blouse that was buttoned up crookedly. Sarah’s cheeks bore two red hot spots and her hair was hat flat, making her look both angry and sad all at the same time. Although Sarah was never as put together as Anita, it was unusual to see her without foundation and lipstick.
Ellie girded herself for a lecture on familial responsibilities. ‘Hi, Sarah. This is unexpected.’
‘I suppose it is.’
‘Sarah!’ Noah slipped his hand inside his aunt’s. ‘Do you want to listen to me finish my reader?’
Ellie formed a sentence, ready to temper his disappointment when Sarah inevitably told him she’d come to speak to his mum, but her sister was giving her son a fond smile and tousling his hair.
‘I’d love to, Noah, and after that I need to talk to Mummy.’
‘I’ll put the kettle on,’ Ellie said, surprised by Sarah’s acquiescence. That’s not fair. Sarah’s always been good with Noah.
‘I brought wine.’ Sarah thrust a brown paper bag at her. ‘Pour this instead.’
As Sarah followed Noah down the hall, Ellie slid the bottle out of its covering and surprise gave way to appreciation. Unlike some members of her family, her sister could never be faulted on her generosity. Even if Sarah planned to give her a serve for running away from Mill House, at least she’d do it over good wine.
When she returned, Sarah said, ‘I hope it’s okay, but he’s watching TV with Bree. He said you’d promised but my kids used to play Alex and me off each other to get what they wanted. They probably still do.’
Ellie pushed a glass towards her sister, already filled with the expensive and full-bodied cab sav. ‘He’s telling the truth. It’s his post-reader reward.’
Sarah took a seat on the couch that was disappearing into a removal van in forty-eight hours. She glanced around. ‘This room’s warm.’
Ellie bristled. ‘We do have heating.’
Sarah sighed. ‘That’s not what I meant. I think it’s warm and welcoming. I like the decor.’
‘Thank you.’ Ellie failed at not sounding stiff. ‘Sadly, it’s all about to be broken up. The only thing that’s mine is the bookcase.’
‘Have you found somewhere to live yet?’
A week after the eviction notice, the four women had conceded that the household would have to to split up because rambling old houses with six bedrooms were rarer than hen’s teeth. Rachel and Grace had signed a lease on a new townhouse in Mingunyah and Wendy and Bree were moving into a granny flat behind Wendy’s mother’s house. Each morning and afternoon, Ellie checked in with the two Valley View real estate agents, ever hopeful that a miracle had happened in the intervening hours and that the perfect rental property had magically appeared on the books.
‘Something will turn up.’
Sarah sipped her wine. ‘About yesterday—’
Ellie tensed. ‘How’s Mum?’ she asked even though she didn’t want to know.
‘She’s had a mild stroke.’
Guilt, fear, anger and sadness tangled with the disconnection Ellie always experienced when she thought about her mother. ‘What does “mild” mean?’
‘I’ve only got third-hand information. It happened in Melbourne when they were running some tests. Cameron’s with her and the doctors are talking about rehab in Mingunyah Hospital before she comes home.’
‘I thought you’d have rushed down to Melbourne.’
‘Me too.’ Sarah grimaced slightly. ‘But for once, Cameron’s taken charge and, given everything else that’s going on in my life, I’m happy to let him do it.’
Something in her sister’s voice made Ellie glance up from the wine she’d been studying. ‘What’s everything else? It’s not a work problem, is it? Alex told me that my Burmese guys are settling in well.’
‘I’m glad to hear it.’
‘Hear it? Didn’t you do their orientation?’
‘Didn’t you get the email saying I was on leave?’
‘No.’
Sarah took a long sip of her drink before setting her glass on the coffee table. ‘After you left the dairy on Friday, I found Alex giving Kelly Bamfield a rather personal shoulder rub. He then told me that he hasn’t been happy for some time and,’ she made quotation marks with her fingers, ‘he “needs space”.’
‘Oh, Sarah. I’m sorry.’ Ellie might not wish to be in a relationship but it didn’t stop her from appreciating that others felt differently. Sarah and Alex always appeared to be a tight unit and it was obvious in all that Sarah said and did that she loved her husband. If the news was a shock for her, she could only imagine how Sarah must be feeling. ‘When did he move out?’
‘He didn’t—I did. I’m back at the old cheese factory.’
‘But …’ Ellie’s mind grappled with the scenario. ‘I don’t understand. If he wants space, why are you the one moving out of Riverbend?’
‘So I have some control over his midlife crisis.’ Sarah sat a little bit straighter, her mouth a grim line ‘Why should Alex get to call all the shots and be free to screw Kelly whenever he wants?’
Ellie flinched at the aggression in her sister’s usual sanguine tone. ‘How long have they been …’
‘He told me they hadn’t had sex.’
‘Oh! That’s a good sign, isn’t it?’
Sarah snorted. ‘Not doing it just makes the longing, the excitement and the anticipation even more delicious. And a lot more dangerous. Personally, I’m hoping they’ve had sex now and that it was a massive disappointment for both of them.’
Ellie squirmed on the couch, excruciatingly uncomfortable. She and Sarah never talked about anything this intimate or personal and despite—or perhaps because of—her own experiences, she was the last person to have anything useful to offer on sex or relationships.
‘But I didn’t come here to talk about Alex.’ Sarah suddenly reached down and pulled a plastic folder out of her handbag. ‘I came because I’ve been doing some clearing out for Mum. I found this.’
Ellie accepted the document holder. ‘What is it?’
‘Read it and see.’
She withdrew the pages and quickly scanned them. ‘Mum’s bought Phoebe and Ruby some v
ery expensive presents.’
‘And?’
Ellie hated playing games at the best of times let alone when she had no idea of the goal. ‘They’re a saddle and a cello?’
Sarah refilled her glass and leaned forward. ‘Not to mention the contributions to the school fees.’
‘Okay.’ Ellie slid the papers back into the folder and dropped it onto the coffee table.
‘Aren’t you outraged?’
‘No.’ She’d held onto outrage for a long time but had let it go in a muddy, raging river in northern Thailand.
‘Well, you should be.’ A suspicious look crossed Sarah’s face. ‘Unless …’
‘Unless what?’
‘Has Mum been helping you out? Buying things for Noah?’
Ellie sat up straight. ‘No!’
Sarah startled and her wine sloshed up the deep bowl of her glass. ‘There’s no need to shout.’
‘Sorry.’ It was easier to apologise than to explain to Sarah why she didn’t want any help, financial or otherwise, from their mother, or why Margaret was unlikely to give it. ‘Surely Mum has the right to spend her money any way she chooses?’
‘Of course she does,’ Sarah snapped. ‘Although outside of gifts to herself, she isn’t usually this generous.’
‘Perhaps she’s mellowed.’ Ellie’s attempt at a joke fell flat. She couldn’t imagine her mother ever being mellow. ‘I don’t understand. If we both agree she can spend her money her way, then why are you showing me all of this?’
‘Because, instead of telling me that Mum bought the cello and saddle, both Cameron and Anita have made it sound like they paid for them. Why would they do that?’
Ellie didn’t care and she really couldn’t be bothered discussing it, but as Sarah had brought great wine, hadn’t lambasted her about her behaviour at Mill House and was in the middle of major marriage problems, she felt she should at least try to contribute some suggestions. ‘Embarrassment?’
‘Ha! Very funny. You know as well as I do that our brother doesn’t have that gene. Thirty years ago, he’d have taunted me with the fact that he got an expensive gift and I didn’t. He’s always competing with me even when I’m not aware it’s a competition.’
‘Perhaps Anita asked him not to say anything?’
Ellie didn’t know her sister-in-law very well. By the time she’d met her, Anita and Sarah were a closed group of two. This had suited Ellie and she hadn’t made any effort to infiltrate and join their group. Although she and Anita had children of a similar age, they shared little in common. Anita loved clothes, accessories and makeup and spent a large part of her life pursuing the perfect combination; Ellie avoided anything to do with fashion. Clothes were something to keep her cool or warm depending on the season.
‘I thought you and Anita were BFFs. Why not ask her?’
Sarah bristled. ‘I asked her about the saddle today in a roundabout way. She gave me the same line she’s been spinning since Ruby got it. Phoebe’s cello was bought a year ago and not once have they mentioned it was Mum who paid for it, let alone saying anything about her contributions to the girls’ boarding fees. Now Anita’s using Mill House for Cooked By a Friend—’
‘Is she?’ Suddenly the unrecognisable kitchen made sense.
‘Yes!’ Exasperation clung to the word. ‘Honestly, Ellie, would it kill you to take a bit more interest in the family?’
Yes. ‘In my defence, there was no mention on Mother’s Day about Anita starting a business or using Mill House. Apart from Gus’s play, that’s the last time I saw them.’
‘Hmm.’ Sarah seemed to give herself a little shake. ‘Well, anyway, from the moment Anita told me about her plans for Mill House, I’ve had concerns. It’s Mum’s home and she’s using it as a commercial enterprise. I’ve tried to be supportive but on the back of this huge omission of thirty-five thousand in gifts, I’m starting to wonder what else she’s hiding.’
This was the first time Ellie had glimpsed this side of Sarah. ‘Don’t you think you’re being just a teensy bit paranoid?’
‘When your husband betrays you after twenty-two years of marriage, you can’t help but question all the other relationships in your life.’
Ellie drank her wine, letting the uncomfortable silence tinged with Sarah’s pain sit in the room. She wasn’t touching the topic lest it put their already prickly relationship under the microscope. She had a horrible feeling that, if they examined it, a bubbling and toxic bacteria filled with all her failings would rise out of Sarah and choke her.
‘I want you to move into Mill House.’
Wine bubbled in Ellie’s nose. ‘What?’
‘I want you to move into Mum’s house. It’s the perfect solution.’
‘For what or for whom?’
Sarah rolled her eyes. ‘For you and Noah of course.’
Not in my world. ‘It’s Mum’s house, not yours to loan out. Plus you’ve just been banging on about Anita invading it—’
‘Yes, but this is different.’
‘No, it’s not.’
‘Yes, it is. You’re Mum’s daughter.’
She tried not to wince at the statement that the relationship gave her preferential treatment. ‘And with that logic, Anita is her daughter-in-law, so still family.’
‘Okay, fine.’ Sarah thumped down her glass on the stained coffee table. ‘I’ll get straight to the point. While Mum’s in hospital, I want someone living in the house.’
‘Why?’
‘To keep an eye on what’s going on.’
Ellie crossed her arms. ‘So, you move in.’
A triumphant smirk broke over Sarah’s tense face. ‘Unlike you, I already have somewhere to live.’
The hairs on the back of her neck rose. ‘I am not moving back to that house.’
‘For God’s sake, Ellie! Why on earth not? You just told me you haven’t found anywhere to live. This is the perfect solution.’
‘For you maybe.’
‘It’s win-win for both of us.’
It was so far removed from a win that Ellie’s heart was flinging itself against her ribs. ‘Sarah, I’m thirty-four and a grown woman. I’m not taking a retrograde step and moving back in with my mother.’
‘You’re thirty-four, a mother and you’re about to be homeless.’ Sarah’s lips pursed. ‘You can choose to be homeless and live out of your car if you wish, but you’re not the only person involved. Noah’s an innocent child and he shouldn’t have to suffer for your selfish choices.’
Anger propelled Ellie to her feet. ‘Jesus, Sarah, don’t hold back. I guess I should be grateful after all these years that your opinion of me’s finally out in the open and untainted by any ambiguity. But while you’re up there in the heady atmosphere of “I know best” land, know this. You can call me selfish, irresponsible and the rest, but not when it comes to Noah. When I left Mingunyah, it was for good. No way in hell was I coming back here, but then the perfect job presented itself. It was a job that matched my skills and was single-parent friendly. The only down side, and believe me it was a sinking, squelching trough of a big one, was its proximity to Mingunyah. I sacrificed what I wanted and I compromised for Noah. He’s the only reason I’m in the valley.’ Ellie didn’t care that Sarah’s face tightened as if she’d struck her.
‘That’s called motherhood, little sister. And now you have to do it again.’
‘No!’ Her head shook so hard her brain hurt. ‘I will find somewhere to live.’
‘Yes, but will you find somewhere in time?’ Sarah said quietly. ‘I think you already know the answer to that.’
The idea of moving into her mother’s house made her gag. She already knew being there made her vomit. How could she spend one night in Mill House let alone many? She couldn’t. She wouldn’t. A wave of foaming hatred for Sarah surged through her. As she was about to unleash a barrage of hurtful words, her anger did a one-eighty and the wave dumped back over her.
Mummy, where are we going to live?
For the l
ast week, the first thing Noah said when he woke up and the last thing he said before he fell sleep was, ‘Where’s our new house?’ or ‘Why can’t we live with Wendy and Bree?’ That afternoon his teacher had telephoned her, concerned that Noah had been both uncharacteristically naughty and quiet over the last few days: ‘Can you think of anything that might be bothering him?’
Noah’s fear of the unknown was causing him a level of anxiety Ellie needed to banish. No mother wanted their child to suffer, let alone suffer because of their actions or inaction. A memory of Margaret sitting on the end of her childhood bed, pantyhose-clad legs elegantly crossed and Bloody Mary in hand, slugged Ellie hard. Okay, most mothers didn’t want their child to suffer. Ellie was determined not to be her mother and equally determined that Noah shouldn’t suffer because of her. As his mother, it was her responsibility to take that hit. As hard as it was, she had to move into Mill House for the foreseeable future. But there would be rules. Very strict rules—it was the only way she was going to survive.
Ellie sat down, refilled her glass and took a large mouthful of Dutch courage. ‘If I move in, it will be short term. I’ll keep looking for a place. And Sarah, know this. I won’t become Mum’s carer.’
‘I don’t think she needs a carer, but yes, okay.’ Sarah rubbed her temples. ‘Really, I just want you as a presence in the house while Mum’s in hospital. You know, doing the things Mum would do.’
Ellie doubted she’d ever do the things her mother did. ‘What things?’
‘Make sure Anita doesn’t take over any more rooms of the house.’
‘What’s she allowed to use?’
‘The agreement was the kitchen on Saturday afternoons but today she told me she’s starting high teas in the dining room. And she’s using all of Grandma’s china. The next thing we know, she’ll be planning to host weddings in the stables.’
Ellie tried not to sigh. ‘Last time I checked, Anita wasn’t an events planner.’
‘And yesterday I would have agreed with you.’
Ellie understood her sister’s world had been rocked to its core but despite not wanting to get involved, it bothered her that Sarah was questioning everyone’s actions. It was one thing for her to do it, but not her loving, trusting sister.