“You can’t.” I slowly open my eyes. “Cody died,” I whisper.
His eyes flare in pain for me. I surrender to the hurt and close my eyes again, pushing more tears to fall. Feeling weak and empty, I let my head fall onto Jesse’s chest and let his strength and warmth engulf as he pulls me closer.
“I’m sorry, Allie. So sorry,” he whispers as he rocks me.
I wake sometime later, disoriented for a few minutes before I remember I’m in a cabin at the Callaghan Ranch. The memory of my breakdown floods over me and I groan as I cover my face with my hands. I stay like that for a few minutes before taking a deep breath and lowering my hands.
Too late now, Allie.
I turn my head on the pillow and look around the room. I’m alone. Jesse is gone and I don’t blame him. He probably thinks I’m a basket case. I am a total basket case.
I move to the front room of the cabin and see my guitar in its case leaning against the couch and there’s a pick on the table in front of it.
Jesse must have brought in the rest of my stuff.
I pull it from the case, sit down and absently start strumming the strings. I reach for a guitar pick on the table. I know it’s not one of mine so it must be Jesse’s. I had no idea he played, but then why would I? I met him in a bar while wearing a garter on my leg, fishnet hose and a feather in my hair. I sat on his lap during a bar fight, planned a road trip, followed him home, and then proceeded to have a level ten emotional breakdown all within three hours.
That actually makes me laugh as I start playing. Before I know it, I’m lost in the music as I sing. Jesse comes in the cabin door and sits down next to me and listens quietly. I briefly look at him before continuing to strum my fingers while singing Johnny Cash’s version of Hurt.
When I stop playing, Jesse takes my guitar from me and puts it back in its case and then throws some more logs on the fire. He must have started the fire while I was asleep. I let the flames hypnotize me as he sits back down next to me. I keep my eyes on the fire until he calls my name.
“Allie, as beautiful as that was, it scared me. Talk to me. What happened to Cody?”
I want to scream at him. Tell him it’s none of his business and go to Hell. I open my mouth to let him have it, but instead my heart has another idea. It decides it’s time to begin healing. Whether my mind agrees or not, it opens up the part I’ve kept all my broken memories locked behind. I spend the rest of the night spilling my heart to him.
Never knowing all the details behind Cody’s fall and his choice to take his own life, all I can do is share the aftermath of his choice. I admit to Jesse I feel my dad’s career played a major role in the road to that led to Cody’s suicide. I tell him how my dad wasn’t home. How the great Sergeant Major loved the military and his command more than us. I become so angry I can’t see straight. I regret opening that part of my heart and memories. I get up, grab my keys off the table and start for the door when Jesse suddenly blocks me. My heart starts thumping like a bass drum when he makes a startling confession.
“When I first saw you across the room and you smiled, you looked familiar, but I couldn’t place where I knew you. Now I know. I don’t know you but your green eyes and dimples, those are what I know. You’re Allie Holloway. Cody and Patrick’s little sister. Command Sergeant Major Holloway’s daughter. Yes, same eyes, same dimples,” his words are soft and full of compassion.
What?
I stare up at him in shock, knowing I never told him my last name. I haven’t had time. I never told him my father or Patrick’s name. I search his face as he cups my chin and kisses my forehead and then pulls me back to sit on the couch.
“Allie, I’m sorry for everything you’ve been through. I’m sorry for everything your family has been through. I want to tell you some things. You’re going to get even more angry, but for different reasons. But, baby, God you need to know the truth. I just don’t know if you’re strong enough to handle it.”
“I am strong, Jesse. I walked away and have been living on my own for two years.” Anger envelopes me.
“No, Allie, strength would have been staying and facing everyone and everything. Baby, you ran away and you’ve been hiding.”
His truth slaps me in the face and I numbly walk over to the couch and sit down. Those words send me over the edge and I breakdown again. I know he’s right. I took the coward’s way out; ran and blamed everyone for my weakness.
“Baby, when we get back home, I have some things I can show you, okay?” He sits next to me and his warm hands begin stroking my back.
I nod and crawl as close as I can to him. He holds me tight in his arms for the rest of the night.
The next morning, everyone meets for breakfast and China Callaghan pulls me aside before Jesse and I leave. She tells me Shane called to make sure I was okay and that’ll she call him and let him know I’m fine. She surprises me when she pulls me into a hug, squeezes me tight and whispers in my ear that she’ll keep me in her prayers. Shane must have confided in her.
I thank her for her prayers because I’m going to need them.
The sun is shining bright and there’s not a cloud in the sky. There’s only a taste of a chill in the air when a slight breeze blows.
Crazy Texas weather.
I close my eyes and raise my face towards the warm sky. The warmth begins replacing the cold. I stay like that as it warms the strands of my hair, my clothes and finally penetrates through the layers reaching my skin. Soon even my toes feel warm and I let out a sigh.
I’m waiting for Jesse to say goodbye to his sister, Abigail. I can see she’s upset about everyone leaving. Although I’m anxious to get on the road, I won’t rush him. Knowing that if the moment you walk away from someone, might be the last, I’ll give them all the time they need.
As I wait, I re-play the previous night. Jesse claims he has some things he wants to share with me. He thinks I need to know and it’ll explain a lot. The fact that he knew my name and my family’s surprises me, and at the same time doesn’t. With Jesse being in the army, he’s probably heard of my dad.
As Jesse makes his way back to my car he reaches out for my keys but I just look at him.
“Hand ‘em over, Allie,” he demands.
“Nope. You didn’t ask nicely.” Shocked at his demand but also knowing it wouldn’t matter how he asked me, I’m not handing over my keys.
“Allie, please give me the keys.” He smirks his smirk.
“Nope. My keys and my car. Plus, that wasn’t asking,” I smirk back. I turn for the driver’s door but stop when I hear him call my name.
“Allie,” his voice holds warning and chills spread across my skin.
I slowly turn and face him, my breathing kicking up a few notches.
“What?” I raise my eyebrows before I narrow my eyes. I’m ready for his challenge.
Suddenly we’re in a Mexican standoff. Neither of us moving. I almost expect to see a tumbleweed roll by or a hawk overhead squawking. Only our eyes are moving. I know if I turn my back for the door I’ll never make it in the car. I can’t stop the laughter that bubbles up out of my mouth at our silliness and I see his lips twitch. Forgetting my fierce position, guarding my keys and car from Jesse, I turn when I see something out of the corner of my eye.
It’s that dang armadillo.
That’s all it takes. Jesse grabs me from behind and tickles me causing me to release the keys. Before I even stop laughing, he's is sitting in my car, looking at me through the window while tapping on the steering wheel.
“Seriously, Jesse?” Laughing, I concede, walk around to the passenger side of the car and get in.
I want to be mad at my twisting and turning emotions but I can’t. Although it’s exhausting going back and forth between laughing and crying; at the same time it’s nice to finally feel like I’m alive.
I get in the car and try to simmer my annoyance as Jesse adjusts all my cars mirrors, my seat, my steering wheel and headrest, all which took weeks and weeks to ge
t right where I wanted them. Like that’s not enough damage, he proceeds to reach over and change all my preset radio stations.
“Jesse, stop it!” My irritation bubbling over I shove his hand away from the stereo.
“Don’t be a backseat driver, Allie. You’re not driving. I am and music is an important part of the drive.”
He relents on resetting my radio stations and goes back to tilting the steering wheel into a position he likes.
“I was going to drive, Jesse!” I growl, shocked at his nerve.
“No, Allie. You were off reptile watching.”
“Armadillos are not reptiles, Jesse.” I can’t help but laugh.
“I know. My point is you’re too easily distracted and that’s dangerous.” He pulls a pair of sunglasses from his pocket and puts them on while smirking.
I pull my sunglasses from my console and slip them on.
“Humph, you have some nerve, Jesse—” I stop and stare, my mouth agape when I realize I don’t even know his last name.
“McGinty. Last name is McGinty. Now put on your seatbelt.” He puts the car into drive and we start down the long driveway of the Callaghan Ranch.
We’ve been on the road less than an hour and I can’t help but want to ask Jesse what he was talking about last night. He can tell I’m on the verge of asking a million questions so he turns the radio on. I sit back, glad for the distraction, but the second hour in, when the radio starts going fuzzy because of the rural area we’re driving through, I turn and start to ask him again. He pulls open my console and starts flipping through my CDs. He glances down and sees one he likes and smiles as it slips it into the deck.
“Allie, you have a beautiful voice. Will you sing for me?” He’s looking back and forth between the road and me.
“No. I don’t think so.”
“How about we make a deal?” He’s grinning but it has an edge of seriousness. “You in?”
“What kind of deal?” I turn in my seat, facing him.
“I pick a song, you sing it, and I’ll answer one of those questions you’ve been dying to ask.”
“Okay, I’m in but don’t you want to know anything about me?” His head snaps over to me for a second before he pulls his sunglasses off.
“Allie, it’s crazy but I want to know everything about you.”
Okay. Wow.
“Okay, then. You have to sing too.” I challenge.
“Who says I sing?” he counters, smirking.
“Deal or no deal?”
“I don’t like singing for people,” he admits. “But I will for you.”
“Okay then.” Now I’m smirking.
“But, Allie?”
My smirk falls as I look over at him and see his face shows his worry.
“Baby, be careful what you ask. I won’t lie to you.”
My heart skips a beat at his warning.
“Okay. I understand. I’ll be careful,” I whisper.
Jesse nods and reaches over and squeezes my knee before reaching into my CDs once again.
“You have some great music here so let’s get started.” He slides the CD in, picks his selection and sits back almost laughing.
I crack up when I hear the song. I had forgotten all about that CD being in my car. It’s full of dance songs.
“I’m not singing this, Jesse,” I declare cracking up.
“Okay. I see you’re shy so I’ll start.”
As the music fills my car, Jesse sings. "What you gonna do with all that junk? All that junk inside your trunk?"
I double over in laughter but soon I’m singing too.
When the song is over, I wipe my eyes and look over at him and when his smile fades, so does mine.
Not yet.
I want to keep laughing if only for a little while longer so I turn and ask him a question. When I do he smiles relieved.
“Do you have a girlfriend?”
I moan and look back out the window while rolling my eyes at myself.
Jeez, why did I ask him that? It’s just the first thing that came to my mind, my brain defends itself.
“Kind of.” I can’t help the frown the crosses my face when I glance over at him. “It’s new though. Trying not to rush things but I’m finding it almost impossible not to. When you know, you know, and I don’t like moving too slow. Probably going to take things to the next level soon.” He points to the CDs. “Your turn.”
Well that took the wind out of my sails, and I don’t even know why. It’s not like we’re betrothed to each other. I haven’t even known him twenty-four hours. I tell myself to get a grip as I look at the back of the CD case but see nothing. I’ll just let him sing to whatever. I push the search button a couple of times and when Right Said Fred’s I’m Too Sexy comes on I keep it there and look over at him. We both start cracking up and a snort laugh escapes making Jesse laugh harder. When Jesse starts singing, just like I thought, his voice is amazing.
“Okay, my turn. When was the last time you were with someone?”
“What do you mean?” Confusion is clear in my response.
“Boyfriend? Your last one?”
Oooooo.
“With everything that’s happened, I haven’t had time.” I look back out the window. “I’ve been busy,” I explain to the sky.
“You’re saying you’ve never had a boyfriend?” he asks incredulously.
“No, Jesse. I’ve had boyfriends. Lots and lots of boyfriends. Like too many to count,” I answer irritated, as I lie my butt off.
“When? When was the last time you had one of your ‘too-many-to-count’ boyfriends?” He’s totally serious, and a little angry.
What? You asked, Jesse.
“Like boyfriend-boyfriend or date-boyfriend?” Now I’m teasing but also trying to deflect from this line of questioning which is going to be embarrassing.
“Allie.” His exasperation is apparent. “Anything. Boyfriend, date, whatever. When was the last time anyone had their hands on you?”
Oh yeah, he’s getting angry. This will be fun.
“Wait, are we talking hands, lips or both at the same time or full on—?” Now I'm giggling over his irritation.
“Stop.” He’s panicked but then calms down. “No, go. Give it to me. I’m ready for it.” He takes a deep breath while looking out the front window. He reaches over for my hand and squeezes so I take a deep breath before looking over at him and admitting something I’m a little embarrassed over but also proud of.
“Okay, I’ve had a few heavy make-out sessions and the last time I kissed a guy was about two years ago.” I stop there.
“And—wait, what?” He releases my hand and prompts in gesture for me to continue, looking confused.
“And, wait, what, what?” Now I’m confused.
“Two years? I’m calling bullshit.” He shoots me a skeptical look.
Why? I have no clue.
“Seriously, tell me,” he encourages.
“Jesse, it hasn’t even been twenty-four hours since I met you. This is a little personal. Why so curious?”
“I don’t know.” He actually seems confused by his own reactions.
“It’s okay.” I turn away. “I probably suck at kissing or something. I surely suck at it after all this time,” I mumble to myself.
“Allie, are you saying no one has ever had their hands on you, or are you saying someone has had their hands on you?” I hear a grumble and I think he hisses. “And what’s his name so I can hunt him down and destroy him.” But it’s said so quietly I’m not sure. Even so, my eyes widen and I look over at him. He's staring straight ahead, gripping the steering wheel tight.
I keep my eyes on the fields flying by for a few minutes, contemplating, when my brain blurts out what I’m sure I really wasn’t ready to confess.
“No one has ever had their hands on me, Jesse. I plan on waiting until I’m married.”
Jesse’s jaw drops.
“You want to wait until you’re married?” he asks shocked.
&nb
sp; “I’ve always planned on saving that for my husband.” A smile forms on his lips.
“That’s beautiful, Allie. Really beautiful. Plus, I was about to ask how that’s even possible, but then I remembered you’re also the daughter and sister of some seriously big dudes,” he chuckles. “I’m sure you were put off limits at birth anyway.”
“What?”
“Sisters and daughters are off limits to our brothers, military, even coast guard is included.” he informs me and chuckles. “And high school buddies, college friends and whoever else we can think of. Jaycee and her fiancé, Blue, were in love for years. Jake laid down the law early on. It wasn’t until years later they got together and even then, Jake and Nash fought them. But only for about five minutes. Blue stood up to them and said fuck the bro-code. He was in love with her and now they’re together. I’ll guarantee you, same thing with you. You’re beautiful. Who was the guy you last kissed? Where’d you meet him?” Jesse delves in, wanting to prove his point.
I’m sitting in shock listening but somehow manage to reply. “School.”
“Were your dad, Cody and Patrick deployed?”
I nod.
“See? You were off limits,” he responds like it’s no big deal.
I should be mad but for some reason I’m touched to tears. To know no one touched me because of something maybe Cody said means in a way he was with me all this time. So were my dad and Patrick. When I whimper Jesse looks over and slows the car to the side of the road until he comes to a stop.
“Damn, baby, I’m sorry.” He pulls me into a hug. “I didn’t mean to upset you,” he whispers his remorse into my hair.
“No, Jesse. You actually made me very happy.” I wipe my tears and give him a trembling smile.
“Okay.” His expression reveals he’s not sure whether or not to believe me.
As we pull back onto the road, he reaches over and takes my hand. We drive comfortably and quiet like this for a while. A few miles down, he pulls into a gas station. While he’s pumping the gas I run inside to use the restroom. On my way in, I notice the closer we get south, the warmer it’s getting. I use the restroom and grab some snacks for us. I’m about to pay when Jesse walks in and hands the clerk a twenty-dollar bill.
His Forgotten Love (A McGinty's Of San Antonio Series Novel Book 4) Page 4