The Science of Loving

by Candace Vianna

  “What? No, I’m not a virgin.” I snorted. “I may not be the hottest thing out there, but there’s been a few, a very few individuals who didn’t find me totally heinous.”

  “Oh, thank God. You scared me for a minute there,” he said with obvious relief.

  “Wait, why does the state of my virtue matter?”

  He chuckled. “Well let’s just say my approach would've been little more circumspect, rather than the consummate despoiling I gave you last night.” His big hands ground my behind playfully against him as I clutched at his arms. “So you were saying about last night?”

  Shit. “I became a crazed nympho girl and I’m sorry. I’m not like that. I don’t know what came over me.” The words came rushing out in a torrent as I tried to soldier through my apology, only to end in an inaudible trickle. “Please don’t hate me.”

  “Oh Angie, sweetheart… Last night you took my breath away.” He kissed my forehead. “I happen to like crazed nympho girl and I plan on playing with her again and often. Besides, if memory serves, I was a little crazed myself.”

  He gave me a hug and I squeezed my arms around his neck, remembering just in time not to wipe my runny nose on his skin. “So we’re good?” I still felt a little uncertain.

  “Yeah, baby… No, wait. A couple of things you said…” Shit—he leaned back so he could see my face—double shit. “First. You’re the hottest woman I’ve ever… You’re hot. Second, what did you mean by no one’s ever… or you’ve never?” Oh, God, he was going to make me say it out loud.

  “It was nothing. Just nerves talking. Let’s go back. I’m sure everyone is wondering what’s happened to us.” I moved to climb off of him, going nowhere. Shit. My past experiences, all three, weren’t exactly stellar. There were no romantic ships passing in the night. It was more like dinghies in the dark: Awkward, slow and hard to handle, quickly capsizing without ever finding land.

  He hardened. “Angie, Tell me.” Heat spread across my skin as his voice deepened. How did he do that?

  “It’s just… no one’s ever made me feel like you do.” I equivocated.

  “Oh yeah, sweetness? And how’s that?” I shivered. He was grinning evilly, using The Voice. Shit.

  “Well, you know.” I looked down licking my lips as my face heated.

  “Yeah, I can guess.” Whew. “But I want to hear you say it,” he whispered wickedly in my ear. Oh, God.

  I fumed as we walked back. I couldn't believe none of Angie’s boyfriends ever made her come—not that I liked thinking of Angie with other guys—but shit, how selfish was that. It’s not like it’s a chore; she came easily enough. But the fucking douches had her convinced there was something wrong with her, like she was defective—well we’d just have to remedy that.

  Everyone was trying to look busy when we walked into camp. Dad looked concerned and Mom was giving me the stink eye—motherfucker. Danny told them. Shit.

  Mom raised her eyebrows and I nodded to let her know I’d it handled. “Angie, I saved some breakfast for you. Come eat, mija. Would you like a coffee?”

  “Cream and four sugars Mammy. Go ahead and get started, sweetheart, I’ll be there in a minute so we can plan our day.” I gave her a little push towards Mom then dragged my traitorous sister to the other side of my car.

  “What the fuck, Danny.”

  She shrugged. “I was worried.”

  “It’s none of your fucking business. Hell, it’s none of their fucking business. Fuck.” I paced in a circle holding my hands on my head to keep from strangling her. “How do you think Angie’s going to feel when she finds out you told them?”

  “What makes you think she’ll find out?” I just looked at her.

  “And still you left her alone with them?” Shit.

  When I raced back, Angie was sitting at the picnic table with my folks, visibly pale. Mom put her arm around her as Dad got up to meet me halfway, shaking his head. “I tried to stop her. But you know how she gets.” Motherfucker.

  “Dad, it’s different this time. I know I just met her, but I can see this turning into something.”

  He gave me a penetrating look. “Well then you’d best rescue her from your mother, otherwise it’s going to be Brett all over again.” Shit.

  “It’s the most beautiful thing in the world—”

  “Mammy?”

  “Your energy merging with his—”

  “Mom!”

  “What? I was just telling Angie about our retreat.”

  “Yes, and now you’re finished telling Angie about your retreat.” I ground out.

  “Is this about your list mijo?” She nodded to Angie patting her hand. “He has this list—”

  “Yes, Mother of mine, and you know damn well this is on it. Big time. So for once, could you please not send my date running for the hills in a hysterical panic? Pick on Danny’s dates, they deserve it.” She just rolled her eyes and walked off.

  Angie smiled weakly. “She said it’s transcendent.”

  “She means well, she just doesn’t understand boundaries. Which is really weird considering her work is all about rules and boundaries.”

  “What does she do?”

  “Would you believe she’s an attorney? In fact, she’s one of the most successful civil rights attorneys in the state.”

  “Yeah, that’s hard to believe,” she deadpanned. Funny girl.

  “Uh huh… Well, why don’t you slip on your swimsuit babe, and we’ll go look for some transcendence of our own.”

  The empty sites were starting to fill up, so there was a lot of clanking and people talking as we strolled through the grounds. Some folks waved as we passed, others stared at my ink, but most just ignored us.

  “It’s getting busy.”

  “Yeah, it’ll be full before the end of the day. That’s why we always try to get here early. Don’t expect it to be quiet tonight.”

  I cut across the parking lot to one of my favorite trails. Unfortunately, it was always crowded. It led to a set of waterfalls and rocky pools that eventually fed into the nearby Sweetwater River. I stopped at a clump of manzanitas that marked the trailhead fingering red clay bark slashed with grey scars. They’d survived hundreds of years, hunched and dwarfed by a harsh unforgiving environment and I'd always been fascinated by them. I loved their lines. The tortured way the branching limbs gracefully twisted and curved, their pale green leaves countering the rich red in bark that was smooth and rough at the same time.

  Angie joined me stroking the strange wood. “These are such cool trees.”

  “Yeah, they’re one of my favorite things up here.”

  Her delicate fingers traced over woody red variegated lines. “The colors in the smooth part remind me of taffy. When it’s being pulled, strings of light dark mix together, but are separate at the same time.”

  “I’ve always thought of them as rivers or sometimes blood vessels.” I slid my finger across her hand and up her arm, enjoying her blush. The moment was broken when three young women crossed the parking lot to the trailhead, checking out my ink as they passed; whispering and giggling, glancing back as they walked away.

  “Come on there’s something you need to see.”

  “What?”

  “It’s a surprise.” I grabbed her hand and started down a riparian trail shadowed by yellow pines, southern oak and chaparral. Wildlife scuttled in the undergrowth and jays called out unexpectedly. I could hear people laughing and the splash of the falls even before we emerged from the short path. There were three waterfalls feeding a series of shallow rocky pools. The tallest was about fifteen feet. Although they ran heaviest in the spring and fall, the summer drought had yet to take its toll, and water splashed merrily on the rocks below.

  Angie was delighted, her lips curving in a cute half smile as she took everything in. It was already crowded. Kids were running, splashing and shrieking. The gigglers from earlier posed in barely there swimsuits on some boulders, while a couple of teenage boys tried hard not to stare. I led her dow
nstream, away from the crowd to a flat rock large enough for us both to lay down on.

  “Come on, let’s get wet.” I took off my shoes and socks and jumped in the water, my board shorts ballooning briefly before the air leaked out while Angie watched, smiling nervously. I gave her a come-hither motion with my hand. “You’re not just going to admire me from afar?” I started wading back toward her. “I’m so much better close up.”

  “I’ll admire you close up.” A throaty voice called out, it was one of the boulder chicks. I ignored her, focusing on Angie’s blush, undressing her with my eyes before I climbed out and started undressing her with my hands.

  Mat’s body glistened, muscles bunching as he pulled himself from the water, sending sparkling diamonds breaking wetly on the boulder below. His finger traced a wet path down my arm before hooking in the top of my shorts, pulling me close, so close his damp chest cooled my cheeks. He loosened my waistband, brushing my shorts off my hips to fall around my ankles. River cooled fingers teased up the outside of my thighs before he grabbed the hem of my tee and pulled it over my head, tossing it on the rocky ground. He sank down, his head gleaming in the sun to untie my laces. His wide shoulders strained under his ink as he pulled off my shoes.

  He looked up, his fingertips stealing over my calves as he took all of me in. My mouth was dry and I didn't know what to do with my hands. Self-consciously, I started closing my arms around my middle then halted. Fearing, I’d end up punching him in the nose. I knew I couldn't compete with the tight fitness of those girls basking on the rocks. My body was a blob of softness. I’d always told myself I didn’t have time for the gym, but truthfully, I was so clumsy I feared ridicule. And my pale skin wasn’t poetically alabaster, instead it bore an uncanny resemblance to uncooked bread dough. Something, according to my mother, no one wanted to see. She’d urged me to go to a tanning salon, and now I regretted not listening to her. Even my hair was cursed, cut short since its curls defied taming.

  Mat smiled, running his hands up to the back of my thighs and leaned in like he was going to kiss my stomach, then gently bit my flesh right below my belly button, freezing me in place. He followed it up with an open-mouthed kiss before rising to block out the sun. “Time to get wet sweetness.” Shit. Like I wasn't already.

  He walked to the edge of the pool, hopping gracefully into the water as I scrambled after him. Awkwardly climbing off the rock with his help, entering the water with an ungainly splash. He grinned back, swiping his face. God, I’m such a klutz. “Sorry.”

  “Relax babe, I got you.” His smile went all the way up to his eyes, his teeth, a white slash against his olive skin. Uneven rocks and sandy gravel abraded the soles of my feet as he floated us further into the pond, slowly spinning around. It wasn't as cold as I expected. Not that it was warm, but it wasn't frigid snow-run-off cold. He slid away from me until only our fingers touched. His arms flexed under the water, making the fish swimming up them look almost alive. He was so beautiful.

  “God, you’re beautiful.” His grin widened. Oh, shit. I so didn’t mean to blurt that out. He turned me in his arms pulling my back against his front, and the drifting cord from his swim trunks tickled me. The contrasting heat at my back made me acutely aware of every place our skin touched while the sun danced brightly on the water, burning reverse image spots onto my retinas.

  Mat nudged my neck. “So I’m beautiful, huh. What is it about me you find so appealing?”

  “Like you don’t know.”

  “No, really. I’ve been accused of a lot of things. But beauty isn’t one of them. Not with this mug.”

  “Please, now you’re just fishing. Everywhere we go women fall all over themselves trying to get your attention,” I huffed.

  He squeezed, his arms forming a warm belt around my middle, his thighs occasionally brushing mine as we half floated in lazy circles. “There’s only one woman’s attention I’m interested in. C’mon, tell me what you see.”

  “I don’t know. You really shouldn’t pay much attention to anything coming out my mouth. For some reason I suffer inexplicable Tourette's like symptoms in your company,” I said, trying to make light of my spastic outburst.

  “I don’t believe that—well, the part about not knowing—so spill. Since there are kids present, I’ll have to settle for getting my ego stroked instead of more interesting things.” He kissed my neck. “I’ll make it easy for you this time and go first,” he murmured, raking my earlobe with his teeth. “I love that rosy glow your skin gets when you’re turned on. How you heat up. It makes me want to touch (kiss) and taste (kiss) every inch of you.” Oh, God… “C’mon, your turn. Just tell me the first thing that comes to mind.”

  “Your voice.” The words shot out of my mouth before my brain could edit them.

  “Really,” he said speculatively. “What about my voice.”

  I couldn't do this. It was one thing to whisper anomalously in the dark, but in the full light of day… “Mat I can’t…”

  He turned me, lifting my legs around his waist then locking his hands behind me. He touched his forehead to mine. “Close your eyes, baby. It’s just you and me. You can tell me anything, everything.”

  I shook my head. I couldn't. Saying it out loud would reveal too much. There was a strange, libidinous woman dwelling inside of me that I didn't know. What would he think if he knew how much his voice scares me, and that turns me on? God, there was something seriously wrong with me.

  “I don’t know; there’s just this thing about your voice.” I pushed against him, trying to get some thinking space. I shouldn’t have bothered. His grip turned steely and that wrong part of me began to pant. He wouldn’t let me go until he was good and ready, not until I told him everything, every embarrassing detail. “There’s just something about it’s timbre that resonates inside me. It’s like this irresistible force. Compelling. Like the voice of god.” I trembled against him, my eyes squeezed tightly shut. “Or maybe the serpent,” I whispered.

  “‘The voice of god,’ I like that,” he murmured, rewarding me with a pleased kiss. Relief washed through me and I suddenly felt lightheaded. I relaxed into him and his hand went to the back of my head, deepening the kiss. The world fell away as he held me fiercely, gently exploring my mouth. There was only his breath, his taste, the caress of his lips, the slide of his tongue. He was the anchor that kept me from being swept away. “I love feeling your surrender,” he whispered.

  “Hey, get a room.” Shit. The same girl who’d catcalled earlier wrenched me from my happy place. I was mortified. I was practically humping him in public. I pushed against his chest, still getting nowhere.

  His abs tensed, his arms constricting. “Uh uh. Where do you think you’re going?” He held me immobile with a wolfish grin, rocking his groin sinuously against my sex before relenting. “All right, I’ll show you mercy this time, but only because there’s witnesses.” He chuckled releasing me. I casually backed away and he floated forward with an assessing glint in his eyes. “Just imagine what I’m going to do when I finally get you alone.” And his voice crawled through me smoother than a fine whiskey burn.

  I sunk down low in the water, watching her like a crocodile as the vague threat floating between us darkened her eyes. She slowly backed up as I advanced, herding her to our rock—that’s right, sweetness. Just wait ‘til we’re alone—I reached above her head, hanging off the ledge, my stare holding her wide fascinated eyes before dropping to her mouth.

  “C’mon let’s make like lizards and eat,” I said, breaking the spell.

  “Lizards?”

  “Bask on the rocks in the sun.” I heaved her out of the water easily, enjoying a very pleasant view of her ass before climbing after her. She stood hugging herself while I pulled our towels out, spreading them on the sun warmed stone. I patted an invitation next to me, scooting closer after she sat down, her skin shining a pale fragile rose next to my brown-sugar tan.

  “I’m going to put some sunblock on you before we eat, I don’t want
you to burn.” She looked down—was she sensitive about her complexion—it was perfect, almost opalescent: a creamy white with pale blue undertones and a hint of peach, flashing a delicate pink every time she blushed.

  I knelt behind her, warming some lotion in my hands before smoothing it across her shoulders, up her neck all the way to her short dark curls. My hands looked huge and dark on her. “I’m so much taller than you; this’ll be easier if you lie down on your stomach.” I put pressure between her shoulders nudging her down onto the towel, straddling her hips as she moved forward. I smoothed lotion on the small of her back, up her sides and across her shoulder blades; gently massaging her skin until she sighed and began relaxing under my touch. I slid back working my way down one leg then back up the other, paying special attention to the creases at the top of her thighs.

  “Turn over, sweetness; let me do the rest of you.”

  She tensed. “Thanks, but you don’t have to, I can reach the rest.”

  Uh-huh, sweetness, you’re going to have to get use to my hands roaming all over you because I plan on claiming every inch of your body starting now—I crouched over her, my hands warm on the stone above her shoulders, my chest touching her back—let’s just see how much you like my voice. “I’m sure you could,” I admonished, “but what makes you think I’ll let you? Now. Turn. Over.” She shivered, her tremors running up my thighs—cool—straight to my cock—well, shit. What am I, fifteen again—it appeared I’d made a tactical error by widening my containment just enough so she’d have to work at getting onto her back. My body’s growing interest was becoming a little too large to overlook, gifting her averted eyes with a very interesting view. Since it was already too late to do anything about it, so I decided to brazen it out. “See what you do to me? You take away all my control.”

  I brushed her lips with mine then began smoothing lotion on her face, caressing her jaw, her ears, down her neck. I traced across her sternum then back up over her collarbones and down her arms to massage her fingers. I tasted her lips again then inched back to smooth lotion over her delicate ribcage and around her sides. Sliding down her stomach to pay homage to her hipbones, forcing a ticklish giggle from her before continuing down both her legs. We were both a little breathy by the time I was finished.