“This morning, traffic was tied up on the interstate expressway for two miles after a car merged into oncoming traffic at a high rate of speed, causing a massive pile-up.”
Her mouth fell open. Milk dribbled on her chin.
“No one was injured, but several vehicles, including a meat delivery truck, incurred extensive damage. Adding to an already chaotic situation, what appeared to be a hindquarter of beef splattered across the expressway. Crows swooped down and began feeding on the meat.” The anchors openly grinned. “One witness said it reminded her of a scene from The Birds. The witness went on to say she saw a woman barreling into traffic and suspected she may have been drinking or on drugs. Police have little information on the perpetrator, and witnesses couldn’t identify the make or model of the car. Anyone with information is asked to call the Emmet County police.”
The sports anchor reached inside his breast pocket. “Let me find out where my mother-in-law was today.”
She dropped her head in her hands, trying to erase the lingering image. She pressed the power button on the remote and went to bed. Stan’s robe hung on the closet door, waiting for him. Her mind churned. The awful accident. Whirring mixers. Pumping gas. Stan. Oh, Stan. Tears clouded her eyes. She missed him. His body next to hers. His arms holding her secure. Will this emptiness ever fade—this feeling of loneliness?
The dust stirred when she drove down the driveway to the farmhouse. Addy sat on the front porch smoking a cigarette. Tyler played out front, entertaining himself.
“Is that you Mom?” Addy asked, flicking her cigarette over the side of the porch. “What in the hell happened? You look twenty years younger.” She stood, eyeing her. “I’m shocked. You know, you’re actually quite attractive, but you wouldn’t have known it hidden beneath that Amish costume Stan made you wear. It’s good to see you’re dressing like a normal person.”
“Whoa, Mrs. Lane, I didn’t recognize you,” said Jaime, stepping onto the porch. “I came over to meet the foxy lady talking to Addy. Wow, what a mind-blower.”
A hot blush pulsed. “I thought it might be a nice change for me.”
“Hell, yeah,” said Jaime. “For sure. Now that you’re single, maybe I can fix you up with one of my bros.”
Tyler waddled over and wrapped his arms around Shade’s legs. Grateful for the interruption, she bent and picked him up.
His palms cupped her face. “Gamma. Sleep at Gamma?”
“Not tonight, honey. Grandma has to work tomorrow, but we’ll spend the day together.”
Shade never tired of spending time with Tyler. She loved watching the little O’s his mouth formed when he experienced something new in his tiny world. “Whas sat?” he asked repeatedly, as she drove to her house. Her heart pained for his well-being. She wished he could stay with her, away from the dysfunctional environment he lived in. She prayed things would change.
“It’s so good to see you,” said Mary, greeting Shade at her door the following evening. “You’ve been so busy, I wasn’t sure you could come.”
The three ladies were finally getting together for the promised dinner. Shade had been looking forward to spending time with her friends.
“I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. I hope you like mocha pecan pie.”
“It sounds delicious. Blanche is here helping me set the table.”
“It looks like you got contact lenses,” said Blanche. “Aren’t you the prettiest thing these days? How about a glass of wine? I brought red and white. What do you prefer?”
“Gosh, I don’t drink wine much.” In fact, she had never tasted wine. “But why not? Maybe white?”
“You got it.” Blanche poured a generous glass of Sauvignon Blanc. They sat sipping their wine and chatting while Mary prepared dinner.
“Can we help?” asked Shade.
“Definitely not. I want you to enjoy yourselves.”
“Tell us about your new job and what you’ve been doing,” said Blanche.
“Well, I love my job, and the location is great. I’m working three days a week, but that might change. Bonnie, the owner, opened the bakery fifteen years ago, and sales have increased each year. It’s busy, so time flies.” She took a gulp of wine, enjoying the taste. “And, I got my GED and scored in the top ten percent of test takers. I’m planning to take computer classes soon. And I’ve been spending time with Tyler. Life’s been a real blessing.”
The wine oozed into her, and she felt her body release. She had always kept her guard up, but tonight she felt comfortable sharing her life with her friends. “I’m worried about Adeline and Tyler. Addy lives with a guy, not the father of Tyler, who’s not a good influence on either of them. I don’t think he works, but they get by—somehow. The environment isn’t good for my grandson, and I don’t know what to do. I’ve asked Addy to let me take him for a while, but she’s opposed. I feel helpless and wish Stan were here to help me through this.” Her eyes teared up. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be a downer tonight.”
Blanche gave her a hug. “Honey, that’s what friends are for. To share our highs and lows with and to build up each other. Here, let me pour you another glass of wine.”
Mary finished in the kitchen and set a platter of Chicken Piccata on the table, along with bowls containing buttered red skin potatoes, garlic green beans, and a tossed salad. They bowed their heads, and Mary said grace.
“Mary, you’ve outdone yourself,” said Blanche. “Everything looks delicious.”
After finishing their meal, Blanche turned to Shade. “I don’t think I ever heard how you and Stanley met. You must have gotten married young to be a grandmother at thirty-six.”
She had never discussed this topic with anyone. When she was around others, Stan was glued at her side. But tonight, she told them everything. Her years in foster care, the home for unwed mothers, and how Stanley offered her the family she never had.
“Stan was my gift from God. He adopted Addy and raised her as if she were his own. Stan is—or was—the love of my life. I miss him every day.”
Mary and Blanche wrapped Shade in their arms.
“Thanks for telling your story,” said Mary. “I always thought Stanley was Addy’s biological father. It must have been hard for you being so young and pregnant. At what age did you tell Addy about Stan?”
“She found out when she left home. She got pregnant and moved in with Tyler’s dad, Scott. She needed her birth certificate. I wanted to tell her sooner, but Stan wanted to wait.”
“She must have been shocked,” said Blanche, shaking her head. “That’s quite a life you’ve lived, honey. And you’ve nothing to be ashamed about. We don’t all get the same opportunities in this world.”
“Well, enough about me. Why don’t I cut the pie?” Shade got up from her chair and weaved into the kitchen.
“You go sit, and I’ll slice the pie,” said Mary. “How about some coffee?”
“So, what secret tales do you two have?” asked Shade, as they were eating pie and sipping coffee. “I can’t be the only one with a checkered past.”
“I’ll go,” said Blanche. “At eighteen, I left home for New York to become a Broadway star. I auditioned for the Rockettes but didn’t make it. They said I upstaged the other girls. Can you believe it? Feeling defeated—and starving—I walked to a café and ordered water and waited for the breadbasket. When the bread arrived, I took a napkin and wrapped it up and started to leave. The waiter stopped me, demanding I order something. A handsome man sitting at a table walked over and told the waiter he would take care of my bill. And that’s how I met my Harry. He was ten years my senior and a partner at a large law firm in Michigan. Over the next few months, he came to New York more often and one day proposed. And I accepted. It’s been a comfortable marriage, but we’re different. I’m outgoing, and he’s a homebody. I enjoy church, and he thinks it’s nonsense. But, he’s been good to me. We never had children. We tried, but it didn’t work out. So, it’s just been me and my Harry.” She sat back in he
r chair. “Well Mary, it’s time for you to reveal your secrets.”
Mary leaned forward, her hands clasped on the table. “My story is one of redemption. Clive and I met when we were in high school. We got married right after graduating and had our daughter Carly a year later. We were young and didn’t have time to work on our marriage. Struggling to make ends meet, bills piled up, and Clive started going to the bar after work, coming home drunk. Before long, our parents intervened. They threatened to take Carly away so Clive joined Alcoholics Anonymous. By the grace of God, he met a man who told him he attended Holy Grace Baptist church and thought it would be an excellent church for a young family like ours. Over time, this man led us to Christ, and we haven’t looked back. The man’s name was Mark. When we attended Holy Grace, we asked about a man named Mark, but no one ever heard of him, and we never saw him again. Call it what you like, but we felt certain he was an angel sent by God. Every day I thank God for putting us on the right path. I miss Clive, but I know I’ll see him again, and I have Carly and my granddaughter, Leah. I’ve lived a blessed life.”
A crooked smile grew across Shade’s face. “I don’t think I can drive home,” she said, her head listing from side to side.
“Oh my,” said Mary. “You can stay here tonight. Blanche, can you help me get her to bed? Thankfully, she doesn’t work tomorrow.”
They escorted her to the bedroom, removed her shoes and tucked her in. Her eyes narrowed, struggling to focus. “Stanley, when are you coming home?” she mumbled, before passing out.
Shade awoke, her head heavier than she remembered. She heard noise coming from the kitchen and thought back to the night before. She pulled herself out of bed.
“Good morning,” said Mary. “You look so much better.”
“Oh, I hope I didn’t embarrass myself. I can’t remember when I’ve had that much fun, but I think I’ll pay for it.”
“You didn’t embarrass yourself. I enjoyed learning more about your past. You’ve always been so guarded. I feel closer to you now. And I won’t ever judge you.”
She gave Mary a hug. “Thanks so much for everything. If God had granted me a mother I’d want someone just like you.” She kissed Mary on the cheek. “I better be on my way.”
“How about some coffee? I can make you breakfast.”
“You’ve done enough. I’ve got too much to do today. I love you.”
Returning home, she put on a pot of coffee and made a poached egg. After showering, she called Addy.
“I’d like to pick up Tyler this week,” said Shade when Addy answered the phone. “Maybe the three of us could spend the day together. I could make lunch, and maybe we could all go shopping.”
“I’d rather you two spend the day together so I can spend time alone,” she said, slurring her words. “Funny, you seem concerned about spending time with Tyler, but you never seemed to wanna spend time with me when I was young. Why is that? Is it because you’re all alone now without Mr. Control Freak dictating your every move?”
“I don’t want to argue. I’m just trying to be a good grandmother to Tyler.”
“What about being a good mother to me? Why weren’t you ever concerned about me? You were only concerned about him.”
“What’s gotten in to you? Why are you trying to start an argument? You know both your father and I cared deeply about you.”
“Oh? Did you ever pay attention to what really went on? Those times Stan took me with him on Saturdays—didn’t you ever wonder why we stayed away so long? Why you never went with us? Or what about those nights he insisted on reading me bedtime stories with the door shut? He told you it was our special time alone. Just me and Daddy.”
The words struck her like a wrecking ball. Her legs turned to Jell-O. She slid down the wall melting into the floor.
“Why—why are you saying those things?” she said, lips quivering. “Your father would never, ever do anything like that. He was a good Christian man.”
“He’s not my father, and he was not a good Christian man. He was a child molester, Mother. A predator. It’s about time you faced reality. You did nothing about it.” The line went dead.
She couldn’t digest it. She sat on the floor in a heap, the phone slipping out of her hand. Her heart staged a stampede in her chest. She went numb. Paralyzed. She remained catatonic for what seemed like hours before she found the energy to stand.
Chapter Five
Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.
Matthew 7:15
Shade pulled herself up from the floor, steadying her gait. She made her way to the bathroom, sinking to her knees on the cold tile. Clutching the porcelain bowl, she retched up clear liquid. Her throat burned from bile, a salty mix of tears stained her face. Darkness folded, choking her heart.
It can’t be true. She’s lying. I would have known. She’s trying to hurt me, or she’s high. Delusional. And she’s jealous of my affection for Tyler.
Unable to sleep, she lay in bed. Thinking. Trying to make sense of Addy’s words. She prayed, asking God for guidance. She would call Addy next week. Give her time to come to her senses.
The next morning Shade drove to work, trying to bury Addy’s haunting words.
“Good morning,” said Bonnie. “It’s gonna be busy today. We have a corporate order for twenty-five coffee cakes, and they want them by 8 a.m. tomorrow. Do you think you can handle it alone?”
“I’ll get right on it.”
“Is everything okay?” asked Bonnie, noticing the change in her demeanor.
“I’m fine,” she replied. “A restless night, but I’ll be okay. I’ll get on those coffee cakes right away.”
Shade busied herself in the prep area, working in silence, lost in thought. Sally came into the kitchen.
“Morning Shade. Why don’t you let me help? It’s slow out front.”
“I’m good.”
“You okay? You seem quiet.”
“I’m fine. A little tired, that’s all.”
She finished baking the coffee cakes, packaged them in boxes, and cleaned the kitchen. “I guess I’ll head out now, unless you need anything else,” said Shade, half smiling.
“Go ahead,” said Bonnie. “You’ve done enough for one day. Are you sure everything’s okay?”
“I’m sure. I’ll see you Monday.” She turned away, her eyes glossy.
On Sunday morning she pulled into the Holy Grace parking lot. She spotted Mary, and they settled into the pew. Blanche performed a solo, one of Shade’s favorite hymns. Her voice filled the small church. Shade struggled to contain her emotions. Funny, she never felt Blanche could sing. She sounded like a tortured bird. But today God comforted her through the words of the hymn.
“Let’s open our Bibles and turn to 1 John 4:1,” said Pastor Dave. “Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world,” he said, closing the Bible. “People aren’t always what they seem. They may talk like Christians, attend church and even work in church leadership. Many of us sense something is wrong, but we look the other way, not wanting to believe the ugliness of the world. It’s too painful. The Holy Spirit has given us a discerning heart, and if we continue to trust in Christ, seeking His guidance, He will lead us into all truth.”
Shade’s mind sparked. Is this message for me? I’ve asked for guidance for Addy, but is God telling me something? She didn’t pay attention to the rest of the sermon. Something inside her was prodding. Her mind kept drifting back to the Bible verse.
When the sermon concluded, Mary asked if she wanted to go out for breakfast.
“No, I’ll pass. I’m not feeling well.” She gave Mary a hug and left.
Inside the quiet stillness of her home, she sat at the kitchen table and prayed for a spirit of discernment and the wisdom to recognize the truth. The aroma of fresh coffee filled the small kitchen. She sat nursing a cup, lost
in reflection. Addy’s haunting words were lurking. She tried pushing them from her mind, but something nudged.
On Monday she left work early and drove to Emmet County Bank to revisit the contents of the safe deposit box. After Stan died, she went through everything, but something kept prompting her. Look closer, a small voice told her. She pulled out his birth certificate and put it in her purse.
Back at home, she reviewed the document. ‘Place of Birth—Spring Hill, Ohio.’ She recalled one of her first meetings with Stan and remembered him telling her he lived in Michigan his entire life. Born and raised. Why lie about his place of birth? And then she noticed something she had overlooked. ‘Number of children born and living to this mother and father (including this child)—two.’ Stan said he was an only child. A slow shock radiated through her body. He had a brother or sister.
She stared at the birth certificate, her palms greasy with sweat. With two days off the following week she could make the drive to Ohio. It would be the farthest trip she’d ever driven, but she needed to understand if there was more to Stan than she realized.
She packed an overnight bag and examined the TripTik from AAA; the route marked to the Holiday Inn in Spring Hill, Ohio.
At 5 a.m. she got up and made a small lunch for the five-hour trip. She considered alerting someone but decided against it. She didn’t want to explain the purpose of her trip.
An hour into the drive her pent-up anxiety faded, leaving her with a sense of renewal and self-discovery. The cloudless fall day illuminated the reds and golds of the autumn leaves—God’s fingerprints everywhere in the world. She flipped through the stations looking for a song to complement her carefree mood. Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You” blared from the speakers, a favorite song.
The Essence of Shade Page 4