by Andrea Ring
I stand up to face her. “You’ve known for years and you never told me?”
“Oh no you don’t!” she screams, wagging a finger in my face. “Don’t you dare throw this back on me. My body and my health are my business, and I can choose to tell you whenever I’m ready! But you, you’ve known about this for months, and you kept it from me!”
“I was trying to protect you!” I yell back. “I’ve been working on a cure. I didn’t want you stressed out and worrying about it before I could fix it.”
“There you go again! Thomas knows best. Thomas makes all the decisions. Thomas keeps his frightened little girlfriend from going crazy.”
“And you didn’t make any decisions for me?” I say. “Don’t you think it’s kind of important to tell your boyfriend you’re going to die young?”
Tessa opens her mouth to yell back at me, but no words come. Her face crumbles. “Fuck you, Thomas. Just, fuck you.”
And she walks out.
Chapter Nine
Dad and Erica come in a couple of hours later.
“I’m sorry, Thomas,” Erica says. “I never meant for it to turn out like this.”
“It was inevitable,” I say, my gaze focused on the cracks in my ceiling. “I should have told her when I found out. I made the decision not to tell her. My fault.”
“It’s a shitty situation,” Dad says. “There wasn’t a right way for this to go down.”
“We tried to talk to her,” Erica says, “but she’s too angry to hear it. She took a sleeping bag over to our old house.”
I lift my head. “She’s alone over there?”
Erica nods. “She said she wanted to be alone.”
“That’s girl-code for, ‘Someone, please follow me,’” Dad says.
Erica swats Dad on the head. “Mike, you’re an idiot. Sometimes women actually say what they mean.”
“So you don’t think Thomas should go over there?”
Erica sighs. “I think Tessa wants to be alone. That doesn’t mean I think she should be.”
I swing my feet off the bed and stand. “I’m going. I have a lot of groveling to do.”
“Don’t let her make you feel guilty, Thomas,” Dad says. “You did what you thought was right. Stand by that.”
I shake my head. “Dad, I appreciate your advice, but I should be feeling guilty. Tessa and I have always been honest with each other, and I broke that trust.”
“For a good reason,” he says. “Tessa needs to acknowledge that.”
“The Attic took Jack and Vivian away for a good reason. Think it’s time you acknowledged that?”
Dad grits his teeth.
I brush past them and head to my car.
***
I let myself into the house and find Tessa curled into her sleeping bag on the living room floor in front of the fireplace. It’s May, and not cold out at all, but Tessa has a fire going.
I squat down next to her. She doesn’t so much as glance my way.
“So…why’d you light a fire?” I ask.
“You mean how,” she says, staring at the flames. “You meant, how’d you light the fire.”
I did mean to ask that, too, but I didn’t want Tessa to think I considered her too incompetent to light a gas fireplace.
She flips something at me suddenly, and I reach out and catch it. It’s a small plastic lighter.
“Why do you have this?”
“For when I smoke.”
I leap to my feet. “What?”
“You heard me.”
I’m so shocked I can’t think of a response. Tessa laughs and crawls out of the sleeping bag. She sits down on top of it.
“I’ve been waiting for you to tell me, you know,” she says. “Back when you first healed that cut on my finger, I was sure you knew I was sick. I thought you’d take some of my blood and rush it to the Attic and dissect it.”
“You don’t dissect blood,” I whisper absently.
Tessa hisses. “Will you just shut up for one minute? For once, will you just listen to what I’m telling you without correcting me? This isn’t…I’m not…I don’t want this. Us. The way we are.”
I can’t swallow past the baseball lodged in my throat.
“I want us to be partners. I want us to share everything. But I don’t think you know how to do that, Thomas. You make decisions for me, and you sound so fucking reasonable that I have no defense. I just get steamrolled, and I don’t even realize it’s happening.”
I open my mouth to respond, but Tessa glares at me. I shut my mouth.
“Abbey smokes, and she let me try one. I liked it. And you know why I liked it? Because it was a decision I made, to smoke, that you had absolutely no say in. In fact, I knew you’d hate it. I know you think smokers are stupid. Well, you already think I’m stupid. Smoking won’t change that.”
“But it will kill you,” I whisper.
“I’m already dying,” she says simply. “You put yourself at risk every day, and I have no say in it. I’m made to feel like an ass if I don’t support it. Why can’t I do the same?”
“It’s not the same!” I explode. “I’m saving lives! My death has a purpose!”
“And mine doesn’t,” she says. “My living doesn’t seem to have a purpose, either, except to support your death.”
I scrub a hand across my face. “I can’t believe…I don’t believe this! You’re talking nonsense!”
“Am I? It’s possible. Maybe Huntington’s has eaten enough brain cells that I have no idea what I’m talking about.”
“That’s not what I meant!” I shout. “You…Tessa, you’re the most important thing in the world to me.” I grip her shoulders and force her to look at me. “Every day I work in the lab to find you a cure. Your life is important. The most important thing.”
Tessa smiles sadly. “I didn’t ask you to help me. I don’t want you to help me. I don’t want your death on my conscience.”
“I’m not dying,” I say, “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. The stuff I’m doing, it’s dangerous, yeah, but I know what I’m doing.”
“You know nothing, Thomas,” she says.
I let go of her shoulders and drop my arms. Tessa turns her back to me and faces the fire.
“I’m not blameless here, and I know that,” she says. “I didn’t tell you I have Huntington’s. I’ve gone behind your back and tried some things, like a silly teenager defying her parents. But you don’t always make it easy to share things with you. You’re so judgmental. I can’t even drink a Coke without you cringing.”
“I’ve gotten better about that,” I say.
Tessa shakes her head. “I’m tired of living by your rules,” she says. “For once, I want to make the rules. And I just don’t think that will ever be possible with you.”
“What are you saying?” I ask.
“I don’t…want to be your girlfriend anymore,” she says.
Tears pool in my eyes. “I can change, Tessa,” I say. “I’ll change. I’m willing to compromise.”
Tessa doesn’t respond.
I put my hands on her shoulders from behind. “I’ll do anything to make this right.”
Tessa turns to me. “Anything?”
I nod.
Tessa laughs, and then she chokes on a sob. “You…you still don’t get it. I can’t have what I want and you still be you. You have values and standards and the truest moral compass of anyone I’ve ever met, and I can’t ask you to compromise those for me. I’d be crushing you, just like you’re crushing me.”
I deflate. Just like that, I crumple in a heap on top of the sleeping bag. “So where does that leave us?”
“I don’t know,” she says. “But I need to figure out who I am without you in the mix.”
“You’re the best person I know,” I say. “That has nothing to do with me.”
Tessa sighs. “Please go home.”
“I am home,” I say.
She grabs the end of the sleeping bag and tugs. Since I’m on top
of it, it doesn’t budge. “Get up.”
I shake my head.
She drops the bag. “Fine. You can use it tonight.” And she walks out of the house.
Chapter Ten
I get back to my dad’s house around seven in the morning, but Tessa is already gone. I shower and dress quickly and head to the lab.
Kate and Kenneth are there examining the livers.
“Hey, guys,” I say.
Kate jumps on me. “Can you believe it? We finally did it! This is so awesome!”
“Yeah,” I say. I throw myself onto a stool and try not to cry.
Kate furrows her brow. “What’s wrong?”
“Tessa,” I start to say.
“Oh my God,” Kate says, “is she okay? Is she exhibiting symptoms?”
“No,” I say. “She’s fine. She…broke up with me.”
“You’re joking,” Kenneth says.
I shake my head. “I wish.”
Kate rushes out of the room, and Kenneth takes the stool next to me. “You want to talk about it?”
Kate comes back in and thrusts a cup of fresh coffee under my nose. “Here. This will help.” She pulls another stool up next to us and sits down. Kenneth shakes his head at her.
“She heard me talking to my dad and Erica about the Huntington’s,” I say. “She was furious I kept it from her.”
They both nod sympathetically.
“And she said I always make the decisions and she always has to go along and compromise, and I don’t. She said she wants to make the rules for a change.”
“Is she right?” Kenneth asks.
“Yes,” I concede. “But there are certain things I can’t compromise on.”
“Even if it means losing her?” Kate says.
I blow out a breath. “She’s making me choose: her or my values.”
“It wasn’t your values that made you keep her disease a secret,” Kate says. “I mean, I understand why didn’t tell her, but you knew she’d be upset.”
“I did,” I say. “I did know. And if that were the only issue, I think we could get past it. But there are other things she wants that I won’t give her.”
“Like what?” Kenneth asks.
“Um, it’s a little embarrassing.”
Kenneth looks at Kate, who’s on the edge of her seat. “Kate.”
“What?”
Kenneth points a thumb over his shoulder.
Kate’s face falls. “You want me to leave?”
Kenneth looks at me. I clear my throat. “No, I…no. It’s okay. She…Tessa wants to have sex, but I want to wait until we’re married.”
Kenneth tries to hide a smile and fails. Kate slaps his arm. “I think that’s amazing,” she says.
“You do?”
“Yep. Can’t compromise on that one. Besides, that’s not a reason to break up with the love of your life.”
“I don’t think she’s breaking up with me because of it,” I say. “It’s just one more thing she doesn’t have control over.”
“There’s more?” Kenneth says.
“Well, I bought a house on Monday, her childhood home actually. But I bought it without talking to her.”
“Ouch,” Kate says.
I cringe. “Yeah. And then she said she was okay with it, and we’ve made plans to renovate it, but I won’t let her move in with me until we get married.”
“If you say you’re not getting married until you’re thirty, I’m going to beat you over the head with my clipboard,” Kate says.
I smile. “No. I just want to wait until Tessa’s out of high school, at least. Better if she’s done with college.”
“Why?” Kenneth asks. “You didn’t finish high school, and you didn’t go to college.”
“But I have skills,” I say.
Kate rolls her eyes at me.
Kenneth smiles. “Thomas, you’re looking at this from the wrong perspective. You and Tessa are not two normal people. You have these super abilities and more money at seventeen than most people have in a lifetime, and Tessa has a life-threatening illness. Who the hell cares about college? You’re both on borrowed time. It’s time to live a little. You want to be with Tessa, right? Forever?”
“Of course I do.”
“Then what the hell is stopping you?”
I stare at him.
Kenneth gets up and goes to his office. He comes back palming his keys and wallet. “Hold down the fort, Kate,” he says. “We have a little shopping to do.”
***
Jack calls me on my way home.
“Tyrion just asked me out on a second date.”
“Great,” I say. “Your place or his?”
Jack snorts. “I turned him down.”
“Why?”
“He only wants sex, Thomas. I need to play a little hard to get.”
“Why are you playing at all?” I ask. “Life’s too short. Call him back and tell him you reconsidered.”
“You think I should just be his booty call?” she says. “Who is this? What have you done with my brother?”
I laugh. “No, I just know you want to spend time with him. Do that. You don’t want to have regrets.”
“No regrets, huh?” she says.
I nod to myself. “No regrets.”
Chapter Eleven
Tessa is working on her laptop on our bed when I get home.
“Hey,” I say.
She looks up at me then frowns. “Hey.”
I take that as an invitation and close the bedroom door. “Can I ask you a question?”
She shrugs.
“We’ve always talked about how many kids we’re going to have. Did you really think you’d have them, I mean, with you being sick?”
She shuts her laptop. “Thomas, we’re not having this discussion.”
“Please,” I say, taking a step toward her. “I need to know.”
She shrugs again. “I’ve always lived my life like I’m not sick. Hoping for a miracle, I guess.”
I cross the room to our bed and kneel down on the floor. “You’re my miracle, Tessa,” I say. “I will do anything to show you how much you mean to me. I will stop dictating everything about our life. I’m making that promise to you right now. It’s our life. Not mine. I’ve been such a complete asshole, and I’m here, on my knees, begging you. Please. Give me another chance to make this right.”
Tessa’s eyes fill with tears, and she turns her head away from me. “Thomas.”
“Please.” I take a small blue box out of my sweatshirt pocket and hold it out. “I love you. With every breath I take, with every beat of my heart, with every thought in my head, I love you.” I flip the box open. “I want to give you the life you want. The babies you want. All the love you deserve. I will strive every single day to be worthy of you. Tessa, will you marry me?”
Her head jerks up, and she finally focuses on the ring. “What?” she whispers.
I smile at her through my tears. “I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought we needed to do things in a certain order. But I realized that nothing I do means anything if I’m not doing it with you. I want you forever and forever. I—” The words catch in my throat, and I sputter. “I…just, please. Please say you’ll give me another chance. I love you. Please, just—”
“Yes,” she whispers.
A sob wracks my chest. “Yes?”
“Yes.” Tessa holds out her left hand and spreads her fingers.
I giggle, I can’t help it. I fumble with the box and the ring, and finally separate the two. I slide the ring on her finger. “For real?” I ask.
Tessa nods, laughing. I launch myself at her, and she kisses me until I almost pass out.
“When?” she says against my lips.
I roll her under me and stare down at her beautiful face. Her beautiful soul. “Whenever you’ll have me. Dr. Rumson will perform the service whenever we’re ready.”
She buries her head in my neck. “We still have issues to discuss,” she mumbles. Then she lifts h
er head. “You have to promise me that you will never, ever, ever again keep a secret from me. Except for gifts. You’re allowed to keep those a secret.”
I smile. “I promise.”
“I mean it, Thomas,” she says. “Even if you think it’s for my own good. I have to trust that you’re being honest with me.”
“I promise,” I say again.
Tessa wiggles to sit up. “So let’s start right now. Is there anything, even a little tiny thing, that I should know?”
I sit up beside her and rub my neck. “One thing, and it’s not little. My dad’s dying.”
Tessa cocks her head. “He’s sick?”
“No. Dwellers don’t have long life spans. Fifty years seems to be the average. He has about a year left.”
“You’ll fix that,” she says.
I sigh. “I don’t have a clue how. Even if I started working on it now, I doubt I could figure it out in time.”
Tessa grabs my face in her hands and forces me to look at her. “You will fix it, you hear me? This is the top priority. Forget Huntington’s and focus on your dad.”
“I can’t,” I say. “You might have some time, but your mom doesn’t.”
She drops her hands. “Right. Well, at least start thinking about it. Postulate, or theorize, or whatever it is you do. You guys are making bank in the lab—why don’t Kate and Kenneth hire someone? You need help.”
I think about that. “I might know someone.”
“Good,” she says. “‘Cause I expect your dad to walk me down the aisle.”
***
Tessa and I stumble out to the living room, our arms wrapped around each other. Neither of us wants to let go.
Dad and Erica are on the couch, sharing a piece of chocolate cake with one fork. We watch Erica lean in and lick a bit of chocolate off the corner of Dad’s mouth.
Um.
I hang back, embarrassed, but Tessa marches forward and stands before them. She holds out her left hand.
Erica freezes, the fork halfway to her mouth. Then she turns to Dad. “Did you know about this?”