by Terri Reed
“We don’t live in the eighteenth century, Ryan. It may feel that way sometimes living in this quaint town with its tight-knit community, but scandals come and go. No one blinks an eye at illegitimate children these days.”
The sad testament of the world’s moral status didn’t appear to appease him, if the glare he leveled on her was any indication.
“This is more about how the scandal will affect you not her.”
His scowl darkened. “Your story is more important than family,” he shot back.
She stiffened, feeling like he’d slapped her. “The only family I have left is Georgina. I can’t let her down or Olivia.” She had no options left now. He’d ridiculed her declaration of love. He was angry and hurt. She tried not to take offense but it stung anyway.
“You’re letting me down,” he ground out.
His words cut deep. “Do you love me?” she asked.
His icy silence was answer enough. Her heart cracked in her chest, pain seared her soul as any chance of happiness with Ryan slipped away.
Tears gathered, but she refused to let him see her cry. “Georgina and I will move away. Go someplace where no one has heard of Fitzgerald Bay or the Fitzgeralds.”
Hurt crossed his handsome features before a mask of stone settled into place. “No, you won’t. She’s our family, too. I’ll make sure you never receive custody of her.”
Shock ripped the breath from her lungs. “You wouldn’t do that! You couldn’t. You know how much I love her. How much Olivia wanted me to have her.”
He headed to the front door. “Prove you love her. Don’t write the article.”
With that he was gone.
Meghan sank to the floor, more afraid than she’d ever been. She’d come this far, gone through so much, to find Georgina. Now Ryan threatened to keep Georgina from her.
It wasn’t fair.
The crevices in her heart opened wider. She’d lost Ryan.
She couldn’t lose Georgina, too.
* * *
Ryan had to warn his father. As angry as he was at him, the reasons stacking up like driftwood blown into Fitzgerald Bay by as many nor’easters, Ryan couldn’t let his father be blindsided by the scandal.
By Meghan’s betrayal.
Ryan hurt deep inside. A pain so breath-stealing, he’d rather have seven cracked ribs than feel this sort of emotional torment.
This late in the evening, Ryan knew where to find his father. A few minutes later, Ryan entered the house he’d grown up in and made his way to the kitchen where Dad sat eating the dinner Mrs. Mulrooney, Dad’s housekeeper, had made for him. He wore casual clothes that hung on him. Unbidden concern for his dad pricked his mind. Aiden had lost weight and there were newer, deeper lines around his eyes.
Aiden’s eyebrows arched as Ryan slid into the chair across the table from him.
“Hello, son.” Aidan set down his fork. “This is a pleasant surprise. I thought you had dinner plans with Meghan.”
Ryan’s teeth clenched against the fresh wave of hurt. He should be having dinner with Meghan, getting to know each other better without bullets flying. He’d envisioned a moonlight walk on the beach, holding hands, maybe even kissing… .
“Dad, we have a situation.” He explained Meghan’s article and the damage it would do.
Aiden sat back, folded his hands over his chest and stared silently up at the ceiling.
Frustrated by the lack of reaction, Ryan said, “Dad, did you hear me? This could ruin your chances of becoming mayor.”
He flicked a glance Ryan’s way. “And your chances of stepping into the chief’s spot.”
Ryan blinked. The next step in the equation hadn’t occurred to him. Sure, he’d been working toward the goal of being chief, but he didn’t care about that right now. After the past few days, he was more inclined to let someone else take the chief’s spot. He much preferred being out in the field.
Aiden heaved a heavy sigh and turned his pale blue eyes on Ryan. “From what it sounds like, this article Meghan has written is nothing but the truth. You shouldn’t be upset.”
Ryan drew back. “Not be upset? How can you be so blasé? This will affect all of us. Your bid for mayor will die a flaming death. The reputation of the family will be tarnished. Everything we do as men of the law will be questioned.”
This is more about how the scandal will affect you not her.
Meghan’s words slammed into him with a vicious blow. His mouth turned to cotton. Was that true? His mind recoiled from looking too closely at her words and his reaction to them.
Determination set Dad’s jaw in a firm line. “It’s time I took responsibility for my actions, my mistakes.”
“A little late for that now,” Ryan muttered. Anger at his dad’s disloyalty to his mom and resentment for not being the man Ryan had thought his dad was and sorrow for all the heartache his father’s actions had caused made his chest tighten. He rubbed the spot over his heart with one hand.
Aiden clasped Ryan’s other hand. “Can you ever forgive me?”
The words knifed through him, making his eyes burn and his lungs feel like they were collapsing. The walls of the kitchen closed in, the very air around him was devoid of oxygen. He felt trapped, cornered. “I don’t know. I—just don’t know, Dad.”
FOURTEEN
Ryan had to get out of there. Away from his dad, away from the pain burrowing deep, trying to drag him into a pit so dark he wasn’t sure there would be a way out. Without another word, he rose and fled from the house.
He bypassed his vehicle and walked all the way to the beach. A path he and his siblings had taken many times growing up. Always before, the anticipation of fun in the sun had made the walk easy. Today the distance felt like miles and miles of torture.
He nodded to folks out for an evening stroll. Normally he’d stop and ask how they were doing. But not today. His mind was in turmoil. Every physical injury he’d suffered this past week throbbed. His heart lay heavy in his chest and his soul burdened.
He hit the beach, immediately shucking his shoes and socks and rolling up his pant legs. The loose sand was cool beneath his feet. He walked down to the water, the shore turning hard and wet. Waves lapped at his ankles as he treaded through the foaming ocean.
Finally he let the thoughts rattling around his brain form, examining and analyzing them with careful consideration.
Dad had been unfaithful to Mom. He’d kept Olivia a secret from his children.
Can you ever forgive me?
Dad’s question hammered at Ryan. A war waged within his soul. Bitterness and anger versus love.
Forgiveness is the way to freedom from that which binds us.
Meghan’s voice invaded his head, adding to the fray. Words he’d thought trite now hit him profoundly. He was bound by anger. Betrayal. Hurt.
By his father.
By Meghan.
Only you can choose to forgive.
A process, Meghan had said. How did he even begin?
Lord, I don’t know what to do. What to pray. I’m so full of anger and hurt. I want to forgive…I don’t even know how.
Ryan lifted his gaze toward the town. Lights illuminated the peak of the white spire of the Fitzgerald Bay Community Church. A beacon saying, “Come here.”
With a sense of urgency Ryan didn’t completely understand, he gathered his shoes, quickly donned them and then hustled for the church and the solace he hoped to find there.
This evening the church was empty and quiet. The interior of the building was still softly lit with candles and low-wattage lighting glowed from wall sconces attached to wooden beams. The same paintings—depicting ships leaving the harbor with sailors setting out on the dangerous oceans, never knowing if they’d re
turn—graced the walls since he was a kid as reminders to pray for the town and its seafaring people.
Thick oak pews lined the sanctuary. At the front of the church, colorful stained-glass windows provided a beautiful background to the plain wooden cross recessed on the stage where Pastor Larch usually preached. The simplicity of the cross beckoned Ryan forward until he reached the first pew. He slipped onto the bench and lifted his gaze to the cross.
He wasn’t sure what he hoped to find here. Clarity. Peace of mind. Forgiveness.
“Ryan?”
Ryan swiveled to see Pastor Larch coming down the aisle. Ryan stood. “Hi, Pastor. Hope it’s okay I’m here because it’s not Sunday morning.”
Pastor Larch gave him an indulgent smile. “God’s house is always open, Ryan, regardless of the day. Please, sit.”
Ryan sat back down where he’d been. Pastor Larch slid onto the bench next to him.
For a moment they were silent, each staring up at the cross.
Ryan felt the pastor’s gaze on him. He realized what he must look like. Hair mussed from the ocean’s wind, pants wet, wrinkled and sandy from being shoved up before wading in the water. A haunted look in his eyes.
“You seem troubled,” Pastor Larch stated.
Troubled. What a mild word for the chaos going on inside him. “Family stuff.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really.” But then why was he here?
The need to speak rose sharply, forcing words past the lump in his throat. Ryan poured out all the agony that cluttered his head and heart and soul. He confessed to the anger he felt toward his father, the hurt Meghan’s article had caused and questioned how he could move past it all. Pastor Larch listened attentively, offering words of wisdom and encouragement.
When he finished with his tale, Ryan felt drained, depleted and achy.
“Meghan’s right, you know. Forgiveness doesn’t always come easy. But it’s worth the effort, every single struggle, to get to a place where you can pray for the person who hurt you rather than condemn them.”
Ryan remembered the passage in Matthew where Jesus taught His disciples to bless and pray for your enemies. Though Ryan didn’t necessarily view his father as his enemy, the gist of the teaching spoke to him.
“How do I begin?” Ryan asked.
“With prayer.”
So simple. Doable. Yet the words wouldn’t form. He’d spent so much time in the past questioning God, questioning other people’s faith. After sending his best friend, who’d professed to be a man of God, to jail for abusing his girlfriend, Ryan’s own faith had slipped. Over the past week it had returned like a tide, ebbing and flowing. He wasn’t sure where he stood at the moment. He wanted to grab on to his faith. He really did.
“There are times when our own offended pride, more than hurt or anger, blocks us from God,” Pastor Larch gently pointed out.
Something deep inside Ryan grew agitated. He’d never thought of himself as prideful.
This is more about how the scandal will affect you not her.
Everything inside of him stilled. His heart, his breath. He searched to the depths of his soul. With a sinking feeling of shame and grief, he realized the pastor was right. Meghan had been right. His own pride underlined his hurt and anger, preventing him from praying, from forgiving. From loving Meghan.
Ryan bowed his head. “Forgive me, Lord. Take my pride, fill me with Your love.”
Pastor Larch laid a hand on Ryan’s shoulder and prayed for him, for his family. His kind words, his compassionate voice wrapped around Ryan as if God himself was hugging him. Tears burned Ryan’s eyes as he let God’s healing begin.
Help me forgive my father, Lord, he silently asked of God. I can’t do it on my own.
He could physically feel his heart soften. Clarity rushed in, crowding out all the bad stuff that had kept him from seeing the truth.
His father was human and had made mistakes. God loved him despite his sins. Could Ryan do no less?
In such a short span of time so much had transpired, so much had changed. And with it, so had Ryan.
No longer was he afraid to feel, afraid to open up and let emotion in. The battle in his soul had been won. Love triumphed. Love for his family.
Love for Meghan.
Hopefully, she’d give him another chance.
* * *
The next morning Ryan awoke to the ringing of his cell phone. The caller ID told him Douglas was on the line.
“Hey,” he said by way of an answer.
“You’d better get down to the courthouse, pronto. Dad’s arranged for a press conference.”
Scrambling from his bed, he said, “I’ll be right there.”
Looked like Dad was standing behind his words. Aiden was going to take responsibility for his actions. Ryan knew the sacrifice his father was making. Pride, the good kind, filled him. It didn’t matter that his father’s confession would come on the heels of the article Meghan probably submitted last night. Dad was doing the right thing.
Ryan dressed and shaved quickly, then made his way down Main Street, noting that a crowd had gathered outside the courthouse, which sat adjacent to the Fitzgerald Bay police station. All of his siblings were present as were his cousins and aunts and uncles. The whole Fitzgerald-Connolly clan had turned out to support Aiden. Had his father told them what he was about to do? Had he explained that the announcement he was about to make would be a death knell for the upcoming mayoral election?
Camera crews and journalists crowded around the steps of the courthouse. Ryan slipped in line beside his sister Fiona. She stood proud and tall, in a subdued green dress that showed off her red hair. She grabbed his hand and held on tight. Emotion clogged Ryan’s throat as his father addressed the hovering crowd.
Listening to his father talk of his past and the mistakes he had made since were hard to hear, but the truth didn’t hurt nearly as badly as it had when Meghan had first shed light upon his father’s misdeeds.
“My heartfelt apologies go out to the citizens of Fitzgerald Bay. I acted selfishly,” Aiden said, concluding his speech.
Hands rose, demanding attention. Questions were lobbed at the chief of police. Aiden answered each with patience and grace, making Ryan proud.
A flash of honey-blond hair caught Ryan’s attention. Meghan stood at the back of the crowd. She wore a becoming sunny-yellow dress and low-heeled sandals. Dark sunglasses hid her eyes.
The sight of her jump-started his pulse. The love he’d been denying expanded in his chest until he could hardly breathe. He owed her an apology. A lifetime’s worth for his bad behavior. He’d been cruel. Said something he had no intention of following through on. Lashed out over the article she’d written. He couldn’t take Georgina away from her.
The uncharacteristic loss of control shook him. Only this woman could do that to him. Meghan. His Meghan.
There was so much he wanted to say to her. He need to tell her she’d done the right thing in bringing the truth to light. Her integrity filled him with pride and respect and admiration and…so many other emotions he felt he might burst with them all. Determination to win her love filled him.
“I’ll be back,” he whispered into Fiona’s ear as he withdrew his hand.
He threaded his way through the crowd, but lost sight of Meghan. When he got to the place where she’d been standing, she was gone. He searched the crowd and caught sight of her entering the park. “Meghan,” he shouted.
She continued walking. He wasn’t sure if she truly hadn’t heard him or was ignoring him. He wouldn’t blame her if she ignored him. He’d been a jerk to her.
“Ryan Fitzgerald, tell us about capturing Christina Hennessy.” A reporter jabbed a microphone at Ryan.
“Has
DNA proven that Georgina Hennessy is a Fitzgerald?” another voice in the crowd asked.
Ryan watched Meghan walk out of sight. He sighed. He’d have to wait until the press conference was over to talk with her.
Meghan Henry had wormed her way into Ryan’s heart. He only hoped she’d give him a chance to prove himself to her. Prove he was a man worth taking a chance on, worth loving. He’d made her promises. Promises he intended to keep.
* * *
Meghan walked listlessly through town, past the ice cream shop, past the bookstore and the pharmacy. A chill chased down her spine despite the warm June humidity. She stopped and spun around. No one was paying her any attention. Still…she should have told Ryan about almost being run down yesterday, but the evening had turned into a disaster before she’d had a chance.
When she’d seen the email notice pop up this morning about the impromptu press conference called by the Fitzgerald Bay police chief, she’d hardly believed it. She’d hurried to the courthouse along with more than half the town and journalists in this part of the state. She appreciated that Aiden Fitzgerald had finally and very publicly taken ownership of his part in her cousin’s life and death.
She ached for what it would cost him and his family. Contrary to what Ryan thought, she cared about them all. About Ryan. She was sure Ryan blamed her, probably hated her. The thought was like a knife to the chest.
Ryan hadn’t even tried to talk to her at the press conference. He’d stared at her from his place behind his father like a stone statue. His inscrutable eyes revealed nothing. She might as well not exist to him. She supposed she didn’t.
Heartsick, she couldn’t deny she loved Ryan Fitzgerald and he didn’t love her back.
His last words to her echoed flatly inside her chest.
She’s our family, too. I’ll make sure you never receive custody of her.
If he’d loved her, he wouldn’t have said those horrible words. He didn’t love her. A sad fact she had to accept.