by C. M. Owens
The glass flies from my hand and shatters against the wall. The fragmented pieces drop and clatter as I grip the edge of the island, not even acknowledging the sound of my door opening as I rake everything off the island at once, sending shit flying to the floor.
My chest vibrates, something hot and wet hits my cheeks, and I lose it, grabbing the fucking pie crusts and throwing them against the wall, watching all the crumbs scatter. Anything I can get my hands on is thrown, broken, or just strangled in my grip.
When there’s nothing left to throw and I’m panting heavily, I slowly slide to the floor, leaning back against the wall and sitting down on broken shards, uncaring if I get cut or not. Might as fucking well bleed, too.
My eyes swing up, feeling someone’s gaze on me, and I see all four of my cousins watching me silently.
Kode lifts a bottle of what looks like tequila, and asks, “Do you want to throw it or drink it?”
I reach for it, and he steps over the mess, crunching on things as he hands it to me. Still sitting in the floor, I throw the damn thing as hard as I can, hearing it shatter without seeing the mess.
Dane blows out a breath as he lowers himself to a half beaten chair, elbows on his knees.
“What can we do?” he asks seriously.
I laugh humorlessly, my head thudding the wall as I stare at nothing at all.
“Apparently, there’s nothing to fucking do but get over it. At least that’s what everyone keeps saying.”
They say nothing else. They just stand there, giving me my space, being there.
As the weight settles on my chest, making every breath painful to take, I close my eyes, trying to shut it all out. I never realized anything could hurt like this.
Chapter 37
SALEM
When I hear the door of the cabin open and close, I wipe my eyes quickly then pretend as though washing dishes is my favorite thing in the world to do, as Tyler lumbers toward me—all six-foot-eight of him.
“Okay, I’ve given you three days of moping,” he says as he crowds me in the small kitchen, crossing his massive arms over his chest as he levels me with a glare. “Now it’s time to talk.”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Tyler. And you can stand there and hover over me like a beast all you want to, but you stopped being intimidating when I caught you twirling in a pink tutu.”
“I was eight,” he points out dryly.
“Which means I’ve had many years of not feeling intimidated by you,” I say with a flat smile, then turn my attention back to the dishes, scrubbing them much harder than necessary.
“I talked to Sean,” he finally says, causing my hands to pause the excess scrubbing for only a brief second. “He told me what was going on. He also said that Maverick—we’ll discuss that stupid name later—would follow you. So why are you here, hiding out, instead of with him?”
I drop the plate into the sink, giving up the pretense of giving a damn about the dishes, and turn to face him.
“Would you have let Monica follow you all over the continental U.S. back when you had to be there for me?” I ask him seriously.
His lips thin, but he doesn’t answer.
“Didn’t think so.” I unplug the sink, letting the water drain, and start drying off my hands. “He has so many friends, and they’re like this amazing, interlocked, support system-slash-family. They love him, and he loves them. Just like he loves his home.”
“But if he’s willing to be with you despite all that—”
“Do you have any idea how much I resent Mom every time I’m forced to start a new life? I still have seven more years left of this, Tyler,” I say to him, clearing my throat. “Do you think he’s still going to care about me in seven years after giving up control of his life to follow me from place to place?”
His look softens. “Salem, I can help with Sean.”
“No, you can’t. You have your own family—Monica and four kids of your own. They need you. Connor has an opportunity like you had—something so rare. You almost lost your shot by taking care of me. I can’t let him lose his shot. So it’s me. Just stop talking now.”
I turn to walk away, and he follows me. “He can go see his friends any time he wants. It’s not like you’re going to lock him away,” he argues.
I whirl around. “How often do we miss something important in each other’s lives because of the physical distance always between us when I’m not in Georgia?” I ask him.
His lips thin again. That’s what happens when he knows how right I am about something.
“Right now, he’s a part of everything important. Little by little, he’d miss so much, and eventually, he’d hate me for taking those moments away from him. I can push through this. I can find a way to stitch myself together and aim for passable. Maverick has a huge group of friends and family. This way, he’s only giving up two people he cares about—me and Sean. The other way, he’s losing a small village. Which one do you think will hurt him worse in the long run?”
I can tell he’s going to hug me. If he hugs me, I’ll fall apart in his arms, turning myself over to be held up. I’ll start crying again. And I’m pretty sick of crying.
“Look, the point is, Maverick Sterling will be just fine. He has plenty of people and love surrounding him. In a year or less, he’ll look back on me as a fun fling.”
I’m proud my voice stays even, despite the pain lancing my heart with the fear of the truth behind those words.
“What about you, Salem?” Tyler finally asks. “What happens in a year when you realize this was something you shouldn’t have given up? Because I can tell by looking at you that you’re barely holding it together, and I know how strong you normally are.”
I force a smile, picking up a towel from the clean laundry, moving toward the bathroom to have an excuse to get away from him.
“You know me, Tyler. I have just enough cold in me to weather the storms. Eventually, I’ll be just fine.”
I turn and walk away when I see how sad his eyes look, and I lock myself in the bathroom, quickly turning on the shower and stepping under the spray. I can trick myself into thinking I’m not crying if there’s water spraying on my face.
I can trick myself into thinking I’ll be okay, so long as I know Maverick really will be.
A frustrated sound slips free before I can stop it, and I slam the side of my fist against the shower wall as my forehead falls forward, resting there as my body shakes with silent sobs.
One day, I can trick myself into believing I didn’t blink wrong.
Chapter 38
MAVERICK
CORBIN: Silk tonight? Maybe getting out will do you some good.
ME: Maybe another time.
When my phone chimes again, I start to ignore it. But immediately there’s another text, which probably means more than one Sterling is messaging me. They won’t leave me the hell alone.
CORBIN: Fucking fine. I’ll come over there. And you can kiss my ass if you even think about telling me not to. See you in two hours.
Running a hand through my hair, I groan, but don’t bother texting back as I read the next one.
KODE: I’ll be over later with beer unless you feel like going to Silk tonight.
Another text comes through. Even Britt feels sorry for me, and reaches out in her own bizarre, random way.
BRITT: Want to go elf ear shopping with me?
ME: Since I didn’t even know that was a thing, I think I’ll pass.
DANE: It’s been a week, Mav. You need to get out. The world needs your pretty face.
I don’t mind the texts. I don’t care about going out. Currently, I’m evenly disinterested in anything going on around me.
This is what I like to think of as the calm before the storm. Because the storm is about to come. There’s only one thing bugging the shit out of me.
I ignore the phone the next time as I toss it onto the counter and abandon it. Funny how I’ve spent most of my life avoiding being alone any way I could, only
to find myself wishing my friends would give me one second alone.
Now I know why they wanted to punch me so much when I wouldn’t just let them be while they were hurting.
You want to fix it when someone you care about is hurting.
You can’t just let it be broken.
Sort of like I feel when I walk into my den and find my father lazily lounging on the couch, trying to grow a terrible beard.
“She won’t even take my calls,” he says, echoing my own issues. Salem, according to Sean, is unplugged.
“I think this is the universe punishing me for how I did your mom. Your mom was so amazing, but she was never the one the way I thought Kelly was. I’m not sure why I ever stopped living my simple life when I knew damn well how complicated women are,” he goes on, repeating everything I’ve heard him saying all week.
He sighs heavily, his head tipping to the side as though he’s thinking about something as I take a seat by him.
“I never even wanted this. Never wanted to settle down for just one woman,” he prattles on. “I never thought I could be that guy. But for Kelly, I had no choice. I can’t even look at another woman in that way. Hell, sometimes I think she put me under a spell.”
I crack my knuckles, just listening.
“Those women are spiking us with some sort of love potion. That’s the only explanation,” he groans. “We were wolves, Maverick. Wild, untamable wolves. They used their sorcery to tame us and make us their pups so we’d stop howling at the moon. Then she kicked me away for no reason.”
I say nothing. Per the usual. This week has been all about hearing him moan, and whine, and bitch.
Sighing heavily, he goes on. “I’ll never love anyone like I love her. Makes me think of that song that says, ‘You can tell me when it’s over if the high was worth the pain.’”
At least he’s sober. I want this to hurt.
My fist collides with the side of his cheek so hard that he flops off the couch, crashing onto the floor and groaning.
“What the hell was that for?” he asks as I calmly stand up, wringing out my throbbing hand.
He cups his jaw, blinking hard as he tries to snap out of his daze.
“For a solid fucking week, I’ve heard you moan and whine over Kelly, when she’s right down the road at your fucking house. And you still haven’t even tried to talk her into staying,” I state conversationally.
He’s lying on the ground, staring up at me like I’ve lost my mind. When I take a step toward him, he scrambles backwards like he’s worried I’m about to pummel him.
My hand shoots out, and he winces, but I just leave it hovering, offering him a hand up. He stares at it dubiously before warily putting his hand in mine.
I help him up to his feet, and when I rear my fist back again, he throws his hands up in front of his face and brings his leg up to cover his middle while shouting, “Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!” He makes a karate-chop slicing motion with one hand, all while balancing on one foot. “What the hell is going on here?!” he demands. “Why are you hitting me?!”
I glare at him as I slowly lower my fist.
“She left me, remember?!” he snaps, cautiously lowering his hands while I’m not coiled for the strike.
“Yeah, and you’re going on about how much you love her, yet you aren’t doing shit about it. Instead, you’re sitting around quoting Taylor Swift lyrics. Kelly could have already fucking left if she really wanted to. She’s still here, riding out that stupid two week timetable. Salem left immediately because she was terrified she wouldn’t leave if I had two weeks to try to talk her into staying with me. On some level, Kelly is obviously hoping you’ll stop her. Stop being such a pussy and go be a fucking man.”
I gesture toward him as I take a couple of steps back.
He scowls as he straightens his wrinkled shirt. Or tries to. There are just too many wrinkles.
“I mean it!” I yell, causing him to jump a little as he gawks at me. “Get a shower, put on clean clothes, and go over there. Do something.” I turn and walk out, calling over my shoulder, “And shave off that shitty excuse for a beard!”
I slam my bedroom door behind me like an errant child before I drop to the bed, staring up at the ceiling. A stupid stress ball is by me, and I pick it up, pumping the fuck out of it several times.
For the record, stress balls haven’t ever done shit to get rid of my stress. But it does keep my hand too busy to go punch more sense into my father. At least he has the option of trying.
After at least an hour of staring at my ceiling, I slowly sit up, staring across from me at the damn Top Gun stuff and various other random things Salem bought for me. Any time she sees anything corny or fun I might like, she buys it; it’s like she can’t help herself.
Well, that should obviously be past tense now.
Pushing off from the bed, I start to rip that shit out of there and stomp on it, but stop just short, blowing out a heavy breath.
Then I turn and stalk out the door, passing my father as he finishes buttoning up his shirt in the guest bedroom, looking freshly showered and shaved. “Where are you going?” he yells after me.
“To take my own fucking advice,” I answer without looking back.
Right after I shove a hot coal into an ice heart.
***
“Sean Wilson Young! You keep that cat out of my room,” Kelly yells, looking completely frazzled in her robe, her hair sticking up everywhere, as she glares into the living room, unaware of the fact I’ve come into the house.
A familiar feline rebel cry sounds from somewhere in the house, and I note with some satisfaction that curtains are on the ground, shredded, along with a lot of furniture.
Apparently, Bananas is vibing off Sean and making the lives of everyone else hell to show her loyalty.
I’ve never seen Kelly less than pristine until now. It looks like she hasn’t slept for a week.
Sean doesn’t notice me either from this angle as he lazily changes the channel. His backpack is strewn across the floor, along with all its contents. It looks like he doesn’t really give a shit about anything.
“I hope she pisses on all your stuff,” Sean says flippantly, causing my lips to twitch.
“Sean!” she says on a gasp. “What has gotten into you?”
He shrugs. “I’m not letting you use Salem against me anymore. You want me with you, then I’m going to be with you. You want me to be like you? Fine. Here’s what it looks like. And you lose the power you have over my sister in return.”
Kelly just stares sadly at him, her arms hugging her middle.
“That’s not what this is, son. I—”
“I don’t have to listen to you. Like I said, I don’t have to do anything, because you can’t use Salem against me anymore.” He flips her off, never even glancing away from the TV.
“You’re too young for that. That’s disrespectful!” Kelly hisses, then screams and ducks when Bananas flies in from out of nowhere. Pretty sure Bananas just bitch-slapped her across the face, but from this angle, it’s hard to be certain.
“There’s no reason to behave, Mom,” Sean drawls, never acknowledging the hissing pussy as she struts away, feeling triumphant after eliciting Kelly’s scream. “You get the me you’ve always tried to make me be. Bless your heart,” he adds, exaggerating his accent at the end as Bananas scurries sideways down the hall to go line up a new attack—most likely.
I don’t know if Kelly wants to cry or scream, but she ends up panicking for a different reason when she turns her head toward me. Her eyes widen and a bloodcurdling scream roars out of her as she clutches her heart.
Sean just smirks when he sees me, apparently having been more aware of my presence than I realized.
“Maverick,” Kelly says a little breathlessly, trying to recover. “What are you doing here?”
She tries to smooth her hair. The bags under her eyes look to have tripled since I last saw her.
Either Sean’s been giving her a lot of hell, or she�
�s losing sleep over Dad.
Or both.
Or…Bananas.
“Let’s talk. Now,” I tell her firmly, not wanting to do this in front of Sean.
She clutches at her necklace for a second—the only jewelry aside from the wedding bands she’s wearing—and I only glimpse it enough to know it’s the necklace Dad bought her for her birthday.
Clearing her throat, she turns and guides me down the long, winding hallways until we reach Dad’s office. I close the doors behind me and lean against them.
“I’m not sure what’s left to say, Maverick. Salem isn’t answering her phone because she’s unplugged. I’m sure she’ll—”
“Just leave him here. I’m only asking one more time for you to think about what’s best for Sean, and leave him here.” My words are calm, more exhausted than angry.
Her lips tense and her hand falls away from the necklace.
“My mother was an heiress,” she says randomly.
“Good for her?” I’m not sure what she wants me to say to that.
“You think I’m a horrible mother, and I understand that. But I’m really not, Maverick. I want my kids to walk through life with their eyes open. I do care more for my children than you’ll ever know. I’ve done things in my quest to keep them from being naïve that I really don’t even want to think about.”
“Like fucking your daughter’s boyfriend? By the way, I wouldn’t touch you even if you were begging.”
She smiles cruelly. “I’m not trying to touch you, Maverick, and I’m aware that course of action wouldn’t work on you. I’m good at reading men. That was not my finest moment, but Salem never got duped into falling in love with some user again.”
I roll my eyes. “So the ends justify the means? Whatever. How do you justify this? You know they’re rooted to this place.”
“An unforeseen inconvenience,” she states blandly. “But love, as I’m sure you know, given the fact your mother and father fell out of love as well, is fleeting. In time, you and Salem won’t even—”