by Oxford, Rain
I remembered when Mother’s first husband would hold me down, light matches, and press them against my skin. I remembered when he held me in the scorching hot bath water. I remembered when Jacob and his friends tortured me on the fourth of July. I really did have a terrible childhood. I imagined all that heat and forced it all into the little bag. My insides grew hot, and it wasn’t because Divina was standing next to me. I started squirming and my concentration faltered.
“No. Keep going,” she insisted.
I started hyperventilating and sweating, but I forced my eyes to stay closed and my concentration to stay on the heat and bag. “It’s too hot,” I said, my voice weak. My throat was dry and hot.
“You’re heating the energy in you; you need to push it into the bag more.” She put her hand in mine for encouragement.
I tried harder to push the heat away. For a few seconds, it just grew hotter, but then it slowly subsided. I focused on the heat and pushing it away, and then when I felt myself growing weaker, I pulled in energy as I pushed it out.
“More,” she said.
I tried harder. It was easier to focus; my mind blocked out everything else on its own. I opened my eyes and glared at the bag. Though I was dizzy, I wasn’t able to move.
“More,” she repeated.
I closed my eyes again and tried even harder. I had to do it. I had to do magic well to protect my book; my world. Vivian.
I remembered getting dressed in the winter. I had to dress in front of the fireplace because it was so cold. Jacob pushed me into the metal fire guard. Who would have ever guessed it was hot? I remembered when the basement floor was wet when we had an electrical problem. I remembered the Roman Candle that malfunctioned. I even remembered the spicy food contest with three of my friends.
I can do this. I will do this.
I added all the heat that I could remember well and forced it into the little white bag full of dried acid and explosives.
“Enough. Stop,” she said.
I tried to shut out the pain and think of something else, like Divina’s scent and the tone of her voice, which I didn’t understand. I stopped pulling the energy in, but it kept coming. The heat was rising again in me and I was shaking. Breathing was difficult as my heart beat way too fast.
“Stop,” she repeated with more urgency.
“I’m trying,” I growled. If I think of something cold, it might undo what I did. Her scent wasn’t doing enough. I didn’t like trying to force the energy away; it felt wrong. When I clenched my fists, trying to stop the flow, the heat grew stronger. That was good, though, it meant it was working. It had to work. If I can make something happen, I sure as hell can make it stop.
I thought of how I upset Divina in the woods, how she was so upset when talking about Ronez. She had to understand death. Finally, the heat started to fade and the energy stopped coming, so I was able to release it harmlessly. When my shaking and sweating decreased, I turned to Divina.
She considered the bag with something between awe and sadness. “You are very powerful,” she said. Her tone wasn’t reassuring.
“You wanted me to put more power in it.” I was still trying to catch my breath, but at least my heartbeat was mostly back to normal.
“I didn’t think you could. I thought the first day I met you that you would be very powerful and dangerous when trained… But you might possibly be even more dangerous untrained.”
I sighed. “Look, I’m a Guardian now; I have to be powerful in order to protect my book. I’m not some faulty bomb.” Everybody always thought I was a freak or dangerous. Things would happen since I was a little child no matter how much I tried to hide it. Mother would tell people I was a demon. I even had to transfer to a new school several times after the students started spreading lies about me.
I didn’t want Divina or Edward to look at me that way. Not here, where I should be considered normal if not boring.
“I know. That’s not what I’m trying to say. Okay, it is what I’m trying to say, but I know you’re not… I don’t think you’re going to lose yourself the first time you face an opponent.”
“Why don’t you think so?” I asked, observing her reaction carefully. She shrugged and her expression became indecipherable again, as if an invisible wall just came up between her mind and body. I filed that away for future reference. “I’m not trying to get powerful and take on all the big guys. I would really love it if I never have to fight anyone or even have to use the power. I just want to be ready in case I do have to.”
“And Kiro and I are both trying to help you. Don’t worry about my suspicions; I don’t think you’re a faulty bomb.”
“And Edward? Does he think I’m going to freak out and destroy everything?”
“He puts more trust in his apprentices than he ever had in his children. In fact, I think he puts more thought into taking an apprentice than having a child. If he fears for your wellbeing, he’ll do everything in his power to help you. Kiro follows his instincts and his heart, so the way he took you as his apprentice tells me something.”
“Yeah, well, Anakin was good until he was trained,” I said. She frowned, obviously never having watched “Star Wars”. “Never mind. You magic people really need television.”
“Electricity is very unstable around magic energy.” She placed the pinched opening of the bag against her wrist and with the other hand, drew her fingers across her wrist as if adjusting a string. When she raised her arm, it hung there, attached by the absent string. I wanted her to show me that trick. She examined the bag with a bright grin. “You really did a good job. Kiro told me about how you controlled water accurately on the first try. Nobody gets it right the first time. I think your power is why you’re so unlucky.”
Before I could ask what she meant, Edward came in.
“We’ll be arriving early.” He frowned at the little bag on Divina’s wrist. “Did you let him try at all?” he asked.
“He did it on his own,” she said. He gave her a skeptical stare. “No, I’m serious. I told him what to do and he did it. He’s very good at spells.”
“He seems to be very good with magic in general. Come with me,” he said to me. He left before I could ask why and I had to run after him with Divina following slowly behind. Instead of going up to the deck, we headed further down until we came to a set of doors.
The room we entered looked like a large armory with a wide practice area and weapons all over the walls and shelves. Edward went over to one of the walls, pulled down two swords, and tossed one to me, which I caught barely in time to save my foot from certain skewering. I suddenly realized what Edward had in mind and held the sword out for Divina to take.
“Pass,” I said. She grinned and leaned against the wall. I looked at Edward, hoping he was joking. “Seriously. I’m not good with sharp objects.”
“Or explosives,” Divina added cheerfully. “At least try.”
“I’ll go very easy on you,” Edward said.
I set the very heavy, long, and sharp object down as carefully as I could and shook my head. “No, thank you.”
“Pick it up. I won’t hurt you,” he sighed.
“I’m not worried about you hurting me, or your sword. I have a scar from a plastic butter knife! I will do whatever magic you tell me to, but this is begging for trouble, and trouble is easily persuaded. This room can have me dead so fast… And then there’d be no Guardian for my book.”
Divina picked up my sword and approached Edward. “I’ll play you while the kid builds his confidence.” Divina raised the sword but Edward lowered his. The color of her shirt slowly lightened.
He frowned. “I can’t fight you; you’re a woman.”
Divina just grinned. “Prove it.” She attacked so fast that Edward barely had time to block.
He shoved her off and struck so fast his sword practically disappeared, but she was no longer there; she was behind him. Her sword swiped at his legs but he rolled forward and without any pause, tried to sweep her legs ou
t from under her. She jumped back and brought her sword down, aimed at his chest. His sword deflected hers into the wood about half an inch from his skin. He pushed his legs up to kick her, which she avoided, and he used the force to kind of throw himself onto his feet.
They circled each other, maintaining eye contact the entire time. I was extremely distracted by the fact that Divina’s shirt had changed from pure black to deep cherry.
“You may one day end up fighting for your life without the use of magic,” Edward said. While he was looking at Divina, I knew he was speaking to me. “Hopefully, your enemy would not have a gun.”
Hopefully.
“Swordplay is a battle of seeing without looking,” Divina said. “It doesn’t matter how big your sword is, as long as it isn’t much smaller than your opponent’s. A bigger sword would just wear you out faster.”
“Your greatest weapon is the one you are most familiar with.” Edward switched his sword to his other hand. “Ronez could win a bar fight against ten men with a bent fork and a boot, but he never left his house without a knife of some form. Whether it’s a whip, a dagger, a battle axe, or a bow, everyone trained to fight will have a preference. Whatever yours is, you will eventually go up against someone who has something more dangerous, but you have to know your strengths, because even a gun is worthless if you cannot use it. Magic is not a weapon.”
“Anything is a weapon,” Divina disagreed, “including distractions.” A small twitch of her hand was the only warning before every candle burst alive with bright flames. They both attacked simultaneously.
Divina tried to stay on his left but he was fast enough to keep her in front. Though she kept moving back and forth from right to left predictably, he didn’t fall for it. Divina wouldn’t have made it so easy, and Edward knew that. His sword would strike across and she would back up before rushing forward; his sword was too long and he’d have to step back, where she’d be ready to strike him with her fist. Her sword somehow became stuck in the wooden floor and I hoped to god there was another level below.
She was faster, but he was fast enough. He realized when I did that she’d backed him into a corner. He dropped his sword and raised his arms to block his face and the second her hands slowed from a blur, he threw himself forward and went down on top on her. She raised her hands to block her face and throat, so he went for her gut. She wormed herself onto her side and put her legs up to keep off her back. With a forceful grunt and then growl, she was able to roll over, bring Edward down, and stop on top of him. Instead of blocking his face, he grabbed her arms to hold them away from him. Edward was stronger, Divina was faster, and Edward did not like to hit women.
Edward shoved his legs up and she went rolling off, but he didn’t let her hands go. He sat up, twisting her arms around, and pulled her into his arms, still holding her wrists. He wrapped his arms around her and she squirmed, but couldn’t break his grip. He said something in Sudo and by his tone, I knew was mocking her, probably asking her if she gives up.
She leaned back and threw her leg up. In order to avoid it, he leaned to the other side, where her elbow went into his face with audible contact. He let go of her and they both broke off and ran to different racks of equipment. Divina grabbed an axe and threw it at him, but he grabbed a shield in time to block it. The axe dug a good couple of inches deep.
Edward dropped the shield and they dived for their swords. An instant later, they were both at each other’s throats… literally. The guard of Edward’s sword prevented Divina’s blade from reaching his throat and her guard blocked his blade; both swords were inches from their necks.
After a few seconds, Edward’s strength won and Divina was shoved back. She ducked under his sword and kicked him in what I hoped for his sake was his gut. His feet left the ground as he was shoved back several feet, where he landed on his back. Divina jumped and repeated her sword-to-the-chest attack, but when he moved his sword to block it, he cleared the way for her to bring her elbow down on his solar plexus. His fierce growl turned into a pained grunt and he pushed her off. She stood up and held out her hand to help him up, but he was already climbing to his feet. They both breathed heavily and Divina beamed at me.
“I warmed him up for you. Your turn,” she said. Her crimson shirt began to return to black.
“I don’t think so,” I said, trying to get my eyes back in my skull.
She crowded me with her insanely beautiful and persuasive smile. “Would you fight for me?” She tried to hand me the sword. I pushed it and her hand away.
“Not Edward, I won’t.”
She grabbed my hand and wrapped it around hers on the sword, then leaned into me very close. Her cheek brushed mine and my mind went foggy. Her chest was pressed very softly against mine and her body heat called to me to pull her closer. “Please,” she whispered in my ear, her voice low pitched. Her lips very lightly brushed my cheek and it was very hard to concentrate on her words; her voice was mesmerizing.
“Okay.” With her soft body against mine, there was nothing I could refuse her. Suddenly the sword was in my shaking hand, her heat was gone, and I was being shoved toward Edward, who had caught his breath. I looked from the sword in my hand to Edward. “Wait, what?!” I cried.
Edward laughed lightly and raised his sword. I turned my head, squeezed my eyes shut, and raised my sword slowly to block myself. I could feel him approach slowly, ominously. His sword tapped me gently on my completely unprotected legs and that brought on the shaking. There was a sound of clattering metal.
“Relax, kid,” Edward said.
“I am relaxed,” I lied, shaking harder. Despite my aversion to be called a kid, I would take any way out I could get. “Please don’t stab me.”
“Look at what you’re doing.”
I slowly opened my eyes and looked around. The clattering metal was from the weapons on the walls, all shaking with me. It was very creepy. I shook harder.
“Release your energy or control it.”
Since all my control was focused on bodily functions, I released most of my energy as quickly as I could. The weapons stopped shivering. “Great lesson. Can I go now?”
“How do you expect to duel with magic if you can’t duel with the sword? How do you expect to handle magic fearlessly if you can’t use a weapon?”
“I can’t slip and cut my throat open with magic. I’ll just use a gun; it’ll hurt less.” My sound logic was met with his unsympathetic patience. The sword was very heavy, but I lifted it.
Edward rolled his eyes and lowered his sword. “What did you learn from watching Divina and me fight?”
“Duranians are super fast and don’t piss off Divina.” He gave me an exasperated sigh. “I think a shield would be more helpful when the other person has a throwing weapon. And you reacted slower when she was on your left.”
He turned to glare at Divina before looking back at me. “And what does that mean you should do when fighting? Other people than us, I mean.”
I considered it for a moment. “That you should always let someone else fight first; you can see that person’s weaknesses and moves.”
He sighed. “Close. You should usually let someone else fight first. Fighting is never honorable, and it can almost always be avoided, but there are a few customary rules. Never let a child or woman fight your battles unless it is for the sake of your book; then you do whatever you have to, to ensure its safety. If you were not a Guardian, I would tell you to defend women and children’s lives, honor, and rights, and to seek revenge on a murdered loved one, but you have to protect your book and your own life so you can protect your book. And whatever you do, do not agree to a fight because a woman asks you real nicely.”
I could hear Divina laughing behind me, but I was too ashamed to look at her. “Can I---”
“No, you cannot back out of the fight unless it is for the sake of your book.” He smirked and patted his bag. “And I have your book safe at my side.” He raised his sword again, then tossed it aside and indicated wi
th his head for me to do the same. I did… and he raised his fists.
“God…” He gave me his ‘not amused’ stare again. “Sorry, God’s little helper.” I slowly advanced with my fists raised. At least I knew how to fist fight; I never would have survived boarding school without learning to, but I’d never fought an alien before. I won a lot by getting so clumsy I’d end up taking me and my opponent down. Maybe I’d get lucky and trip him up with me. Alas, I am not a lucky person.
I stopped a few feet from him. After a second, he dropped his fists. I leaned in and took a shot at his face as quickly as I could, but he stepped aside. I took another swipe at him and again; he dodged it.
“I hope this isn’t how you fight for a girl,” he said. “Did you never have to defend a girlfriend?”
Nope. I ignored his taunting and kept punching in his direction. I knew he was ultimately trying to help me, but I wished I could convince Divina to leave.
“I know you can’t beat me, but at least try. You had to have been in fights before. Did you ever fight your stepbrother?”
The memory of Jacob shoving me into the freezing bathtub, trying to drown me, popped into my head. I was lucky enough to stab him in the throat with a toothbrush to get him off me. As the vivid memory faded, I realized that I had barreled into Edward and was going down on top, the same way I had with my stepbrother. Except I didn’t have a toothbrush.
I froze with embarrassment. His eyes were wide with surprise that I tried to ignore as I rolled off and stood. “Sorry.”
He got to his feet slowly. “Do not apologize for defeating me. I just didn’t think…” His voice was thick with disbelief, which was annoying. While I was just as shocked as him, it would have been nice if he gave me the benefit of the doubt.
“I didn’t really defeat you; you would have just moved out of the way. I didn’t know I was going to do that anymore than you did.”
“That is exactly the point. The fact is that you did win, and you did so because you gave absolutely no sign you were about to attack. You did… well enough,” he said doubtfully.