by Ava Conway
“I have to go,” she said as she began to type.
“Is there a problem?”
She pocketed the phone and smiled. “Nothing I can’t handle.” She patted my shoulder. “Just quietly observe for now.” She nodded to the corner. “If you should run into problems, don’t be afraid to call on Johnson and Everett to help. I’ll come back in an hour and show you the way to rec therapy.”
“Sure thing.” I watched Dr. Polanski go, suddenly feeling very much alone.
“Ha—I win again, Carter.” Nesto tossed the Ping-Pong paddle on the table. “That’s three in a row.”
“You cheated.”
I clutched my notebook firmly to my chest and stepped back along the wall, next to a potted plant. Hopefully I could watch from here and not be disturbed.
“It’s skill, my friend, pure skill.” Nesto stretched his shoulders and arms, as if he had just lifted twice his body weight. While he stretched, he watched the boy next to Iris try to put his arm around her. Iris moved to another chair, taking her popcorn with her.
A faint smile touched Nesto’s lips as he glanced over at the library area. “Hey, featherweight, wanna play?”
Flynn kept his gaze fixed on his book as he raised his middle finger at Nesto.
“Come on, dude. I need a challenge. You haven’t played a game since Jayden left.”
“Perhaps it’s because he was my only worthy opponent.”
Nesto stiffened his jaw. I held my breath and pressed harder against the wall. Tension filled the room as Johnson and Everett stopped their conversation. After the volatile display yesterday, it seemed as if everyone wanted to know what Nesto was going to try next.
“He’s right, you know.” Iris called out from her spot in front of the television. “You suck, Martinez.”
I opened up my notebook and began scribbling notes.
Nesto cracked his knuckles and glared at the petite Asian woman. “Why don’t you put your money where that beautiful mouth is, Iris?”
“How much, Martinez?” Iris said as she stood.
“Five.”
“Five? You’ve got to be kidding. I want at least ten.” She handed the confused guy next to her the popcorn bowl and sauntered over to the Ping-Pong table. It was then that I noticed the thin black gloves on her hands.
Nesto didn’t seem to notice the gloves, or if he did, they didn’t bother him. He was much too focused on the gentle sway of Iris’s hips.
I wanted to ask Iris about the gloves, but to do so would be to reveal that I was watching, and I didn’t want the exchange to be broken up on my account.
I glanced back at Johnson and Everett, who seemed to have fallen back into their conversation. Johnson glanced away from his buddy for the briefest of moments, and our gazes met. His hazel eyes darkened as he slid them over my body and twisted his lips into a half smile. Icy fingers stretched out along my back, freezing my muscles and causing a dark hole to open up in the pit of my stomach. Gross. My gut was telling me to report him to Dr. Polanski, but he didn’t do anything, not really. You couldn’t very well reprimand someone for looking at you. If you could, then half of the people here would be in trouble.
“Fine, ten then.” Nesto grinned like a schoolboy winning a playground battle as she stopped in front of him. “But only if I get a kiss, too.”
She shrugged and took the paddle from Carter. “And if I win, you leave Kade alone.”
“I can handle myself, Iris.” The guy she had been sitting next to put the popcorn bowl aside and stood, revealing spiky black hair, a nose ring, and heavily tattooed arms. Something about the way he moved jarred a memory of a video I had seen on the Internet, and it was then that everything fell into place. Kade was Kade Harris of Anarchy, a rising rock star who had a mental breakdown onstage and attacked his drummer with a guitar. I didn’t follow the tabloid drama too closely, but had heard that he had checked himself into a hospital to de-stress and reflect on his life. The fact that he had chosen Newton Heights to help him heal spoke volumes about the hospital’s reputation.
Kade started to move toward the Ping-Pong table, but hesitated when Nesto tightened his grip on his paddle.
“Go sing in your boy band or something, Harris. Let the adults have some alone time.” Nesto’s features hardened in challenge.
“Iris?” Kade asked.
Iris glanced over her shoulder at Kade. “It’s okay.”
Nesto flashed Kade a triumphant look as the former rock singer scowled and went back to his popcorn.
“Okay, but if he tries to touch you, I’ll beat his face in,” Kade said over his shoulder.
“It’s a game of Ping-Pong, not a make-out session,” Iris said as she picked up the paddle.
“Unless I win,” Nesto corrected. He glanced at Iris and grinned.
Iris grimaced and picked up the paddle. “Care to keep score?” She looked right at me.
I blinked and turned to Iris, realizing that my hiding spot was officially discovered. “No, thanks, I’ll just watch.” My voice sounded hoarse and strained, probably because I was still shaken up over Johnson leering at me.
“I don’t need a skirt keeping score for me,” Nesto said.
“God, Nesto, stop being so crass,” Iris said. “Just serve already, will you?”
As I stepped out from behind the potted plant, Flynn glanced up from his book and focused on me. There was a moment of recognition and then, without a word, he returned to his reading. I had the distinct feeling I had been dismissed.
As I walked around the perimeter of the room, Nesto and Iris shouted challenges and insults at each other. I got a sense that the words were almost a flirtation, and the game so much more than a game. They weren’t my focus, however. There was someone else I was interested in.
With each step, I felt Flynn watching me over the lip of his book. Those dark, stormy eyes were captivating, and every time they settled on me, it felt like a caress.
As I tried not to openly stare, I thought about everything I had learned about him and all of the advantages he had growing up. Money, fame, power. Family.
He was on his way to building an empire. It was the perfect life and the classic American Dream. What would cause someone to throw all of that away?
Before I realized what I was doing, I slid into the chair opposite him and set my notebook on my lap. He seemed oblivious to my presence, which stung more than I cared to admit. He must have still been angry over my behavior that morning. I wanted to smooth things over but wasn’t quite sure what to say.
“Hi.”
He raised his hand but said nothing.
After a few moments of awkward silence, I tried to break the ice once more. “Do you have the picture?”
He looked up from his book. “Yeah, I have it right here. I always carry photographs on me in case one of the staff members asks for them.”
His sarcasm cut like a knife, but I refused to be swayed. “That’s okay, I can see it some other time.”
He returned his attention to his book, and an awkward silence followed. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. Couldn’t he see that I was trying to make amends? The least he could do was meet me halfway.
“What are you reading?” I finally asked.
He looked up and raised his brows at me. “I thought we weren’t supposed to be speaking to each other.”
I shrugged. “This is different.”
He put down his book. “How is it different?”
I want to know what happened to you and why you ended up here. I waved my hand around the room. “There are people here.”
“There were people in the hall outside your office this morning.”
“Yes, but . . .” But this time I was talking to him under Dr. Polanski’s orders. This time it was okay. “This is different.”
He returned his attention to his book. “I’m not interested on being friends on your terms, Mia.”
“On my terms?”
He glanced up. “When it’s convenient.” He re
turned his gaze to his book. “You either want to be my friend or you don’t. There’s no in between.”
The problem was that I didn’t want to be his friend. I wanted to get inside his head and understand the man who had everything going for him and threw it all away. I wanted to know the man who could be so chivalrous and caring one minute, then so violent the next. Perhaps he sensed these feelings and that was why he was trying to pull away from me.
I sighed and put my notebook on a side table. “I’m sorry I was so hard this morning.”
“That’s a start.”
I leaned forward and put my finger in the spine of the book. Slowly I lowered it and waited until he met my gaze. “Truce?”
“Maybe.” He twisted his lips into a half smile, creating that gorgeous dimple. My heartbeat quickened as I struggled to find something else to say. I wanted to pepper him with questions—What was it like to fight in the ring? Where are your parents now?—but thought it would be a little rude.
“What are you reading?” I asked as I lowered my hand.
He shrugged and held up the book so I could read the cover.
“Of Mice and Men?” I asked.
“Yeah.” He put down the book. “Surprised?”
“A little.”
“Probably didn’t think someone like me could read, eh?”
“Someone like you?”
“People with no more than a ninth-grade education.”
I widened my eyes. “You didn’t graduate from high school?”
He shrugged. “I didn’t have a choice—I had to fight.”
“Of course you had a choice.”
“If I didn’t fight, I didn’t eat. None of my family did.” He held up the book. “But just because I didn’t get a formal education doesn’t mean I can’t read.”
“Of course you can read, it’s just . . .” I struggled to find the right words. “I didn’t think that people would want to read Steinbeck.”
“Why not? It’s a classic.”
“I meant people here.” I waved my hand, indicating the patients around us.
He frowned and straightened into a sitting position on the couch. “Did Polanski tell you that?”
“No, but . . .”
“But you didn’t think people like us could understand big words.” He leaned his muscled forearms on his knees and waved the book between us.
“No, don’t be silly.”
“Why not? Everyone else thinks it.”
“Who thinks that, Flynn?”
He frowned and shook his head. “Nice try.”
“What do you mean?” I was only trying to be friendly.
“You know exactly what I mean.”
“What?”
He leaned back on the couch and returned his attention to his book. “Don’t turn this into a therapy session. It doesn’t suit you.”
Ouch. I settled back in my seat. “I’m sorry.”
He glanced up from his book. “There’s more to us than what’s in our case files, you know.” He waved his hand at my notebook. “We aren’t something simple that can be summed up in a dozen pages. We’re complex.” He held up his book. “Just like the characters of this story are complex.”
I glanced over at Nesto and Iris, intent on their game. Sweat beaded at Nesto’s temples as he shifted from side to side. I thought about what he had said yesterday, and how he didn’t want some skirt to come in and judge him based on a few words in a file.
“You’re complex how?” When Flynn didn’t immediately respond, I took the book from his hands. “Help me understand.”
He glanced at my hands, then rubbed the energy drink logo on his shirt with his thumb. “Have you read that book?”
“A long time ago.”
“It’s one of my favorites.”
I glanced down at the two men on the cover, walking side by side. “Why?”
He plucked the book from my hands and stared down at the cover. “Because everyone in this story is miserable.”
“How so?”
He sighed as he leaned back on the couch and stared at the ceiling. “They all did things that they thought would make them happy. When they didn’t get what they wanted, they created new dreams and thought—if only I had that, I’d be happy.” He dragged his gaze away from the ceiling and met mine. “In their pursuit of happiness, they change who they are inside and become more and more miserable.” He glanced down at the book. “In the end their entire world shattered, and they had no one to blame but themselves.”
“What do you think would have made them happy?”
He considered her for a moment. “Companionship.”
“Companionship?”
“Yeah. They are all lonely, and all they want to do is to not be lonely anymore. The thing is, in pursuing those things, those dreams, they become even more isolated and miserable.”
I stared at him as he continued to talk, realizing that his words were hitting a little too close to home.
“If they had just reached out and been honest with one another, then all of the tragedy could have been avoided.” He ran his fingers over the faded book cover. “So many people live their lives in pursuit of happiness but never are truly happy.”
I thought of Lucy, and how she had been miserable doing what her mother wanted of her. It was only when she broke those ties and pursued her own passion that she was truly happy.
“I know.” My mother’s words floated through my head. I’m so glad your life is on track and I don’t have to worry about you. The problem was, I wasn’t sure if my life was on track anymore. The more time I spent at Newton Heights, the less confident I felt about my choice of internship. Part of me wondered if I wasn’t following this path so that my mother could be proud of me. With her depression, her drug addiction, her infertility, and now her pending divorce, my sister took up so much of my mother’s emotional energy. I didn’t want to be another burden.
Flynn leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “Are you happy, Mia?”
I flashed him a frown. “Of course.”
“Are you really?” He tilted his head to the side and studied my face. “Because I can’t help but feeling that you are putting up a front.”
“A front?” I blinked and leaned back in my chair.
“A wall, then.” He inched closer. “That person I talked to this morning, that wasn’t the real you, was it?”
“I—”
“I wonder what would happen, Mia, if you lowered that wall around your heart and let someone inside.”
I opened my mouth to tell him that nothing would happen—what he saw was what he got—but Nesto’s cry of victory caused us both to turn to the Ping-Pong table.
“I won. I won!” Nesto laughed as he tossed the paddle in the air and caught it again.
“Lucky break, Martinez.”
“You owe me ten.” He grinned and tossed the paddle on the table and spread his arms wide as he approached Iris. “But I will forget it all if you just give me that kiss.”
From the corner of my eye, I saw Kade stiffen and fist his hands.
“Fuck you.” Iris removed her gloves and crossed her arms, withdrawing in on herself.
“Come on, chica. You lost fair and square. Give daddy Martinez a big smooch.”
“It will be a cold day in hell.”
He placed his paddle over his heart. “You wound me.” He took a few steps closer. “Come on, just one kiss . . .”
“You know I don’t do that stuff. I—I can’t.” Iris hugged herself tighter and took a step back.
“We’re all here to get better, chica,” Nesto said as he inched forward and held his arms out to the sides. “Consider me your first step to healing.”
“God, you’re so disgusting.” Iris took a few more steps back.
“Leave her alone, Martinez,” Kade said as he materialized at her side. He put his arm around Iris’s waist. “Come on, Iris.”
“No.” Iris jerked away from his grasp and hugged herself tighte
r. “You’re full of germs.” She turned to Nesto. “You’re all full of germs.” Before either man could stop her, she bolted from the room.
Disappointment flashed over Nesto’s features as he lowered his arms.
“God, now look what you’ve done,” Kade said. “It’s going to be days before she’ll leave her room again.” His features hardened as he turned to Nesto. “You know, for someone who supposedly got a full scholarship to college, you can really be a dumbass.”
Martinez dropped his head and chuckled to himself. The room got deathly quiet as everyone stared at the large Latino. Tension built to a fever pitch, causing Johnson and Everett to stop their conversation.
“Ah, fuck, Nesto, don’t—” Flynn started to stand, but he was too late. Nesto whirled around and lunged at Kade. Kade jerked back out of the way, and his reflexes caused Nesto to laugh like a maniac.
“Go back to your garage band, Harris, and leave the adults alone,” Nesto said as he got up close in the young man’s face.
Kade averted his gaze. “Face it, Martinez, she just doesn’t like you.” He nodded to the rest of the room. “None of us do.”
“Yeah, get out of here, scumbag,” Nesto said as Kade left the room. “Go running to your mommy.”
Silence stretched throughout the common area as Nesto scanned the room, taking in the wide eyes and shocked faces.
“What are you looking at?” He made a motion as if to jump another patient. She yelped and scurried away.
“That’s enough, Martinez,” Johnson ordered.
“Damn women.” Nesto shrugged his shoulders, as if preparing for a fight, then focused on Flynn and me. My heart beat double time as I held my breath and waited for what was going to happen next. I glanced at Everett and Johnson, who were watching the situation like predatory cats, waiting for the right moment to strike.
Nesto didn’t even acknowledge the orderlies as he spoke. “Come on, McKenna. Quit flirting with the skirt and give me a challenge.”
Flynn focused on me for a long moment before responding. “Yeah, I think I will.”
Nesto whooped and picked up his paddle as Flynn got up, placed the paperback in the back pocket of his jeans, and strode over to the Ping-Pong table.