by Adams, Kira
He raises his eyebrows. “Like a bucket list?”
The air between us grows thick. “Yeah, something like that. I just realized I haven’t really been living for a while now, and what better time to start?”
A smile pulls at his lips. “That is so cool. What else is on the list?”
My cheeks grow hot from his gaze. “Just stupid stuff like riding a horse, going camping, participating in a 5k.”
His shock is not easily masked. I know I am not in shape, whatsoever, but I want to do it all, before it’s too late.
“I learn more about you every day,” he murmurs softly.
I tuck my hair behind my ears nervously. “Yeah, I guess you do.”
Suddenly he is beaming back at me. “You could have asked anyone to help you conquer this list. Why me?”
I look around anxiously. “You know as well as I do that I can count my friends on one hand. And plus…I thought a change of pace might be good for you.”
He nods drumming his fingers along his chin. “Can I see the list?”
My stomach instantly tightens. No. You cannot. If you see it, it will just create more questions. I shake my head dismissively.
“Okay.” He chuckles. “But on our way to the beach you are going to share more of your list with me.”
Nervousness pools within me. “You want to go?”
He smiles widely. “Of course I want to go. But, before we go, I need to know…any more items on your list revolve around the beach or huge bodies of water?”
Mentally, I scan my list. “Yeah, a couple…why?”
He grins. “Better to kill two birds with one stone.”
I already like the way he is thinking. “Smart.”
“Let me go get dressed. You okay waiting here?”
I nod, remaining seated.
I guess I should have prepared better. I glance down at my warm clothing. Oh well. Carpe diem.
Chapter Nineteen
Topher
I don’t know what I am expecting when I wake up to find Ciera at my door. It is surprising to say the least. The girl is much different than I thought. It’s like, just when I think I have her figured out, she goes and does something that jumbles my idea of her. When I see her at the bottom of the stairway, outside the door, my stomach begins doing sickening flops. I can’t figure out why. She’s never made me nervous before, but something has definitely changed between us. It is an unspoken shift, but I know she feels it too, otherwise she wouldn’t have walked all the way across town.
After quickly dressing, we hurry out the door and into the brand new 2014 Lexus RC F sitting in my driveway. It’s black and sleek and I’ve been dying to test it out on the freeway. Hopefully Ciera can handle it.
She is wearing the ugliest scarf I have ever laid eyes on. It looks like someone had a bit too much fun with tie-die and it has the ugliest fringed edges to it. I can’t take her seriously with it on. I keep sneaking glances and then cracking myself up.
“What?” she finally asks huffily.
“That scarf,” I say through a round of chuckles.
She glances down at the ugly piece of clothing and then back up at me. “What about it?”
I stifle another laugh. “You can’t be serious.”
Her cheeks turn a dark shade of pink as she unwraps it from her neck, and then holds it in her hands, staring down at it. “It was a Christmas gift.”
For some reason that answer is even worse. “Well whoever thought that was a good idea, was sorely mistaken.”
Ciera glares at me. “My sister Rose made it for me last year for Christmas.”
“Well that explains a lot.”
She tosses it to her feet, and then folds her arms across her chest.
“Oh, come on. You’re not mad at me now, are you?” I tease.
She continues glaring at me. “You’re rude. Didn’t your mother ever teach you if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?”
I know she doesn’t realize what she is saying until the words are completely out of her mouth, and hanging in the air uncomfortably between us. The car falls silent.
“I’m—I’m sorry,” she stammers. “I didn’t think.”
I shrug. “It’s not a big deal.”
“How did it happen?” she asks in a small voice.
“She developed a severe case of pneumonia when I was less than a year old. The doctor’s couldn’t save her.”
I realize that this is the first time I’ve told anyone the truth. It’s easier not to mention it, so most of the time I let people believe that she ran off after I was born. Then I don’t have to deal with their pity.
Ciera shifts uncomfortably. “You didn’t really get to know her.”
I nod, remaining mute. Unfortunately not.
“I wonder what she was like…”
I glance at Ciera curiously, and then back at the road. “She was selfless and kind, always thinking of others. Nothing like me.”
“Hey, you’re coming around,” Ciera says softly.
“I guess there’s hope for me yet…”
Silence fills the air again as we ride for quite some time without words or even music. Just the low hum of the engine filling the void.
“So, tell me more about this list,” I finally say.
She sighs, running her hand through her short blond locks. “For too long I’ve lived my life in fear. Fear of judgment, fear of my peers, fear of—“
“In fear of me,” I finish for her.
She nods slowly. “I’m tired of living in fear. Life is meant to be lived, experienced, and breathed. I’m ready now.”
Her words are so powerful, I’m not prepared with how hard they hit me. “What else is on this list?”
She exhales a long, deep breath. “A lot.” She pauses, thinking. “I want to go camping. With real tents and sleeping bags. Under the stars. I want to roast marshmallows and tell ghost stories.”
“Wait.” I slap my hand on the dashboard excitedly. “Are you telling me you’ve never gone camping before?”
She shakes her head no.
My mind begins racing. This girl really hasn’t experienced life to the fullest. I’m excited I get the opportunity to be along for the ride.
“Okay, what else?”
She scrunches up her nose and taps on her chin like she is deep in thought. “Halloween is next week. I’ve never been to a haunted house.”
I can’t help the shock spilling over my face. “You came to the right place.”
She giggles. “You know, no one asked you to help with the list.”
“Oh please,” I say in one long breath. “You’re practically begging for it. I’m going to help you tackle this list Topher-style and then you are going to have to do something for me.”
Her eyes widen. “And just what might that be?”
I break out into a wide grin. “You’re just going to have to wait and see…”
* * *
As it turns out, there is a lot we can do from her list in one day at the beach. We start out by attempting to fly the kite, unsuccessfully. The wind isn’t as strong as she thought it would be, and we give up after a good hour of attempts. Ciera finds a sand dollar poking out from the sand, and it steals our attention away from the task at hand.
“Look!” she exclaims excitedly. “A sand dollar!” She is turning it over in her hand, examining all the markings when I grab it from her.
“It’s in one piece…that’s rare,” I reply.
“I’ve never seen one in person before, much less held one!” It’s refreshing to live through her eyes for once; everything new and exciting.
“Let me guess, another item we can check off from the list?”
She looks up at me, her blue eyes gleaming as she nods.
“Here, let me hold onto it. I have bigger pockets than you.” I tuck the sand dollar into the pocket of my pants and then look back at her. “What now?”
Her eyes trail away from my face and down the be
ach a little. “Do you think the tide is low enough for us to explore a cave?”
I look out at the ocean, the water keeping its distance. “For now, but it won’t be for long! We better hurry.”
We make our way down the beach to a series of caves. Most are too dangerous to enter, but we locate one that we can walk along the side into a good fifty feet.
“Be careful,” I warn her, as I reach out to grab the side. “It’s slippery.”
I take calculated steps around the moss covered rocks inside, but it’s clear within minutes that she doesn’t heed my warning as I hear a loud shriek, and the sound of rocks falling amongst each other, and then into the water below. I grab her arm, catching her.
We stand there giggling together like a bunch of idiots before I sweep her hair out of her face gently. I don’t know why she was never on my radar before. I don’t know why I thought I was so much better than her.
She looks up into my eyes with a pained expression. “We can’t.”
My brows furrow as I try to understand why she is pushing me away. “We can’t what?”
She looks down, and then pulls herself out of my grip slowly. “This isn’t us.”
“Oh really, so you’re saying there is an ‘us’?” I ask, arching an eyebrow.
She sighs heavily. “You’re the most popular guy in school, I’m the biggest loser. We don’t make sense.”
“I don’t care about any of that…you shouldn’t either.”
She begins to make her way back out onto the beach as the sun is beginning to set and the cave is darkening on the inside. When I catch up to her, she is staring up at the beautiful night sky. “What if Madalynne hadn’t dragged me to that party? You would have never known who I was, and we would have never been here together.”
I look at her incredulously. “Are we really going to play the ‘what if’ game? What if Sophia hadn’t slept with Joe? What if my dad wasn’t gay? It doesn’t fucking matter because it’s not real.” I pull her into me. “I can’t take back the shitty things I did to you, but I can be a better person. I can’t explain the way you make me feel, but I can tell you I’ve never felt more alive in my entire life than when I’m with you.”
Ciera looks down at the sand and then away. She has a sad, far off look in her eyes.
I grab her chin and direct her eyes back toward me. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
A silent tear rolls down her cheek. “Why is this happening now? Why couldn’t this have happened years ago?”
I shake my head dismissively. “I wasn’t the same person a few years ago as I am now. I was immature and arrogant.”
She inhales deeply. “Can you take me home?”
I don’t know what is going on with her, but I’m not ready to leave yet. Not when we have so many more things from her list we can still tackle tonight. I shake my head no.
“Topher…” she says sadly.
I grab her hands and pull her into my chest. “You asked me to accompany you on this mission and I’m not leaving until we have completed everything we possibly can.”
She huffs.
“Come on, you can’t deny that you’ve had fun today…”
She shakes her head. “That’s the problem. I’m having too much fun.”
I look at her like she has two heads. “Is that even such a thing? Plus, weren’t you the one telling me that you haven’t really been living?”
She looks into my eyes. Almost as if she is searching for something, and then I see her expression change, like a light bulb is going off in her head.
“Oh, hell!” she exclaims, throwing her arms up in the air. She pulls on my hoodie, bringing me down to her level and then she presses her lips against mine. I don’t know what compels her to do this, but the minute our lips touch I feel it within the very core of my being. I am on fire. I am pulling her closer, melding our lips together. I’ve never felt anything more powerful, more intense.
Kissing Sophia seems like child’s play compared to the kiss I share with Ciera now. And before I know it, she is pushing me away, leaving me breathless. I press my forehead against hers, breathing in deeply. “Wow.”
“Wow,” she repeats me.
“That was…” I trail off, still attempting to gather my thoughts along with my breath.
“Incredible,” she finishes for me.
I nod lightly. “If I knew it was going to be like that I would have kissed you sooner, slap or not.”
She giggles, taking a step back. “I had to do it…at least once.”
I whistle. “That’s going to be happening a lot more than one time…” But then I realize the actual meaning of her previous statement. “Are you telling me that you’ve never been kissed before?”
Her cheeks instantly flush as she goes mute.
“You’re kidding, right?” She has to be kidding. There’s no way I could feel as blown away as I do from a girl who’s never kissed anyone before…can I?
She continues to look embarrassed. “I kissed Mack once. We were in second grade, and wanted to get it over with…it doesn’t really count.”
I guess I can.
I run my fingers across her face, still feeling an electric pull between the two of us. “I don’t know how you expect me to keep my hands off of you now that you whipped out your ridiculous kissing skills.”
She shies away from my touch. “That was a one-time thing.”
“Hell no, it isn’t.” I grab her hand and pull her back into me, mashing my lips to hers. Her body melts into mine. It seems her body has different ideas than her mind.
Chapter Twenty
Ciera
Darkness has fallen upon the beach as Topher leads the way via a flashlight.
“Are you sure this is a good idea? I never even let my mom know I was leaving.” I am referring to the newly bought tent and sleeping bag Topher carries under his arm, along with the bag of s’mores accessories I carry.
“Do you want to call her?”
I sigh. “It’s kind of late now. I would probably wake Rose and Wes. It would be easier if she had a cell phone.”
“Oh, that’s right, I keep forgetting…” he trails off as he drops everything onto the sand. “We are going to have to change that.”
I ponder over what he means by that as he takes the paper grocery bag out of my hands, and drops it on the sand. His lips find mine again, and it’s as if he can’t get enough of me. Ever since I made the move to kiss him earlier, he’s made a conscious effort to be touching me in any way possible. Whether it was his arm around my waist at the sporting goods store, or his hand on mine in the car, it’s as if he’s scared I’ll disappear. The feeling is foreign to me, but makes my heart beat rapidly in my chest in a good way.