Master

by Catherine Taylor

  Jahn leant forward and looked up into her face. “I do want to know how a young, pretty girl stops caring for herself.”

  Lena stared down at the floor. “I hear you tell me about the fun and pleasure of sex, but I’ve never known it to be anything but horrible. When I was old enough to know what it was, I fantasized about it. I pictured myself with a handsome man, being dined by candlelight and kissed romantically, before being swept off to a night of passionate lovemaking. Instead I got my first boyfriend at sixteen, and he used me for five minutes and then went and bragged to his friends that he had fucked Dmitri Petrenko’s daughter. It cost me a thrashing by my father, and it nearly cost the boy his life. So you see, my introduction to sex wasn’t overly pleasurable.”

  She looked at Jahn. “Do you want me to go on?”

  He nodded, showing no emotion, but with his gaze fixed on her.

  “My father and I haven’t been close since he got his restaurant. He forgot all about my mother and me. All he wanted to do was make money. The only time he was nice was when my grandfather would visit. Didi lived in Moscow. I haven’t seen him in years, but when I was very little he used to come to see me and my mother all the time, wearing his wonderful uniform with bright, shiny gold buttons and blue things on his shoulders.”

  “He was KGB?”

  “Yes,” Lena stated proudly. “I used to think he looked so wonderful, so handsome in his uniform. He would always bring me presents and play games with me. I loved him coming to visit. When he stopped wearing it, we didn’t see him so often. Then when he would come, he would spend most of his time with Poppa, and they would both get cross with me and tell me to go and play. Mama got angry with both of them, but they even got cross with her, and then she would put my coat on and take me to the park. I would be playing and she would sit there and look sad. I always cheered her up, and she would give me big cuddles and tell me how much she loved me. It got worse when Poppa got the restaurant.”

  “In what way?”

  “Mama and Poppa would fight all the time. She didn’t like the men who would come around, except Andrei. Everyone likes Andrei.”

  “Who were these men?”

  “I don’t know, criminals of some sort. They would come late at night and bring boxes and store them in the restaurant, and then they would come and get them and bring more boxes. Once I think I saw Didi with them, and I just remember feeling very sad.”

  “Why was that?”

  Lena shrugged. “Everything was different. We had lots of money, but everyone was angry. Poppa got some type of ownership in the mine and he got all pompous and thought he was a big shot. He got rough with people and said they had to respect him. Mama told him he was an idiot and then one day they had this big fight. It was terrible. He hit her. He had never hit her before. I was terrified and Mama cried for so long, and then Didi showed up the next day and said that he was taking me on holiday. I don’t think it was a holiday. I think he just wanted to get me away from that.”

  “Where did he take you?”

  “To Odessa. He had a dacha there and it was just the way it used to be. He took me swimming and fishing and we had so much fun. A whole week of happiness and then we came back, and Mama was dead.”

  “What happened?”

  “They said that she had been run down by a car. The driver didn’t stop and they never found out who did it, but I already knew it was Poppa. I begged my grandfather to take me with him after the funeral, but he said that Poppa needed me.”

  “How old were you when all this happened?”

  “Eleven,” Lena sighed. “Too young to be without my mother, knowing nothing about life. Two years later he got that bitch he’s married to now, and she is pregnant with his son.”

  “When was the last time you saw your grandfather?”

  “Three years ago, but he was different. He seemed more interested in business than in me. We had to go to a big fancy hotel to even see him, and he was surrounded by all these men in black suits, and Poppa had to be searched before we could go in. He wanted to be alone with me, and I thought that maybe he would take me out or something, but he didn’t. This man came in with us, and Didi said I had to sign some papers for him. When I asked what they were, he got cross with me, and told me that it was to look after our future, and I shouldn’t ask so many questions. So I signed them and that was the last I saw of him.”

  Glancing up, Lena smiled as she saw Jahn’s focussed gaze. She still had his full attention. “I’m not boring you yet?”

  He shook his head. “You still haven’t told me how you got yourself to the state I found you in.”

  The smile melted away from her face and Lena clasped her hands. “My teenage years weren’t good. I had a lot of boyfriends but they always wanted sex straight away. They weren’t interested in getting to know me. Some of the foreigners that came into the restaurant were nice though. I couldn’t always understand them, but…”

  Jahn prompted her. “But what?”

  “It doesn’t matter. Poppa got very angry with me. He called me terrible names and I felt bad about myself. I knew that I had done things wrong, but I didn’t think I was bad. I just wanted to be loved, but I understand now that men don’t think like that. They would say whatever they had to, just to get what they wanted. They didn’t care what happened to me.”

  Jahn frowned. “And you stopped attending to yourself because of that?”

  “It may not seem like a big deal to you, but it was to me. I didn’t want men treating me like that anymore, feeling they had the right to use me. Now they are no longer interested in me. I hear the snide comments, and I’m glad. I never have to think about sex again. It brought me nothing but heartache.”

  “It doesn’t have to be like that, and you’re too young to put that stipulation on your life. Sex can be enjoyable, even if it is for one night, and it doesn’t make you cheap. If men can do it, why can’t women?”

  Lena suddenly got angry. “Because women have a lot more to lose, and I don’t want to talk about this anymore. How you live your life is none of my business, as long as it doesn’t invade mine any more than it has. I’ll trust you to keep your word that you won’t hurt me, and I’ll try not to annoy you.”

  She got up and hurried back to the bedroom, but saw the look on Jahn’s face. He seemed concerned and that made her angry with herself. Her chance to finally tell someone of how much she was hurting was gone.

  An hour later she was still awake and bitter. Jahn was moving about in the lounge and she wanted to be out there with him. Whatever he was, he had treated her kindly, and was the only person she had talked to in so much depth. It was no use trying to deny it. She liked him, and even worse, she desired him. Her father had been right. She was an immoral woman, with no pride and a preoccupation with sex.

  Not that it was going to matter. Jahn had promised that he wouldn’t touch her and she believed him. It was obvious that he had a selective taste in women, and the last thing he wanted was a naïve girl with a few naughty fantasies, not when he had more adventurous women to turn to. She was being rejected for an entirely new reason. Lena smirked at the irony.

  Knowing sleep was still far off, she dared to evoke a fantasy to pass time. Her prince underwent a stark transformation and was no longer the handsome, well dressed gentleman. His hair was now black, and his arms more powerful. He had a ruggedly attractive face and cold blue eyes, and he was stricter than ever.

  Closing her eyes, Lena nervously imagined herself naked and vulnerable before Jahn, confessing all the sins of her past. He was going to spank her over his knee, and when she had been thoroughly punished, his hands were going to seek her most intimate of places. In the darkness, Lena felt her blood stream through her veins.

  CHAPTER SIX

  It was strange to wake with anticipation of what the day would bring. For so long, mornings had been the worst time for Lena, knowing she would have to get through the tormenting hours before she could reclaim the peace of her bed. Usual
ly her head was still filled with the remnants of her nightmares, and with dread of what confrontations she would have with her stepmother or father.

  This morning was different. She had none of the ailments that normally greeted her. Her body felt wonderfully healed and there was no anxiety filling her head. Everything was quiet and serene in the grey light, and she sank back into her pillow, smiling at Greta.

  “Good morning,” she whispered. “Do you think he’s awake too? I wonder what we will do today. I like him, Greta. Is that so wrong? I know he’s not a perfect man. He has a prison tattoo and very naughty pictures and he gets grumpy, but he’s kind and he’s handsome and so very strong. He scares me sometimes, but mostly I feel good around him.”

  Greta seemed happy enough.

  Lena stroked the nylon hair and her smile faded. “And where are you today? Are you still asleep? Is someone coming to pick you up and cuddle you and give you a dry nappy? Just please know that Mama loves you wherever you are.”

  A tear ran down her cheek but she swiped at it quickly and took a deep breath. “No tears today. I am going to be strong and show him that I’m not a stupid little girl. I am a woman and it is time he saw that.”

  Rolling over, she saw light under her bedroom door and her face beamed. “He’s awake.”

  Getting out of bed, she combed her fingers through her hair and patted it down tidily before opening the door.

  Jahn was already dressed in black singlet and jeans, as he moved about quietly putting an assortment of food and utensils on the bench. His hair was damp and hanging in black, shiny strands around his neck. When he turned, Lena could see he was freshly shaved.

  “I’m just starting breakfast,” he announced. “Did you want to shower first?”

  She knew his subtle question was to encourage her hygiene, but she took no offense. “I need to go to the bathroom, but I will shower after.”

  “You can go on your own. Just leave the apartment door open.”

  “And what if I decide to run away instead?”

  He didn’t even turn to her. “Then I will catch you and tan your arse.”

  A shiver went through her and an escape attempt seemed desirable, just to be caught. It would be a great scenario for a bedtime fantasy, but she wasn’t quite ready to evoke it in reality.

  Upon her return, breakfast was well under way and Lena sat quietly on the couch and waited. She wondered whether he was angry at her for her outburst, but made up her mind not to mention it. Today she would be quiet and mature, with no childish tantrums or tears.

  A plate of sausages, eggs and toast was placed in front of her. Jahn sat down next to her with his own. His close presence was thrilling, as was the food. Lena wanted to tuck in, but politely thanked him and gently picked up her cutlery. Throughout the meal she ate slowly, cutting small pieces and resisting the urge to talk.

  Jahn finished first and took his plate out to the kitchen, returning with two steaming cups of tea and her pills. He frowned at her as he sat back down.

  “Are you alright this morning?”

  “Yes, thank you,” she smiled, only after she had finished a mouthful.

  “You seem quiet.”

  “I’m enjoying my breakfast. You’re a marvellous cook.”

  “Thank you.”

  He sat back and sipped on his tea, and Lena smiled to herself. When she was finished she took her plate to the kitchen, scraping off the scraps and rinsing it, very aware that Jahn was watching her. She returned to her tea and drank her pills down without a word.

  “I thought you might want to get dressed today,” Jahn offered.

  Lena smiled and nodded. “If it is alright, I feel able to attend to myself today. My rash is nearly healed and I feel so much better.”

  “I will get you a towel and some clothes.”

  It was difficult to maintain her cool exterior when he returned from the bedroom with a pile of neatly folded clothes upon the towel. She stared down at what looked to be a pair of track pants, a grey woollen jumper and a t-shirt, and a large ugly bra and panties.

  “The brassiere might be a bit big,” he told her. “I thought it better to get too big, than too small.”

  Her initial reaction was to scream at him, that the whole outfit was horrible, but instead she took a deep breath and smiled.

  “I’m sure they will be fine, thank you.”

  He held up a large plastic bag. “You’ll find everything you need in here, including the zinc cream. Just don’t leave anything in the bathroom or it will be stolen. I will leave the apartment door open and make sure that no one disturbs you.”

  She looked at him anxiously. “Is that possible?”

  “This is not a nice area. It is filled with criminals, drug addicts and dangerous men. You are never to go down those stairs without me. So far, I have had little disturbance since a few of them learnt it was unwise to cross me. You can have your shower in peace, but be aware there is not much hot water so don’t be all day.”

  He walked her to the bathroom and then left. Lena shivered in the chill of the bleak room with its exposed pipes and rusty fixtures. Before turning on the shower, she looked in the bag and found shampoo, soap, toothbrush and a facecloth, with a double edge razor underneath it. Picking it up, she tentatively touched a blade.

  The idea, when it occurred to her, was horrifying at first, but the more she thought about it, the more it became amusing and exciting. Stripping off, she ran some cold water in the sink, not wanting to waste the hot. Taking some soap, she worked it into a lather and placed her foot on the bath. Slipping her hand between her legs, she spread the soap over the pubic hair.

  It was with some trepidation that she began to use the razor. The task proved difficult and she had to pause constantly, unable to see what she was doing. She had to feel for the hair back between her legs and angle the razor awkwardly. Clumps of it got caught up in the blade and had to be rinsed away, all this while she was shivering violently from the cold.

  Every now and then she would stop and glide her fingers over her vagina and inner thighs, only to groan as she discovered patches that she’d missed. Determined, she scraped away a little harder until the first sting made her gasp. Her hand went down quickly and was withdrawn with blood on her fingers.

  Crying out, she looked down and saw a rivulet of dark red run down her leg. Panicked, she seized the facecloth and held it against her tightly, waiting a few minutes before tentatively glancing at it.

  There was a decent smear of blood, but nothing that indicated that she was bleeding to death. Lena quickly abandoned her shaving and went to the shower, waiting until the water was hot. Her concentration went into washing her hair and scrubbing her body. Once this was done, she dared to check her wound.

  The sting came as she touched the crease between labia and thigh, but no more blood was present. Breathing a sigh of relief, she nervously took up the razor again and was a lot more careful with her legs and underarms. Her vagina was resolutely avoided, but already she was aware of the feeling of baldness. It made her giggle as she touched herself.

  Her humour died when she donned the clothes that Jahn had given her. Everything was too big, except the panties. The track pants hung on her hips limply and the t-shirt and jumper were baggy and ugly. The bra was uncomfortable and looked like something an old lady would wear.

  It took all her effort to smile at him when she returned to the apartment. It didn’t help that he was frowning at her critically, or when he announced that he was taking her out. It would have been more exciting if she didn’t feel like a shapeless blob.

  Her resolve to be co-operative was sorely tested but she remained pleasant.

  “Well, I hope it’s nowhere too fancy.” She smiled.

  Leaving the apartment was exciting, until they were going downstairs. The grime and dilapidation of the building looked worse by day, and there was the distinct odour of urine. On one landing, an old man laid curled up outside a door, an empty vodka bottle still clutched
in his hands.

  She heard Jahn sigh, and watched as he picked him up, slinging him over his shoulder. The man groaned in his sleep as Jahn took him into the apartment. When he came out, Lena stared at him.

  “What did you do that for?”

  “Because he’ll be safer in his own bed.”

  Outside the building, Lena flinched at the sight of several youths standing about, smoking. Some had short cropped hair, with tattoos covering their necks and fingers. Their obvious stares had her moving closer to Jahn.

  “How is it, Jahn?” One called, to be echoed by his companions.

  Jahn nodded his head at them and continued on, with Lena taking hold of his arm. He grinned at her worried face.

  “No one will touch you while you’re with me.”

  She didn’t feel confident until they were in the safety of the car. The youths waved when they pulled out onto the road.

  “How do you know that they won’t break into your apartment?” she asked, looking back at them.

  “They did once.”

  Lena stared at him. “And what happened?”

  “I sorted it and they’ll never do it again.”

  After seeing him in the cage, she could imagine how he had sorted it, but there was so many of them. A dozen questions came to her thoughts, but she remembered how she was trying to be less of an inquisitive, annoying teenager. Reluctantly, she closed her mouth and remained quiet throughout the drive.

  The neighbourhood didn’t have any more appeal by day. The buildings were sombrely drab and lacking any sign of life. There were no cars on the road, and medium strips and vacant lots were overgrown with weeds and rubbish. Some places had been boarded up or surrounded with wire fencing. Evidence of vandalism and graffiti was everywhere.

  The drive took them into modern districts that were much more welcoming and beginning to look familiar. When Jahn steered them into one particular street, Lena experienced a bout of nostalgia.

  It had been years since she had seen this street, but she knew it immediately. Half of it was closed off to traffic for its open air market. It had changed significantly since her last visit with her mother. Back then, farmers had brought in their meagre produce, far from fresh, but still the best way to obtain vegetables. Some of the old women had sold homemade jams and sauces. With the government taking most of their crops, farmers had little to offer.