by Ron Foster
“The intense California winter storms of 1861 and 1862 that left the central valley of California impassible lasted for 45 days by the way. There is no telling if the weatherman is even close to predicting the storm going on now. All I hear is that the models are evolving and further evacuations might be necessary. I hope the government doesn’t consider intentionally breaching a levy like they had to in Hurricane Isaac to relive flooding pressure. That little fiasco caused 3,000 extra people to possibly have to evacuate and consider their once safe from the storm homes to be totally lost at the last minute. I can just see some government official saying “UH excuse me sir. You and your family are under mandatory evacuation orders to leave here in the next two hours. I know Hurricane Katrina didn’t affect your place last time and the levy protecting it has stood the test of time for 200 years, but you see the Army Corps of engineers got billions of dollars to rebuild the government’s river levies and since the one you live behind is on private land and the little town you live in they couldn’t work on or really consider it in their planning. So the water on theirs is backing up and might fail unless we breach yours and relive the pressure on the new ones. It is for the common good of the lower lying 5th ward don’t you know. Now start packing or the sheriff and the National Guard will be forced to remove you.” Randal said thinking about how the families of ten generations of Cajuns and Creoles would react to the idea of seeing their family farms, cemeteries and town being destroyed by a Yankee FEMA planner who was expecting them to do it without a whimper. Or thinking the Louisiana National Guard would use their armored personnel carriers to enforce such an asinine order on the freedom loving citizens of their state as well as possibly their relatives or friends.
“Hell, who knows what group of assholes DHS probably already was approaching to try and support the legal beagles tasked with that job of evicting any hold outs to a illegal evacuation notice. Man that battle might look like reenactment of John Lafayette and his Pirates along with Stonewall Jackson kicking the British asses in 1814.” Randal mused smiling to himself and starting to hum an old classic country and western song called “The Battle of New Orleans” by the great ballad singer Johnny Horton. He imagined the banjos and lyrics and felt good.
In 1814 we took a little trip
Along with Colonel Jackson down the mighty Mississip.
We took a little bacon and we took a little beans
And we caught the bloody British in the town of New Orleans.
[Chorus:]
We fired our guns and the British kept a'comin.
There wasn't nigh as many as there was a while ago.
We fired once more and they began to runnin' on
Down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico.
We looked down the river and we see'd the British come.
And there must have been a hundred of 'em beatin' on the drum.
They stepped so high and they made the bugles ring.
We stood by our cotton bales and didn't say a thing.
[Chorus]
Old Hickory said we could take 'em by surprise
If we didn't fire our muskets 'til we looked 'em in the eye
We held our fire 'til we see'd their faces well.
Then we opened up with squirrel guns and really gave 'em ... well
[Chorus]
Yeah, they ran through the briars and they ran through the brambles
And they ran through the bushes where a rabbit couldn't go.
They ran so fast that the hounds couldn't catch 'em
Down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico.
We fired our cannon 'til the barrel melted down.
So we grabbed an alligator and we fought another round.
We filled his head with cannon balls, and powdered his behind
And when we touched the powder off, the gator lost his mind.
[Chorus]
Yeah, they ran through the briars and they ran through the brambles
And they ran through the bushes where a rabbit couldn't go.
They ran so fast that the hounds couldn't catch 'em
Down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico.
“Them crazy Bayou bastards probably had them a way of getting the alligators and snakes to help them in that little pissing contest if push came to shove. Randal thought.” Count on a Cajun to have an ace up his sleeve or some country wisdom to overcome most anything.” Randal concluded staring off into space thinking of the times he had fished in Louisiana.
“Hey, Earth to Randal! Your minds wandering boy! Let’s hurry up and get this unloading chore done if you want first dibs on a plate of hog and hominy from Misty. What has you so distracted today? You damn near had that SUNRNR steam roll me by letting it go to soon coming off that trailer ramp.” Mountain Man said irritated.
“Sorry my friend! I apologize that I got distracted by some passing thoughts on how this ARkStorm situation might be handled by the government and the citizen’s reaction to it. I thought once we were off the ramp with it, that it was all said and done and we were offloaded and it was parked. I forgot the trucks kind of parked uphill and it would keep carrying on downhill towards the campsite. Thanks for grabbing it. You ok?” Randal said concerned about the strain and danger he had placed his prepper buddy in.
“Oh I am fine as frog hair. Don’t mind me, I have been left holding the plow or the mule before; just that I would have greatly appreciated some kind of a warning or holler that you were going to let it loose before I had to play Hulk Hogan with the full weight of it.” Mountain Man said shrugging off what could have been a disaster or bad injury.
“Again my friend, I am really sorry man that was a major screw up on my part to have let go that soon. Bud, I still got more stuff to get off this trailer that I need an extra hand upon if you wouldn’t mind. I can say right now that I should have gotten us a bit more help to do it though and we can find some easy. Hey check this out! You reckon that Misty can cook on this?” Randal said dragging off a box off the wooden floor of the trailer that obviously contained a portable Camp Chef propane stove and oven combo according to the boxes multi colored advertising.
“She can cook on anything, whether she will or not is another story”. Mountain Man said studying the box before Randal just opened it and got him to help pull the highly chromed or stainless steel device out.
“Man that’s slicker than owl shit. If she ain`t cooking on it I will be.” Mountain Man said admiring it.
“That will be a first!” Randal said laughing that Mountain Man would give up filming his wife’s fine cooking or his video directing.
“I mean to tell you she would love this thing I think. It took me 99 forever’s to convince her not to bring that cast iron stove of ours to this meet. I can just see me now trying to load that cast iron thing on the back of a pickup and carrying it down here just so she can teach you all how to make some homemade biscuits from scratch on a wood fired oven. The amount of email directions we would get from that and have to try and respond to in order for them to get it right would be overwhelming... We got our own ways and means of ascertaining the best way to have beans with our biscuits and everybody’s recipe seems to attract them internet trolls with nothing better to do then say we should of done this or that differently. Hardly worth it sometimes to even consider a response.” Mountain Man declared. Their channel didn’t seem to attract as many of the juvenile detractors but they got their share upon occasion.
“Ah Man screw them folks! We ain`t here for all that kind of aggravation. We are here to share info with likeminded folks and be happy to be part of them. It doesn’t matter if we got a stove like this or don’t! The “Proof in the pudding is can we adapt! I am telling you now that she can pretty much damn near adapt to anything and if you help me get her to cook on it. We got us a feast coming or a special pie. She is the ace of the world in my opinion on camp cooking and I would be damn proud if she would give this oven thing a shot. I can’t tell you what it might mean in sales or resi
duals if she would give it a go. Misty can cook wonderfully no matter what and it wont cramp her style none to give this gizz whiz a try.” Randal said hopefully
“Oh she can do it alright if she wants to. Thing is will she. Trying out a new stove cooking a meal on camera and with a small burner propane stove at that isn’t going to go over well with her. Ovens and stoves take getting used to and she might not want to be filmed trying to use it for the very first time. Mountain Man said considering the matter.
“Well, if something turns out bad on her part we won’t use it. If it’s an equipment failure we will discuss it before we air it. Sound ok?” Randal said reasonably.
“Sounds good to me. I will discuss it with her. She could make some parched corn on the top burners and hardtack in the oven it if nothing else. That’s kind of hard to mess-up making and a good thing for Preppers to know how to do. Native Americans and the early pioneers knew how to make an easy nutritious snack. Parched corn was a staple of early Americans and today it is the perfect pick-me-up for any outdoor activity like hiking or this prepper fest.” Mountain Man said coming up with the perfect solution.
“Hey I got an easy more modern one she might want to try. I got a tiny refrigerator I can run off my SUNRNR she could use and we could do a lights out theme for the well prepared prepper.” Randal suggested and then explained his recipe idea.
Homemade Hurricane Energy Bars
Mayo Clinic
Yields 16 to 32 bars, depending on desired bar size
¾ cup creamy or chunky peanut butter
¾ cup honey
1½ cups chopped walnuts
½ cup raisins
½ cup dried cranberries
4 cups brown rice crispy cereal
1/8 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
Use a 9x13x2-inch foil pan with plastic lid.
In a large saucepan, melt peanut butter with honey over medium low heat.
Stir and watch carefully to prevent scorching. When the mixture is smooth and boiling, continue to cook for 1 minute. Remove from heat. Add salt and vanilla; stir to combine.
Use a large spatula to stir in walnuts, raisins, cranberries, cereal and chocolate chips.
Stir until all ingredients are coated with the peanut butter/honey mixture. Scrape mixture with spatula into foil pan. Use the spatula to evenly spread mixture in the pan. Place a large piece of waxed paper over the mixture and use a rolling pin to smooth the top. Cover with the plastic lid and refrigerate for about 2 hours before cutting. Wrap bars in wax paper and store in a covered container in the refrigerator until the storm.
“Packed with protein, these are a good thing to make just before storm season and will keep you satisfied when you run low on other things.” Randal stated thinking about his fridge full at home.
“Sounds pretty tasty. Email me that recipe if you would.”
15
Waterlogged Wreckage
It had been raining for days, fat drops splashing into ever-growing puddles in the offices with the windows broken from the unrelenting storm. Mahmoud and Michael had tried as best they could to plug the broken windowpanes with cardboard and anything else they could find but their efforts were not much help keeping the rain and wind out. . The news on the radio said called 30 inches of rain they had gotten so far a new record, and some televangelist who had a diesel powered generator for his radio station and who had not evacuated claimed it was the end of the world.
Michael cursed under his breath and drank cup after cup of lukewarm coffee and an occasional shot of whiskey to beat off the boredom and make the cold more bearable. He knew the alcohol and cold weather didn’t mix. He had explained to Mahmoud that while alcohol may make us feel hotter, it actually aids in decreasing ones core body temperature. Normally when we feel cold, it is because blood has flowed from our skin into the organs to keep our core body temperature warm. After alcohol consumption, though, blood flows into the skin, giving us that warm feeling and making our faces flush, but leaving our body temperature to decrease rapidly.
Mahmoud declared that line of reasoning and fact bullshit and accused Michael of trying to come up with another excuse for why he wasn’t going to share anymore liqueur with him other than telling Mahmoud that he was going insure Mahmoud could remain as devout to that pledge of sobriety as he was to his daily prayers that were driving Michael crazy. Michael told him flat out that it was easier for him to be a Baptist drinking whisky than to be a Christian listening to them Arabic prayers several times a day.
They had been getting on each others nerves for days now in the small room they were trying to keep warm. The two would fight for hours over the rationing or use of the ruined meager foodstuffs they had left. Earlier that week the California central valley was devastated by the ARkStorm as levies failed, sending evacuees in every direction other than south seeking safety and shelter.
The flood water had already risen halfway up the post that their mailbox was sitting on. Even though that the community below them was right beside them, the flood zone they were in was a lot worse than theirs and had gone silent long ago. The people in the buildings trapped on the same ridge as them were pretty much quite now also and rarely seen.
Michael knew better than to take any chances, but he went ahead and took a flashlight with him as he walked down the second floor steps. When he stepped off about the sixth stair down to get a better look, he felt water wash over his feet. Shining the light around the first floor, he could see some boxes floating around and bits of other debris.
Mahmoud stood at the top of the stairs waiting for him to get back up the steps. He could hear the water sloshing as he moved.
The last thing on anyone's mind involved everyone getting trapped on what Mahmoud and Michael had started calling, "Castaway Island." No one at this emergency operations center had ever gave a situation like this a second thought, not even thinking about what to do if it did other than that stupid boat sitting on its trailer in the parking lot that was now under three foot of water. Mother Nature had caught them off guard, and now they were all on a road headed for disaster
Mahmoud and Michael were trapped in the agency building with no emergency plan ready for the situation they were in, all they could hope for now was that the water would have receded in the next few days so they could try to build a raft and get some food.
The battery was already starting to go dead on their two way radio, and with no way now to charge it, they wouldn't be able to call for help or rescue updates. Like somebody really was trying to get this far into the city with a relief effort; especially for emergency management type folks who all assumed were the most prepared for this.
Mahmoud and Michael were in complete shock; everything that was happening felt like a nightmare that they were trying to wake themselves up from. It was bad enough seeing what looked a lake outside their door, but seeing people in occasional boats coming down the road topped off the whole theme to the "island" everybody was stuck on. The overloaded sparse craft they did see had to be waved off as being too dangerous to transition from the deeper waters to the shallower waters of the slope they were on.
To make matters a thousand times worse the storm had caused deep submarine seismic activity which leads to seabed fragmentation, and the opening of deep subterranean reservoirs of water to further flood the area slowly but surely.
Nothing stirred in the cool winter air: no birds, not even crows or seabirds, no animal moved through the bushes on their little hilltop because now they were all submerged and the former occupants swept downstream. The thought that this maybe was the end of days indeed came to their minds.
16
The Camps
Those who came to came to the many towns outside the directly impacted areas were forced to evacuate once again as the storm developed into hurricane force winds moving towards their refuges.
Despite the horrendous results of those who remained in th
e neighboring cities during the earlier ongoing storm, many people made a similar decision as evacuees clogged the evacuation routes and the fear of being stranded on the road overcome their fears of the imminent threat of more flooding.
Human civilization for the west coast anyway was being destroyed by the rising inundation. The effects of the ARkStorm were catastrophic, and far exceed current estimates that FEMA had planned for.
The flooding and abandonment of Los Angeles caused Nancy, her brother Mark and neighbor Jack children settle into a refugee resettlement camp, but the rising floodwaters make that only a temporary respite
Survivors continued to exist in the cities only on the rafts and some decrepit buildings that still stood in the flood. Nancy and her group's struggle for survival in a vast and continuously altering environment were taking its toll on them.
A sign had blocked the side road they had tried to utilize off due to the flood water. Curious to see what lay ahead of them, Nancy drove around the sign and around the curve to see several cars parked on the side of the road. A few people were standing off to the side, looking at the water that blocked the road. Nancy couldn't believe what she was seeing. The whole road looked like a river!
With little hopes on what they could do for the moment, they got the car turned around and went back to the nearest convenience store just up the road from the last town they had gone around. As soon they pulled up, they couldn’t help but notice several cars were already there. The convenience store was completely packed with people who needed food just as much as they did. They went in the store trying to find as much non-perishable food items as they could but very little was to be had.