“Yeah, we did,” said Brent, standing. “I was just leaving.” He gave Shade a hug. “Thanks for breakfast. We’ll talk soon.” He turned to Tyler. “I got two tickets to a Detroit Tigers game next weekend. Would you like to go?”
“Can I, Grandma?” Tyler asked, bending to pet Scone.
Her eyes glistened. “Of course, you can go. Roger, thanks for bringing him home.”
“Well, I guess we better let you and Tyler get settled,” said Brent, holding the door open for Roger. “See you soon.”
Brent handed in his resignation and rented his house to a family moving from Florida. Sally and Chad adopted Coach. All loose ends were tied up except for Tyler.
“Hey, buddy, did you enjoy the game?” asked Brent, on the drive home.
“Yeah. The whole time I pictured me out there on the mound pitching. And about you and Grandma watching me in the stands. I hope I can play for the Detroit Tigers.”
“Just keep working hard. As long as you apply yourself, you have a great shot at making the big leagues someday.”
They drove in silence. “Why are you quiet, Brent? Did I do something wrong?”
“No, buddy. You did nothing wrong. But I need to talk to you about something. Something that will be hard for both of us.” Dread crept over him like a menacing shadow. “I’m going to be moving to California—for a new job. It’s a good opportunity. I’ll be leaving in a few weeks.”
Tyler stared, empty, at Brent. “So, you won’t be living here anymore? Or coaching me?” Tears cut rivulets down his face. “You said you would always be here for me. Like a dad. That nothing would ever come between us. Dads don’t leave. Why are you leaving?”
“Tyler, nothing will ever come between us. We’ll just live farther apart, but you can always call me whenever you want to talk. I’m still your legal guardian. That won’t change.”
“It’s not the same. I thought you loved me. How could you leave?” he said, sobbing. “I don’t want you to go. Please don’t go.”
Brent pulled the car over at the next rest area and turned. “Listen, Tyler. I will always love you, no matter how far apart we are. I love my sister Mindy, and she lives in another state. Distance won’t change my feelings for you. And I’ll come back. And I want you to come out and visit me.”
“You lied. You said you would always be here for me. California is not here.” Tyler unbuckled his seat belt and jumped out of the car, running across the parking lot to an open field. Brent chased him, grabbing him before he reached a wooded area.
“Let me go,” shouted Tyler, beating Brent with his fists. “I hate you.”
Brent held him tight as Tyler struggled. “Tyler, I know you don’t hate me. Don’t say things you don’t mean.”
Tyler went limp. He buried his head in Brent’s chest, sobs racking his body. “I always prayed you would marry my grandma. But God didn’t listen. Now you’re leaving. I don’t want you to move. Please stay here with us,” he pleaded.
A choking knot formed in his throat, as he held onto Tyler, stroking his hair and back until the sobbing subsided. “Life will be full of changes for you. If you want to become a Major League baseball player, you’ll move away, and you’ll leave your grandmother. But you’ll still see each other. And you’ll still love each other.”
“I won’t ever leave her. I’ll take her with me.”
“When you get older, you’ll understand. You’ll see things differently. This is something I need to do. But we will always be close. No matter how far away I am.”
They clung to one another for a long time. “Hey, come on, buddy. Let’s get back in the car.”
Hand in hand, they walked back to the parking lot. Tyler didn’t speak the entire drive home.
“Hey, do you want to stop for ice cream?” asked Brent.
“No,” Tyler replied. “I just wanna go home.”
Her stomach roiled, images of Tyler’s reaction flashing through her mind. When they pulled into the driveway, Shade stood, nipping at her lower lip. Tyler jumped out of the car and ran into his bedroom. The door slammed. Brent came in wearing a troubled look.
“Well, I see it didn’t go well,” said Shade, hugging herself, her nails jabbing her arms.
“Not at all.” He pushed his fingers through his hair and let out a long sigh. “It was gut wrenching. I feel like I ripped his heart right out of his chest.”
She dropped her face into her hands and wept. “He loves you so much. Why do you have to leave?”
Brent pulled her hands away. “You can stop this, Shade. But you won’t.” He turned. “I have to go. It’s been a rough day.”
Over the next few weeks, a familiar stone of lava settled in the pit of her stomach. She pondered her life without him. Tyler’s life without the man he idolized. Darkness settled upon her soul.
The night before he left, she prepared a quiet dinner for him. The air was heavy with gloom.
“Everything was delicious,” said Brent, breaking the silence. “Thank you. I should get going. Tyler, come here and give me a hug.”
Large tears welled in Tyler’s eyes. He shuffled over and fell limp into Brent’s arms. Brent gave him a lingering embrace then held him out at arm’s length. “Tyler, I love you very much. I want you to call me whenever you want to talk or if you ever need anything. And we’ll see each other when I’m in town. Or when you come out to visit.” The lump in Brent’s throat felt like gristle, choking him.
Tyler nodded, unable to speak. He turned and walked away, Scone at his side. He entered his bedroom and quietly closed the door.
Brent could see her lip quivering.
“Well, I guess this is it,” said Brent. He took Shade in his arms and held her, feeling her body tremble as she clung to him. He pulled back and raised her chin with his finger and bent and kissed her—a long, compassionate kiss. She didn’t stop him. “I love you, Shade,” he said, his eyes glossed. He ingested the image of her face and stroked her cheek before walking away.
She couldn’t speak. Tears like rain on a darkened window pane spilled down her cheeks. He opened the door and stepped out of her life. “I love you, Brent,” she whispered. “You’ll never know how much I love you.”
He was wounded. If only she would have stopped him. Told him she loved him. He would have changed everything to be with her and Tyler forever. He thought about her demons and wondered if he would ever understand the pain that smothered her. The weight of guilt pressed on him, his thoughts turning to Tyler. His innocence. His intense desire for a father. He vowed to keep him close, no matter the distance. Despite his anguish, he felt a sense of release. He thought about his future, absent the endless yearnings for the woman he could never have.
Light peered out beneath the door of Tyler’s room. She knocked before entering. He lay curled in a fetal position, tears snaking down his cheeks. She climbed into bed next to him and took him into her arms. He nestled his head against her chest.
“Tyler, I know this is hard for you, but you’re strong. We’ll get through this. Together. Sometimes things don’t work out the way we want them to. But you can still talk to him. You can still be close.”
“Did you ever want to marry Brent? Maybe he would have stayed if you married him.”
Grief flooded her eyes, her face strained with guilt. “God has other plans for me. Plans that don’t include Brent.”
“Do the plans include me?”
“Of course. The plans are all about you—only you.”
“Why can’t Brent be a part of those plans? Don’t you love him?”
“Yes, I love him. And I’ll miss him as much as you. But God doesn’t always give us what we want. He gives us what we need, even when it hurts. One day you’ll understand.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.
1 Timothy 4:12
Year 2011
For
the second year in a row, Tyler was the starting pitcher on the Edelweiss High School varsity team. At sixteen, his well-toned muscular body stood over six-feet tall. With angular features and turquoise eyes, his face reminded Shade of Adeline, but his form resembled his father, Scott.
True to his word, Brent remained close to Tyler during the four years he had been away, often flying him out for weekend stays. He left his temporary position in California and moved to Mesa, Arizona where he accepted a job as Director of Minor League Operations for the Oakland Athletics. He considered selling his house in Michigan but wasn’t ready to break ties with his past. There were too many memories of Kendra and Luke, and Shade and Tyler.
Shade and Sally stood at the counter, discussing the following day’s menu. Tyler came behind Shade, wrapping his arms around her, kissing the top of her head.
“Hey, Grams. Thought I’d stop over to see if you need help today. We finished practice early.”
She turned and kissed his cheek. “You smell like sweat. Maybe you can help us clean up?”
“Sure thing, Grams.”
“You’re a godsend,” said Sally, patting him on the back.
Shade peered out the kitchen door and noticed Tyler cleaning off tables and talking to a woman. She looked closer. It was the mysterious woman she had seen before, but it had been awhile since her last visit to the bakery. She watched the two of them talking and laughing. And then she left.
“Who was that, Tyler?”
“She didn’t say her name. Asked about baseball and told me she’d seen me pitch on the varsity team. She knew who I was. Said she saw my name in the paper when we won the Championship title. Nice lady.”
“Did she ask for your autograph?”
“Not exactly. Hey. Can I use the car tonight? I wanna take Leah to the show to see this movie about a mountain climber who gets trapped by a boulder in Utah.”
“Sure, as long as its rated PG.”
“I know the rules.”
“Why don’t I call Mary and ask her to bring Leah to the cottage? She and I can spend time together while you two are out.”
“Fine with me. Hey, I talked to Brent today. He wants me to come out again this year. For a week. He said he’d call you.”
The steady rhythm of her heart cranked up a notch. Thoughts of him plagued her every day, and she wondered if he thought about her.
Mary arrived at the cottage with Leah. At eighty-years-old, Mary’s youthful image continued to astonish Shade. They embraced.
“Where’s Tyler?” asked Leah.
“In the shower, making himself presentable.”
Leah laughed, taking a seat with Mary at the kitchen counter. Shade had grown close to Leah over the years. She had developed into a striking and mature sixteen-year-old. Her auburn hair fell down her back like silken flames, her emerald eyes radiant against her fair complexion.
Scone nuzzled Leah’s feet. “Hey, Scone,” said Leah, bending and rubbing his ears. “I see you’re slowing down these days.”
“Mary, I hope you didn’t eat,” said Shade. “I thought I’d fix us a grilled Salmon salad, and I brought home cheesecake from the bakery.”
“Wonderful. I’m starved. It’ll be nice catching up.”
Tyler emerged from his bedroom, clad in denim jeans and a simple white T-shirt that clung to his chiseled chest. Shade noticed the intimate look between him and Leah.
“I hope you don’t get out of hand while we’re gone,” said Tyler, kissing Shade’s cheek. “We’ll be back by nine,” he said, escorting Leah out the door.
“I wonder if they will ever have eyes for anyone else,” said Mary, after they left. “Not that I want them to, but I worry. They’re too young to be so attached.”
“I wonder the same thing. But I leave it in God’s hands.”
“I think they’re perfect for each other. I guess time will tell. So, how have you been?”
“I’m doing well. The bakery has exceeded my wildest dreams. And I’m still volunteering in prison ministry. Do you remember me telling you about a woman there, Meghan?”
“I do. The one with the little boy, Ethan?”
“Yes. Well, Tyler has taken Ethan under his wing, mentoring him in baseball. And Meghan is a changed woman. She’s shed that rough edge, and she seems to be drawing closer to God. It’s a blessing to watch God work in other peoples’ lives.”
“Yes, it is. Hey, have you talked to Brent?”
“On occasion. When it concerns Tyler. He seems to be doing well. It’s been so long since I’ve seen him.”
“Did he ever get married?”
“No. According to Tyler, he dates, but nothing serious. He asked Tyler to come out for a week. They’re still so close, even though they’re miles apart. So, how are things with you?”
“Good. I’m thinking about selling my house and buying a condo. Less maintenance. I still volunteer at Holy Grace, and I’m considering going on a missionary trip to Haiti.”
“Good for you. I hope I’m as active when I get to be your age.”
Later that evening, Tyler and Leah pulled into the drive and remained in the car, their silhouettes drawing close to one another.
“Oh, I hope they’re careful,” said Mary, peeking out the window.
“I’ve spoken to Tyler, and he assures me nothing will happen. Just one more thing to put on God’s plate.”
Shade answered the phone after Tyler retreated to his room.
“Hey, I just realized the time there,” said Brent. “I hope I didn’t wake you.”
Her heart skipped. “No, I was awake. Mary came for dinner, and Tyler and Leah went to the show. They just got home.”
“How’s Mary?”
“She’s great. Doesn’t act or look a day over seventy.”
“How are you doing? It’s been a while since we talked.”
“I’m good. Tyler has me on a fitness regimen, so I’ve been working out and trying to eat healthy. I feel better than I ever have. How about you?”
“Things are fine. Busy. But I like my job.”
“I’m glad. Are you happy living out there?”
“I’m content. Arizona is nice, but I miss Michigan. Hey, the reason I called is to ask about Tyler. I’d like to fly him out for a week before school starts. There’s an MLB tryout camp and a baseball pitching camp that would be great for him. MLB scouts will be there sniffing around for the latest talent. I’ve been talking to his coach at Edelweiss, and he’s impressed with Tyler’s progress.”
“He would love that. He always looks forward to spending time with you. It means so much to me you’ve stayed involved in his life.”
“He’s like a son. I’ll always remain involved, as long as you both want that.”
“We both want that. Do you think you’ll be back in Michigan soon?”
“I’m not sure, but I’ll let you know. It would be good seeing you.”
“You, too. It’s been a long time.”
Shade hung up and considered Brent’s solitary life. She had hoped he would have found someone, but he seemed intent on remaining single.
“Hey, Grams. Can I borrow the car?” asked Tyler, when Shade arrived home from the bakery. “Cody and I are going to Austin’s house to play pool.”
“As long as you’re home by nine. I assume his parents are home.”
“Yeah. Don’t worry. I’ll behave.”
Ten-thirty and no sign of Tyler. She didn’t have Austin’s phone number. She called Victoria.
Shade had grown close to Victoria over the years. She settled down after marrying Roger and quitting the police force. They were an unlikely pair, but there was chemistry between them.
“Hey, Victoria. It’s Shade. Is Cody home yet? Tyler said he’d be home from Austin’s by nine, but he’s not here.”
“Cody told me he was going to your place,” said Victoria. “I have Austin’s number. I’ll call and see what’s going on.”
Shade paced the floor, biting her lower lip. She thought about
calling Chad, but she wasn’t sure what shift he was working. The phone rang.
“Hello,” said Shade, breathless.
“Roger and I drove to Austin’s when no one answered the phone,” said Victoria. “There was a party going on. There must have been fifty kids there. I guess his parents were away. Lucas was there, too. All three of them had been drinking, and someone called the police. We got them out before the cops arrived. They’re pretty wasted. We’ll bring Tyler back in your car, and I’ll follow Roger.”
“Oh, thank God they’re okay,” said Shade. “And thank you for bringing him home.”
Roger escorted Tyler to the front door and handed Shade her car keys. Tyler wobbled, looking at his feet. He misjudged the step into the cottage and stumbled against the wall. A framed picture crashed to the floor. Shade tried to steady him, his head rolling like a Bobblehead.
“Thank you so much, Roger,” said Shade, waving to Victoria in the driveway.
“Not a problem. Thank God he didn’t drive home.”
She escorted Tyler, as he stumbled down the hall to his bedroom. “We’ll talk in the morning—when you’re sober.” Shade glared at him. He didn’t answer.
She let him sleep in the next day, knowing he would miss varsity practice.
Tyler emerged from his bedroom, eyes squinting and hair disheveled. “What time is it?”
“It’s 9:30,” said Shade. “And you missed practice, and I’m late for work.”
“Why didn’t you wake me? You know I have to be there at eight.”
“Excuse me. Is that all you have to say? You lied to me. You could have gotten yourself or someone else killed,” she said, her hands trembling. “I am so disappointed in you right now. I trusted you, and you let me down. Your car privileges are being taken away for three months. And I’m considering calling Brent and telling him you can’t go to Arizona.”
The Essence of Shade Page 24