by Daniels, J.
“You needed to know, didn’t you?” she asks, talking about the real reason I went back inside that office.
“If it involves you, I do.”
“If it involves us, you mean . . .”
“Right.”
“Me, you, my tits . . .”
I flick my gaze up to meet her amused one.
“Horny, Officer?” she asks with a sweet little laugh. “Too bad it’s not a weekend. I’d hump that hood for ya . . .”
Images of Tessa naked, humping . . . I immediately begin to picture her riding my dick like her life depends on it, and my erection goes from half-hard to rigid. It presses uncomfortably against my slacks.
I link my arms around her back, drawing her closer still, and making damn sure she can feel every fucking inch of me.
“Thanks for this,” I grunt. “I got half a shift left to get through.”
“I’m in the same position you are.”
“Prove it.”
Tessa’s eyes flash with challenge. Then she backs up, grabbing onto my shirt so I move with her.
Like it was ever a choice.
We round the car, stopping on the passenger side. It’s more secluded here. Trees and shrubbery shield us from traffic on the street. I’m parked in the last spot, so there aren’t any other cars back here on this side either. It’s just us.
Tessa backs up against the door, fists my shirt, and pulls me in.
I brace my forearm on the roof above her head and hover, our faces close. Mouths close and open. We’re both panting. And the only fucking person on this Earth who can see her next move is me.
Wearing the Devil’s smile, Tessa pushes her hand into her shorts and parts her lips on a breathless pant. “Oh, my God.”
“Fuck,” I rasp. My eyes jump between her hand moving between her legs and her pretty fucking mouth.
When was the last time I kissed her? Too long ago.
I watch her raise two fingers between us, floating them in front of her lips. She presses them there and waits, watching me.
I grip the back of her neck and move.
We taste her fingers together, our tongues meeting around them, parting between them. Licking. Sucking. She asks me, “Is this wet enough?” and I answer without words. I grab her wrist and pull her fingertips into my mouth when I haven’t had enough, and it could never be enough.
We’re two people who have been through so much shit together already and will go through more of it. We’re two people who don’t give a fuck if we’re out in the open right now and doing this. We’ve never cared before. We never will. I’m so fucking hard, and Tessa’s watching me like she wants me on my knees with my fingers deep inside her while I eat her out. She looks at me like she wants to get fucked, and like I’m everything to her. She’s never looked at anyone else like this, I know she hasn’t, and I fight the urge to do what she wants, what we both want.
I’d get on my knees for one woman, ever. Period. And it’s her. It’ll always be her.
“Don’t ever question if I’m wet for you again,” Tessa warns against my lips. “I won’t be so generous to share next time.”
I kiss my way to her cheek, her ear. “Put your fuckin’ hand on my dick.”
She wiggles her arm between us and palms me through my slacks. Her breath catches. “God, Luke . . .”
“Don’t ever tease me with a taste that sweet again,” I whisper. “I won’t be so generous to share either.”
She leans back, green eyes narrowing. “I kinda hate that you have to go back to work.”
“Not as much as I do.”
She squeezes my length from root to tip.
I groan, eyes pinching shut. “Fuck. I love you.”
Her soft mouth is against mine again. She kisses me slowly, like it’s the beginning of something. “Ask me,” she says.
“Do you—ah, fuck, Tessa. Fuck . . .”
I lose my breath when she starts jacking me through my pants, her expert hand sliding over my cock with perfect pressure. Firmer at the base. Her thumb smoothing circles along the crown.
She knows what I like, all too well she knows. And even this, a hand-job with a bullshit barrier, has never felt so fucking good. My dick is throbbing.
“Ask me, Luke. Do it,” she begs, her hot mouth on my neck. She kisses and sucks on my skin.
I sag against her. I start humping into her grip. Her hair becomes tangled in my fingers, and it’s the only part of her I can hold onto. I’m so fucking hard now, I’m dizzy. “Do you love me today?”
“Yes,” she answers sweetly. “Today. Tomorrow. Every day, I’ll love you.”
Tessa unzips my fly and shoves her hand into my pants, palming my cock. Her fingertips graze my balls as she jerks me faster, working me better than anyone, she always has, and with one last firm pull, I shoot into her hand.
I’m moaning and cursing. I yank her hair until she gasps against my jaw.
And she catches all of my cum.
“You’re so fucking good at that, it’s unfair.” I rake my hands down my face. My legs feel ready to give out.
Tessa is wearing the proudest smile when I drop my arms and look at her again.
All of that shit I’d been feeling before, the worry, that looming fear, it’s gone. And even though I know it’ll come back sooner than I’d like, I have this to grab onto. I let it overwhelm me.
Right now, my wife is happy. I can be happy.
“I can’t wait to see how you repay me for that one later,” she says.
“Same here.”
Fuck, the options are endless. So many things I can do to her.
There’s nothing we haven’t done. There’s nothing we both don’t like.
After zipping up, I grab a T-shirt out of the gym bag I keep in the trunk of my car and hand it over to Tessa.
She cleans herself off. Or so I think, until she asks, “What was that about you not sharing with me?” and pops her fingertip into her mouth, sucking off the remains.
I drive back to the precinct sporting wood.
At the end of my shift, I head over to the gym with Ben to get a workout in.
The job requires we stay in shape, but I’d be here as much as I am no matter what I did for a living. Exercise clears my head. It helps me focus on what I want to focus on, and not uncertainties I’m trying to avoid until they’re in my fucking face and I can’t avoid them any longer.
Ben’s the same way. He needs this as much as I do. Even if his life is pretty fucking perfect, everyone has shit they gotta deal with.
“Hey.” He slaps my shoulder blade and meets my gaze in the mirror. “Ring’s open. Come on.”
I glance over at the empty ring after finishing my set, then I rack my weights and grab the handwraps out of my bag. I meet Ben at the mats.
“You guys thinking about adoption?”
His question lifts my head after I secure the wrap around my wrist. “Why the fuck would you ask that? And where’d that come from anyway? We weren’t talkin’ about this.”
I told Ben about the appointment when I got back to the precinct. That was four hours ago. He asked his questions then. Two of them: Was Tessa all right and how was I doing handling all of this. That was it. We haven’t talked about it since.
Ben flexes his fist and adjusts the wrap between his fingers. “Just wondering. I didn’t know if you were considering that yet or not. I heard somewhere about that taking some people years.”
“What? Adopting?”
“Yeah, you gotta go on a list or some shit. I don’t know.” He wraps his other hand. I do the same. “Would you do that? If you and Tessa can’t have your own kids?”
I don’t have an answer ready because I’ve never seriously considered this option until right fucking now. Even back at Dr. London’s office when she laid it all out for me, I didn’t decide then how far I was willing to go with this. Maybe because I never needed to decide.
This decision doesn’t feel like one I need to make. It feels already made for
me.
“Yeah, I’d adopt. Our kid’s our kid, you know? I don’t give a fuck if we’re blood or not.”
Ben jerks his chin. He’d feel the same way about it, I know he would. “What does my sister have to say about you guys possibly adopting?”
“No idea. We haven’t really talked about it.”
I catch the gloves when he tosses them to me and put them on. Then I climb up into the ring behind him and take the headgear he holds out.
“You might want to talk about it just to see where she’s at,” he suggests. “Like I said, some people wait years to get a kid. This might be something you want to consider before it’s your only option.”
He has a point. I need to talk to Tessa about this. I don’t even know if this is something she would want.
What if she doesn’t? What if this is our only option, I’m on board with it, and she isn’t?
Jesus Christ. Fuck Ben for giving me something else to worry about.
Dickhead.
We meet in the center of the ring to knock gloves, but instead, I swing at him, landing a right hook he can’t anticipate or brace for.
He’s wearing headgear too, so it doesn’t hurt him that bad. It fucking stings enough though. I’ve taken plenty of hits from Ben to know what a punch like that feels like.
And even though my best friend has muscle on me, I know how to fucking hit him.
His head jerks back on impact, and he blinks several times until the room we’re in, and my cocky, grinning ass is back in focus.
I laugh, I can’t help it.
Ben’s eyes narrow, and the bastard smiles at me. He loves this shit. We both do.
I put up my gloves.
MAX BARKS FROM underneath the kitchen table when the front door opens.
Standing at the sink, I turn around and watch our sweet Golden Retriever slowly push up to stand on shaky legs and peer between the chairs at Luke as he steps into the kitchen.
“You’re gonna bark at me and not come say hi?” Luke asks, setting his duffle bag on the counter.
He’s wearing a T-shirt and basketball shorts now, and per usual, he showered at the gym. I can smell the crisp meadow fragrance of his soap.
He bends down and extends his arm, beckoning Max closer. “Come on. I’m not crawlin’ under there.”
Max slowly eases forward.
He sniffs Luke’s hand, then Max nudges Luke’s chest and licks his neck and the underside of his jaw as he gets rubbed and scratched behind the ears.
I smile watching them.
Luke is the best dog dad.
“He’s been doing that a lot lately,” I say.
“Doing what?”
“Not coming to greet you, or whoever walks in. He didn’t even get up when I got home today.”
“He’s just lazy.” Luke rubs the top of Max’s head and around his eyes where his fur has turned white. Then he straightens up and walks over to me as Max returns to his spot beneath the table.
“He’s twelve, Luke. I don’t think it’s laziness.” I slide my arms around his narrow waist and tip my head up for a kiss. “Your best buddy is an old man now.”
“He’s fine.” Luke hugs me back, pressing his lips to my forehead.
He doesn’t say another word about it. Neither do I.
I hold him and simply listen to him breathe. I don’t push this right now. I don’t really need to.
Max isn’t fine, and Luke knows it.
This isn’t a conversation we’ve been able to have yet, mainly because neither one of us want to have it.
I stall. Luke diverts.
Maybe it’s not something that needs to be talked about. We both know what’s coming.
It isn’t just me noticing the changes in Max.
“Dr. London’s secretary called,” I say. “I scheduled that HSG. It’s July second at one. You work that day. I already checked.”
Luke leans away to look at me. “I’ll put in for it tomorrow. Probably do like I did today and work in the morning. I doubt they’ll give me a full day off.”
“Did you already put in for the wedding?”
Our friends, CJ and Riley, are getting married in August. Luke and I are both in the wedding party.
My job isn’t affected since I work from home as a transcriptionist and basically set my own hours, but Luke needed to request off for it. We’ll be going away for the weekend.
“Yeah. I already got approved for that. I thought I told you.” He slides his thumb along my bottom lip and smirks when I bite him.
“I probably wasn’t listening.”
“Probably.” He kisses me again. “You get your pills?”
I nod, wiggling out of his hold, and slip down the counter, plucking the pharmacy bag out of the cabinet we keep medication in. “And I didn’t feel like making dinner, so . . .” I nudge the pizza box next to the stove. “We’re doing Sal’s tonight.”
“Did you eat yet?”
“No. I was waiting for you.”
I swap the pharmacy bag for the pizza box and carry it over to the table while Luke grabs plates and a beer out of the fridge for himself. I decline his offer for a beverage and hold up my glass of water, showing him I’m already set when I take a seat.
He sits beside me at the head of the table.
There are two seats open directly across from me. One beside me. Another at the opposite end.
“I hate this table,” I grumble.
“Why?”
“I don’t know. It’s too big.” I pull a slice out of the box and take a bite. Cheese oozes from the end and drips onto the plate.
Luke does the same, watching me in that careful way he’s been doing lately while he chews. It’s as if he’s waiting for me to break.
He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “Would you adopt a kid with me?”
I cough mid-swallow and cover my mouth, forcing the rest of my bite down before I choke on it. “Like now? Because of what I said about the table?” I dab my lips with a napkin.
“I’m not tryin’ to have kids just to fill a fuckin’ table.”
“Me either. That’s . . .” I lean back in my seat. “Sorry. I’m just in a funk today because of the appointment. I don’t really hate the table.” I watch Luke take another bite and set my own slice on the plate. “Why would you ask me that right now?”
I sound defensive all of a sudden, which is completely unintentional and out of my control. It just feels like we’re skipping steps and jumping ahead to the last possible option for us, when we’re literally just getting started. I haven’t even taken my first pill. I’m not due to take it until next week.
“`Cause we haven’t talked about it yet. It could come to that . . .”
“Yeah, if nothing else works.”
“I’m just wonderin’ where you’re at, if that’s even something you’d wanna do with me.” Hunched forward with his elbows planted on the table, his shoulder jerks. “I’d do it with you.”
My brows lift. “You would?”
He nods and takes a pull of his beer.
His answer makes my heart skip into a faster beat, and I realize Luke isn’t pushing us ahead and giving up on me. He’s simply asking where I stand on something we haven’t really discussed yet. And he has every right to ask me this. I hate how quick I am to think the worst about everything involving us starting a family. I shouldn’t be that way.
“I’d do it with you too.” Our eyes lock as Luke sets down his beer. “I’d totally buy a million kids with you.”
His mouth twitches. “That’ll add up. I’ll need to look for a second job.”
“I’m sorry I gave you an attitude. I’m just stressed out.”
“I wasn’t sayin’ it’s gonna come to that, like I know for sure or something. You know that, right?”
“I know you weren’t. I just . . . I don’t like thinking about what we’ll need to do if nothing else works for us.” I pick at my napkin, tearing off tiny shreds and dropping them next to my plate. “
And I really don’t think we’re going to get to that point. I know it’s my tubes. They’re blocked or something, I know they are. Nothing else makes sense. I have a great uterus, I’ve been told that several times. My hormone levels are awesome. Your sperm is on fucking point.” I look over at him. “Once I do this test and we see what’s going on, Dr. London will go in and fix me and then I’ll probably get pregnant right away. So, really, we’re looking at two and a half weeks. That’s it. Then you can knock me up. We won’t need to adopt a kid. I’ll get pregnant, Luke. I know I will. It’s just my stupid tubes . . .”
Luke places his hand on top of mine, stopping the napkin torture I can’t seem to quit on my own.
I drop the crumbled remains to the table. “Sorry.”
“Quit apologizing for shit and come here,” he says, his long fingers wrapping around my wrist. He tugs, drawing me out of my chair and guiding me into his lap where his arms envelop me. “Your tubes aren’t stupid,” he says, kissing my neck. “They’re fuckin’ perfect like every other inch of you.”
“Obviously not.” I trace the sharp angle of his jaw with my fingertip and rake my nail over his stubble. “I mean, I’m sure they’re cute and everything because hello, look at this body.”
His chest moves with a laugh.
“They’re just fucked up on the inside. I know that’s what it is.”
Luke’s gaze falls away immediately after I finish speaking. He turns his face into my hand and blinks at the wall.
“What?” I guide him to look at me again.
He stares at me, but it’s as if he’s not really seeing me at all, then he exhales heavily through his nose and gives a curt shake of his head as his arms draw me closer. “Nothin’. We’ll get your stupid fuckin’ tubes fixed.”
“That’s the plan.” I smile, dropping my forehead against his as my fingers slide down and around his neck.
I feel better knowing Luke agrees with me, that he believes what I believe. Being in this together means everything. Most of the time, I feel isolated and the reason for every single second of our struggle.
It’s easy to feel that way when you know you’re the problem. And it has to be me. We’ve ruled him out.