by Sam Hay
For my super-cool nephews Quinten and Elliot - SH
For Gizmo, our fine, furry friend - SC
CONTENTS
Title Page
Dedication
Introduction
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Copyright
The story so far…
Ten-year-old Joe Edmunds is desperate for a pet.
But his mum’s allergies mean that he’s got no chance.
Then his great-uncle Charlie gives him an ancient Egyptian amulet that he claims will grant Joe a single wish…
But instead of getting a pet, Joe becomes the Protector of Undead Pets. He is bound by the amulet to solve the problems of zombie pets so they can pass peacefully to the afterlife.
“Here they come!” called Joe.
Toby, his little brother, gave a squeal of delight as a streak of brown and white fur shot out of a bendy green tube, closely followed by two more.
“Go, guinea pigs!” shouted Erin, a curly-haired girl the same age as Joe. She was sitting at the other end of the hall waving a bunch of parsley, while three guinea pigs raced through the obstacle course towards her, squeaking as they went.
It was Sunday afternoon, the start of the half-term holiday, and Joe and Toby and their parents were visiting the Crawfords. While the grown-ups chatted in the living room, the children were playing with the family’s three guinea pigs – Lightning, Flash and Bolt. The obstacle course they’d built ran down the length of the Crawfords’ hallway.
“Oops!” giggled George, Erin’s little brother, as the guinea pigs decided not to jump over the small fence they’d made and went round the side instead.
“They’re heading for the seesaw!” shrieked Toby.
“Come on!” called Erin, waving the parsley up and down. “Come and get the goodies!”
Flash – the biggest guinea pig – sniffed the air and let out a squeak of excitement, then shot through the cardboard archway and over the finish line, closely followed by Bolt and Lightning.
“Why does Flash always win?” groaned George.
“Because he’s awesome!” Erin scooped Flash up gently and rewarded him with a sprig of parsley. “That’s why I chose him.”
“Lightning and Bolt are cool, too,” said George, giving the other two their share of the parsley.
Joe crouched down next to Erin and stroked Flash’s small brown and white head. “When did you get them?”
“About four months ago. They’re still quite young…”
“And very excitable!” added Erin’s mum, who had appeared in the hall carrying a tray of empty mugs. “All that squeaking!”
“Squeak! Squeak!” mimicked George in a funny guinea-pig voice.
Toby giggled and joined in. “Squeak! Squeak! Squeak!”
The guinea pigs stopped chewing their parsley and looked at the boys as though they were mad.
“I wish I had a guinea pig,” sighed Toby. “They’re so cool.”
“Want to hold Flash?” Erin nodded to the space next to her. “Sit there and I’ll put him on your lap. Watch out – he’s a bit of a pooper!”
Toby and George giggled.
“Can I hold one, too?” Joe asked.
George put Bolt on Joe’s knee. The guinea pig began snuffling around his pockets looking for treats. Joe stroked his head and the guinea pig gave a small squeak.
“He likes you,” said Erin.
But just then Bolt wriggled off Joe’s lap and scuttled back to Lightning.
“They’re best friends,” George explained. “They like to stick together.”
“What about Flash?” asked Joe. The biggest guinea pig was still sitting happily on Toby’s knee.
“He’s a bit braver,” said Erin. “The other two follow him about. It’s a bit like me and George,” she giggled. “I’m Flash and George is Bolt!”
“Joe, Toby – five minutes!” Mum called from the living room.
Toby groaned. “I don’t want to go home!”
“Quick,” Erin said. “Let’s do the course again!” She picked up Flash and Lightning, while George took Bolt, and they carried them back to the beginning of the obstacle course.
As soon as Erin let Flash go, he took off through the first tunnel, squeaking excitedly.
“Hey!” said Erin, as Lightning wriggled in her arms. She put him down and he chased after Flash. Bolt caught up, following the others.
George and Toby began squeaking again, copying the guinea pigs.
“We’ve got two new pets!” said Mrs Crawford as the grown-ups appeared in the hall.
Joe’s dad grinned. “Shall I put them in the hutch for you?”
Toby and George made silly guinea-pig faces and squeaked even louder.
“Come on, boys! Time to go,” said Mum, holding out Toby’s fleece.
Toby’s face fell. “But I want to stay.”
“You can come another time,” said Mrs Crawford. “What about Tuesday? It’s George’s birthday and he’s having a monster party. It would be lovely if Joe and Toby could come.”
“Yes, please!” said Toby excitedly.
“Cool!” George added.
Joe was less enthusiastic. The idea of a five-year-old’s birthday party wasn’t so appealing to him.
“Well…” he began.
Mrs Crawford smiled. “Maybe you’ve already got plans, Joe. But it would be lovely if Toby could come.”
“Are you sure you don’t mind?” Mum asked Mrs Crawford.
“Of course not! We’ve already got a houseful of kids coming – another one won’t matter.”
“Awesome!” said Toby and George. And they started squeaking again.
“Five more minutes, Joe, and then turn it off!” called Dad, poking his head round the living-room door.
It was a few hours later and Joe was playing a motor-racing video game.
“Did you hear me?” Joe’s dad asked.
Joe made a face. “Yeah, all right, Dad.”
Just one more lap, he thought to himself as he steered his car through the flags.
Squeak! Squeak! Squeak!
“Get lost, Toby!” Joe grumbled, not bothering to turn round. “Dad says I’ve still got five minutes!”
Squeak! Squeak! Squeak!
“Go away!”
Squeak! Squeak! Squeak!
Why were little brothers so annoying! Joe grabbed a cushion, spun round and lobbed it at Toby – but he wasn’t there.
Squeak! Squeak! Squeak!
Joe frowned. “Toby? Where are you?”
“Under here, Joe!” came a squeaky voice.
Joe peered under the coffee table and gasped. It was Flash!
Joe blinked a few times. It really was Flash. But the guinea pig looked different to the super-sleek blur of fur that had been zooming round the obstacle course at the Crawfords’ house earlier that day.
Flash’s coat was damp. His eyes were big, green and staring. And every time he opened his mouth, little soapy bubbles popped out.
Joe rubbed his eyes.
“I need your help!” said Flash urgently, and an extra big bubble popped out of his nose, filling the room with a flowery smell.
Joe gulped. “Are you … er … dead?”
“I can’t pass over properly until you help me!”
Joe groaned. Flash had become an Undead Pet, another creature stuck in limbo, unable to pass over to the afterlife until his problems had been solved. And thanks to the magical Egyptian amulet
that his great-uncle Charlie had given him, there was only one person who could help – Joe!
“But, how…?” Joe muttered. “I was playing with you a few hours ago!”
“A lot has happened since you left,” the guinea pig said miserably.
Just then there was a shout from upstairs.
“Come on, Joe,” called Dad. “Turn it off now!”
“OK, coming!” Joe flicked the game off and turned back to Flash. “What happened to you?”
Flash trotted out from under the table, leaving a trail of damp footprints on the carpet. “It’s a long story…”
The guinea pig gave himself a shake, splattering Joe with sweet-smelling droplets.
“Urgh! What’s that smell? Did you pour a bottle of perfume over your head or something?”
“It’s fabric softener,” said Flash.
“What?”
“You know, the gloopy stuff that goes in the washing machine.” As Flash spoke a ripple of bubbles escaped from his nose.
“But how did you get covered in it?”
“After you left, George and Erin put us back in our hutch, but I wanted to keep playing. I noticed that George hadn’t shut the hutch properly…”
“So you got out?” Joe asked.
Flash nodded. “I ran through the kitchen, but then something horrible appeared!” He began to shiver and a big bubble burst out of his left nostril.
“What was it?”
“A snake!” Flash let out a squeal.
“Very funny!” Joe rolled his eyes.
“No, really. There was a snake in the kitchen!” Flash’s fur was standing on end now and his eyes bulged. “It was huge. A monster!”
Joe frowned. “But Erin and George don’t have a snake.”
“I saw it!” squeaked Flash.
“OK, then,” said Joe, going along with the story, although he found it hard to believe. “What did you do?”
Joe winced. “You drowned?”
Flash nodded. “Look at me!”
Joe popped a few bubbles as they drifted out of the damp guinea pig’s mouth and floated towards him. “So, what do you need me for?”
“To save my friends from the snake! What if it eats Bolt and Lightning?”
“But maybe it wasn’t a snake,” Joe said. “I mean, snakes don’t just pop up in kitchens. And I think the Crawfords would know if there was one hanging round their house. Maybe it was just a hose pipe or a skipping rope.”
A stubborn expression appeared on Flash’s face. “It was a snake! A huge one. And they won’t know about it because it’s hiding behind the fridge! I saw it slither off there when Mum came into the kitchen.”
Joe scratched his head. “But how could a snake just sneak into someone’s house without them seeing it?”
“I don’t know! But you’ve got to stop it, Joe,” Flash said firmly, “before it gobbles up my friends!”
Joe wasn’t sure what to do next. He wanted to help Flash but he couldn’t exactly call the Crawfords and tell them there was a snake in their kitchen. They’d never believe him. He still wasn’t sure he believed it himself!
“Come on,” he said. “Maybe we can find out what sort of snake you think you saw.”
“Hey!” squealed the guinea pig as Joe picked him up and squashed him into the large front pocket of his hoodie.
Joe crept out into the hall and listened. He could hear Toby splashing about in the bath upstairs. Dad was talking to him. He could hear Mum up there, too, moving around. Luckily, he didn’t have to worry about Sarah – his pain-in-the-neck big sister was away at Guide Camp.
Joe snuck into the kitchen and spotted Dad’s new tablet computer lying on the table. He lifted Flash out of his pocket, then switched on the tablet and tapped in the word “snake”.
“What colour was it?” asked Joe.
“Orange!”
“And how big was it?”
“Enormous!” gasped Flash.
Joe smiled. “Yeah, but everything looks enormous to you, Flash, because you’re so little!”
Flash made an indignant snorting noise and a stream of bubbles burst out of his nose. “It was nearly as long as this table!”
“Really?” Joe reckoned the kitchen table was about a metre long. If there really was a snake, then it was a big one! He tapped in the details.
Joe spotted a site about exotic pets in the search results. He opened the page and then clicked on a photo of an orange snake. “There!” he pointed. “Is that it?”
Flash peered at the picture of the snake and gave a squeal. “That’s it!”
Joe read the text. “It’s a corn snake,” he said. “It says they’re not dangerous to people…”
“But what about guinea pigs?”
Joe read some more. “Oh.”
“What? What is it, Joe?”
“It says corn snakes should be kept away from other pets … and…”
“What?” Flash peered up at Joe. “Tell me!”
“Well, it says that a corn snake’s main source of food is … small rodents!”
Flash gave a super-loud squeak and a rush of bubbles popped out of his ears, filling the air with flowery scent.
“Joe?”
Mum was standing in the doorway. “What are you doing? And what’s that smell? Have you been spraying air freshener?”
“No!” Joe shook his head. “It’s nothing to do with me!”
Mum gave her nose a rub. She couldn’t see the undead pets – no one apart from Joe could. But thanks to her allergies she could always sense when one was close.
“Why are you using Dad’s tablet?” Mum asked. “You know he said you had to get permission.”
Joe felt his face turn red. “I was just finding out about … animals.”
Mum sighed. “I know how much you love animals, and I could see that you and Toby had a great time playing with the guinea pigs, but we’ve been through this hundreds of times! We can’t have a pet because of my allergies.”
“But you didn’t sneeze so much today, Mum. Maybe guinea pigs don’t bother you like other animals do.”
“No, it’s because I took an allergy pill. But the medicine doesn’t make my allergies disappear altogether. In fact,” she wrinkled her nose and blinked a few times, “it must be wearing off. My nose actually feels a bit tickly now…” She gave her eyes a rub. “Turn off the tablet now, please, Joe.” She turned and left the room.
Joe waited until she’d gone then looked back at the screen. “I just want to check one more thing…” He tapped in the words “escaped snake” then hit enter.
“Wow!” he breathed. There were hundreds of stories about people finding escaped snakes in their houses. Perhaps Flash’s story wasn’t as mad as he’d thought! Joe clicked on one story and a picture of a giant python lying on a bathroom radiator appeared.
Joe could hear his mum calling him again. He scooped up Flash and headed for the door.
“What are we going to do now?” Flash squeaked.
“I’m sure I’ll think of something,” whispered Joe, climbing into bed later that night. “Maybe I could go round to the Crawfords’ house in the morning and try and find the snake…”
Flash sighed. “If it’s not already too late.”
Joe placed Flash in an old shoebox stuffed with socks then lay down and flicked his bedside light off.
A moment later he felt something cold and soggy wriggling by his feet. The next second, Flash popped his head out from under the duvet on to Joe’s pillow.
“Guinea pigs stick together,” squeaked Flash, nuzzling up to Joe.
“But I’m not a guinea pig!” Joe grimaced. “Budge up!” he added crossly. But Flash was already asleep, snoring bubbles.
The next morning, Toby was standing in his pyjamas, watching Joe put on his trainers.
“Where are you going?” Toby asked.
“Out!” said Joe. He was trying not to squish Flash as he leaned over. The guinea pig was tucked inside his hoodie pocket again. “O
n my bike!”
“Why?”
“Because I want to.”
“But we’re going bowling today,” said Toby, who had slipped on Dad’s shoes and was clumping about in the hallway next to Joe.
Joe groaned. He’d forgotten that he was supposed to be meeting his mates Matt and Ben at the bowling alley.
Joe glanced at the clock. “That’s not until later. Eleven o’clock, wasn’t it? I’m going out on my bike first. See you!”
Joe slipped out of the front door before Dad appeared.
“I hope we’re not too late,” squeaked Flash, popping his pink nose out and sniffing the morning air. “The snake might have got them already!”
“I doubt it,” muttered Joe. “Or I’d have had two more undead pets in my bed this morning!” He fetched his bike from the side of the house and climbed on. “I hope the Crawfords let me in.”
The plan was to cycle over to the Crawfords’ house and pretend he’d left his cap there.
I wonder whether they’ll remember I wasn’t actually wearing a cap yesterday, Joe thought.
As they hurtled down Joe’s road, Flash let out an excited squeal. “Faster, Joe!”
Less than five minutes later, they were outside the Crawfords’ house. Joe took a deep breath and pressed the doorbell. He shuffled impatiently, his confidence disappearing.
Flash wriggled out of Joe’s pocket. “I’ll sneak inside and take a look.”
He scrambled down Joe’s leg and disappeared straight through the front door.
Joe rang the bell again.
“They’re out, loser!”
Joe spun round to find Spiker – the most annoying boy in his class – smirking at him from the garden next door.
“What are you doing here?” Joe spluttered.
“I live here!”
“What?”
Spiker rolled his eyes and nodded to the house next door to the Crawfords’. “That’s mine, dimwit!” Then his eyes narrowed. “What are you doing here?”