by TJ Klune
“I think you’re stupid,” she retorted.
“Word play. Nice. I approve.”
“You are still foolish, chava. No amount of time will cure you of that.”
“I’d like to think I’m a work in progress.”
“You have them?”
“What?”
“The dragons.”
“Yes,” I said slowly.
Vadoma nodded. “Good. You will need them. And you must not let him take you. If he should consume your magic, he will control them too. I think that’s what he wanted, in the end. Your magic, it radiates from you. But it will attract attention, as all power does. He will see you. And he will come for you.”
“I’ll be ready.”
“Why now?”
“What?”
“Why have you returned now?”
“Because it was time.” Mostly. Partially. Okay, sure, GW wanted to wait a while longer, and yeah, that argument had been very loud, but I was tired of being in the forest, tired of seeing trees and grass and leaves and stupid dragon faces. I wanted to go home. I wanted a real bed, real food, real people that I was worried about. It was… hazy, almost dreamlike, my time in the Dark Woods with the Great White and the others. There were days that would go by in a flash, weeks passing without me acknowledging them, only for me to later realize in a slow, dawning horror that a month had gone by.
And then there would be days that would just crawl, my teeth grinding together as magic coursed through me, as GW loomed above us all, snarling and snapping his teeth as I made mistake after mistake after mistake. Days of me hunched over my Grimoire, hand aching as I wrote feverishly, scrawling page after page, mind expanding at the thought of all the types of magic there could be. It must have been the same for Randall, except that Myrin had pulled him away and distracted him. The Great White must have hated that, in the end.
“Foolish business, cornerstones,” he’d rumble from somewhere above me. “A wizard must learn to control his own magic and not put faith in the strength of others.”
Part of me wanted to believe him.
That was the part that saw Ryan, blood leaking from his chest, head slumped forward, skin pale, breath shallow.
That was the part made up of my nightmares.
“And how did you know it was time?” Vadoma asked.
“How did you know it was time to come to Castle Lockes when you did?”
“I just knew.”
“There you go.”
“I worry.”
Great. Just great. “About what?”
“The prophecy. About what I saw. What I showed you.”
“We don’t know how much of that was real. How much was you, or the gods, or Ruv playing all of us.”
She nodded slowly. “This is true. But Sam, I don’t know that it matters. You saw him as clear as day. Ryan, your cornerstone, the life taken from him, his body cold. He escaped death once, but I fear that won’t happen again. I know you think my magic false, that I am nothing but a street magician, but I promise you, that isn’t the case. I worry it may come to pass. That Ryan Foxheart will meet his end in order for the prophecy to be fulfilled.”
“But you were wrong,” I told her stiffly. “It wasn’t Ryan. It was Morgan. Morgan is who lay upon the stone. It was never supposed to be Ryan. It was a trick. A sleight of hand. Either by you. Or Ruv. Or the gods. But it doesn’t matter now. I don’t trust any of you.”
She blew out another plume of smoke. It hung heavy about her head. “Or maybe Morgan’s fate was hidden from me and what we saw has not yet come to pass. You cannot dismiss it, Sam. Or you run the risk of losing everything you love. The Knight will fall. Nothing you can do will stop it, if that’s what the gods demand.”
“Are you done?”
She chuckled bitterly. “I was wrong. About you.”
“You were.”
I left her there on the porch, smoking her pipe. And as I walked away, I could feel her gaze following every step I took.
KEVIN WAS groaning as he rolled around in Gary’s scarves.
I almost turned around and headed back to the Dark Woods.
Somehow, I was able to stop myself.
“Really?”
“I don’t judge anything weird you do,” he said, bringing up a scarf to his nostrils and inhaling deeply.
“Uh, yeah you do. You do it all the time.”
“Oh. Well. There you go.”
“You’re a dick.”
He shrugged. “I do not disagree.”
“Legit, dude. Not cool.”
“Don’t be jealous because you don’t have anything of your beloved to sniff yet. Do you want one of Gary’s scarves? I’ll only watch a little bit.”
“All that time in the woods, and I still don’t know why you are the way you are.”
“I like what I like, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.”
“You should be,” I insisted. “You should be so ashamed and—wow, they were not kidding. It looks like drag queens were massacred in here.”
And it did. The floor of the large barn was covered in sections of bright purple shag carpeting. There were dozens of feather boas and scarves hanging on one far wall, a few missing for reasons I didn’t want to focus on. There was a large bed of hay at one end, built as a nest of sorts that I knew Tiggy and Gary slept on, a large blanket folded on a chair next to it. In another corner were dozens of brooms in all shapes and sizes, haphazardly placed for easy access.
In the middle of the barn, hanging from the ceiling, was a large mirror ball.
“Godsdamn, these fuckers are amazing,” I mumbled.
“Aren’t they?” Kevin said, a blue scarf still hanging from his claws.
“You know he probably took the time to grab all of this stuff while they were supposed to be fleeing the castle.”
“Yeah,” Kevin sighed dreamily. “He really does it for me.”
“Ugh.”
“Oh please, like you don’t know my feelings for your mother.”
“He’s not my mother—shit.”
“What?”
I winced. “Your hoard. They must have had to leave your hoard behind. Dude, I’m so sorry. We’ll get it back. Maybe. Hopefully.”
Kevin cocked his head at me. “I don’t understand.”
“Your hoard,” I said slowly, sure that Kevin’s brains must have shot out of his dick along with his spunk. “That was in the castle.”
“Oh, that. I suppose. I don’t know how much I care about material things.”
I stared at him. “You’re a dragon. Material things are what you mostly care about.”
He rolled his eyes. “I have part of my hoard right here. And I expect more of it will be here soon.”
I was confused, looking around to see any of Kevin’s treasures that I might have missed. There was nothing. “I don’t understand.”
“You, Sam. You’re part of my hoard. Your parents are in the house next door. And Gary and Tiggy and Ryan and Justin, they’ll be coming home tomorrow or the next day, or so I’ve heard.”
“But—I don’t… hoards are supposed to be your most precious things!”
“I know.”
“And that—you just—we’re part of your hoard?”
“Always quick on the uptake, Sam is. It’s what I always tell people.”
“Dude,” I demanded. “I have such a godsdamn heart boner right now, you don’t even know. Pick me up because we need to hug!”
And he did just that. I tried not to think about what his hand had recently been doing, because that was causing my heart boner to wilt.
I took his snout in my hands as he nuzzled my face. “If I was a dragon, you’d be in my hoard too.”
He growled low in his throat, something he did when he was happy. “You would make a good dragon, I think. Maybe even a great one.”
I lay my head between the slits of his nose. His breath was hot against my skin. “I’m still scared. A little.”
“Of them coming back?�
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I shrugged, not looking at him.
“They will be angry.”
My shoulders sagged.
“And they are probably going to yell at us.”
I sighed.
“And they may not forgive us for a long time.”
“Great,” I muttered. “That’s just swell.”
“But it’ll only be so because they love us so much.”
“Yeah?”
He hummed in response.
“We did the right thing.” I knew I was trying to convince myself, and I didn’t know if it was working.
“We did.”
“Even if it started out because I was running away.”
“Even if.”
“And we’ll let them yell.”
“We will.”
“And we’ll take it because maybe we deserve it.”
“We’ll take it so hard.”
“Shut up. But in the end, it’ll be okay, because it has to be. And even if Ryan and Justin have accidentally fallen in love and given each other sloppy blow jobs, I’ll fight to get him back.”
“And even if Gary has been pounded by so many different people that he leaks when he walks, I shall stuff my cock inside his asshole and make him sit there for at least a week, because once you go dragon, all the rest is laggin’.”
“Oh my gods. Why are you making those sounds with your mouth?”
“Is what Gary will say when I eat his—”
“Moment ruined.”
He hugged me a little tighter.
“Can I—can I stay out here? With you. To sleep.”
He pulled back, looking a little surprised. “You’ve been wanting a bed for a long time. In fact, I don’t know that I’ve ever heard you bitch about anything more than that very thing.”
“Whatever,” I mumbled. “I just—it’s weird here. Things are… not what I expected them to be.”
“Things change, pretty. We’ve talked about this.”
“I don’t like it.”
“And yet it’s the way things are.”
“I hate it when you get philosophical.”
“I’m a dragon. It’s what I do.”
I snorted. “Yeah, that’s not even remotely true.”
“Yes, Sam. You can stay with me. In fact, I prefer you did. I’ve gotten used to having you whenever I wanted you.”
“Ugh. Don’t say it like that.”
He grinned at me. “You wouldn’t want it any other way.”
Maybe he was right, but I wouldn’t tell him that.
Later, when we were on the cusp of sleep, Kevin curled around me protectively, I whispered the one question I’d buried deep in my heart a long time ago. “What if they don’t forgive us for what we’ve done?”
“Then we’ll work that much harder and prove to them we love them with everything we have,” Kevin whispered back. “And we’ll do whatever it takes to make them believe us. Because in the end, we may have had to leave them, but we left our hearts behind in their care. We must have hope that they kept them safe.”
And then I slept.
I WAS dreaming about lights of green and gold, black and white, and blue and red. I was walking in a field, and they circled around me like fairies, their brightness warm and inviting. The blue lights were the liveliest of all, flitting around me in dizzying patterns. I knew they were the Northern dragons, the mated pair, and I wondered if this was real. If I was dreamwalking because of them.
The grass in the field swayed with a soft breeze, the sun shining high in the sky and—
“Sam?”
My heart stuttered. My breath caught.
“Sam,” he said again from behind me.
I couldn’t turn around. I didn’t know how I could look him in the eye without breaking.
“This feels so real,” he said, sounding despondent. “It’s like when you were in Castle Freesias and we were—”
“On the road,” I said roughly. “Coming to me.”
“Yeah. Just like that.”
“I know.”
“Do you? Because I’ve dreamed of you. But never like this. I can see you. All of you. It’s not in a haze. It’s not—”
The sun set quickly. The night swallowed the day, and stars burst out across the sky above, David’s Dragon almost blinding. I wondered if he was watching. If all the gods were.
Footsteps approached from behind me, and I said, “Stop.”
He did. “Why? What is this? Is this—is this real? Oh my gods, Sam, is this—”
“I think so.”
“Fucking hell, where are—”
“Language. You’re a godsdamn knight of Verania. You need to—”
He choked wetly. “You don’t—Sam. Where are you? Right now. At this very moment. Tell me where you are.”
I sighed. “Camp HaveHeart.”
The sound he made reminded me of when he’d been pinned to the wall with a sword: deep and wounded, like it hurt more than anything. “You came back?”
“I told you I would.”
“But—that’s not…. I’m coming. We’re almost there. You wait. You don’t move a godsdamn muscle, you hear me?”
“I—”
“I mean it, Sam. You won’t like what happens if I get there and you’re not.”
That sent a hot chill down my spine. “But how can I know what happens if I’m not there to see it—”
“Sam.”
“Right. Not the time.”
“I’m so angry with you.”
I bowed my head.
His hand dropped on my shoulder. His forehead pressed against the back of my neck, and I shuddered at the feel of him, the weight. He breathed me in as I trembled.
“But I’m still coming for you,” he whispered against my skin.
“I know.”
“Why won’t you look at me?”
“I don’t know if I can.”
“Sam.”
“Please. Just—”
Lips scraped against my neck. “Stay. There.”
And then he was gone.
I was alone in a field under a sea of stars, the very ones I’d wished upon time and time again.
And he’d done the same, hadn’t he? Or so he said.
“Why?” I asked the blue lights that pulsed around me.
Because after all that you’ve done, Leslie whispered, you deserve to have a moment of happiness before we see this through to the end.
The road ahead is made of stone, Pat said, flitting around my head. And stone always crumbles. You must remember that. This was our gift to you. For all that you’ve done.
And then I—
I OPENED my eyes.
Weak morning sunlight filtered through the slats of the barn walls.
There was a blanket covering me, thick and warm, having been placed upon me by someone during the night. I thought it was probably my mother.
I sighed, trying to work through what Pat and Leslie had given me.
This wasn’t going to be the best day of my life.
Probably a lot of yelling.
And glitter.
Maybe even some smashing.
At least I would have my best friend 5eva. He would be on my side, I just knew it.
But even as the dread circled in the pit of my stomach, there was a sense of excitement. Because they were coming. And they were going to—
A clamor took up outside.
People began shouting and rushing by the barn door.
Kevin snorted above me. “Whodat?” he muttered, blinking slowly. “Whuzzit?”
I pushed myself up onto my elbows, wincing at the kinks in my neck. “I don’t know. Something’s happening.”
Kevin’s tail twitched dangerously as he came awake. “Think Caleb delivered your message already?”
“I don’t know. I had a dream that—”
There was an explosion of noise, people laughing and cheering.
I blinked. “That’s good, right? I’m sure everything is just fine.”<
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“WHERE THE FUCK ARE THOSE BITCHASS MOTHERFUCKERS? I’M GOING TO SKIN THEM ALIVE, THEN EAT THEIR REMAINS, THEN SHIT THEM OUT SO THEY ARE STEAMING PILES OF MY CRAP, I SWEAR TO THE MOTHERFUCKING GODS! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY, YOU TWO-LEGGED DONKEYS! I HAVE DEATH TO DEAL TO A PAIR OF GODSDAMN IDIOTS!”
“Everything is not fine,” I said weakly.
“Gary,” Kevin breathed.
I struggled to stand. “Run, oh my gods, we have to run. Get up, get up.”
“But—but you know how I feel about angry sex!”
“And I don’t know why I have to know that, but he is going to murder us.”
“I’m going to stay and take it like a dragon.”
“Fuck you, fuck them, fuck this whole place, I’m out.”
He snagged me by my shirt collar as I tried to run past him.
But it didn’t matter by then.
It was already too late.
“TIGGY! SMASH THAT DOOR RIGHT NOW!”
“But that our door.”
“What? I know that. But it has offended me by concealing from me those who will have my rage thrust upon them.”
“It a good door.”
“Well, yes. It is a good door. A fine door, even. But how will they take us seriously if we don’t come in all dramatically?”
“Oh. Right. Tiggy smash?”
“Yes, kitten. Smash away. And do it like you mean it. Make me believe you want to destroy it and them.”
“Okay.” Then, “TIGGY SMASH!”
I had to admit, he really sold it.
The barn door exploded.
Chapter 4: Reunited and It Feels So Good
WHEN ONE has a hornless gay unicorn as a best friend, one tends to know certain things as fact:
First, unicorns are not as pristine as one might think. They tend to be whores and will sleep with most everything that moves. They can be in monogamous relationships, but it’s a rarity. Usually, if they have a partner, they will tend to still participate in threesomes or foursomes or twenty-sevensomes.
Second, you do not fuck with a unicorn, because they will cut a bitch. They are capable of a uniquely terrifying rage that usually begins to reveal itself in the form of glitter secretion. No one knows where the glitter comes from, but when a unicorn starts to sparkle, it’s probably a good idea to run in the opposite direction, because you are undoubtedly about to get horribly murdered in a way that will be painful and drawn-out.