He took it from her slowly. Gray wasn’t exactly sure what was happening, but he knew it was his fault. He’d upset her. By accusing her of pitying him? By disparaging her gift? He realized he’d done both, but Gray sensed something else. He felt instinctively that all could be resolved with an embrace — something he could not do.
Gray held her with his eyes instead and took a sip.
“It’s heavenly,” he said. And it was. He tasted strawberry, banana, and chocolate. Of course, Meredith would bring him something sweet. “Thank you.”
A little of the fight left her eyes. “You’re welcome… It’s a Beach Bum.” The corners of her mouth might have turned up just a little.
“What’s yours?” he asked softly, never letting his gaze leave hers. He wanted her to smile again. He wanted her to know from now on he’d take whatever she wanted to give him, and he’d be grateful, whether that was a cold compress, or a smoothie, or a song in his kitchen.
“It’s a Bahama Mama,” she said, taking her own sip. He wondered if she did it to keep that growing smile in check. “Strawberries, pineapple, coconut, and white chocolate.”
“That sounds good.” She was farther away from him now than when she’d sat beside him on his couch, but the energy between them had completely changed. Was it all in his head? Or did she feel it, too? Gray had no doubt he carried enough desire to charge the air for both of them, so it was possible he was fooling himself.
But what if he wasn’t?
“Want to try it?” She offered him her cup, making his heartbeat quicken. “I swear, I don’t have cooties.”
He took it from her. “I never would have thought you had cooties.” And he won the smile.
Feeling a little dizzy, he put her straw between his lips and sucked. Honeyed tropical flavors flooded his mouth.
This is what she’d taste like if I kissed her now. The thought grabbed him by the balls.
“Mmm,” he moaned, unable to help himself.
“So good, right?” she asked, grinning. “I would have gotten you one, but not everyone likes white chocolate. I figured yours was the safer bet.”
“Have you tried mine?” he asked, trying to recover.
“No, but it’s oka—”
“Would you like to?” He held his smoothie out to her, praying she’d take it from him, wanting whatever way he could to reach out to her. He was playing with fire, torturing himself, but he was already burning, so it didn’t matter.
She glanced at his cup and then to him. “You sure?”
He would have spoon-fed it to her if she would’ve let him. “Yes. Take it.”
She took it, and while she drank, Gray drew in a slow breath through his nose and reminded himself that he wanted to be a gentleman. Meredith deserved a gentleman. She deserved respect and care. He did respect her, and he did care for her. But he still loved watching her enjoy his drink.
“Wow. That’s good too,” she said, wiping her lips with her knuckle.
“C’mon. You’ve earned a break. Let’s go finish these in the living room,” he said, leading the way. He half expected her to protest and find some other chore that needed doing, but she followed him instead.
His couch was a disheveled mess from his agony-nap. Gray set down his smoothie to straighten it, but Meredith beat him to it.
“Here, let me get that,” she said, snatching up the blanket and folding it.
Gray rushed to right the cushions before she could do that, too. “Sit down, for heaven’s sake,” he muttered.
She giggled, but once she’d folded the blanket into a neat square and set it in the middle of the couch, she did sit.
Gray took the far end, leaving a whole cushion and the folded blanket between them — a safe distance.
“Did the dogs behave?” he asked, picking up his smoothie again. He could make small talk. He could be casual. At least, he could pretend.
She took a long pull from her smoothie and sat back, finally relaxing. “They were very good. Right up until the moment they lunged into the kitchen, and I lost my grip,” she said, holding up her now half-empty cup.
“I’m still willing to share,” he vowed, winning himself another wide smile.
“No, you’ve earned it. Whenever I’m having a bad day, my best friend Brooke brings me something from CC’s,” she said, meeting his eyes. “It always cheers me up.”
Gray raised his smoothie. “So this is to cheer me up?”
Meredith shrugged, her shy smile like a touch across his chest. “I hope so.”
It had definitely cheered him up, but he felt even lighter now. “Does that mean we’re friends?” he dared to ask.
This time, her smile grew. “I hope so,” she said again.
It wasn’t everything, but it also was. Because it was everything he could have under the circumstances. And if they were friends, he could come down from his study every time she visited and pull her into the living room for coffee. And he could get to know more about her. And, perhaps, under the right circumstances, he could reach for her hand.
He was pretty sure the ache he felt for her wouldn’t go away, and just having coffee and just reaching for her hand would probably be torture. But getting to know her would be… a gift. One he’d gladly accept.
“I hope so too.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
ON SATURDAY, MEREDITH checked in on Gray but spent most of the day at home, planning a menu for the week. This was because Jamie would return the following afternoon, and she wanted a reason to be out of the house when he did. And if she’d be gone most of Sunday, she also wanted to spend as much time with Oscar as possible.
After Gray’s meals were planned and her shopping list made, Meredith and Brooke took Oscar to the park and completely wore him out. That night he crashed midway through story time, so Meredith curled up next to her son with Shadow Quarter, the first novel in the Alex Booth series. From the first line, it was good. Really good. Alex Booth was witty and sharp and a bit of an outlaw.
But best of all, Meredith could hear Gray’s voice in the words.
After finishing Chapter Four, she lay the book across her chest and closed her eyes. Alex Booth, who, in her mind, bore a striking resemblance to a certain six-foot tall, dark-haired author, had just arrived in time to save Lyra Kingston. The twenty-something-year-old musician had attracted a follower as she walked home from a gig at The House of Blues. Her would-be assailant tailed her from Decatur to Camp Street, and as footsteps closed in, Lyra cursed herself for walking alone. As soon as a hand grabbed the collar of her leather jacket, Alex Booth struck, landing one punch to the jaw and another to the kidney before the attacker fled.
The scene left Meredith’s heart racing, but as she read, she couldn’t help but picture her walk around the coliseum the weeks before and Gray’s protective presence. She switched off the light and curled around the thought of sky-blue eyes and the smell of wood smoke and parchment.
But it was the odor of diesel and bacon grease that woke her a few hours later.
The mattress shook, and Meredith came to at once. She lay on her side, but she didn’t dare move.
“Hey, Mered,” Jamie whispered into the darkness.
Meredith cringed. She hated it when he called her Mered. Even though his tongue couldn’t float over the “r” the French way, it was just close enough to merde to piss her off every time. And Jamie had thought it was hilarious the first time she told him why she didn’t like the nickname.
Lying on her side, she didn’t open her eyes, but she tried to keep her body loose, her breath deep and even. It felt late, so late he should be exhausted. If she pretended to sleep, he may just collapse beside her.
Or not, she thought as Jamie’s hand landed on her ass.
She pretended to stir just enough to roll onto her front so he couldn’t grab her anywhere else, and she let her breath come deeper.
“I’m home, bae,” he said, a little louder this time. If he wasn’t careful, he’d wake Oscar, who’d onl
y be too excited to find his daddy home. He sat on the edge of the bed, his hip connecting with hers. “I know you’re awake. Quit fakin’.”
“Sshh,” she scolded, giving up.
Jamie snickered. “Busted,” he whispered. “Gimme a kiss.”
“No.”
“C’mon, I missed you,” he teased.
“No, you didn’t. You’re just horny.”
He snickered again. “I’m horny AND I missed you.” His hand rubbed down her behind to the back of her thigh.
She reached back, grabbed his wrist, and flung him from her. “Quit it. I was asleep. And you’ll wake him.”
“He’ll stay asleep if we’re quiet.” Jamie tugged on her hip to flip her over, but she held firm. He changed tactics and stretched out beside her, throwing a leg over hers and wrapping his arm around her waist. His palm pressed flat against her stomach and his lips met the back of her neck.
“Mmm… you smell good,” he murmured.
“You smell like a gas station. Please get off me,” she hissed.
“‘Cause I been workin’,” he bit back, anger touching his voice.
Meredith held her breath. Her options were disappearing. Jamie had never forced her. But she could feel his erection against her thigh, and his fingers slipped under her T-shirt. If she kept resisting, it would lead to a fight, and Oscar would wake up crying. And Leona and Big Jim would wake up, wanting to know what was wrong.
This was always the point when she gave in. She’d roll over and let him have his way for the next eight minutes. Six if she was lucky.
But the thought of him entering her now made her panic — more than usual. She’d fallen asleep thinking of Gray. She couldn’t wait to spend the whole day at his house. Just that afternoon, he’d taken a coffee break and poured her a cup. This had become their routine. But today, when he’d handed it to her, and their fingers had brushed, Meredith’s breath had stuttered. And she’d relived the feeling all day.
Jamie’s touch didn’t make her breath stutter. It made her cringe.
Gray was her boss, and she had no business crushing on him, but if she let Jamie in, Meredith knew she’d wouldn’t be able look Gray in the eyes the next day.
But how to avoid it and not cause a scene?
“Jamie, leave me be. I don’t feel right.” Her words were true. She didn’t feel what she was supposed to feel for the father of her child. But that was not what he would hear.
His fingers on her belly stilled. “You bleedin’?”
Meredith weighed her options. “Yes,” she lied. She didn’t feel good about it, but it was probably the only way to avoid a fight.
His hand moved until he clasped hers. “Help get me off?”
SHE WAS UP and in the shower before either boy in her bed awoke. The funk of petrochemicals, fried food, and sweat clung to her skin, and she needed to scrub herself clean. As she stood under the spray, Meredith promised herself she’d stay up studying late that night, and not set foot into their bedroom unless Jamie was snoring. And if she fell asleep on the couch with a book in her lap, so be it.
After her shower, she dressed in the bathroom and left her hair to air dry. She returned to the bedroom to find Oscar awake, whining. Jamie faced away from him, eyes closed and scowling.
“Thank God. Take him so I can go back to sleep,” he grumbled. Oscar scrambled toward her, near tears, and she scooped him up, frowning.
“I’ll get him his breakfast and dress him, but I have to go to work today.”
Jamie scratched his head but didn’t open his eyes. His sandy hair was a greasy mess in the growing daylight, and Meredith wondered how she could have ever found it sexy.
“Mom’ll watch him,” he mumbled.
Meredith considered throwing a shoe at him, but Oscar was upset. He had a wet diaper, and he was ready for his milk. Swallowing her anger, she turned with him and headed back to the bathroom.
With a fresh diaper, Oscar took off for the kitchen.
“Meemaw!” he squealed.
Meredith watched Leona pick up her baby and plant a kiss on his cheek before looking at her.
“Is that my boy in there?” She nodded toward their bedroom with a smile.
“Yep,” Meredith replied. “That’s your boy.”
Leona narrowed her eyes at Meredith’s tone, but she ignored the woman’s glare and got down Oscar’s sippy cup.
“He’s got to be tired,” Leona said.
Meredith had no civil reply to this, so she found the milk in the fridge instead.
“You workin’ today?” Leona asked after a moment of silence.
“Yes. All day.”
“Don’t forget Big Jim and I are going to Coushatta with the Leonards.”
Shit.
The casino. Meredith had forgotten. Jamie’s parents would be gone most of the day. She’d have to take Oscar to the grocery store while she shopped for Gray.
“I have to run some errands this morning. Oscar can come,” she said. “Jamie can watch him later.”
Meredith glanced back to find Leona eyeing her over the rim of her coffee cup. She’d bet money the woman was laughing at her. Jamie had his moments when he was playing with Oscar, but he was never eager to take care of their son single-handedly.
Well, he’ll have to man up and do it today.
On their morning walk minutes later, Meredith took a slightly different route, heading to Curtis Street and up to Juliette Place. It was about the halfway point between the McCormicks’ and Gray’s houses, and the walk only took her seven minutes, which meant, if she wanted to, she could get to work on foot in fifteen.
Meredith felt a strange sense of peace knowing his house was so close.
She turned and headed back, relieved she had a reason to be out of the house all day. The shower had helped, but Meredith was still disgusted with herself. The more she let Jamie have his way, the more he believed they had a future together. No matter what she said.
Their living situation was impossible. They weren’t a couple. They didn’t even like each other. They never held hands, and the only time they touched was when Jamie wanted to get into her pants. No matter what Jamie said in bed, swearing that he missed her, calling her bae — which she hated — and even touching her body, Meredith felt it for what it was. Jamie McCormick wanted her because she didn’t want him. She was a conquest, something to be claimed and tamed.
And it had been like that since she’d moved in. Once he got over the fact she and their unborn baby hadn’t just disappeared, Jamie had gotten the surprise of his life. He’d discovered Meredith no longer wanted him. Since this defied the laws of his universe, Jamie had set about to put things right, and about two months after she’d moved in, he’d proposed.
And she’d said no.
At first he’d been stunned. Then he’d been pissed. And Meredith had known it had nothing to do with caring about her or needing to be with her. It had to do with getting his way. With controlling her.
She’d turned him down every time he asked her to marry him, but Meredith hadn’t come out and said she’d never marry him. She had no idea what he would do if she did.
And maybe that made her no better than he was.
Meredith hated that she needed Jamie and his parents. Not just for a roof over her head but for help with Oscar too. If her new job worked out, she might be able to get her own place after saving for a while. She probably had enough for a deposit on an efficiency apartment, but she had no furniture or housewares. Just clothes, her car, laptop, her phone, and books.
And even if she could save up for a couch, a bed, a kitchen table, dishes, and a microwave, she still wouldn’t be able to afford daycare. She’d still need Leona, a fact that galled her. Meredith didn’t think the woman would ever turn Oscar away, and for this she was grateful, but if and when she was ever able to move out on her own, Meredith would have to be very careful about how she negotiated their relationship.
Back at the house, Meredith could hear Leona and Big Jim
getting ready for their outing, and the door to her bedroom remained closed. She had no doubt Jamie was still asleep, so she made breakfast for Oscar and herself, and they headed to Rouse’s.
“You’re so good, buddy,” Meredith told him in the checkout aisle. They’d spent an hour in the store, and Oscar hadn’t fussed once. She’d planned on buying provisions for spaghetti with meat sauce and chicken and dumplings, but she also picked up a pie crust and some Granny Smith apples, hoping Gray’s sweet tooth wasn’t limited to cookies and smoothies.
Meredith’s head was full of recipes and spices as she drove down St. Landry, but as soon as she turned onto Dean Street, she gasped. Jamie’s truck was gone. She pulled into the driveway and texted him.
Meredith: I have to get to work. WTH are you?
Maybe he’d just gone out for doughnuts or Skoal. It was only a little after nine in the morning. She didn’t even think he’d be up yet.
Meredith waited. No response came.
She decided to call instead. And the phone rang. And rang. And then his stupid, stupid voicemail message came over the line.
“Hey, I know you’re disappointed ‘cause I didn’t answer. But cheer up. I’ll call you back… maybe.”
“Jamie, where are you? I have work, and you need to watch our son. Call me back.” Meredith hung up, remembering Leona’s smug look of doubt at the breakfast table. Did she have something to do with this? Why was Jamie even up and out of the house this early?
“Don’t get paranoid,” she told herself. Meredith rolled her eyes and left the car. The temperature was only in the forties, so the food would be safe in the trunk for a little while. She got Oscar out of his car seat and headed inside. At least she could put her son in a fresh diaper before Jamie arrived. The chances of Jamie changing a diaper were next to nothing.
Thirty minutes, four texts, and five calls later, Jamie had yet to be found. Cursing, Meredith texted her boss.
Meredith: Can I ask a really enormous favor?
His response was immediate.
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