by TJ Klune
“He was crying and everything,” Gary said haughtily. “It was so embarrassing for him. Snot just dripping from his nose.”
“Hey! You cried too! Remember the whole bukkake thing?”
Gary stared at me. “Sam, how dare you speak like that in front of your dear, sweet mother. Honestly, Rosemary, I don’t know where he gets such things from. Obviously too much time was spent in the forest. I will correct that immediately. You can count on that.”
“Stupid fucking best friends,” I muttered. “I love you so godsdamn much.”
“Good,” Mom said to Gary. “And Kevin?”
“The bakery is closed for the foreseeable future,” Kevin said mournfully. “I can’t even get any biscotti.”
“Ew,” Mom, Dad, Tiggy, and I all said at the same time.
“The mission?” Dad asked from Tiggy’s shoulder.
“Unfortunately partially successful,” Gary grumbled. “But I told you they would be nothing but a pain in my ass. There was a reason I didn’t ask them for anything to begin with. I don’t like them that much.”
“But if they can help you find your horn, then don’t you think it’s worth it?” Mom asked, pressing a kiss to the side of his head.
“You say that now.”
“Your horn?” I demanded. “You found it? Who’s coming here? What can they do? Why am I yelling?”
“No,” Gary said, “we haven’t found it yet. There’s no point.”
“Of course there is,” Mom said quietly. “And don’t try to convince us otherwise. If there is to be any hope, then we need you to find it. You know that. Everything counts now.”
Gary sighed. “I know.”
“Why isn’t anyone telling me what’s going on!”
“Like you told us when you were leaving?” Dad asked.
“Boom,” Tiggy said, offering my dad a fist bump, which he gladly accepted.
“You guys suck,” I muttered. “I’m a wizard. You don’t get to—”
“Apprentice,” Gary coughed.
I grinned smugly at him. “Not anymore, dude, so bite me.”
Gary screeched to a halt. “Say what?”
“No longer can you interject apprentice into conversation with a ridiculous pseudocough. I am full-on hard-core wizard now.”
“Whoa,” Tiggy said. “For true?”
“For true, my height-advantaged friend.”
Gary was immediately in my space again, nostrils flaring as he pressed his nose against mine. I went a little cross-eyed trying to focus on him. “Hi,” he panted heavily.
“Um. Hi?”
“You’re not an apprentice anymore?”
“Nope.”
“Big-time wizard.”
“Yep.”
“Not Sam of Wilds?”
“Nope.”
“Sam of….”
“Dragons.”
“Huh. That’s sexy.”
“Thank you.”
“I might be attracted to you.”
“Uh.”
“You might want to keep checking your mail.”
“For….”
His mouth pressed against my chin. “For your invitation to the grand reopening celebration of my bakery.”
I shoved his face away as he cackled. “I will not go to your grand reopening celebration, you foul beast.”
“Where is my invitation?” Kevin asked.
“Got lost,” Gary said breezily. “How sad. Moving on.”
“What? Damn mailman. I shall see him between my teeth.”
“Well, you should have thought of that before you chased this hot piece of ass into the forest. Speaking of, Sam. Have I ever told you that I can open my mouth really, really wide? It’s almost like I can unhinge my jaw. And I don’t have a gag reflex.”
“He doesn’t,” Kevin said sadly, wings drooping. “It’s one of the things I like about him. Other than his heart.”
“Don’t you dare try and make me swoon, Kevin. Shit list. You are covered in it.”
“Worst reunion ever,” I muttered.
THERE WAS yet another gathering at the gates, and I wondered if these people had nothing better to do all day than gawk. It didn’t help that I was unsure how Ryan and Justin would react. I told myself to be ready in case they walked up to the gates hand in hand, staring deeply into each other’s eyes, laughing at inside jokes only they got. I’d be the spurned wife left holding a child on each hip, looking at Ryan and Justin in all their happiness. My heart would shrivel in bitterness, and I would begin to spiral into madness. The children would be taken away from me, and Ryan and Justin would raise them. Eventually, six years down the road, I would be caught up in a spiderweb of lies and deceit, standing over Justin’s body after he’d been poisoned eating pumpkin soup, sobbing and asking if Ryan was happy now, that he made me do this, he made me kill my best friend 5eva and—
“Whoa,” I whispered. “I’m slightly psychotic. That’s not a revelation I expected at this juncture.”
“What was that?” Gary asked.
“Oh nothing. Just making plans to make sure Ryan loves me forever.”
“Creepy,” Tiggy whispered.
“That’s what happens when you become a wizard,” Gary explained patiently. “Sam is no longer adorable. He has bushy eyebrows and—”
“I forgot to pluck!” I wailed, covering my face. “How could you let me out into public looking like this?”
“I thought we were just ignoring it in hopes that it went away.”
“Okay,” I said. “New idea. I run, and Ryan and Justin live happily ever after with my babies—”
“Nice try,” Gary said, pushing my back with his head, forcing me through the crowd. “Do you know how long I’ve waited to witness this?”
“Don’t you dare say eleven—”
“Eleven months. You won’t deprive me of drama when it is so readily available. It has been absolutely dreadful without your carriage wreck of a life. Who do you think feeds my need for the dramatics? Tiggy?”
“I ain’t no cheap trick,” Tiggy said, much to my consternation.
“I taught him that,” Gary said proudly.
“Great,” I said. “Fantastic. Glad to be of help.”
“You shut your bitch mouth,” Gary snarled. Then he blinked. “Yikes. Sorry about that. Apparently I’m still slightly angry with you. Strange how that works, you do something without me and then come back like it was nothing.”
“You don’t need to—” But then Gary pushed me into someone. Before I could apologize for Gary’s ridiculous behavior, I saw who I’d stumbled against.
She turned to scowl at me, holding her head high. “Of course it was you.”
“Lady Tina,” I said. “How unfortunate that you didn’t pass beyond the veil overnight. I expected more from you.”
“Sorry to disappoint,” she said primly, the Foxy Lady Brigade standing at attention behind her, facing the gates. “I was too busy protecting what remains of the proud country of Verania.”
“Yesssss,” Gary hissed. “This is what I’ve missed. Cut each other with semi-thought-out barbs. Fight to the death!”
We stared at him.
He didn’t even have the decency to look chagrined. I loved him even more for it.
I didn’t know what that said about me.
“Why are you even here?” I asked.
She stiffened. “In case you missed it yesterday, I am in charge here under Knight Commander Foxheart and Prince Justin. While they were absent, Camp HaveHeart was left in my capable hands.”
“Uh-oh,” Gary whispered.
“Well, that will be something that will need to be addressed once they return. In fact, I do believe you shall be banished. In fact, why don’t you go pack up your belongings now so we don’t have to delay the inevitable?”
The crowd began to whisper furiously around me.
Lady Tina’s eyes narrowed. “I think you’ll find yourself outvoted in that regard. I have more than proven myself to those that
matter.”
“Oh, girl,” Gary whispered. “You should not have said that, girl.”
“Really,” I said coldly. “You tried to turn the people of Verania against me. You played a part in the death of Morgan of Shadows. You nearly got Ryan Foxheart killed. Randall is missing. I was forced into the Dark Woods to seek out a way to finish this once and for all. Tell me, how exactly have you proven yourself to those that matter when I wasn’t here?”
For a moment she looked slightly fearful, and I thought I’d won. But somehow she found the strength to shore herself up against my vindictiveness. She stood tall, and if she were anyone else, I might have been impressed.
“I accept my actions for what they were,” she said, voice even. “I made mistakes. But like before, you place blame on others without accepting any for yourself. What about your actions, Sam? What about everything you did which led to where we stand now?”
I was giving serious consideration to turning her whole body into so much running pus, but before I could, something in me shifted, a void in my head and heart filling like it hadn’t in a long time. My magic began to sing, and I had to close my eyes against the onslaught of it all. It was more than I remembered, but then, I was a different person now.
And I knew what it meant.
Lady Tina was forgotten. Gary and Tiggy and Kevin were forgotten. My parents were forgotten.
The crowd around us, undoubtedly already spreading rumors, didn’t seem to matter anymore.
All I cared about was that my cornerstone was near.
Even when we were children and he was a teenage douchebag I had turned to stone, there had been a connection between us. I truly believed it was because of him my magic manifested the way it had. Randall had once said we were woven together more tightly than even he expected, and I didn’t know if I’d ever heard him speak more of the truth.
I remembered the way his hand had felt in mine when we’d danced that night at the ball the King had thrown when he’d promoted Ryan to Knight Commander. The way Ryan had looked at me as we danced those three waltzes—like I was the only person in the world—had made my skin itch and heart hurt.
He loved me even then, and I didn’t know. I thought he was out of my reach.
And then I’d been at his side, facing the Darks, and the cruel twist of fate revealed itself when my magic sang for the first time in a way I could recognize as home. He was my home, and he belonged to another.
He stood upon a keep far from everything I’d known and wished for nothing more than me.
But wishes spoken aloud never come true. Everyone knew that. So I let him go.
But we were tied together. The both of us. Randall had been right about that. Something about us was always meant to be, and the void was filling, and I thought there was a chance I could do anything asked of me, if only he could be at my side.
Once upon a time, I sat alone in the desert under a night sky and made a wish. One that I’ve never told anyone, because I wanted it to come true.
Make me mortal. When all is said and done. I will protect my King, this one and the next. I will protect my kingdom. I will do all that you ask, but I want a mortal life for my happy ending. This is my wish.
I needed to hope he already hadn’t had Justin’s babies.
Because I would hate to have to steal some children’s father away from them. I’d feel real bad about it for at least a week, and no one wanted that.
I started to push my way through the crowd, but they offered no resistance. They parted as if they, too, had been waiting for this exact moment.
When I reached the open gate, I saw something unexpected.
I stopped.
And breathed, “I’ve had sex dreams that started just like this.”
Because a big fat ray of sun had burst through the clouds and was shining upon Ryan Foxheart, who was galloping toward me atop a steed, its white mane billowing majestically. He wore his Knight Commander armor, which looked as if it’d been spotlessly scrubbed, cuts of red rock embedded into the silver metal. His sword was drawn, and as I watched, he flourished it almost as if he were in slow motion, his wavy hair jostling about his head, green eyes bright.
He looked like every fantasy I’d ever had, and it was imperative that I fuck him senselessly into the nearest surface, not caring if we had an audience or not. Even the fact that my parents were there wouldn’t stop me. I was going to destroy him. He was going to be covered in my spunk, so much so that it was going to make Gary’s glazed donuts seem like work done by an amateur.
“Yeah,” I muttered, not caring who could hear me. “You ride that steed toward me, you dirty motherfucker. You’re not going to be able to walk for a week by the time I’m done with—”
And that’s when I saw the horse upon which he rode was not actually a horse at all.
It looked suspiciously like my best friend standing next to me. Aside from the fact that it had a large, shimmering horn atop its head.
Which killed any and all sexy thoughts. Mostly.
Because what.
“What a fucking show-off,” Gary muttered, coming up beside me. “Did he really think he would get away with that? It’s so racist.”
“Who?” I asked, unsure of what the hell was going on. “Ryan?”
Gary rolled his eyes. “Not Ryan. Terry.”
“Terry.”
“Yes, Terry.”
“Terry.”
“Why are you repeating his name? Do you really hate me that much?”
“I don’t—wait. Terry. As in your twin brother Terry.”
Gary squinted at me. “So you got stupid in the woods, huh? That’s unfortunate.”
“Your twin brother. Is here.”
“You don’t have to keep reminding me. I was against this, but Ryan and Justin thought we needed him.”
“I have no idea what’s even happening right now.”
Gary sighed. “Maybe if you would stop drooling over your boyfriend riding my brother, you’d be able to figure it out.”
“Oh my gods, phrasing. You can’t just say it like that!”
“It’s literally what is happening. Ryan is straddling my brother, thighs wrapped around his middle while he rocks back and forth—oh look. There’s the Prince.”
Grand Prince Justin of Verania was walking toward the gates, still a distance away behind Ryan and Terry. He didn’t look too pleased, as he appeared to be carrying quite a few bags.
“Oh thank gods he remembered my scarves,” Gary said. “I would have hated to see his blood spilled underneath my hooves.”
“Your brother,” I insisted.
“Yeah,” Gary sighed. “My brother.”
Gary and his family… well. They didn’t exactly have the most loving relationship. Oh, sure, I knew they cared about each other, and Gary didn’t exactly have a terrible childhood, but things were strained between them. The last I’d heard, his mom and dad had been off on some swingers tour that had apparently lasted for at least three years, where they would tour the world and apparently partner swap with other magical creatures at large orgies that sounded amazing in theory (taste the rainbow!) but disgusting in actuality (it tasted nothing like rainbows!).
And even though Gary and I had been friends for years, I had yet to meet any of his family. They sent letters every now and then that always seemed to be dusted with copious amounts of glitter, and Gary and Tiggy went to see them once years ago, with Morgan refusing to let me go with them, saying that a seventeen-year-old me did not need to be surrounded by three unicorns. Something about potentially triggering an apocalypse or whatever. I’d made Gary promise to bring me a souvenir. He’d told me to go fuck myself, and then he’d brought me back a T-shirt that said I’M NOT GAY BUT MY GIRLFRIEND IS. It had confounded me greatly.
Terry, on the other hand, was more of a mystery. From what I gathered on the little pieces Gary had dropped every now and then, their relationship was… contentious. Gary had said once that he wished he’d consumed Terry w
hile they were still in the womb to save him from having to deal with his existence.
I’d laughed because I’d thought he was kidding.
Looking back, I didn’t think he was kidding.
So the worst thing I could have said was “Your brother looks pretty fucking majestic.”
Gary gasped. “You fucking come slut. How could you say that to my face!”
“Oh, man, I am so sorry. I meant to think that, not say it out loud. Dude, my bad.”
“I hate you. This is the worst day of my life.”
“Hey! I just came back after being gone for almost a year. This is the best day of your life.”
“Gary! Hey, Gary! Look at me! Look how progressive I am! I’m letting a man ride on my back. Who’s stuck-up now, you light-footed ninny?”
Light-footed ninny, I mouthed to myself.
Terry came to a stop in front of the gates, panting slightly from the exertion. His chest and legs were muscular, and his tail and mane were white, thick, and wavy. His horn was much larger and thicker than I expected it to be, and had it not been for Ryan Foxheart on his back, I might have swooned a little bit, which was a very odd thought to have.
Ryan dismounted with ease, armor clinking as he slid from Terry’s back.
I wished more than anything that everyone would leave.
But they didn’t, of course. They were waiting to see what was going to happen as much as I was.
Ryan looked… good. Really good. He was a little thinner than he’d been, cheekbones more pronounced, and the beard he’d worn temporarily back at Castle Freeze Your Ass Off had made a reappearance. His blond hair was as long as it’d ever been, and he reached up to push it back off his face in a practiced move that would have been stupid on anyone else but made me want to eat him alive.
There was a scar too, on his face, that hadn’t been there before. It was thin and white and started on the left side and stretched toward his nose. In the scheme of things, it was minor, but it hit me then, truly hit me, that there was a history here that I wasn’t privy to. Events that I wasn’t a part of had occurred. Someone had hurt him—a while ago, from the looks of it—and I hadn’t been there to protect him.
The thought made my chest ache.