by L Kirk
My father was tackled to the ground and detained. I went down on my knees hard and the pain bled into an icy chill. Paul was above me but all I could see was Clara’s face.
At least I had her for a little while.
Then, my world went black.
***
Clara
There were loud bangs, shouting, and gun shots. Today was the day. The drop had to have happened by now. I looked over at the digital display of the clock and it read nine in the morning. They were supposed to have the drop at eight. It had been an hour. I looked from the door to the closet. Then there was slamming against my door. I screamed and darted towards the closet. Rationally I knew that it wouldn’t stop them, but it would give me a few moments to get ready to fight. Paul told me to fight and I was going to fight for all that I was worth. I heard the door crack then break off. The crashing of it hitting the ground made me jump. I slowly rose up to my feet, and started to walk towards the closet doors. I wasn’t going to pin myself in.
“Clara. Shit! Clara! It’s Todd!”
Todd. It was Todd. I let out an ugly sob. Tears were running down my cheeks and I exploded through the door. Todd turned at the sound, surrounded by men in gear that read CIA in big yellow lettering.
It was over.
I knew that I was falling. I was going to hit the ground. Before that could happen, Todd got to me and pulled me up in his arms.
“Fuck, Clara, I got you!” He lifted me up in his arms and carried me out. Down the elevator I just curled up in his arms until we were in a car.
It wasn’t moving yet and it gave me some time to get myself straight. Todd was petting me. I felt silly in that moment and I pulled from him.
“Dax?”
“I need to get the call from my dad, then I know for sure it’s clear and we can go home.”
“NO! I want to see him now! I need to, I don’t know, I need to feel him!” I knew I was being irrational and stupid but I wouldn’t be safe until I was in his arms and I knew all this bullshit with his dad was fucking over.
“Clara, listen. He is in a way dangerous situation. I can’t call my dad until─” His phone rang and he cursed as he reached for it. He seemed to relax. “It’s my dad.”
“I got her.” He paused and I heard shouting on the other end of the line. Todd suddenly went very pale, “Fuck,” he whispered. “Yeah, I’ll get us there. Just, Dad, take care of it.” He hung up.
“What?”
I watched Todd’s throat contract. He wouldn’t make eye contact. A pain like no other enveloped my chest and a pained sound like a dying animal came out of me. I knew I was curling into myself.
“No! Clara. Fuck! Stay with me! He’s alive! Dax was stabbed and he’s on his way to the hospital! Please, fucking focus.” He was shaking me. I knew that I was screaming. I could hear the muffled sound of it as if I was underwater. “Clara! You’re no help to him like this! Get your shit together and let’s get our asses to the hospital!”
He was right. I knew he was so right but I was lost in my pain of possibly losing him. Once my breathing was under control. I nodded “Get us there.”
“On it, babe!”
He pealed out of the parking lot and into L.A. traffic, getting us to USC Medical Center.
Chapter Nineteen
Clara
Todd and I both raced into the hospital. He stopped long enough to ask what level Dax was on as I slammed onto the elevator. He was there as the doors slipped open, hit the button for the right floor, grabbed my shoulders and pulled me against him.
“He’s going to be okay. He’s built like a fucking tank, Clara.”
I couldn’t talk. I just wanted to see him. Once I saw he was breathing and surviving I could think about other functions of my body again. Right now it was about Dax and his survival. As the doors slipped open I could see Paul in the distance. Blood covered his hands and he was just standing looking down at them.
“Dad!”
He looked up and saw both of us. The man looked—defeated. Shit. Shit. Shit. All these powerful men were reduced to nothing in the face of all this chaos. My knees wobbled and Todd took my hand, pulling me over to Paul. He reached for me and pulled me into a tight hug.
“I’m so sorry, Clara. I promised.”
“It’s not your fault. You’re not a god.”
“No, you’re right.” He pulled back and looked down at me. “But I’m a real world superhero and I failed.”
“Is he—?” Shit. I couldn’t finish.
“He’s in surgery. He got dug into pretty bad, lost a lot of blood and was out for awhile before the ambulance got there. We controlled it the best we could, mended him up, but─”
I gripped his arm. “Please, don’t lose it. I don’t know what I would do if you lost it. I’m barely keeping it together.”
He pulled me back into a hug and brought us into the waiting room. Once he had me seated he went and cleaned himself up. I just stared at the floor. Every time I saw a nurse or doctor I got up. But each one passed by. My legs were bouncing and my hands tangled in front of me. Todd finally got fed up and grabbed my hands. When Paul came back he was hanging up his phone and he looked more put together. He squatted in front of me.
“That was your dad.”
“You called my dad?” I groaned.
Paul nudged my chin. “Even though you’re eighteen doesn’t exempt you from parental guidance. We called him the night you were taken, he’s been at your house this whole time. We all agree that it would be best if you went with your father for the Christmas break.”
“What? NO!” I started to get up. I could feel panic. My heart started to race and I wanted to go hide somewhere. “I’m not leaving Dax, not now! He’s not going to think I care about him! I need him to know!”
Paul was patient with me, shoving me back in the chair. “You have to. We have to make sure all Marcus’s men were rounded up and you aren’t in danger. The moment Dax is up and about I’ll send him to you. You might even be back before he’s recovered. But it is for the best you have family.”
I looked back and forth between him and Todd. “But, your, I mean Dax—you’re family.”
“No, Clara. Your dad needs you and you need him.”
I thought about it. It would be good to see him. Be in some place I knew.
“Shannon is going with you,” Todd broke in.
I looked up at Todd, who was giving me this horrible, pained smile.
“Okay, I’ll go. Under one condition. I’m allowed to wait for Dax to be out of surgery and tell him goodbye, awake or not.”
Paul winked. “Deal.”
He got to his feet and started for the door. “Anyone want coffee?”
“Me.” Todd and I answered at once.
He left without another word.
***
Five hours.
Dax was in surgery for five hours. My dad had shown up around the two-hour mark.
I’d taken to pacing at this point. No one could calm me or get me to sit still. Finally Paul grabbed my hand and took me on a little walk outside. It didn’t help. My mind, body, and soul was back in that stark, sterile building with Dax Trenton. Arrogant, cocky, overly self-assured Dax Trenton, who was no doubt fighting for his life on an operating table. I’d stopped crying hours ago. Around the time my dad had shown up, pulled me into a huge hug and apologized for leaving me alone. For not insisting that I do my semester there with him. For not being the parent I needed.
I’d asked him then. If he knew the whole time about what happened to my mother and Dax. His jaw ticked and he said nothing. It was clear. At that time I’d just nodded.
Now I was inside my own head screaming at the top of my lungs and no one even looked up—or noticed.
“He’s a fighter, Clara. He always has been.”
Paul stopped trying to comfort me with hugs and fatherly kissing on top of my head. He’d taken to reassuring me with words. It was all so empty at this point. The only thing that would bring m
e back to Earth and make me believe that Dax could survive was seeing him alive, awake, and saying the “f” word. Yep, I needed the “f” word so bad right now. We were heading down a path around the hospital and I turned around abruptly. “I’m going back.”
“Wait, Clara.” I could hear him curse as I scurried down the path back to those glass double doors.
My reflection flashed back at me before I pulled it open, and Todd came skidding to a stop around the corner. I held my breath. I knew I was holding it. It wasn’t something unconscious. I physically sucked in my breath hoping that it would make the news good. Todd’s aqua eyes flashed towards me. “He’s out of surgery. He made it.”
“Oh my god!” I took off towards Todd. He was bracing himself for impact but I dodged right around him and went for the emergency set of stairs and ran up. Damn, I was out of shape but the elevators always seemed to take way too long when I was attempting to get to the love of my life. I ran around the corner of the waiting room and my dad was pacing. He looked up at me and gave me a weak smile. Dax was out of surgery but that didn’t mean he was in the clear.
I walked over cautiously to the man I called father, coming to a stop right in front of him. “Well?”
He cleared his throat. “He made it through surgery. Apparently his father dug and twisted a few times before he was stopped. They patched him up pretty good but he’s in ICU now. Only family is allowed so that’s Todd and Paul.”
Anger flashed read hot. “What?” I went to step around my father but strong hands landed on my right shoulder. A glance over my shoulder showed me Paul had finally caught up to me. His jaw worked as he tried to contain his own composure. I eased off on my rage a bit and turned to face Paul.
“Be patient. Go get something to eat with your father and I’ll be down to get you soon.”
I nodded.
I didn’t feel like talking. Then again, I knew that if I opened my mouth I would scream how I deserved to be the one with him, maybe even say something I regret. My dad tried to touch me but I shifted out of his reach.
They were kidding themselves if they all thought I was going to actually consume food at this point. I took small sips of my bottled water and sucked on some fruit that tasted more like those plastic fake fruits you bought at Pier 1. My father tried to make conversation but I would look down at my phone. I really wasn’t trying to avoid him—okay, I was a little bit. But I was also trying to see if Todd or Paul shot me a text because they’d pulled some strings.
Honestly I didn’t know what I would do if they didn’t let me into his room. I would pull a full-on covert operation to get into that fucking ICU. I would play sister, wife, anything. I felt my father tense more than saw him. I glanced up through my lashes and saw him looking behind me. His gaze shifted to mine. “Go.”
I opened my mouth to say something and turned around to see Paul filling up the doorway of the cafeteria. He nodded and I tripped over myself to get to him. I was worried it was a dream or some delusion I was making up as I sat here.
Did I fall asleep?
When I reached Paul he grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the room and quickly towards the elevators.
“No—too long,” I nearly sobbed.
He didn’t look at me. “Patience.” It was sharp and aggressive and I couldn’t help but submit to the demand.
When we reached the ICU wing, there was a huge door with a button and camera looking down at who came to the door.
“Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain,” I murmured.
Paul heard and snorted, “Nice.”
I shrugged and he hit the button.
“Father and wife.”
My eyes went wide as I looked up at him and he grinned. The automatic doors swished open slowly and I took a step back. Paul’s hand came to rest on my lower back and he shoved me in. “Room 3.” Then he turned and left.
The sound of my sneakers squeaking on the clean flooring nearly had me screaming. I wanted people to know my rage, my pain, and everything I felt in that moment. I came to room number three on my left. On my right was a bank of windows that held nurses constantly monitoring what was happening in each room. Slowly I eased around the corner and I collapsed. I pressed my palm over my mouth to muffle the agony that exploded from me.
Seeing Dax Trenton so totally broken had my heart tearing to pieces. I felt soft hands on my shoulders and I turned and looked up into the smiling face of a pretty blonde nurse. She had a spattering of freckles over her nose and her blue eyes held understanding. Not pity. Not disgust. Just a full understanding of everything I was feeling in that moment. She crouched in front of me and took my hand in hers—the one that wasn’t still clapped over my mouth trying to keep my scream locked inside.
“He can hear you. And it will make him come back to you.” The nurse’s voice was soft, and seemed to lilt like a song.
The pain stayed, but reasoning shifted back into place. My shaky hand came away from my mouth. I sniffed a few times and scrubbed away my tears. God, I had to be a mess by this point. She gave me a comforting smile and I walked towards Dax like a zombie.
He was pale. Needles were stuck into his arms, and something went down his throat to help his chest rise and fall. I reached for his hand, then pulled back. I fisted my hand and let it out. “Fuck you, Dax!” My voice was loud enough where I knew people heard me. But I didn’t stop there. I was letting it all out. “How dare you do this to us? You are supposed to come out of this! You deserve life just as much as the rest of us. You had to be this stubborn, arrogant little shit that just ran right into the face of danger and got yourself stabbed. Why? What the fuck did that even prove?” I stopped, closing my eyes and getting a hold of myself. I reached out blindly and took hold of his hand. I squeezed it so hard because I wanted him to feel it. Actually I really wanted to hit him but I knew that would get me in trouble. But Dax responded to stuff like that. Pain. Because just like John Green wrote, Pain demanded to be felt.
Then I felt it. He squeezed back. His heart monitor jumped up. My eyes flew open but he was just lying there, unmoving. Rules be damned. I squeezed onto the bed with him. I was careful of everything attached to him and I rested my head on his chest and really felt his heart ticking away for him.
“Please don’t break me, Dax Trenton.”
I fell asleep right there. The exhaustion of the past week finally took its toll on me. It was dark out when Todd came to carefully shake me awake. It was time to go. I didn’t want to but Paul and Todd convinced me that the moment Dax opened his eyes they would call me. But I had to go to England and keep myself safe because Dax would kill everyone if I was hurt and it could’ve been prevented.
It was with a broken heart and soul that I left that hospital. Later the next day Shannon and I boarded a plane to London with my father.
Chapter Twenty
Clara
It was three days after Christmas, I held the phone to my ear and it just kept on ringing. Dax’s cocky drawl dripped through the phone telling you to leave your digits so he could get head later. Then I tried Todd. His more reserved swagger picked up on the voicemail and I threw my phone on the bed. No one had called since they checked in the day after I got here to let me know Dax was being just as stubborn about recovery as he was everything else. After that—not a word.
I was still standoffish with my father and spent most of my time either in my room with earphones in, no music playing, or at Starbucks with my laptop in front of me, earphones in, and no music playing. Shannon tried to engage me constantly but I wasn’t having it. I realized I was being pathetic and silly. But it was edging on New Years’ Day and not a word from anyone. As I stared down at my phone I knew in that moment I’d had enough. Snatching it up and packing up a light bag, I flicked on my computer and went about getting me a one-way ticket back to the States.
I made sure I had my passport and jogged down the stairs. My dad was sipping coffee reading the paper and Shannon was dancing around the kitchen makin
g breakfast.
“I’m going back.”
My dad’s head jerked up at that. He got to his feet. It was then he noticed the bag and my look of determination. His jaw worked and I nearly laughed hysterically. It reminded me so much of the men that I trusted who now were betraying me worse than anything ever had. Even beyond Marcus killing my mother.
“No. You need to think about this, Clara.”
“I have, and I’m going back. No one is calling, this is bullshit.” I turned to Shannon, who had gotten really still, just looking at me with shock on her face and a glimmer in her eyes. She was proud.
“Finally,” she smirked and went back to eggs.
“No, not finally. You aren’t going back there until I get the clear from Paul.”
I rolled my eyes. “Oh please, Dad. Don’t you get it? You aren’t going to get the clear. You aren’t going to get shit. They shoved us off to the good ole’ UK and called it good. We were a burden, a liability. They got rid of us and are going about their day. Well, fuck that, Dad. I just got Dax back. I’m not letting Paul or anyone else keep us apart.”
He went to protest but I turned and headed out the front door. The car I called for hadn’t shown up yet. I sat on the front steps of his flat and it didn’t take long for it to come cruising around the corner.
“Come on, Clara. I’ll take you.”
I looked back at him before I slipped into the cab. “I have to do this all on my own. It’s my life they are messing with. I love you.” I dropped into the seat and shut the door.
I swear it was the longest flight of my life. I mean, the flight to and from the UK was long but the layover in New York was painful—six hours. I was ready to murder someone when I jumped from my seat when the all clear was given at the Ontario International Airport. I only had the one carry-on so I raced through the airport and caught a taxi. He was driving unsafe and fast. Good. When we finally pulled up to my dark house, the one next door was just as dark. I swallowed. No cars were in the drive. No motorcycles out front. I dropped my bag on the front lawn and walked over in a daze.