by Gun Brooke
Carolyn placed the clippings on the chair behind them and took Annelie in her arms. “Listen to me, love. You can cry on my shoulder any time you want. As for your father, I don’t think we’ll ever know his motives for saving these clippings. But I think it’s safe to say this is how White made the connection. Perhaps your press coverage sparked his interest and made him think he could pull it off. It wasn’t the smartest of plans.”
Annelie had to laugh through her tears. “No, it wasn’t. I believe they’re holding him on several charges.” Wiping her cheeks, she moved closer to Carolyn. “I’ll just have to accept it—some parents simply don’t want to be parents.”
“I know. He didn’t deserve you. He blew his chances with you a long time ago.”
“Somehow I must have known a reconciliation was out of the question, ever since I was little and gave up hope he’d come back. I never tried to find him.”
Carolyn didn’t say anything but stroked Annelie’s back in long, languid movements.
“I had my mother and, later, Margo. I told myself I didn’t need a deadbeat dad.” Annelie moved, placing her head in Carolyn’s lap, pressing her face into the soft fabric of her T-shirt. Carolyn kept up the soothing motion of her hand. “The truth is, if he’d come back…I’d have listened and told him how much I’d missed him. I wouldn’t have turned my back on him, even if it had been all about money.”
“That’s because you’ve got the biggest of hearts, love,” Carolyn whispered. “You’re that kind of person.”
“He lived in misery. Why didn’t he ask me for money when he discovered who I was?”
“Pride, regrets, some shred of honor…who knows, Annie. At least you know that the man who tried this scam wasn’t your father. That’s always something.”
Annelie put her arm around Carolyn’s waist, feeling safe and cared for. “Yes,” she breathed. “It’s something.”
*
Carolyn looked up from her script as Helen walked through the door. “How was lunch?”
“Oh, God, you did the right thing, staying here with a sandwich.” Helen sat down on the couch with a thud. “Monday. Lunchtime. New York.” She made a face. “Ew. It got ugly at the cash register.”
“Did you get anything to eat? Want a sandwich? They’re actually not bad.”
“No, thanks. I managed to get a salad. Next time the kids try to drag me away for lunch, remind me of this.”
Laughing, Carolyn promised she would. “I’ve got a few issues with the big scene between Erica and Maddox that everyone’s making such a fuss about.”
Helen nodded, reaching into a bag by her feet for her script. “What’s your problem?”
“Well, I’ve done my share of love scenes, and they’re not my favorite part of the shooting. I don’t like to have the crew there. I’m sure Regina will be sensitive enough to shoot these scenes with a skeleton crew. Still…”
Carolyn regarded Helen carefully, wanting to be sure she understood. “Normally, with a man, we have rehearsal, very schematic, and usually very cut and dried.”
“I know,” Helen said, “and I really want to get it right. I’m not worried about feeling awkward, since both of our characters are supposed to be reluctant and nervous.”
“That’s exactly it. When Erica confronts Maddox in her office in the middle of the night, they’re both tired and frustrated. Erica’s angry, feeling Maddox is running instead of dealing with the obvious attraction. Maddox is angry with herself for being afraid of her own feelings.”
“So they kiss, and neither of them can say for certain who started it.” Helen dragged a hand through her hair. “As I’ve already told you, I’ve kissed a woman once in my life, but it was a very chaste kiss. We didn’t deepen it, and I was rather young.”
Carolyn was grateful for her candor. “You know I’m with Annelie, but that’s where my expertise on the subject ends.”
“And? What’s your verdict, kissing men versus women?” Helen made a funny face. “Any major difference?”
“Stubble.”
Helen’s jaw dropped. “What?”
“No stubble, beard, or mustache.”
“And that’s it? The only difference?”
Carolyn couldn’t keep a straight face at the sight of Helen’s perplexed look. Laughing, she had to pull a tissue out of her purse and wipe the corners of her eyes. “No, of course not. With Annie, it’s softer, gentler, and, because it’s her and I love her, it’s more passionate and soul-claiming.”
“Oh.” Helen rubbed the back of her neck. “So is that what we aim for? To make the audience believe in softness, passion…and soul-claiming?”
“Yup, that’s it. Think you can handle it, St. Cyr?”
Helen grinned. “I’ll damn well try, Black.”
“Speaking of Annelie, I believe she and Jem’ll be here for a tour soon.” Carolyn looked at her watch. “In a few hours, in fact. You must be looking forward to tonight.”
“Yes, I am. Wasn’t it great how Jem and I discovered our mutual passion for musicals? I’ve wanted to see Mama Mia for a long time. I was really impressed with how quickly Annelie managed to scare up two tickets on the Internet.”
“Yes, I’m starting to think I’ll have to buy one of those laptops and learn the basics.” Carolyn laughed. “I know, I know, I’m still getting the hang of using the cell phone.”
The door opened and a young man poked his head inside. “Regina wants you in the conference room, please. Five minutes.”
“We’re coming.” Helen rose from the couch, taking her bag with her. “I need to do something important before rehearsal.” She pulled out a toothbrush and gave Carolyn a smug grin. “I come prepared!”
*
Annelie watched Carolyn exchange some final words with Regina and then say goodbye. The studio was quiet.
Carolyn walked up to her, her eyes shining with excitement. “They looked at the dailies, and Regina is thrilled with what we did today. That’s pretty rare with her. She’s usually hard to please. Seems Helen and I nailed it.”
“I’m happy for you, but not surprised.”
“You’re biased.” Carolyn looked around the empty set and then kissed her gently on the cheek. “I’ll just go change into my own clothes. I can remove the makeup later. The girls have all gone home.” Checking her watch, she frowned. “It can’t be that late.”
“Your watch is on Maddox time. It’s almost midnight.”
“Late enough. I’m not very tired yet—I must still be on a high. You ready to get out of here?”
“Don’t change yet. I want to see you in your office as Maddox. I haven’t seen much of the shooting.”
Carolyn cocked her head. “We’ve only shot a few scenes,” she explained. “I think you want to see me as Maddox in the office because Helen and I shot the scene today.” She winked, making Annelie blush. “See? I was right.”
Annelie took her by the hand, pulling her toward Maddox’s office at the far end of the studio. It was furnished with an old, scratched desk, a leather chair with a tall backrest, and several filing cabinets.
“That’s some ambiance,” Annelie said, looking around the set. “The prop guys have done a great job.”
“Yes, it looks wonderful.” Carolyn sat down on the corner of the desk. “I’m going to spend a lot of time here.”
Annelie sat down next her and leaned back. “Erica Becker was sitting on Maddox’s desk like this, wasn’t she? I saw the promo pictures today.”
“Oh. Well, she sat like that, but with her legs slightly parted, like this.” Carolyn’s eyes glittered when she stood up, gently nudging Annelie’s legs apart. “And Maddox was standing very close, like this, pushing her away and pulling her close at the same time.”
Annelie’s breath caught in her throat at the sight of Carolyn, still looking like Diana Maddox. Dressed in a black pantsuit and white shirt, with the prop gun still bulging under her left arm, Carolyn looked every bit the famous character.
“You look so
beautiful, like Maddox, but still yourself. Perhaps you are her…or vice versa?”
Carolyn backed off a little and something in her face altered. Eyes suddenly fiery, she said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. You barge in here in the middle of the night, when I’m trying to get some work done. You know how backed up we are. What the hell’s going on?” She glared at Annelie, half-playful, half-serious, coaxing her to tread the line between fantasy and reality.
Annelie leaned back on her arms, sitting on the desk the way she’d always imagined Erica would in this scene. “You know very well what’s going on,” she said, eyes narrowed. “For days you’ve acted like we’re no more than casual acquaintances.”
“We’re working on a case involving a dead kid, Erica. There’s no time for anything personal.”
“Don’t even go there. If you had your way, you’d skid around this issue, case or not. Why do you think I’m here now, in the middle of the night?” Annelie imagined Erica hurt, distraught, yearning for more than Diana was willing to give. Her tone conveyed her emotions. “Because you’re here... alone. And there’s nowhere to run.”
“You want to talk, so talk.” Carolyn stood, arrogant and outrageously desirable, her thighs almost between Annelie’s legs. “What the hell’s going on? Can you explain that to me? We’ve worked together for more than two years. We’ve been to hell and back, witnessed the things monsters do to innocent people, and we’ve supported each other through all of it. I thought we were friends!”
Annelie raised her hands and took Carolyn by the shoulders, barely able to resist shaking her. “We are friends! We’re friends and so much more.” She pulled her closer, lips trembling. “I’d give my life for you, Diana.”
Carolyn tried to pry Annelie’s hands off her shoulders but ended up stroking the soft skin instead. Her hands slid up Annelie’s arms to the softness of her neck.
“Oh, God, Erica. If you let me touch you…”
“What are you afraid of? This?” Annelie lowered her hands to Carolyn’s waist and drew her so close she could feel the damp of their merging breaths.
*
Carolyn stopped resisting as soon as Annelie’s tongue entered her half-open mouth and found hers. Moaning out loud, she kissed Annelie deeply in return, lowering her onto the desk. “All right,” she whispered feverishly. “If this is what you want.”
“It’s all I’ve ever wanted,” Annelie gasped. “You’re all I want, Diana. Only you. I’ve waited so long…for this…”
Carolyn’s weight descended on her, sliding between her legs. She pushed Annelie’s skirt up and traced the naked skin above her stockings with hands that shook slightly. Devouring her with long kisses, she caressed her way up to the lace and satin of her panties. “So you want me to make you mine here and now?” She rubbed the damp fabric between Annelie’s thighs. “No romance, no declaration of love, nothing?”
Annelie went rigid, turning her head away from the insistent words. But she was unable to prevent herself from undulating against the probing fingers. “You don’t understand. It doesn’t matter…”
Carolyn stopped moving, her hand slowing down. “What do you mean?”
Annelie faced her squarely. “It’s impossible to make me yours.”
“So it’s just sex.”
Annelie pushed herself up, sitting on the edge of the desk, Carolyn’s hands still between her legs, waiting. “No. Never just sex.” Tears ran down her face, and she threw her arms around Carolyn’s neck, holding on tight. Her hips started moving against Carolyn’s motionless fingers. “Don’t you see? It’s a done deal. You can’t make me yours—I already belong to you.”
Carolyn’s eyes suddenly brimmed with tears, and she shuddered slightly as she gave in to Annelie, accepting what she offered. Kissing her deeply, she pushed the panties aside and entered her with two fingers, evoking a low moan.
Annelie arched and whimpered as Carolyn took her thoroughly on her desk. Clinging to her, she gasped as yet another finger entered, stretching her. “Diana, please…” She reached inside Carolyn’s jacket, her fingers sliding over the gun harness as she unbuttoned the white shirt. Pushing the bra up, she eagerly sought the soft skin so long denied her.
Carolyn whimpered as fingertips found her nipples, the sweet torment increasing her efforts to bring Annelie pleasure. “Oh, yes.”
She held Annelie close with one arm, her fingers on the other hand caressing the shivering woman. Feeling her own sex convulsing while Annelie tweaked her nipples, Carolyn didn’t take her eyes off her lover for a second. “I love you, Annie…I love you so much.”
“And I love you. Don’t let go of me.”
“I won’t. Ever.”
The leather couch in the office was useful when the two women needed a more comfortable way to catch their breath while adjusting their clothes.
“I can’t believe we did that.” Carolyn nuzzled Annelie’s cheek. “You bring out the strangest behavior in me sometimes.”
“Strange as in good, or strange as in bad?”
“I’d say this was pretty good. Any better and I’d be unconscious.”
Annelie smiled and raised her eyebrows. “You play well, darling.”
“And you make an excellent Erica, completely irresistible.” Carolyn winked at Annelie. “I always knew playing Maddox would be rewarding. I just didn’t know how right I was.”
Annelie leaned down for a kiss. “How clever of you. Why don’t we go home before the guards begin their rounds, and I’ll show you just how many rewards you deserve?”
Returning the kiss with fervor, Carolyn hugged the woman she loved close. “You gorgeous woman, you. You’re full of excellent ideas this evening. Yes, let’s go home.”
Epilogue
Carolyn stood motionless by the balcony railing, her hair the only thing moving in the wind.
Annelie stopped on the threshold, enjoying the view for a moment before walking up to her. “A penny for them?”
Impressed with how Carolyn didn’t even flinch, Annelie encircled her lover’s waist.
“Just listening to the city. So many lives, crammed into one tiny island.”
“Why this philosophical mood?”
Turning, Carolyn cupped Annelie’s cheek. “I came out here to get some air after a long day at the studio, and it hit me.” She gestured toward the busy city below them. “Can these people possibly be as happy as I am right now?”
A warm glow started in the pit of Annelie’s stomach, spreading toward her heart. “Some of them, surely.”
“I don’t know. I’m here with you. I love you more than anything or anyone. I’ve never felt like this in my life. Playing Maddox is the role of a lifetime, which will make me financially secure for the rest of my days. I called Beth earlier, and she’s doing fine. She’ll be home tomorrow. We’re blessed with such good, loyal friends…” Tears rose in Carolyn’s eyes. “The only cloud is…what if I lost you?”
Annelie took her by the hand. “You won’t. Unless I fall under a bus, which I have no plans to do, you’re stuck with me.” She guided Carolyn into the living room, where a fire crackled in the fireplace. Looking expectantly at Carolyn, Annelie held her breath.
“Oh, my, when did you do this?”
On the floor in front of the fireplace, on a red wool blanket, lay an assortment of cheese and crackers, a bottle of chardonnay, and several large pillows. An Eva Cassidy CD played in the background, her clear voice filling the room.
“While you were deep in your reverie on the balcony. But I admit I planned it in advance. I thought we’d have a romantic evening together, now that we’re alone again.”
“You’re a genius.” Carolyn expressed her appreciation with a firm hug, which soon turned into a heated kiss. “Why don’t we sit down, and you can pour me some of that wine.”
They lounged in front of the fire, arranging the pillows so they could rest comfortably. After filling the rounded crystal glasses, Annelie raised hers. “To us.”
“To us.”
Sipping her wine, Annelie looked at the contented expression on Carolyn’s face. She’d never seen her look this relaxed. Carolyn had changed her routine and now swam for half an hour every morning before heading to the studio. It seemed to lessen the unavoidable stress and pressure of playing Maddox.
“Carolyn, have I told you today how beautiful you are, inside and out?” Annelie smiled at her surprised look.
“Well, no, not today.”
“Then let me tell you. I have a secret. When I wake up in the morning, I spend a few minutes just looking at your face and any part of you that’s visible, absorbing how beautiful you are. Sometimes I have to pinch myself to realize this is true—you’re here with me.”
Carolyn’s face softened, and she dropped her actor’s mask completely as she put her glass on the floor. “You do?”
“Yes. If you’re afraid of somehow losing me, then I’m just as afraid, if not more, of finding you gone one day. I know, it’s an irrational fear—but it’s there. I’ve gone from worshipping you for the work you do to loving you for the woman you are. You know I was nervous about us in the beginning. I was afraid you’d realize you weren’t ready to be with a woman, with me, after all. I don’t think like that any more, but in my darkest hours, the fear can reemerge.”
Carolyn took a chocolate-covered strawberry and offered one to Annelie. “You’re all I could ever want. If you watch me in the morning, I watch you during the day when you’re not paying attention. I look at how you move, how your ponytail snuggles against your neck, and how you hold on to your left wrist with your right hand behind your back when you’re nervous. I love how you eat with a knife and fork the European way, and it excites me how your breasts move underneath your shirt when you’re not wearing a bra. Most of all…” Carolyn leaned in and placed a soft kiss on Annelie’s lips. “I love how I’m allowed to touch you, hug you, and make love to you.”