by Tia Lewis
“Nah, it’s okay. I think it would be better if I were alone. Thanks, though.” She gave me a kiss on the cheek before leaving, and I flung myself back on the bed when she left.
I couldn’t stop thinking about Tamara. Pregnant.
Knocked up by another guy.
I passed out that way, and woke up hours later in the same position, long after the party had died down. I didn’t bother going to join it. Instead, I finished getting undressed and slid into bed. I couldn’t be in the company of anyone else while I was in the mood that I was in. I had too much on my mind.
12
Tamara
The good thing about everybody knowing that I was pregnant was how sweet they all were to me. I had never known people could be so kind and thoughtful. Whenever possible, somebody told me to put my feet up, to sit and relax. I almost felt guilty about it after a while. Was I earning my pay if all I did was sit around and watch TV with my feet up?
Drake was okay with it. “You’re family,” he said. “I do wish that my wife had told me before this, though.” He looked over to where Nicole sat on the other side of the couch, helping me polish my toenails. I was twenty weeks along, and it was getting harder to bend over. Five months. Only four months to go.
“I swore her to secrecy,” I defended her because I didn’t want to cause any drama in her marriage. “She was only being a good friend.”
“Yeah,” Nicole said. “You should be telling me what a good person I am, not trying to make me feel bad.”
“Okay, okay. I’m just saying, from now on, why don’t we all be honest with each other? For the baby’s sake, if nothing else. Got it?”
“Got it,” I said, saluting him before rolling my eyes to let him know exactly what I thought about his suggestion.
“What’s your plan?” Drake asked. That was the bad thing about everyone knowing my business. The entire club felt that they had a right to ask me what my plans were and share their opinion about what I should or should not do about my baby.
“What do you mean?” I asked, playing dumb.
He scowled. “You know what I mean. What are you going gonna do once the baby comes? You’re gonna keep it, I guess?”
“Why do you ‘guess’ that?” Now he was pissing me off.
“Because you haven’t said anything about adoption. I just guessed that you would have said it right away if that was what you had in mind.”
“You’re just Sherlock Holmes, figuring all that shit out aren’t you?” I smirked.
“Am I wrong?”
I shook my head. “No. I want to keep it.”
Drake grinned. “Cool. But what are you gonna do? See why I’m asking? How much time will you need off? I don’t think that we’ll need to replace you unless you wanna be out for a long time. Violet and Harris can fill in behind the bar for you until you’re ready to come back.”
Harris had done a terrific job during Jack’s wake. I was sure that he would fall apart under pressure, but he had handled himself like a champ.
“I haven’t thought about that,” I admitted.
“You should. Like, soon. Okay?”
“Okay.” I felt chastised. I glanced at Nicole, who looked sympathetic.
“It’s all right. Drake’s not pissed or anything. He’s just stressed from having so much to think about right now. Jack passing away. Running the club. He’s happy for you, though,” Nicole said. “Never doubt that,” she added.
“What’s he so uptight about?”
Drake was doing a good job of running the club. Sure, we could have used more money, but the money from Bobby’s gentlemen’s club went a long way towards paying the bills and keeping food on the table.
“They had some sort of security issue over at the club last night. You know.” Nicole mouthed the word “whorehouse.”
“What happened?”
“One of the members got a little handsy with the girls. More so than usual.”
“Don’t they expect that sort of thing? That would be like running a lemonade stand and getting pissy because people wanted something to drink.”
Nicole laughed. “Yeah, well, one of the rules for the members is to respect the women. If a girl isn’t interested or is busy with another member, you’re supposed to back off and be polite about it.”
“Makes sense.”
“This guy didn’t get the memo—either that, or he didn’t care. He ended up starting a fight with another member, the girl in question got caught in the middle and fell down. She broke her wrist.”
“Damn.”
“So there’s that. Drake heard about it today and is wondering what Bobby plans to do about it.”
“There aren’t any bouncers or anything like that?”
“The one Bobby had quit for another job, and he’s looking for a new one now. It’s not easy because you have to find somebody who you can count on to not get his dick wet and put the girls’ safety first.”
I giggled. “So I guess you wouldn’t want Drake doing something like that?”
Her face darkened. “It’s not Drake that I don’t trust. It’s those skanks from the club. Besides, Drake knows I would kill him if he ever…”
“I know, I know. You have nothing to worry about with him.” They were the lucky ones, totally devoted to each other. I wondered if they knew how lucky that they were. Then I would see them smiling at each other in that special way that they had like they were the only two people in the world.
I stretched out on the leather sofa, feeling uncomfortable suddenly. Whenever I started thinking about relationships and that sort of thing, I felt antsy. Before the baby, I never cared very much about relationships. I told myself I still didn’t care. So why did I always feel that strange throbbing in my heart when I thought about happy couples and compared them to me?
“Don’t you have a doctor’s appointment today?”
“Oh, yeah. In a couple of hours. I’m having an ultrasound, so I have to drink a ton of water.” I wasn’t looking forward to it.
“Do you want me to come with you?” Nicole asked, putting away the nail polish.
“No. Please don’t worry about me. You’re busy. Everybody else has their lives, and I want things to go on the way that they always have. No special treatment. Okay?”
“Okay, fine, sure.” She shrugged, and I could tell that I’d hurt her feelings a little bit. Maybe she wanted to come. Maybe she was feeling a little left out. I knew that she wanted a baby. It was evident. She might have wanted to come and see what going to the doctor and getting an ultrasound would entail so that she could be prepared when she had her own baby.
“Do you really wanna come?” I asked, just as she was about to walk away.
“No. I don’t want to force you to have me there with you,” Nicole said.
I felt like such an ass. When would I ever get the hang of letting people care about me?
“I would like the company,” I said.
“Really?” She looked skeptical.
“Yeah, actually. So if you wanna come, I would like it if you were there. I’m tired of going to these appointments by myself, anyway.” The way that her face lit up made me sure that I was right to have her come along. She wanted to be there so much, only she didn’t want to say anything. I wondered how long that it would be before she and Drake got started on their own family.
I drank my thirty-two ounces of water, then we left for the doctor’s office. Sure enough, by the time that we got there I was certain that I’d pee myself before we even got to the exam room.
“Is it really that bad?” she asked as we walked into the office.
“Yes. It really is. Like, beyond discomfort. With all the technology that we have, you would think that a woman wouldn’t have to go through something like this.” I did just about everything I could think of to distract me. It didn’t take long before something caught my eye and got me thinking about something other than my full bladder.
The couples. There were so many of them. They
looked happy. All the women were glowing, their round bellies full of life. The guys looked bored, sure, but they were there with their women. Showing their support. The women didn’t have to feel alone. They had somebody with them who cared.
What did I look like, sitting there with my best friend?
It occurred to me then that we might have looked like a lesbian couple. I wasn’t wearing a ring, and Nicole’s left hand was full of diamonds. So that was out. I was clearly a single woman and Nicole was clearly married. What did they think of me, the people who saw me sitting there? Did they think that no man wanted me? That I wasn’t good enough to keep a man once he’d gotten me pregnant?
Or even worse, did they think that I was a whore?
Was I becoming my mother, even though all I wanted to do was be anyone but her?
“Tamara. They just called your name.” Nicole was standing, pulling on my arm. I let her lead me to the examination room, too busy being horrified by my little revelation to pay attention. Nicole directed me into the room, where I got undressed and put on one of those stupid paper gowns.
“This is nothing like they make it look like on TV,” she observed quietly.
“What do you mean?”
“On TV, the woman just walks into the room, fully clothed, not uncomfortable at all. And the doctor does the ultrasound, and that’s it.”
I chuckled. “Yeah, I was pretty surprised the first time that I came in. Like, why do I have to be naked?” I finished dressing and sat on the table. “Okay, all done. You can turn around.”
When she did, I saw tears in her eyes. “What is it?” I held out my hands, and she came to me.
“I really want a baby,” Nicole confessed.
“Oh, sweetie. You’ll have your chance. God, you’re not even twenty-five. And you’ve been married for, what, ten weeks? You have all the time in the world.”
“How many people tell themselves that, and before they know it all these years have passed and they missed their chance?”
I gave her a hug. “It will happen when the time is right. Enjoy that sexy husband for a little while before you turn out like me. Swollen and tired all the time, and only halfway through the pregnancy. Imagine how much fun it’ll be later.”
She didn’t get a chance to answer before the technician came in to do the ultrasound. I stretched out on the table and let her get to work, with Nicole sitting on my other side to watch the screen with me.
“There’s your baby,” the tech said, pointing out the head, the hands, the legs. I heard Nicole sniffling beside me, and I couldn’t help getting choked up. I saw the little heart fluttering away.
“It’s hard to believe that’s happening inside me right now,” I murmured. “Hi, baby!”
The tech laughed. “It looks like he’s waving back at you.”
Nicole and I turned to her. “He?”
“Oh, that was just a generic ‘he.’ I can’t see at the moment whether it’s a boy or a girl. Do you want me to check?”
We looked at each other. “No,” I decided. “I want to be surprised. I mean, the whole thing has been a surprise from the beginning. Why not keep it going?”
We all laughed, and I let myself feel the excitement. I was so glad I hadn’t gone to the appointment alone. It was nice, having somebody there with me to ooh and ahh over the baby. To listen to that little heartbeat and smile along with me. To hand me tissues when I cried. It was an emotional experience, to be sure.
It was even more emotional when we walked down the hall toward the door and saw a couple walking into an exam room together, both of them smiling and giggling. They were so excited. They were about to see what I had just seen, only it was something they had created together, and they were clearly united as one cohesive unit.
Nicole, perceptive as ever, saw my reaction and knew why my face fell. She took my hand as we walked out. “You should tell him,” she encouraged.
“I can’t.”
“You shouldn’t be alone right now.”
“I’m not alone, remember?” I grinned at her. “I have you. You keep telling me that.” But my smile slipped as I remembered thinking about my mother before going in for the ultrasound. I let Nicole drive back to the clubhouse, the photos of the baby in my hand throughout the ride. I looked down at them and wished that I had the answers that I needed. My baby deserved a mother with her shit together, when I couldn’t seem to figure out the right move to make.
Was I stupid, pushing Creed away like I was? Was I robbing him of the chance to be that happy, smiling father that I saw going into the exam room? More importantly, was I robbing my baby of the father that it rightfully deserved?
I wanted to ask Nicole what she thought about it, but I didn’t dare tell her the truth. She had managed to keep her mouth shut with Drake, but would she be able to keep it shut if she knew that Creed was the father? I doubted it. Not when she was so adamant that he be informed in the first place. She might “accidentally” slip and tell him the truth just like Drake “accidentally” revealed my secret at the party.
At that moment, riding back to the Blood Riders’ clubhouse with my baby’s pictures in my hands and the memory of that happy couple in my heart, I realized that I wouldn’t mind if Creed found out that we were going to have a baby together.
Not one bit.
13
Creed
“Liaison. I need you in here.” Drake waved me into his office, and from the title he gave me, I knew that it was about Bobby’s gentlemen’s club.
“So you heard,” I said, shutting the door behind me.
“Yeah. Of all the nights for you not to be there.” I nodded in agreement. I had been there the night before and planned to go in later that day to go over the books with Bobby’s bookkeeper.
“Did you talk to him?” I asked.
He nodded. “Bobby’s pretty cool about it, but I wanna protect our investment. I guess he thinks that shit is just part of the business.”
I shrugged. “I guess it is. I mean, you get guys drinking, hanging out with half-naked girls, and shit’s just gonna happen.”
“I don’t like shit ‘just happening.’ I asked Bobby about better security,” Drake said.
I could tell that he was beyond pissed about it and wondered why. To me, it was just part of doing business with the people who we were in business with. He apparently didn’t see it that way. I guessed it had something to do with him usually being in control. He didn’t like the feeling that he wasn’t.
“I hear ya. What do you wanna do?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know. I can’t tell Bobby how to run his business, even if we are the major investor. Egos and all of that.”
“Yeah. That’s not something we wanna be a part of.” Because good luck to the person who ever tried to tell Drake how to run the club. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to handle that shit if someone told me how to run my own fucking business.
It took us long enough to settle one war,” he reminded me. “I don’t want another one.” None of us could forget what had happened with the Vipers. Every time that I looked at Harris, I thought about his father. I couldn’t hold it against the kid, though. He was the one good thing that his old man ever did.
An idea started to put itself together in my head.
“What if I was your security there? Maybe two, three nights a week?” I suggested.
“What?” Drake laughed.
“I mean it. What the fuck, right? We can find out what their busiest nights are, and I’ll be sure to be there. I don’t have to walk around and make sure things are okay. I’ll just, ya know, be there. A reminder to the members that they need to chill the hell out or else they’ll get thrown the hell out.” The more that I talked, the better it sounded.
“And you’re sure that this doesn’t have anything to do with wanting an excuse to hang out at the club so that you can get up close and personal with some tits and ass?” Drake asked, smirking.
“I’m offended,” I said with
a grin.
“Seriously, though. You would do that?”
“Hell yes, if it means keeping our investment safe. We don’t want it getting out that people are starting fights there, or that if you’re with a woman, somebody’s gonna get up in your face when they want her, too.”
He looked me up and down. “No offense, brother, but I don’t think you fit into the look Bobby’s going for in the place.”
I looked down at myself. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Well, for one thing, that beard. Even I think that it’s a little outta control, and you know that I don’t give a shit.”
“I go in there all the time, and nobody gives a shit about how I look.”
“That’s different. You’re always in the back, right?”
“Usually. But I have to get in somehow.”
“But you’re not sitting there, representing the club. That’s what I mean.”
“No, I’m not.”
“So there’s our problem. I think that you should work on the beard, is what I’m saying.”
“Okay, pretty boy. What else?”
Drake smirked. “You could dress a little better. I think button down shirts would look nicer at the club. Maybe take off the leather vest when you’re there. You don’t want to scare anybody off.”
“If anything, I would say that the beard and the vest will remind the customers who they’re fucking with if they decide to start trouble.”
Drake nodded. “Sure, but who knows what Bobby will think. I’ve noticed the few times that I’ve stopped by that he doesn’t wear his leather inside.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” I said, thinking back. “Okay, I can do that.”
“I’ll make the call right now,” he offered, picking up the phone.
I shrugged. “Go for it. I want you to get me the job.” He dialed up the club and waited for Bobby to get on the line. I couldn’t help tapping my fingers on my thighs, excited as a kid in a candy store at the prospect of having an excuse to be there, surrounded by all that gorgeous pussy. Sure, I couldn’t touch any of it, but I could fill the spank bank. And who knew? Maybe one of them—or more—would wanna get together outside of the club sometime. I wouldn’t say no. As long as they didn’t charge for it.