by Nikki Wild
What if he rejected us? What if he thought I’d betrayed him? He’d never understand the stress I was put under living in that house with my stepfather. He’d never forgive me for being a naive young woman who made some rash decisions.
So I kept my secret. After a while, I stopped keeping track of Jesse altogether. I took care of Maddy and life went on, just as it always did. My life with Maddy was beautiful, but there’d never really been nights like this.
Tonight had been the stuff of dreams.
Luxuriously languishing in his arms, I felt on top of the world, like nothing could knock me down.
Something about being with Jesse made me feel strong.
And I was going to need a lot of strength if I intended to peel myself away from him and go back to my life. But Maddy was waiting for me, and I was pretty sure Eddie wanted to go home at some point, even though he’d told me not to worry about a curfew.
“I should go,” I whispered. “It’s getting late.”
Jesse was half-asleep, but he heard me. He pulled me closer and nodded sleepily.
“You have to go home?” he murmured. “To your daughter?”
My blood ran cold at his words. I’d never told him I had a daughter. I left that fact very deliberately out of our conversations…
“How did you know I have a daughter?” I asked, my heart racing in my chest.
“Someone at the clinic mentioned it, I think,” he said, shrugging.
“Oh,” I whispered. I was thankful for the darkness, because if he saw my face, it would have given everything away. “Yes.”
“Ok Maise… Can you let yourself out?” he asked. “My knee is shot after all this therapy,” he said with a little laugh.
“I think I can brave the elevator alone,” I said, doing my best to mask my emotions. I reached over and kissed him, and he drifted off back to sleep. Slowly, I untangled myself from his body and pulled myself from the comfort of his bed. I stood up and looked back down at him, wondering what he would think if he knew my secret, if he knew the truth.
He’d never forgive me…
I knew this deep in my heart, and that’s what kept me silent.
I drove home in a daze. And with a fucking huge red bow on top of the car. I’d tried to get it off, but I couldn’t do it by myself. When I got home, it was past midnight and I tried to pull into the driveway quietly. I didn’t want to wake Maddy. I couldn’t face her right now.
Guilt had gripped me on the way home. Not only was I starting to feel crushing guilt because of not telling Jesse the truth, but I was starting to realize how much I’d hurt Maddy in the process. I’d simply told her that her father wasn’t around, that he lived a separate life in a different place. She’d asked questions, and they’d gotten more detailed as she’d gotten older, but it wasn’t difficult to dodge them. As long as I stayed vague, I wasn’t lying.
I just wasn’t implicating myself in the process.
Somehow, things felt different now. I’d always told myself I’d done the right thing because I’d given Maddy a good life and I’d given Jesse a chance at fulfilling his dreams. And, because of Jesse’s thoughts on kids back then, I figured Maddy was better off without him in her life, if she wasn’t wanted.
From the moment I found out I was pregnant, my entire view on the subject changed. I didn’t want kids then, it was way, way too early, but I wasn’t about to do anything to change things. And once I heard her heartbeat, and saw her little skeleton on the sonogram screen, every thing told me I was doing the right thing.
By the time I held her in my arms, the doubts were completely gone.
Jesse’s reputation had kept that thought in place, too. I’d heard about all the women, the lifestyle he led, full of wild parties and luxurious vacations. A kid didn’t fit into that.
It still didn’t.
That’s why I sat in the Volvo in the driveway crying my eyes out before I went inside.
My heart was full of love and dread, all at the same time. I’d fallen hard for Jesse, and I’d set up a perfect storm of lies and betrayal, so that even if he did think he wanted to be with me now, he’d hate me once he found out the truth.
I’d broken my own heart. And I was the one that had to pay for it.
By the time I’d gotten inside, my eyes were swollen and red, but thankfully Eddie was fast asleep on the couch, so I didn’t have to face him. Maddy was sleeping peacefully in her bed, too. I kissed her gently on the forehead and went to my room to sleep a few hours before I had to face the two of them in the morning.
I was thankful for the time I’d spent with Jesse, but I was glad to spend some much needed time alone, because my head was spinning with confusion. Happiness and love and guilt and shame and lust and desire and passion…I was a mess.
I was lost.
All I could do was hope that once I woke up, the magic that Jesse and I had stirred up tonight somehow found a way to make everything right.
27
JESSE
“No, bigger,” I said to the florist on the other end of the phone. “Look, just send everything you’ve got in your store over. Except for carnations, those remind me of funerals.”
“Everything in the store, sir?” the bewildered woman asked. “How much would you like to spend, sir? Five hundred dollars?”
“What? No! More like five thousand. I want her entire house filled floor to goddamned ceiling.”
“Five thousand?!” she exclaimed. “Yes, sir! I’ll get right on it, sir. What’s the address?”
I rattled off the address I’d gotten from Maria and gave her my credit card information.
“And the card, sir?” she asked. “What would you like the card to say?”
I thought about it for a moment, and then smiled to myself while I told her what I wanted the card to say before hanging up the phone.
Last night had been amazing with Maisey, and I’d woken up without her this morning feeling like a huge piece of me was missing.
I wanted her to know how much she meant to me, and this was the only one way I knew how to communicate that to her. Maybe it was a little overboard but I didn’t care. I wanted to see her face light up. I wanted to see her smile again. Seeing that smile had suddenly become the most important thing in my life.
I picked the phone back up and searched for another number. There was one more thing I wanted to send over to her.
She might kill me for it, but she’d have to come see me if she was going to do that, and I’d charm the smile back on her face if I had to.
28
MAISEY
“Mom, Mom! Get up! You’re not going to believe this!” Maddy pulled on my arm as she begged me to get out of bed. I groaned, blinking, trying to figure out what was going on.
“Maddy, what’s wrong?”
“It’s amazing, you have to see!” she jumped up and down happily in my bedroom. Bright morning sunshine poured into my bedroom, and I grumbled down the hall behind my daughter. Her hair was in knots, she was still wearing her pajamas, and she was barefoot. She’d never been more beautiful. And that smile on her face was rare, too. Whatever was making her so happy made me smile too.
“What is it? Are you going to tell me or do I have to — what the…?” My voice trailed off in disbelief. My entire living room and adjoining kitchen was filled with every kind of flower under the sun. Elaborate arrangements of sunflowers, roses, birds of paradise, daisies, dahlias, hydrangeas, even a few corpse lilies, which must have cost an amazing amount of money, were scattered everywhere.
Eddie stood in the middle of the sea of flowers, his eyes lit up in disbelief, a card in his hand.
“Maisey, can you believe this?” he exclaimed. “Do you know who sent these?”
“I have a feeling…” I said, my eyes trailing around the room in bewilderment. The front door was open and the Volvo still sat in the driveway, that red bow that was the size of a tiny home sitting on top of it.
“Did we get a new car?!” Maddy said, who had ap
parently just spotted the car for the first time.
“Shit,” I muttered, watching her go outside.
“Either you won a sweepstakes or somebody’s got it bad for you honey,” Eddie said, whistling under his breath. “Here,” he pushed the card towards me. “I’m dying to see what this says.”
I grabbed the card from his hand and opened it.
* * *
“Maise,
Here’s to making up for lost time. I can’t wait to see you again.
Love,
Jesse”
* * *
A slow smile spread across my face and my heart swelled with happiness. He was crazy. Absolutely, certifiably crazy.
So much for everything fixing itself, I thought. I put the card down and turned away from Eddie. I didn’t want him to see the pain in my eyes. This was supposed to be a happy thing. This was supposed to be easy. If this was any other man, I’d have been elated and mesmerized, enchanted and charmed, and maybe a little overwhelmed with how forward and insane he was… But it was all wrong. This wasn’t a good thing. This wasn’t something that was in the cards for me.
I was still paying for a mistake I’d made years ago, and there was no way to fix it.
Eddie snatched the card from the counter and read it aloud.
“Who’s Jesse?” he asked.
“Just someone I used to know,” I replied.
“Used to know? Looks like he wants to know you again. This is amazing,” he said, shaking his head and pulling a bright pink rose out of one of the vases and smelling it. “These are going home with me, by the way.”
“Take them all, I don’t care,” I sighed, watching Maddy play around in the car outside. “I’m sending it all back.”
“Like hell you are, girlfriend! These are too pretty to just be wasted. And that car? Girl, you need that car and you know it. I’m tired of carting your ass to the grocery store every time you need a cup of sugar!”
“I’ve never asked you to take me to the grocery store!” I protested.
“Well, you would eventually! Look, I don’t know who this Jesse character is, but I like him already!”
“You haven’t even met him, Eddie,” I replied.
“No, but I’ve smelled him. And he smells like money and flowers. And any man that smells like cash and roses is a keeper!”
I laughed, shaking my head at him.
“You’re as crazy as he is,” I said.
“And so are you if you don’t keep all this,” he said, snapping his fingers.
“Maddy, come back in,” I yelled. She jumped out of the car and jogged back in the house. I cringed when I realized that just that little bit of exertion had left her breathless.
“Are you okay, honey?” I asked. “Do you need your inhaler?”
“Maybe,” she said. “I’ll go get it. I love that car, mama!” she yelled over her shoulder as she ran to her room.
I turned back to Eddie to see him studying my face intently.
“You got laid.”
“Oh, my God, Eddie! We are not talking about this right now!”
“Girl, I know that look, that glow. Don’t try to lie to Uncle Eddie, because I can always tell. Mmm, mmmm - roses, money and sex - girl, what kind of fancy treasure have you found?”
“Shut up!” I said, hushing him. I’d be mortified if Maddy heard him. I turned to go to her room when the doorbell rang.
“God, what now?” I asked, opening the door.
An old lady, with her white hair perched on top of her head in a huge bun, stood there holding a tiny white kitten in her arms.
“Yes?” I asked. “Can I help you?”
“Delivery for Maisey Jayne,” she replied, as she pushed the kitten into my arms. My mouth dropped in surprise.
“No, I can’t —,” I began, pushing the kitten back towards her.
“All the food, bedding, toys and everything else is right here,” she gestured to a pile of things she’d left on the porch and turned abruptly and walked away, leaving me standing there completely dumbfounded with the cutest kitten I’d ever seen purring in my arms. She brushed up against my cheek, staring up at me with huge, blinking blue eyes.
Maddy bounded around the corner and shrieked in pleasure.
“A kitten!” she cried. I sighed, handing her the kitten, and walking back into my flower filled house.
“What have I gotten myself into?” I wondered out loud.
“I don’t know, but does he have a lonely brother?” Eddie asked.
29
JESSE
My phone rang as I was doing the exercises Maisey left and insisted I do three times a day. My knee was getting much better, instead of worse like I thought it might be after the work out I’d given it last night.
“Hey beautiful,” I answered with a smile.
“Jesse, you are too much!”
“I take it you got my delivery?”
“Delivery? More like you sent an entire florist’s shop to my house!”
“Four of them… Actually… Do you like the flowers?” I asked.
“Like them? Well, of course, they’re flowers, what’s not to like? But it’s too much! It fills up my entire house!”
“Good, that was my intention.”
“And what was your intention with the kitten?”
“Oh, good Susie showed up, too? I love that little lady. She fosters cats and always has someone ready to be adopted. Did she bring you the white one?”
“Yes, but —,” she protested.
“That’s for your daughter,” I interjected. “Did she name her yet?”
“Yes - Snowflake - but Jesse, we can’t keep all this!”
“Of course you can. Why can’t you?”
“Because it’s too much, for one. Secondly, I can barely walk in my house. I’m not sure how big you think my house is, but this is ridiculous. And how in the hell did you find out my address, by the way?”
“Does it matter? Listen, Maisey,” I said. “This is more for me than it is for you. Did it make you smile?”
“Well, of course.”
“Then my mission is accomplished. I want to make you happy, babe,” I said, my heart swelling as I said it out loud. “I care about you, Maise.”
Her sigh on the other end of the phone ripped through me.
“I don’t mean to be ungrateful, Jesse,” she said. “I just don’t know if this is a good idea.”
“Tell you what,” I said. “Let’s talk about it tomorrow. Just enjoy yourself today, go for a ride somewhere nice with your daughter and I’ll see you in the morning, okay? It’s not the end of the world, Maisey. If it helps you feel any better, my team owner paid a disgusting amount of money to get me through rehabilitation. Your boss is hanging onto all of it without giving you so much as a pay raise. You’re riding around in a cab trying to make ends meet. You deserve better. Consider the car a work bonus that you damn well deserve for all the time and energy you’ve given that place. If you still don’t think you earned it by the time my knee is working, I’ll take it back no questions asked…”
“You’re very generous,” she said.
“Sometimes, I am,” I said. “You bring out the best in me.”
I could hear her smile in her voice.
“So… Tomorrow then?” I asked.
“Okay. Tomorrow,” she replied. “See you then.”
“Bye, Maise,” I hung up the phone quickly before I ended the conversation in privacy with three little words I knew she wasn’t ready to hear.
Soon, though. I was making progress. I’d broken through her shell, got her back into my bed, and in return, she’d managed to climb her way into my heart at the same time.
I’d never felt like such a fucking soft-hearted mushy freak before, and damn, it felt good to care about someone again.
I smiled as I went back to my exercises, allowing my mind to drift back to last night and the sound of my name on her moaning lips. If my knee was hurting, I sure as shit wasn’t feeling it. T
his high was better than anything I’d find in a painkiller…
Tomorrow would be a good day.
30
MAISEY
“Wow, look at you!” I said, after Jesse opened the door to his penthouse. “You’re barely limping.”
“Well, I’d like to take all the credit myself, but I can’t. I have this amazing physical therapist who’s a total hard-ass and she’s been giving me the best goddamned workout of my life,” he winked.
“Well, apparently that’s exactly what you needed,” I quipped. He looked great, I had to admit it. His limp was noticeably improved and he wasn’t wincing in pain with every step he took. I didn’t mind taking credit for it at all, but if he hadn’t been working to get better, he wouldn’t have.
“I’m thinking maybe we should move up to two or three treatment sessions a day,” Jesse replied, giving me a sideways smile.
“You sure you can handle that kind of hard work?” I said, laughing. “Seriously though Jesse, we’re not out of the woods yet. This is fun, but we still need to get you back in top shape. You’ll need to get back to the clinic soon.”
“Or maybe I can get them to bring the clinic to me.”
“Do you always get your way?” I asked, teasingly.
“Yes, in fact, I do,” he said, jutting his chin out proudly.
“Lucky you,” I replied, dryly.
“Don’t you?” he asked.
“I don’t really have a lot of things I want, so not getting them doesn’t make much of an impact,” I replied.
“You wanted me, didn’t you?” he asked, pulling me into his arms and brushing his lips against mine. I kissed him back quickly.
“Yes, I did,” I whispered, my skin rippling with goosebumps at his touch. He reached up and spun one of my curls around his fingertip, then let it spring loose before he trailed the tip of his finger over my jaw. I bit my lip, looking up at him, mesmerized by his touch again.