“Do you want to share a starter?” he asked quietly. She lifted her eyes over the rim of the menu and met his gaze. Why, after all that had transpired between them lately, did he suddenly feel like a complete stranger? Like she was on some kind of a blind date?
“Perhaps the grilled shrimp?” She’d looked at the appetizer menu and other than a salad, the shrimp was all that appealed. She’d never had that problem before. But as each day passed, she was realizing that pregnancy changed a lot of things—big and small. Appetite was the tip of the iceberg. And she had to eat. Another lightheaded spell and Dev would start noticing something was off.
“Sounds good. If you’re ready, I can call down…”
Ella stood, amazed when Dev made the move to do so as well. “It’s all right,” she said, waving a hand. “I invited you here, remember? I can order for us. Just tell me what you want.”
He did and she called in the order. But as she hung up the phone, she realized she should have preordered for them because now the minutes until their food came would tick away at a snail’s pace.
“Would you like a drink?” She held up a bottle of chilled sparkling water. “Or I can order up something a little stronger if you’d like.”
“The water is fine,” he replied. He pushed back his chair and came forward, his shoes making no sound on the carpeted floor. Her hand wobbled as she poured the liquid into a glass and held it out. The fact that there was a four-poster bed in the room hadn’t escaped her notice. But there would be no using it this evening. She was determined.
“Thank you.” He took the glass, sipped, peered into her face. “What’s got you so nervous, Ell? You’re jumpier than a frog at courtin’ time.” He smiled at her, the dimple in his cheek threatening to pop. Like he knew exactly what was making her nervous.
She sipped and concentrated on making her face relax. “Nothing,” she replied, raising an eyebrow. “I’m hungry though. I didn’t have much lunch.”
It was the wrong thing to say. He frowned, coming even closer so that she couldn’t escape the heady scent of his aftershave. “And you were pale this morning. Are you sure you’re feeling all right?”
“I feel fine,” she replied, taking a deeper drink and bravely meeting his eyes. She had dutifully bought a turkey sandwich and carton of milk after leaving his office, knowing the queasiness that had recently appeared only got worse on an empty stomach. But that was long gone. She looked up into his eyes, unable to remain untouched by his concern. “I truly just need something to eat, and I’ll be right as rain,” she replied.
She needed to deflect the conversation from herself before Dev started asking more questions. “So until our food comes, why don’t you tell me why you paid Betty Tucker’s medical bills?”
Devin considered as he sipped the deplorable sparkling water. God, he hated this stuff. Bubbles were meant to have some flavor. Champagne would have been a better choice in his opinion. He wondered if she’d be surprised to learn he’d developed a taste for it.
Ella seemed determined to not talk about herself. She was wasting no time in getting to the heart of the matter. This was why she’d come to Durango. It said something that the story meant more to her than their divorce. And Ella was clearly in her get-the-story mode. She needn’t be. He was only putting her through the paces because he wanted to make her work for it. Ever since she’d reappeared he’d known this moment was coming. Tearing up the papers meant the time was coming soon. And in some ways he wanted her to finally know the truth.
But not this way. When he’d ripped up the papers today, he’d hoped her invitation was a good sign. After they’d made love again he’d said it straight out—he didn’t want a divorce. And she’d invited him to dinner in her hotel room. What was he supposed to think?
Clearly, the wrong thing. Because she wanted the truth, but for her story, not for herself or for their relationship. He was disappointed in her. And yet proud of her strength and focus.
“I paid Betty’s bills because she needed the treatment and there was no other way she was going to get it.”
The room seemed very small to him just now. The options were to stand, to sit at the dining table or sit on the bed. While his body responded to the last thought, he knew this wasn’t the time to answer the call of his libido. He fought against the confinement by releasing the button on his suit jacket.
“But why Betty?” Ella looked up at him over the rim of her glass. “There must be thousands of people like her. Ill and with no health benefits.”
“But Betty is here, and she’s one of us,” he replied. He went to the table and refilled his glass, drinking the despicable water just to keep his hands busy. She wasn’t asking the right questions, and that annoyed him. This wasn’t about Betty at all. He pretended to sip the liquid as he stared at her. She was still the most beautiful woman he’d ever known. Why couldn’t she see that he would never have given her up unless he’d had no choice?
“Does it really matter? She needed the help and I gave it.”
“If I’ve learned anything, it’s that people always have a motive. Altruism is never random. So why don’t you tell me about the rest? Besides the really big check you wrote?”
She stepped forward now, and he knew her senses had sharpened. She thought she was getting to the meat of the story, when it really went so much deeper than this.
“What rest?”
“She told me you delivered groceries, painted her porch, hired her a cleaning lady… All sorts of things. Why would you do that? You didn’t answer me the last time. I believe you tried to distract me instead.”
Devin looked away. Betty had been kind to him once. More than kind. He wanted Ella to know the truth, but he didn’t want to read about it in the press. He’d never wanted to capitalize on his misfortune. So before they went any further, he needed to know her intentions.
“What kind of story do you want to write, Ella?” He put down the glass. “What do you want with me? Do you want to expose the HMO? Do you want a human interest piece on me? Rags-to-riches story, poor boy who grows up to be a great philanthropist? Because that’s not me. That’s not who I am.”
He went to her and gripped her upper arms. “Think carefully before you answer.”
She bit down on her lip and his eyes followed the motion, seeing her even, white teeth worry at the soft, pink flesh.
“Can’t I do both?”
“You know you can’t.”
A knock at the door interrupted and he dropped his hands, stepping back. The rest of the evening depended on her answer. Her motives mattered.
“That will be room service.” She tucked a tiny piece of hair behind her ear and straightened her shoulders. He watched her walk to the door, all heels and shapely calves and appetizing curves. The doubt and confusion he’d seen in her eyes gave him hope. This wasn’t easy for her. Perhaps the soft, caring girl he’d fallen in love with was still there, inside. Had his part in their separation helped make her jaded? He wondered if he’d been able to fight for her all those years ago if it would have made any difference.
The meal was placed before them: sizzling shrimp, pepper steak, another bottle of sparkling water. Devin watched Ella as it was laid out on the table. She didn’t drink when working, he realized. Tonight, when a bottle from the restaurant’s extensive list would have been a perfect pairing, she was sticking to fancy water. He couldn’t help but respect it the smallest bit. It spoke to a professionalism he admired. In his business, he’d seen too many deals signed over a few drinks fall apart later.
But Ella wasn’t strictly business. She was still his wife. Even though the new Ella was different from the girl he’d married, his respect for her grew another notch. Whatever she did, she did with commitment. He couldn’t help but admire that quality, even if her professional attention was working against him.
Ella resumed her seat at the table and he followed as the wait staff faded away and out the door. Devin lifted his glass. “To a room at the Strater. We o
nly had to wait a decade or so.”
Her cheeks colored, the pink flush very becoming next to her golden hair and the black fabric of her dress. “Devin,” she warned.
But he smiled in return, wanting to tease out all the good parts of Ella he’d glimpsed. They’d had hopes and dreams. And despite it being a backwards route, they were here nonetheless and in one of the finest rooms at that. “A simple observation, Ella, that’s all. Did you think I’d forgotten?”
And he held his glass out, waiting for her to accept the toast.
Ella lifted her glass and touched the rim to his. She could feel the blush in her cheeks, put there not only by Devin’s words but by his soft smile. Something had shifted in the last few minutes, though she didn’t know just what. But the edge, the protective layer she’d sensed around him was suddenly gone. She took a sip of water, grateful he hadn’t mentioned the lack of alcohol. Water, milk and apple juice seemed to be the big three for her now.
“Try the shrimp,” he suggested.
She dipped one of the shrimps in the sauce and nibbled, the flavor exploding on her tongue. Lordy, she was famished. And the steak smelled heavenly. There was something about red meat lately that was so appetizing. Hamburgers, steak, roast beef sandwiches. Normally she was a chicken or fish girl. But tonight when Devin had told her his order, it had sounded so good she’d ordered the same for herself.
“It’s delicious. Try one.”
For a few minutes, they enjoyed their meal, but after the first sampling bites were over with, they settled into conversation.
“You never did answer my question,” Dev prodded, cutting into his steak. “About the story. That is why I’m here, isn’t it?”
The alternative was that he was here about the divorce, and Ella didn’t want to think about that just yet. With Dev, the topic of the divorce just spun them in circles and it made her dizzy. “Yes, that’s why you’re here. And to answer your question, the article is about Betty. I already hit the HMO in my first installment. And yes, my assignment was to get to the bottom of why you would pay for her treatment.” She considered for a moment and decided the truth was the best approach at this point. For some reason she felt she owed him the truth, at least about this. “My boss wants to know why a successful Colorado entrepreneur would do such a thing. And why he’d keep quiet about it.”
Devin laid his knife along the rim of his plate. “And what do you want, Ella?”
“Professionally, I want to paint a picture of an ordinary, brave, compassionate woman caught in a horrible set of circumstances.”
“And personally?”
“On a personal level, I want to know why Dev McQuade, successful Colorado entrepreneur would be her knight in shining armor, paying out of his pocket and expecting nothing in return.” He started to open his mouth but she continued, meeting his gaze with her own, needing him to understand. She didn’t want him to walk away thinking she was hard and uncaring, inconsiderate of people’s privacy. “What I want to know and what I will write about are two very different things. I want to write about Betty. Not for my own gain. But to put a human face on her situation. To make people care. The way you seem to care.”
Nerves seemed to bubble and froth in her tummy as she finished. The article she’d just described was not the same article she’d been assigned, and yet she’d meant what she said. It was like Devin was testing her and she had no idea if she’d passed. Nor did she quite understand why it mattered so much for Dev to approve. She could have gone back to Betty for the information. She could have avoided Dev altogether if she’d wanted.
Sitting across from him now, she realized she’d wanted to hear it from him. Instinct told her there was a bigger story here than she could imagine. More than that, her life was changing. And although she could hardly admit it to herself, she had wanted to see him one more time. When she’d found out about DMQ, she had needed to see him for what he’d become. Not as the boy she’d left behind. But the man he’d grown into. To somehow reconcile the two sides into one person. She couldn’t shake the idea that somehow Betty Tucker played a part in it.
“I have no desire to expose you in print, Dev. I just know there is something more. A bigger explanation.” She was surprised to feel her lip quiver with emotion. “We never used to have secrets, you and me, and I can’t help but feel that this is a part of your life I didn’t share. I know it’s not fair of me to ask. But I want to know for me. Not for selling copies or job promotions. For me.”
Silence hummed for a few moments, until Dev replied quietly, “What do you want to know?”
Ella swallowed the bite of steak she’d been chewing. “I left twelve years ago. DMQ was registered as a company eight years ago. But there are four years missing. Four years that are a big blank. That’s what I want to know about. What happened in that time? What happened to you, Dev? What led up to DMQ being formed? And how does Betty fit into it? Because I’m fairly certain she does somehow.”
“You’re very astute.”
“It’s my job.”
“And you’re good at your job, aren’t you?”
“Better than I get credit for.” She smiled then, feeling a bit of the old confidence come back.
He studied her for a few moments. “And yet you didn’t know about DMQ until recently. Doesn’t it seem strange to you? It’s not like it was hidden information.”
“I never went looking.” She stared at her plate now, afraid of what Devin would see in her eyes. The truth. It wasn’t for lack of research skills or even curiosity. It was far more personal.
“You never once Googled me, researched Durango or the Gulch.”
Her cheeks heated and it became an effort to swallow even the smooth, sweet chutney that came with the steak. “No.”
He sat back in his chair, disbelieving. “Was leaving me that easy? Just turn your back and walk away, never looking over your shoulder?”
“No.” She braved a look up then, knowing she couldn’t lie anymore. Not to him, not to herself. “Leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And the only way I could do it was to cut all ties. My heart couldn’t take checking up on you, clinging to things you’d done, what you might look like. I loved you too much and it would have been torture.”
His lips fell open then and she pushed the meal away, suddenly not hungry anymore. “How’s that for honesty?”
Devin ran a hand over his face, his eyes deep with surprise and she would swear with regret. “If it hurt so much, why do it?”
The words were there, waiting, but she thought again of the baby inside her, thought of the child she’d been and the mistakes she’d made, and her throat tightened. She shook her head, unable to say anything.
Devin too pushed away his half-eaten dinner.
Finally, Ella gathered the will to say something. “In many ways, Dev, I waited. I waited for you to come find me. To try to convince me. To…” For some reason emotion swamped her, drawing her back to those days when she’d lived in a dormitory, only change in her pocket and a huge student loan, waiting for Devin to come for her. Her voice broke as she finally admitted the truth. “I wanted you to fight for me. I wanted to know I was worth fighting for.”
“You tested me.”
“I didn’t know that was what I had done until I was older, smarter. At the time I was only full of myself and my dreams and seeing all the other girls around me having fun. I was different from them. I was married already and I felt like I’d missed out on something. I saw them with their clothes and boyfriends and fun and all I could see was my mother waiting tables after my dad walked out. She never gave up waiting for him to come back. She looked for him in every boyfriend she had after he left her. That’s what scared me. That I’d be caught and be too much like my mother to have my own life.”
She sniffled, lifted her napkin and dabbed her nose. “It wasn’t until later as I grew up that I could truly see. I did test you. I wanted you to fight for me the way my dad never did. I wanted the proof that I m
eant everything to you. The proof never came so I…I just had to put you out of my mind. My lack of curiosity was really just self-preservation.”
“Ella…” Dev got out of his chair and came to her side, squatting beside her chair and taking her hand. She looked down into his eyes, feeling her heart being ripped to shreds as his thumb moved over her wrist and the lips that so often smiled in that devilish way were stone cold sober.
“You broke my heart when you left.”
“So why didn’t you come after me?”
“Would I have had the power to change your mind?”
She sighed, feeling like crying but trying not to. “I don’t know. Maybe.” She thought about the nights in her dorm room, all alone, feeling like she was unsophisticated and socially inept. She imagined what it would have been like if Devin, her handsome, sexy husband, had knocked on her door, telling her it was all right, encouraging her on. She blinked rapidly. “Yes,” she admitted. “You probably could have changed my mind.”
Devin rose, went to the bed, sat on the edge and put his head in his hands.
“It’s too late for regrets. Please, just let it go.”
He lifted his head, but what Ella hadn’t expected to see was the abject torture in his eyes, the way his lips seemed to curve downwards in some sort of mental pain. He looked so incredibly unhappy Ella did not know what to say.
But Dev spoke instead.
“You ask why I didn’t go after you. The truth is I couldn’t.”
“What do you mean, couldn’t? And getting back on track for a moment, how does any of this tie into you feeling so obligated to Betty? Because it does, doesn’t it? I can feel it. What is it you’re not telling me?”
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