by Tia Lewis
“It does sound sad, doesn’t it? I don’t know why a parent would do that unless it’s just desperation to keep the kids who don’t care about them closer. Like they’ll do anything to make them like them, to make them want to be around them more. They forget about the ones who are always close, the ones that they don’t have to think about as much.”
“I guess you’re right. I mean, I support my mom, give her money and make sure that her bills are paid,” I admitted.
“You do not!” Nicole gasped. “Why didn’t you ever tell me that?”
“I don’t know. It never came up. I don’t talk about my mother very much.”
“That’s true. You’re sort of a closed book when it comes to your mother,” Nicole mused. “Now I can see why but I think it’s time to rethink that.”
“What, giving her money?”
“Yes! If only for the baby’s sake. You can’t support yourself, your child and your mother. You were just saying the other day that you don’t know how you’ll raise a baby in your tiny apartment, right? But you can’t afford anything bigger.”
“True.”
“And you’ll want a bigger car, too.”
“I know.” I laughed a little, more out of surprise than anything else. “You know what’s funny? I never thought about it. I mean it literally never crossed my mind to cut her off and help myself.”
“You’re a good daughter, that’s why. But you have your own family to think about now. Do you think your mother will be out on the street if you stop giving her money?”
“Honestly? I don’t know.” I chewed my lip, one hand over my growing belly. I had to decide, and the clock was ticking. Would I ever stop feeling like every second counted, as if I was watching the sand in an hourglass run out?
“You said you have five brothers and sisters?”
“Yeah, but they’re all just about worthless.” I thought about them. Danny, Laura, Brian, Jacinda and Mark. “They don’t have two dimes to rub together among the five of them, and they all have at least one kid of their own. Laura has four.”
“Jeez.”
“I always told myself that I would never end up like them,” I murmured, thinking back to when I was so sure of myself.
“What do you mean?”
“Knocked up without a husband, or in the case of the boys, having kids with different women. Struggling to get by, always one step away from being in the poor house.”
“You’re not like them. You have us. You don’t have to struggle.”
I smiled. “You’re too sweet.”
“It’s true, though. Don’t you see? You don’t have to fight and struggle to get by, because we’re your family, too.” She leaned in, staring me straight in the eye. “I think you need to rethink supporting your mother. I really do. It might not be my place, but you should think about the baby now. And yourself as well. You deserve to focus on your own life.”
“I know that you’re right, but it’s not that easy to turn your back on blood, especially when it’s your own mother.”
“I’ll go to her for you. Tell her that she’s on her own from here on out.”
I laughed. “You would, too.”
“You know I would. Right now, if you want. Just say the word.”
I shook my head. “It’s something that I have to do myself.”
“Well, you can’t put it off forever,” she grinned. “Only twenty-four weeks to go.”
“Ugh, don’t remind me,” I begged, rolling my eyes. I was smiling when I said it. I felt a lot better than I had in weeks, thanks to her.
She wasn’t finished speaking her mind. I should have known better than to think otherwise. “You know what else might make it easier on you…”
I narrowed my eyes, giving her a warning look. “Don’t go there.”
She went there anyway. “I guess you’re not interested in telling me who the father is,” Nicole said, leaning back in her chair.
“Don’t waste your time trying to change my mind.”
She sighed. “I don’t see what the big deal is. You don’t have to do this alone. Why are you so stubborn?”
“This coming from the most stubborn person that I know.” I rolled my eyes, hoping that she would get the hint and move the fuck on.
“Not as bad as you,” she retorted.
“I won’t bother fighting you on it since you’re so stubborn.”
Nicole giggled, pulling her feet up on the chair and wrapping her legs around her arms. I remembered when I could do that. It would be a long time before I could comfortably get into that position again.
“I’m just saying, and you should take it for what it’s worth. You could make things easier by telling the father that he’s going to be a daddy. It’s his kid, too. He has a responsibility to man up and support this child.”
“He’s not the type who likes responsibility,” I pointed out.
“Hmm. I would say I’ll make a note of that for when I’m trying to narrow it down, but that doesn’t narrow it down at all,” Nicole joked. “I’ll say this: if it’s somebody in the club, you’d be surprised. They all act like a bunch of ruthless outlaws, and they’re all a bunch of little boys at heart, but they’re good men. You know that. If it’s one of them, he’ll step up. He just needs the opportunity to step up.”
“So if I tell him about the baby, suddenly he’ll wake up one morning and become a strong, dependable man?” I asked. “Just like that huh, Nicole?” I was doubtful. “You make that shit sound so easy, but the real world doesn’t work like that,” I replied.
“This isn’t a fairytale,” Nicole grinned, looking smug. “Even I know that. I’m just saying that some people need the opportunity to step up and prove themselves. People will surprise you. I mean, you all surprised me when I first came here. I didn’t expect what I found, and I sure never expected you guys to become my family. Just think it over, okay?”
I sighed, leaning back in the chair. “You don’t know the whole story,” I murmured. Should I tell Nicole the honest to God truth? I was leery of her reaction and afraid of the consequences if she confessed the facts about my situation to Drake.
“What is it?” She leaned forward, eager to hear me out like she thought that I was about to give away the big secret.
“Down, girl. I’m not telling you who the daddy is, so relax.” She looked a little hurt. “I was gonna tell you that there’s more to the story with my mother. See, my father was a member of the Blood Riders Motorcycle Club.”
Nicole’s eyes went as round as saucers. “No way! Who?”
“He died before I ever came here. His name was Clayton. He got killed in an accident on his bike. Some of the club’s members were chasing him for disrespecting someone’s old lady, but I’ve never been sure. Either way, they were chasing him down the road, and he ended up getting into a collision with a tractor-trailer as he was trying to escape. It was instant. I mean he was a pancake; he never had a chance.”
“Oh, shit. Honey, I’m so sorry.”
I shrugged it off. “I didn’t know him. It’s just something I know about him. My mother used to hang around the club. She was like Darcy or Violet or one of the other club whores back in the day before she started popping kids out. Even after she got pregnant the first three times, she was still hanging around, looking for a handout. And they tolerated her, I guess because she was familiar and she gave good head.”
Nicole wrinkled her nose. “Oh, Tamara, come on.”
“What? Those are Jack’s words, not mine. He told me that a long time ago.”
“Oh, did he ever…?” She trailed off, looking at me inquisitively. Nicole seemed appalled by the possibility that Jack had slept with my mother.
“I’m sure he did,” I nodded in confirmation. “But my mother was in love with Clayton. He didn’t want to have anything to do with her after they hooked up. Even though she got pregnant, he told her that he didn’t know if I was his baby. I can’t blame him for that if she got around the way that Jack mad
e it sound like she did. You know how it is. Certain girls just bounce from guy to guy in hopes that they’ll want them for more than just one night.”
“She sounds very needy,” Nicole mused, appearing thoughtful.
“You’d have to be, right? And my whole life, before I came here, I wondered if this Clayton guy was really my father. He could have been anybody in the club. When I got old enough to understand my mother’s… history… I realized that it could have been any man at all. But when I first showed up here and met Jack, he took one look at me and told me that he knew that I was Clayton’s. He confirmed it before I even told him my history.”
“Shut up. You looked that much like him?”
“Sure. Ever see that picture in the office of Jack and another guy beside their bikes, in front of a roller coaster on Coney Island?”
“I’ve seen it a hundred times,” she said.
“That’s him from years ago.”
“No kidding.” She jumped up, and I followed her out of the office and into the one Drake called his own. It would always be Jack’s office to me—and I thought he might feel the same way. Nicole went straight to the picture I had been talking about and gasped when she realized what she was looking at.
“Isn’t it funny how you can see something a hundred times and never really know what you’re looking at?” She looked at me, then back at the picture. “You’re the spitting image of him. Prettier, of course. But he was sort of a good-looking man, wasn’t he? Like, not as rugged as some of the others.”
I joined her, staring at my father’s picture. He was pretty. She hit the nail on the head. “Like a young Ryan Gosling,” I speculated.
“Yes! Almost delicate features. I see your eyes, your chin, and your nose. The same color hair. Wow, Tamara. I can understand why Jack saw it right away.” She turned to me. “Is this why you won’t tell me who the baby’s father is? You don’t want him to do what your father did to your mother?”
I nodded, unable to speak for a moment. Nicole had hit the nail right on the head, and the fact that she was so spot on with her observation both startled and disturbed me.
“But this is different. You’re not the way that you said that your mother was, spreading herself around with the various members of the club. You don’t sleep around—I mean, I assume that you don’t since you never said anything to me about it.”
“I don’t,” I assured her.
“So what’s the problem?” She was confused, and I didn’t blame her for wanting more information from me while she wanted to respect my right to privacy.
I shrugged. “I don’t want to take the chance, I guess.”
“Honey, sometimes you just have to take a chance and see what happens. Don’t sell yourself short this way. I know that no matter who the father is, he’ll step up. I’m sure of it.” She seemed so confident, optimistic and hopeful.
I wished that I could be so sure.
It would be one thing to support my child on my own terms because I wanted to be self-sufficient, but it was an entirely different matter to do it because the father decided that we weren’t worth it.
9
Creed
“Bottom line is this: We need to find another revenue stream,” Drake said.
“I thought that Bobby’s gentlemen’s club was the new revenue stream that we needed,” Diesel argued. A bunch of nodding heads could be seen around the table at the clubhouse as the other brothers confirmed their consensus with his argument. I agreed with them. There I was, thinking that we had everything we needed when we signed on to work with Bobby and the Cobras.
“It’s great, and it’s keeping us in the black. That’s a good thing. But it's not sufficient.” Drake replied.
Ace raised his hand before speaking.
“I hate to put it to you this way, Prez, and I’m not trying to start shit in front of the rest of the club, but isn’t that the sort of thinking that starts people down the wrong road?”
I thought Drake would lose his shit over that, but he didn’t. He sat down.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, think about Hawk and the Vipers.” A bunch of us grumbled at the mention of two rival motorcycle clubs. I didn’t like thinking about them any more than I had to. “They got pissed off when we honed in on what they thought was their territory and look what happened. People got pissy, people went crazy, and people got killed.”
“What’s your point, Ace?
“My point is, when people jump into things because they’re desperate, they can step on toes or make the wrong choices. That’s the whole reason that we got into drugs and guns, to begin with. I think that it’s a good thing that we got out of that business it—I really do. We don’t need the hassle and we sure as shit didn’t want the bloodshed. So, let’s be smart moving forward. Let’s not step into some shit that we’ll be sorry that we stepped into just because we are desperate to make a fast buck.”
Drake nodded. One thing I could say about Drake was he had an even temper. He didn’t let things get to him the way that Jack used to, back when he was healthy.
“I hear you. Do you have any ideas?” Thank God that he was listening. I was relieved that he was open to suggestions.
“No. That’s the shitty part.” Ace shrugged.
“It’s okay. You’re not alone.” Drake looked at all of us in turn. “I need ideas, boys.”
I cleared my throat. “What if we talk to Bobby about opening another club? This one is doing so well. We could maybe manage it ourselves if it’s too much for him.”
“Manage our own brothel?” Drake laughed.
“I mean it. What if we float the idea of another location? The only thing that he could come up with as an excuse would be that he’s too busy to run it. He’s got his hands full. We can say fine, we’ll run it for you. No big deal.”
Drake seemed to think this over. I couldn’t believe that he was buying into it. I never thought that he’d listen to my advice again after I had fucked up the books like I did when he was on his honeymoon. I hadn’t thought about it before I started talking—something I did a lot of, and I could admit that. I was glad that he was willing to listen, though.
“We don’t know anything about running a business like that,” Diesel said.
“Yeah, but we could learn. Do you think that Bobby was born knowing how to do that sort of thing? He could teach us. And he could still get a cut like he does now since we would be using his girls.” The more that I thought about it, the more that I liked this idea.
“Where would we get the capital for the initial investment?” Ace asked.
“Yeah,” Phil added, “and don’t forget, they already owned the building, so they didn’t have to front too much cash to get their shit up and running.”
“I could ask him about all these things,” I said. My mouth was getting away from me, but I did my best to play it cool. I had to make it look like I wasn’t flying by the seat of my pants if Drake was going to take me seriously. He was right about needing the extra money. It wasn’t going to come from the sky. We had to find ways to make more capital so that we could invest more into the initial set up and hit the ground running so that we could quickly earn some profit.
Drake sat there with his fingers tented under his chin, thinking it over. “Okay. If you can work it out with Bobby, go for it. I’ll ask for a meeting.”
“Why don’t I just casually suggest it?”
He raised an eyebrow. “When?”
“The next time I go in for a pickup. I could present our proposal when I go so I wouldn’t be making it all up as I went along. I could come up with answers to any questions Bobby might have and answer them then and there. I think that this could work. I really do. It’ll take time and patience on our parts, of course.”
“Which we don’t have—patience, I mean.” Drake grinned.
“I’ll handle the whole thing. All you gotta do is give me the okay.”
“Okay. If you promise that you’re not gonna use
this as an excuse to fuck around with the girls.”
“Please. Would I let you down?”
“No comment,” he answered, ignoring my question.
Part of me was pissed that he wasn’t confident in me anymore, but I’d earned his skepticism. I just had to do what it took to earn back his trust.
“If there’s nothing else, then this meeting is adjourned.” We all stood, a couple of the guys wishing me luck. Drake waited until we were alone to say anything about my plan.
“That was pretty good for thinking on the fly,” Drake smirked.
“You could tell that I was just making it all up? I figured that I played it off pretty well.”
“Sure. Anybody who didn’t know you the way that I do might have been fooled. Good job.” We stepped out of the meeting room together, laughing, then spent the rest of the morning coming up with ideas for what I could say when I went to Bobby with the notion. I knew Drake recognized the fact that he wouldn’t be satisfied to let me handle it all on my own. I knew him just as well as he knew me so I knew that he’d find a way to intervene at some point to secure the deal.
Two days later, I went to my regularly scheduled pick-up. The gentlemen’s club looked busy. Thursday was the new Friday. Either that or Thursday was the night that the guys spent with their favorite whores, while Friday was the night that they spent with their girlfriends or wives.
I waited at the bar for Bobby to come out with the money. I noticed a few looks from the customers wondering who I was. I wanted to yell “Boo!” and fuck with them, but Bobby wouldn’t like that, and I didn’t want to cause a disturbance at his club. It was a shame, too. It wasn’t any fun to walk around looking like a scary tatted biker if you couldn’t intimidate just a little.
“Ah, Creed. Always a pleasure.” Bobby walked up to me with his hand outstretched. It was always too smooth. I shook it and fought the urge to wipe my hand on my jeans. What was it about that guy? And there I was, about to suggest we get into business together even deeper.
“How are you, Bobby?” We went to a quiet, dark corner of the bar where no eyes could witness me taking the money and giving it a quick once-over while it was inside of the bag.