“I can’t thank you enough,” she said, embracing him. He held her tight, rubbing her back.
“Well, looky here,” said Victoria, standing with her hands on her hips. “Looks like I stumbled on a scene right out of a Harlequin romance novel. I hope I’m not interrupting anything, because I can go hide behind a tree if you two need privacy.”
Shade stiffened, wiping her eyes, while Brent released his embrace.
“Hey, I’d better get going,” said Brent. “Make sure you two keep those boys interested in the sport over the winter. I don’t want them to lose momentum.” He walked over and said goodbye to Tyler and Cody before driving off.
“So, what in the world was that all about?” asked Victoria.
“Nothing I want to talk about,” said Shade, her face strained. “It’s personal. Hey, see you at baseball camp next year?”
“Yeah, sure.”
The estate documents were modified, naming Brent legal guardian if something happened to Shade before Tyler reached his eighteenth birthday. She explained everything to Tyler as she was settling him into bed.
“Is something gonna happen to you, Grandma?”
“Tyler, only God knows what’s in our future. I’m trying to protect you if something ever did happen to me. Then you would live with Brent.”
“I’ve been praying you’ll marry Brent, so he could live with us now. And I’m gonna keep praying.”
“I’m glad. You should always pray.”
Tyler burrowed under the covers, Scone at his feet. She kissed his forehead. “Sweet dreams, my little buddy. I love you.”
“I love you, too,” said Tyler. He rolled over, facing the wall.
Sleep didn’t come. She tossed and turned, thinking about Tyler and his innocent yearning for Brent. She had the same yearning. Thoughts kept her awake. Tomorrow would be a busy day at the bakery, and she couldn’t afford to be exhausted. She got up and rummaged through the medicine cabinet, looking for the nighttime aspirin. She swallowed two and went to her closet, pulling the pale blue dress from the hanger and placing it next to her on the pillow. Tears came. Brent’s scent still distinct. Lulling her to dreamland.
Tyler got out of bed around midnight and stood outside his grandmother’s bedroom, listening to her muffled cries. He whimpered. His grandmother couldn’t see him like this. He needed to be strong for her—like a man—but he worried. He wondered if she was sick. She didn’t eat much, and she was quieter. Sad. And her comment, “if something happens to me,” frightened him.
Her crying stopped. He peeked into the room and tiptoed to her bed. She was sleeping with that blue dress pushed up around her face. He crept out of the room.
“Hey, Scone,” he whispered. “You need to be really quiet, okay? We’re gonna go for a walk down the beach. Wait here while I put on my coat and boots. We need to talk to Brent about Grandma, okay? Be a good boy,” he said, petting his head.
Something startled Shade. She sprang upright, listening. It was 2 a.m. The bed creaked as she got up and walked down the hallway to Tyler’s room. Peering in, she didn’t see him—or Scone. She threw the covers back. Looked under his bed. Racing through the house, she yelled his name. No answer. She canvassed every nook and cranny in the house, her heart banging hard.
The ringing phone startled her as she reached to call 911.
“Hey, it’s Brent. Tyler’s here.”
“Oh my God, Brent,” Shade said, excitedly. “I was getting ready to call 911. What is he doing there? How did he get there? I’ll come get him.”
“Why don’t you let me bring him back? He showed up on my doorstep with Scone. He said he needed to talk. Man-to-man. Maybe I can have a little chat with him before I bring him back. Is that okay?”
“I guess—if you think so. What’s going on?” said Shade, choking on her words.
“I’ll be over in thirty minutes. He’s fine. Don’t worry.”
Shade chewed on her fingernails. She thought about the comment, ‘man-to-man.’ Memories of Jaime flooding her mind. She didn’t think Tyler remembered. And it was almost two miles to Brent’s place. What was he thinking, walking on the beach in the middle of the night? She shuddered at the thought. Thank you, dear Lord, for keeping him safe.
Brent sat Tyler next to him on the sofa, his arm around his shoulders. “Before we talk, promise me you won’t do that to your grandmother again,” said Brent, firmly. “She’s very upset.”
Tyler looked at his hands, folded in his lap. “I promise.” Scone sat at his feet, paws covering his eyes.
“Brent, first of all, thank you for being my regal guard,” Tyler said, rather professionally. “Grandma told me. Then I want to tell you I’ve been praying you and Grandma will get married. God’s thinking about it now. I don’t have a dad, and I’ve always wanted one. Not that I don’t love my grandma, but I want a man to live with us. And I’m worried about Grandma.”
Brent focused, wanting to laugh and cry at the same time. He pulled him closer, his heart burning. “Tyler, I’m proud to be your legal guardian. It’s like a dad that doesn’t live with you,” he said, looking down at him. “You know, you can see me whenever you want as long as you make sure your grandmother knows where you are. And thank you for your prayers. I’m sure God is listening. Now tell me why you’re worried about your grandmother.”
“I worry she might be sick and die. She said she wanted you to be the regal guard in case something happened to her. She cries when she thinks I’m not listening, and she doesn’t eat much. Tonight, she was sleeping with the blue dress on her pillow. The one she wore in Hawaii. I think she’s sad.” Tyler paused, big teardrops rolling down his face. “I don’t want her to die.” Tyler slumped, short gasps racking his body.
“Hey, buddy, come here.” Brent pulled Tyler onto his lap and held him close to his heart, stroking his hair and rocking him. “Your grandma wants to be sure you’re taken care of if something happened. It doesn’t mean something will. And sometimes grownups get sad, too. About a lot of things. Things you’re too young to understand. I get sad, too. But that’s okay. It’s part of life.”
Brent continued rocking him until Tyler’s sobs subsided. He looked at him, sleeping against his chest. He wanted to keep him here all night, in his arms, but she was waiting. He scooped him up and laid him in the backseat of his car. Scone insisted on sitting in front.
Shade stood on the front porch in her robe, pacing and shivering. When they pulled up, she ran down the steps to the car. Brent signaled, his finger against his lips. She put her hand to her mouth, watching, as Brent cradled Tyler’s limp body and carried him into his bedroom. Scone followed, his tail between his legs.
When they stepped out of the room, she fell into Brent’s arms, weeping. “I’m so sorry. He’s never done anything like this. It’s so unlike him.”
“Hey, there’s nothing to be sorry about,” he said, cradling her head against his chest.
“What did you talk about?”
“Just man stuff, but I enjoyed our chat. He’s worried about you.” He held her tight before pulling away. “Well, I better leave. I think we both need sleep.”
“You can sleep in the spare bedroom.”
“That’s not a good idea. I’ve been known to sleepwalk. I could accidently end up in your bed,” he said, grinning. He kissed her forehead and left.
“Tyler, don’t ever do anything like that again,” said Shade at breakfast the next morning. “Something could have happened to you last night. So, you are grounded for a week. No TV, no friends over, and no snacks after dinner.”
“I’m sorry, Grandma,” he said, hanging his head, studying his feet. “I won’t do it again. Can I keep the snacks and give up something else? Like homework?”
“No. This isn’t open for discussion.” She sighed, wrapping her arms around him. “I don’t know what I’d do if anything bad ever happened to you. I love you too much. So, you’re being punished for an entire week. Understand?”
“Yes,” he said.
“I love you Grandma.”
Shade arrived early at the bakery, exhausted. “Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” said Shade, when Sally strolled in wearing a wide grin.
“Oh, Shade. We had the best time in Kauai, and married life is heavenly. But, it’s good to be back. Did you have a good time during the rest of your stay?”
“It was wonderful, and Tyler had a blast,” Shade responded. “We learned how to surf, thanks to Brent. I hope you’re well rested because it will be busy today. Lots of corporate lunch orders to get ready. Hey, before you leave today, I wanna run something by you. Get your thoughts. I’ve missed having you here.”
“So, here’s what I’m thinking,” said Shade. “In Hawaii, I got hooked on Kona coffee. I’ve never considered myself a coffee snob, until now. And I’ve been noticing the summer tourists and shoppers in town, strolling around clutching their specialty coffees. The closest coffee shop around here is two miles away; there’s nothing in the downtown district. The coffee we sell at the bakery is subpar. So, I’m thinking of highlighting regional coffees each week. And maybe even espresso. What do you think?”
“Great idea,” said Sally. “No offense, but I’ve never liked the coffee here. It’s boring. That’s why I never drink it. I’m somewhat of a coffee snob myself. But I’m wondering if you keep the standard coffee for those who don’t want to pay extra for premium. It’ll be a hassle, but you’ll keep everyone happy. I say let’s go for it. Oh, by the way, we’re running low on vanilla extract. I’ll order some, but the price is outrageous.”
“Let’s make our own,” said Shade. “It’s pretty easy. Vanilla extract has only two ingredients; vanilla beans and vodka. We can buy vanilla beans in bulk. It’ll take a while to go through the extraction process, but we’ll have more control over the quality. Order a few bottles now, and I’ll get a batch of our own started. Who knows, maybe we can sell it at the bakery.”
“Brilliant,” said Sally. “That’s why you’re the boss.”
When Shade wrapped up for the day, she noticed the strange woman again. The one she’d seen in the bakery before. Shade smiled, as the woman was leaving.
“Did you enjoy your meal?”
“Oh, yes,” the woman replied. “I always do,” she said, walking out the door.
Shade made a note to engage her in conversation the next time. She didn’t understand why, but she had an eerie feeling, like she knew her. But she was sure she didn’t.
The phone flashed red. Two messages. Mabel was in the hospital, and Brent needed to run something by her. She called Brent.
“Hi. What’s up?”
“Would you be interested in getting Tyler enrolled in Little League? The season doesn’t start until next year, but we could get him set up now. If he’s serious about baseball, this would be the best place for him to hone his skills.”
“I’m all for it, but I worry about getting him to and from practice if things get too busy at the bakery.”
“I can help, so don’t worry. Hey, I saw Tyler at school today. He told me he’s grounded. Good call on your part. He doesn’t need to be roaming the beach at night.”
“I get shivers every time I think about him out there. Alone. In the middle of the night. Thanks for your support.”
“Anytime.”
Mabel was resting in the coronary care unit at Emmet County Hospital. Her face brightened when Shade approached her bedside.
“Oh, honey,” she said. “It’s so good to see you.”
Shade took her fragile hand. “How are you feeling, Mabel?”
“I’m feeling okay. I’m ready to go home. To be with Jesus,” she said, smiling. “Oh, don’t look so sad, honey. Be happy for me.” She patted Shade’s hand. “Look, I had my friend bring something to the hospital for me. I want you to have it. It’s over there on the chair.”
Shade picked up the framed needlepoint of the poem about the weaver’s tapestry, the one that hung on the wall at Mabel’s House. She thought back to when she was fifteen, pregnant and without hope. The poem held special meaning for her. She ran her fingers over the embroidered fabric, feeling the silkiness of the woven threads as tears filled her eyes. “Oh, Mabel. You don’t know how much this means to me. I’ll cherish it always.”
“I’m glad you like it. So, how are you doing?”
She sighed. “God’s been so gracious. Tyler is such a good boy. I wanted you to meet him but didn’t want to bring him here in case you weren’t feeling well.”
“I would have liked to have met him. And you? Have you met anyone to help raise that young man?”
“No. It wouldn’t be fair to bring a man into my complicated life. A man would just take my focus off Tyler, like it did with Adeline. I can’t allow that to happen again. I don’t trust myself. There’s so much I wish I could tell you, but I can’t. Secrets that are too dark. Too ugly. Sin I can’t ever seem to wash away.”
“Shade, honey, even though you have regrets, your experiences in life have shaped who you are. You can’t wash away your sin, only Jesus can. And He did that on the cross, so stop trying to save yourself. Just believe. It’s as simple as that.”
“I know, Mabel. But it never seems simple for me—to be rid of my sin. I need to keep praying.” Shade squeezed her hand. “Thank you for all you’ve done for me over the years. You’ll never know how much you’ve changed my life.” Her eyes brimmed with tears. “You look so tired. I’d better let you go.” She leaned down and kissed Mabel’s cheek.
“Honey,” she said, her voice weak. “The next time I see you, it’ll be in paradise. Now you go on home and raise Tyler to be a good Christian man. I love you, honey.”
Driving home, her thoughts centered on Mabel—a golden thread in her life’s tapestry. Her rock. Thank you, God, for weaving this extraordinary woman into my life.
A few days later, Shade entered the prison chapel. The walls shook as the women sang, glorifying God, their hands reaching high. She took a seat in the back. A curious feeling of serenity covered her. It felt like a second home now. In here, with these women. She bowed her head in reverence.
“Can I talk to you?” asked Meghan, lingering after the group Bible study.
“Sure. We have a few minutes.”
Meghan looked somber, her eyes cast down. She spoke slowly. Each word painful. “I was raised in a Christian home, but I never believed in God. I thought my parents were delusional for their beliefs. But being in here, with too much time on my hands, my thoughts often turn to God. I can’t see Him, and I don’t understand why He doesn’t make Himself known. I struggle with this all the time. How do I know God exists?”
Shade sighed. “That’s a legitimate question. I’ve had similar questions. So, I tried making sense of things with the mind that God gave me. A mind to reason. I thought about everything that exists around me, with the knowledge that something doesn’t come from nothing. For me, that meant there has to be a higher power. The proof is all around us. Nature. Feelings. Morals. Order in the universe. I could go on and on, but think about these things and pray God reveals Himself to you. Let Him draw nearer. And I’ll continue to pray for you.”
Meghan sat, her face set with confusion. Shade was unsure if her words were meaningful, but it was in God’s hands. She could only pray.
Chapter Twenty-Three
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
Isaiah 43:2
Year 2007
The spring rains washed in like the tide, the once dismal landscape now bathed in a dazzling palette of colors. Restless shoppers converged on the streets of downtown Edelweiss, eager to celebrate the death of winter.
As she weighed the freshly prepared dried-cherry granola, scooping spoonfuls into eight-ounce packages, Shade peered through the kitchen door and took in the small crowd gathered in the lobby.
“Donna? I
s that you?” asked Shade, spotting Jaime’s mother walking to a table.
“Shade. It’s good to see you,” said Donna, embracing her. “I was in town and thought I’d stop in.”
“I’m so glad to see you. Do you mind if I join you for a bit?
“Please do,” said Donna.
“So, how are you doing?” Shade asked, as they settled into their seats.
“Okay, I guess. I miss Jaime every day,” said Donna, tears burning the edges of her eyes. “It’s been ten years since the murders, and there are still no leads. I talk to Detective Kent often, but it’s always the same...we’re still working on it.”
“Yes, it’s frustrating,” said Shade. “I spoke to Kent last month. It’s just a difficult case, I guess.” Shade could taste a bitter bile rising in her throat.
“Yeah, I agree.” Her expression brightened. “So, how’s Tyler?”
“He’s doing well,” Shade responded. “He turned twelve last September, and he’s getting so tall. Just two inches shorter than me. He’s a baseball fanatic. He wants to be a pitcher for the Majors. According to his coach, he’s quite talented.”
“I’m so happy. I was always fond of Tyler.”
“I know you were,” said Shade, patting her hand.
They continued making small talk before Shade stood. “Well, I should get back to work. If you ever want to talk, please call me. It was good seeing you again.” They embraced before Shade headed toward the kitchen.
The Essence of Shade Page 20