by Ron Foster
“No, you will just go run and tell Jack what your stupid sister packed in her kit, before I even get a chance to show it to him and get his opinion on the contents. You will spoil everything.” Nancy said fiercely, but looking like she wanted to pout instead and blushing furiously.
“No I won’t. I promise. What is the big secret anyway? You remember I had to ask you for some tampons for fire starters one time, so I don’t know what the big deal is you’re embarrassed about.” Mark said a bit flushed himself.
“It’s nothing like that. Jack and his Mom have been prepping a lot longer than you and I want his unbiased opinion, not yours on my first attempt at assembling a kit.” Nancy reassured him calmly.
Still unsure which direction the conversation was going, Mark regrouped and offered a suggestion.
“You need to subdue your carrier for your kit. You can have my old book bag that’s not shades of rainbow to tote your secrets around in if you like.” Mark carefully replied, but was really still trying to get a dig in at his sister.
“Cool. Thank you. This was the only thing I had to use. That grey book bag of yours would be perfect. You got anything else?” She said turning all sweetness and smiling at him.
“You got any baking bags in there?” Mark asked.
“What’s a baking bag? I guess you use them for baking, but I don’t know that one.” Nancy said looking puzzled.
“You know them bags mom roasts a turkey in. You can pasteurize water in the sun or boil it, if you don’t get it near a flame. They can take heat up to 375 degrees.” Mark told her. Cooking was not his sister’s long suit.
“Oh yeah, I got some baggies and a couple trash bags, but I didn’t know that use for one.” Nancy replied and went to get one.
“What else?” She inquired.
“You do the cotton balls and Vaseline for fire starter? Hey! This conversation would be a lot easier if you just showed me what you had already.” Mark said a bit miffed at his sister’s stubbornness.
“No! I told you I don’t want you blabbing to Jack. Let me see yours so maybe I might get some more ideas.” Nancy replied not so sweetly.
“Hell no! That thing took me forever to get packed just right. How about if I promise not to tell Jack that I know about or have even seen your 72 hour bag before?” Mark replied trying to reason with her.
She pondered for a minute and then responded to him.
“Ok, but only if you promise me you will not say anything ever to anyone on the contents of my bag. We got a deal?” She said staring at him intently.
“Deal. I don’t know why you are making such a production out of it though. Comparing ‘go bags’ is what we preppers do.” Mark said heading towards her bag to finally have a look.
“Go get me your book bag and any extra stuff you got and we can do an inventory.” she said taking a step forward to block his way.
“Ok. I can’t play very long though. I told Jack that I was going to gather some more firewood for our cook out and stove test.” Jack said after he got stopped abruptly from getting a peek inside her kit.
“What’s with her anyway? It’s just a bunch of junk to help you survive, if times get rough in there. No big secrets about any of it. Sisters can be weird sometimes.” Mark mused to himself as he went to get some surplus gear.
As soon as Mark had left the room Nancy removed an item and stashed it quickly in the back of a kitchen cupboard.
Nancy went back to her prepper goodie hunt and was rolling up some toothpicks with electrical tape when Mark returned with a book bag and a few odds and ends and an extra sport water bottle.
“Ok! Now are you ready to reveal the mysteries of your bug out bag?” Mark said smiling while putting his prepper loot down on kitchens breakfast bar.
“Sure! Have at it, but answer me a question first. What would happen to that aluminum sports bottle, if I tried to heat it in a campfire?” Nancy asked while inspecting the bottle.
“Nothing much, you might burn the paint off, but it wouldn’t hurt its functionality.” Mark replied and began to take items out of her bag and Nancy began repacking them in the one he just gave her.
“Ah, Raman noodles are better than Twinkies for the apocalypse and don’t weigh much.” Mark said grinning and then passed a couple of packages to her.
Mark inventoried and commented on his sister’s collection of goods for her 72 hour kit. He gave her a couple of items to complete the survival system and complimented her on her efforts.
“Hey you know what? Mom has an old tin measuring cup she won’t miss that would be perfect to add to your kit.” Mark said while opening a cupboard before she could do or say anything.
Mark started to reach for the tin cup pausing when he noticed a box of condoms on the shelf.
“What are these doing in here?” Mark asked showing her the condoms.
Nancy snatched the box away and explained that they were hers and that they were for her 72 hour kit. “A condom inside of a sock makes a good improvised water carrier.” she stated.
“I know that. Is this what you were trying to hide?” Mark said laughing out loud.
“What would you have said if Jack had found them?” Mark said chuckling and trying to tease his sister who looked nonplussed about that occurring.
“Hey wait a minute now...you only made that bag so you could hang out and talk to Jack, didn’t you?” Mark said accusingly as a realization came over him.
“No, I actually wanted to make one; getting to be around Jack is just a bonus.” She said smiling.
“Ah jeez, here we go again.” Mark said disgustedly.
“You hush and remember to keep your promise. You want a couple condoms for your kit? I guess I don’t need a whole box in a 3 day kit.” Nancy said.
“I should hope not! Sure, give me a couple.” Mark said shaking his head at his sister in exasperation.
“I am going to check the weather and go fix my face before we go.” Nancy said and went to the living room to turn on the weather channel.
“Hey Mark come look at this. We got some really bad weather headed our way. “Nancy said gesturing towards the television screen.
5
Just Another Friendly Gathering
“Hello Mahmoud! We meet again my friend.” Michael said greeting his old university sidekick.
“Mike! You are looking well! It’s been too long since we talked last.” Mahmoud said grasping Michael’s handshake with both hands.
“I about fell out when I heard I was getting assigned to your sector.” Michael said retrieving his hand and arm from Mahmoud’s exuberant greeting that felt like he thought he was working a pump handle.
“Come in! Come in! Welcome to my little center of sanity or insanity depending on the mood or the politics...” Mahmoud said waving him into the small World War II era cement filled cinder block structure.
“Dang it! No one spent much on decorating around here did they?” Michael said looking at the sparse surroundings and sickly green paint on the walls.
“Yeah, but its home and has advantages. It’s depressing looking enough that it never gets chosen for some stupid meeting or gathering and we only have a staff of three here most of the time. I sent my two assistants off to train the trainer school for flood control, so you and I got the run of the place.” Mahmoud said grinning devilishly.
“How convenient for us Mr. Mahmoud" Michael said grinning. Humm, he considered. If he was being a bit late or leaving a bit early, this wasn’t going to be a punch the clock thing which was very cool when you considered the horrendous California traffic.
“You want some coffee? I made it special for you when I heard you were coming in this morning. I know you think you can live on that stuff when you get busy writing a paper.” Mahmoud said guiding Michael towards the break room.
“Damn. You trying to put me to work already?” Michael said chuckling and accepting the steaming cup of coffee his coworker proffered.
“Not me! I would never consider that. S
eems that you pissed off Commander Bones and he got some kind of hard on to make your life more difficult. He called me at home at 6.30 this morning and explained to me in no uncertain detail that he was going to hold me accountable for the outcome of your little assessment. He said he couldn’t directly reprimand you but he could me.” Mahmoud said with bit of frustration and indignity.
“Ah shit! That bastard is a trip. If you say one non-positive thing around him you get the proactive BS speech.” Michael said concerned he wasn’t going to be allowed to perform non-biased research under threat of administrative repercussions to his friend.
“Look my southern rebel, that guy got it in for me too. That’s why I got this shit location to work in every day. The county had funds to upgrade this building last year but he diverted them and fixed storm culverts instead. Now ordinarily I could go along with that. But this damn building sits right in the middle of a flood plain and the levies if they ever over flow .it would make this place an island if it didn’t get more than 15 foot of flooding. Screwing with the culverts reduces this building to 8 foot of flooding and protects his fat cat cronies businesses while sacrificing the only EOC “Emergency Operations Center” for miles around. He says he did it as a community commitment to better the infrastructure and a commitment to replace this outdated place, but you see where we are still sitting.” Mahmoud said disgustedly and began his elaborate process of adding as much sugar and crème as possible to his own cup of coffee.
“What’s up with the boat out front? “ Michael said referring to the green Jon boat with the trailer chained up out front.
“Oh, that accursed thing. That is a story in itself. Boner requisitioned it in case of priority personnel having to evacuate this facility or inspect that damn levy 2 miles from us. I spend all my time either, accounting for it, maintaining it, doing some kind of lifeboat drill or working out the communications and coordination with the Army Corps of Engineers or F.E.M.A. and the state on how we should monitor and report as their representative of the rising waters effects on the levy. Part of your new job description by the way consists of having to check those painted depth markers daily by the way for this incoming storm.”
“That doesn’t sound so bad...” Michael said speculating
6
A Funny Thing Happened On The Way to T.E.O.T.W.A.W.K.I.
From Wikipedia: Murphy’s Law is an adage that is typically stated as: “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong”.
“Prepper Stock” was an annual event that brought the Prepper community together from far and wide to take part in an informative festival atmosphere of camping, taking preparedness classes, looking at the wares of vendors selling survival equipment and just generally hanging out and having a good time with likeminded people.
There was no set or traditional location for this prepper fair assemblage to occur. Instead it moved around the country to various locations so that the most people could attend easier based on community needs and the RSVPs to the invite. This year it was being held in Kentucky.
The YouTube Prepper community had been diligently broadcasting videos promoting the event and describing the prizes and events for the last six months and this one seemed like it was going to be the biggest turn out yet. Over 800 people had sent in their RSVP and the location had to be changed several times to accommodate everyone.
There were simply not enough campsites for everyone to group in the same area so it had to be basically broken down into two “Prepper Stocks” going on simultaneously a few miles apart as people assembled in the main vendor and skills class areas during the big events and camped out elsewhere.
But there was always a bunch of impromptu personal friends or regional representative assemblies going on at all the different campsites and facilities at all hours. Randal’s buddy LowBuck said he was just going to choose a big field or pasture like the 60`s Rock Festival Wood Stock had done next year and get one of the porta john companies to be a sponsor which seemed like a good idea until Randal asked him if he was going to have Prepper Stock T shirts printed with a Porta Potty on them as an advertising exchange for the services.
Well, LowBuck said he would sort the detail of how to gain and attract their support over the coming year, but he didn’t have an idea at the moment to offer them other than a mention on his supporter web page at the moment.
LowBuck was the events creator and organizer and was also known for his “Real Day Prepper” video show as well as his highly subscribed YouTube channel. Randal was a prepper and entrepreneur of sorts who had approached LowBuck a year or so ago to review and help promote some products he thought the prepper community needed to be made aware of or could benefit from.
This arrangement had been mutually beneficial and they both had slowly built up their friendships and reputations with some major manufacturers and getting donated products by supportive corporations was finally getting easier.
Networking with other celebrity YouTube friends like Goat Hollow, Morning Mayan, The Swede, Misty Cluck and her husband Mountain Man to name a few, had them all forming a special bond amongst themselves and other preppers, that was not inhibited a bit by none of them ever having met face to face yet.
This year was to be different though, as everyone was going to be all together this year attending the festival together and they had been chatting about it on Skype and sending emails back and forth in anticipation of spending some time together and finally meeting in person.
Randal looked forward to the event with a mixture of dread and great pleasure. He was stuck coming to the event by himself, which was inevitable as he was somewhat of a loner without many friends or ties in his own state with a fellow preppers or a significant other that had an interest in attending such an event.
No worries there, he was used to road trips and adventures alone and generally speaking he was very good at entertaining himself and making new friends wherever his travels took him. That bothered him only a little. His main concern was he had gotten to the point in life where he didn’t really like traveling very far from home and being away from the small community support group he associated with, as well as all his preps he had stored on his little farmstead. Road traffic was what bothered him the most. Especially at night. He wasn’t used to driving fast on the 8 lanes in the big cities or the need to know not to go through certain neighborhoods in the sprawling suburbs surrounding them that were now getting gang infested. Used to be he would travel wherever and whenever, but the times and he had changed.
“Hell! Randal thought to himself. It’s also very close to Solar Maximum, Hurricane season, wild fire season; tuberculosis was becoming a threat to contract in large gatherings and a host of other things had him watching the news and tweeting warnings.
The Prepper Stock assembly area wasn’t too far from the Madrid fault, earthquakes caused by solar storms were occurring worldwide, rumors of economic collapse, drums of another war in the middle east were beating that might turn into WW III, and many other things seemed to be going on which pretty much nagged at his subconscious to stay his butt at home and forget about it. Add that he had become uncomfortable driving at night and a few decades of seeing horrible car wrecks and he had almost talked himself out of going. But there was no way he was going to miss this Prepper Stock he had convinced himself of finally.
First things first, he had promised LowBuck to bring some new products to the event and do his marketing spiels that he had contracted with the manufacturers for. Then there was the push the books promotions he and GoatHollow had designed to promote the “Prepper Archeology project” as well.
These old republished books and lost skills were a big part of a small joint venture publishing and book promotion company that they had put together. Regardless, he had to meet his old and new friends face to face someday and now was as good a time as any. Technology was all cool and good, but it was time to shake some hands and share a campfire and some laughs. Randall thought to himself that all those reasons were
good ones to go, but what had him willing to circumvent or discard all personal as well as actual preparedness fears was his overwhelming hope or desire he might find him a “Prepper Gal” at the event that was unattached and might be willing to share the apocalypse or life in general with him. Where else might he bump into one that he would have so much in common with? He had tried the “Survivalist Singles” dating site with no luck. He was just too damn old and plain looking to garner any attention he figured. So it was time to go roll the dice and try his luck to meet a possible new mate amongst a group that would probably overlook a few of his faults. Hanging out with all these well-known famous prepper personalities should certainly help his chances of finding a possible arrangement, so he was going!” Randal concluded and hell or high water wasn’t going to change his mind to set off in the morning and have himself a little adventure