Tales of the Hood

by T K Williams-Nelson

  “Put your clothes back on batty boy!” Holly spat.

  The guys that were pinning me down let go and left, slamming the door behind them. It was over just like that. I steadily got up, hands still tied and eyes blistering. The man who had just stolen my friend’s dignity stood beside Holly, and I saw the size of him properly. Maybe just in case we tried to throttle her. He watched Maurice get dressed and then cut the rope that bound both our hands together.

  “You can leave now,” he said, pointing a gun at us as we walked away. None of us wanted to do anything. Everything had already happened. Was there really a point in retaliating and probably receiving a bullet in the chest after all we’d just been through? As we walked away their evil laughter pierced my back; made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end and made my eyes water even more. I asked myself: how much pain am I going to experience? Was karma really the bitch people said it was? Moments before we left the way we entered the guy stood up. “Oi!” he called smugly. As we peered over our shoulder he took off his ski mask and revealed his devilish image. I never would have thought. Never!

  ***

  We strolled home in silence. I couldn’t bear to catch sight of his eyes. To think that I just watched the closest thing to a brother get raped by the guy that I believed killed my mum. I didn’t know what to think; what to do; where to turn. We arrived at Maurice’s house after the lengthy walk in which we still hadn’t shared a word. He limped straight upstairs, had a shower and locked himself in his room. I felt so remorseful whether I had tried my best or not. I went in the bathroom and stripped bare, analysing the dents and wounds. I stood in the shower and let the hot water escape over my frail body. I was tender all over. My eyes, back, head, everywhere! The events that took place that night would be unforgettable. It was embedded in my mind. People like us don’t condone that. You could call it homophobic - call it what you like - it just weren’t right! And Holly; don’t get me started on Holly! If she loved him so much, why would she let someone do that? How could she set him up in such a way? My skin began to shrivel as I took time trying to piece together the puzzle that frustrated me so much. My head was hurting too much to make real sense of anything so I came out, got dressed and went to lie down in bed. It felt first-class to put my head down. As silence surrounded me I heard Maurice sobbing in the bedroom next door, but I couldn’t take it. I got back up and walked to his room door but I couldn’t go in. What could I possibly say to make things better? I couldn’t blame him after what he had been through. I was torn up and I only watched it happen. It’s a common stereotype that tough boys weren’t meant to cry. As a tear rolled down my face I realised we weren’t as tough as we thought. We actually weren’t tough at all in this instance.

  ***

  The next morning I was in the kitchen making breakfast. I hadn’t eaten for days and it was starting to take effect. Footsteps slowly came down the stairs and emerged into the room. I turned to see the weary figure of Maurice rubbing his eyes. It wasn’t my best friend; the guy I’ve known for so long. He looked like a stranger; someone who had just awoken from the dead.

  “You okay?” I managed to stutter.

  “No, I am not okay, Jayden. How could I possibly be okay? You watched me… you watched me get raped last night. You will never know what I’m feeling. You did nothing to help me and you’re meant to be my brother. All I have left; my family. Just pack your stuff and leave because seeing your face makes me want to kill someone and that someone would most likely be you,” he said harshly.

  I was speechless. Did he not see me tied up and gagged? Or was he just blind. Fair enough I know we didn’t go through the same thing but he should know that it affected me as much as it affected him. “Don’t piss me off blood because I tried my best to help you! When them guys were pinning me down I was fighting for you but no, Maurice is too ungrateful to appreciate what I attempted to do. I know I will never know what you went through but don’t you think I have feelings too? This wasn’t no ‘be a man moment’, Maurice, I was hurting for you. Did you think I wanted to be held down and watch them shatter your pride into a million pieces? Let them mentally and physically destroy you right in front of me? If that’s what it is then I’ll cut and I won’t come back!” I shouted furiously. He had the nerve to accuse me of sitting back and watching him get dealt with like that. I stormed up the stairs into my room and started ramming my belongings in a bag. I felt crushed but I wasn’t going to back down against his assumptions. I heard the door open behind me.

  “I’m sorry darg. I didn’t mean to kick off like that with you. I’m just vexed about what happened. I know you would have done all you could to help me but it didn’t happen and I’m just trying to get my head around things,” he explained apologetically.

  I ignored him and walked out of the room, barging past him. I was going back to my house. I thought it was too soon after the murder but I couldn’t stay there with Maurice because things were awkward. I grabbed my jacket and opened the front door.

  “Jayden don’t go, I’m sorry bruv. I don’t want you going back home after all of this now, especially with what happened to your mum,” he said, running down the stairs as I went through the door. I slammed it behind me as I walked out.

  I wandered down the road thinking about all the events that had taken place in the last couple of months. My life was a shambles. The only good thing was meeting my beautiful girlfriend. Without her, really what would I have? I got to my front door, which had been replaced with some cheap wood the council called a door. Round here we couldn’t have expensive stuff like places in Milton Keynes and Westminster; it would get robbed before it was even completed and it was that real. We were on the blocks; gutter boys; nothing. I refused to let my life go down the drain like every other boy that used to be around here. Kadeem got shot three years back over a petty argument on the internet; his family was left distraught but he brought it on himself by getting involved with the wrong people. Dominic is doing fifteen years in a jail cell for armed robbery. That kid was so smart he could have done anything with his life. All that wasted talent because greed consumed him. Daniel, a former friend that betrayed me by sleeping with my ex, now lived on the street corner, begging for a pound here and there. I couldn’t care less about him but it just shows what we have to deal with. The deprivation doesn’t help the struggle. What goes around comes around. Most girls were prostitutes trying to make an honest living or undercover whores doing what they wanted to do. I wasn’t going to end up like that; like any of them.

  I entered my house, which still had that familiar smell of my mum’s cooking lingering. I held back the tears that threatened to fall and went into my kitchen. Most of my mum’s things had been taken and given to charity by my gran, so the house looked bare. I dreaded going into the living room but it had to be done. I knew I couldn’t go on to live here if I couldn’t face what happened head on. I walked slowly and examined inside. The blood-stained patch was still there and it got me angry. The authorities didn’t even have the decency to send someone round and get it cleaned up. It shows how much they really cared that someone else lived here too. I fixated on the blood which reflected the hellish image I couldn’t seem to abolish from my mind. I threw down my stuff and ran into the bathroom to get the bleach and a brush. I raced back into the living room, got on my knees and scrubbed the floor with all my strength. Scrubbed the wall, the sofa, everything. I scrubbed until my knuckles began to blister from the materials but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t stop. Tears flowed but I refused to peel my eyes off this disgusting memory that lay before me; the memory of my mum’s motionless body. I dashed the brush at the wall and cried hard. I’d had enough of holding my emotions inside. I let it all out and cried myself to sleep in that very spot.

  Chapter Four

  I was adjusting to life at home slowly. Maurice and I were still not talking so I was lost when it came to motives for the day. I wanted to call him to see how he was doing but I didn’t see the point. He ma
de it clear what he thought about me so I thought its best to not push it. I decided to call Vanessa and ask her to come see me. With all the frenetic events that had occurred, I hadn’t had anytime to spend with her and I missed her. About an hour later I heard a knock at the door but when I opened it all I saw was puffy eyes and wet cheeks. Vanessa was crying. I told her to come in, sit down and tell me what the matter was.

  “Jayden, I think Maurice is dead,” she whispered slowly. I laughed, thinking her and Maurice were planning something stupid. “I MEAN IT!” she shouted, pushing me. My smile faded and my eyes began to well. I was hoping she was mistaken. I couldn’t have lost Maurice so soon after I’d just lost my mum. I’m sure she wasn’t right.

  “How-how do you know?” I stammered.

  “I went to his house today because I thought you were still there, but when I saw the door open I knew it was a bit odd. I looked around and saw him hanging from the upstairs banister,” she sobbed soundlessly. My heart fell out of my mouth. I choked on the saliva drying on my tongue. She wouldn’t lie about this. Not something so serious.

  “When did you find him?” I asked hesitantly.

  “Just before I came here. I haven’t called the ambulance because I just knew he was dead. He was pale and there was nothing to him, Jay,” she replied.

  My legs began to weaken but I marched out the door to Maurice’s. If this was a prank it had gone too far. Of all the kind of jokes to play this shouldn’t be one when it comes to me. When I arrived I kicked open the door and called his name, expecting a quick response. That’s when I saw him. Dangling like a piece of string. Eyes open; leaking fright but relief. I sprinted up the stairs and took him down. Everything seemed like a dystopia. My life was turning into a surreal nightmare. I cradled him, rocking slowly with my tears dripping on his colourless cheeks.

  “I’m sorry, fam,’ I whispered. ‘I’m sorry for leaving you, am sorry for everything just don’t leave me,” I begged. I’ve never felt more desperation than I felt looking at him like this; the flashbacks of my mum’s body being cradled just like this. The boy that saw me ride my first bike; backed me in every beef I have ever encountered; been the best brother to me; just gone.

  I got mad; I punched walls, kicked furniture and threw glasses but the pain remained. Vanessa tried to calm me down but I told her to let me go.

  “Jayden this isn’t the way to deal with things. Stop!” she shouted, dragging me.

  “What the fuck would you know? You didn’t know him. Get off me,” I replied, fuming with grief. She wouldn’t listen and kept grabbing me. I abruptly turned around and hit her. She fell to the ground and flinched. It was only after that I had realised what I had done. She stumbled up revealing the bruised eye I had just given her.

  “All I tried to do was help. Give you some moral support, and this is what I get? How do you think I feel finding him like this? I may not have known him as long as you have but he was still my friend too,” she said dejectedly. She ran out the house crying leaving me to question my foul actions. What have I done? What have the streets turned me into? The past was catching up with me and it was catching up fast. I looked at Maurice and fell on the floor. As I lay there next to him the ambulance came to collect his fragile body. The last good thing I had.

  ***

  The next few days were hard to cope with. I couldn’t come to terms with Maurice’s death. I knew things were bad since he got raped but we were going to get through it. He needed time alone to figure out his next move. That’s what I had thought. Now I knew I shouldn’t have left him. It was my entire fault. I got ready and headed to his house. I wanted to collect some stuff to keep him close. Even though I wasn’t going to forget him, I wanted him to be close. I also needed to make up with Vanessa. I still couldn’t believe I’d hit her. It hurt me to think about it. No matter what I’d done in life I vowed that I would never hit a woman. My mother raised me that way and I had completely failed. I tried calling her but she sent me the busy tone. I sent texts but I never got a reply. I even bought her flowers and chocolates but I knew she wouldn’t accept them if she wouldn’t see me. She was willing to be there for me and I let her go so easily.

  When I stepped into Maurice’s house the smell of weed would have knocked an amateur out. It brought back some good memories. The jokes we used to run together; the bars we used to spit together; the stories we shared with each other. I went around fixing up everything I had damaged. Well I tried to. Looking at the mess I finally realised why Vanessa wanted me to calm down. I was out of control and she could see it when I couldn’t. I went into his bedroom and scrutinised every detail. Man always had his nasty boxers lying on the floor but I got used to it. It was something he did because he was lazy. When we were young we used to hide stuff behind his wardrobe; little things that had significance to us. We always thought that if we waited until we were older we would remember the old times and laugh the day away. We always did dumb stuff like that, but it was our way of bonding. I don’t know what made me do it but I moved the wardrobe and saw a red envelope. I couldn’t remember leaving it there but when I picked it, I saw written on the front: ‘To Jayden, my best mate’. I laughed. He still made me laugh from beyond the grave. Tearing open the paper I wondered what he had written. It began:

  Dear Jayden,

  I knew you would come back and look here when I was gone so that’s why I left the envelope. You are my backbone please believe. I think we were Siamese twins in another life. We’ve been through so much as the years went on and I regret none of it. The reason why I couldn’t live anymore is because without my dignity and pride my life was worthless. What happened to me that night wouldn’t leave me alone. Every move I made put me in the direction of something that reminded me that I wasn’t Maurice anymore. I was the shell of my former self and that’s not the way to live in my eyes. I decided it was time for me to die. Don’t miss me because I’m going to be watching over you as usual. That means no funny business and stay in the right lane. You should stick with Vanessa, she looks like a real keeper and it’s about time you found someone to love. Don’t give up on the music neither but make sure when you make it big you remember me. I love you fam.

  Maurice.

  PS. There’s a gun on top of my wardrobe. When you catch Jamal, put a bullet in his head for me and a bullet in his heart for your mum. He deserves it. Safe G.

  I didn’t cry because I knew every word in this letter was the truth. I smiled, put the note back into the envelope, grabbed some of his possessions and bopped home with a rhythm in my step. I felt happy, happy to know that he was thinking of me before he died. Happy he approved of me and Vanessa and my choice to go into music. I realised I had a lot of work to do. This was the mentality check I needed to get me on my way to the future I dreamed of. And it all started with getting Vanessa back by my side.

  I thought about it and I loved Vanessa, but I owed her so much after what I had did to her. She’d been ignoring me and everyday my feelings grew stronger. I took it as a sign that she was the one and I wasn’t going to give up that easily. I went to the local corner shop and bought the biggest bunch of flowers and a bottle of wine. I knew how much she liked her roses. I had a feeling we wouldn’t be needing the wine after she heard what I had to say. I know I was young but my mum always taught me to grab those opportunities you know you are never likely to come around again.

  She lived about forty minutes away so I jumped on the bus. We didn’t need oyster cards in these ends. Those of us that had parents were too broke to provide us with one. It wasn’t a problem though because if the driver ever had anything to say it would do more harm than good. I went upstairs and took a seat at the front. The back of the bus wasn’t my position. There was a group of guys at the back just a little older than me but they were eyeing me up like they wanted to do me something. I didn’t want any trouble so I kept my head straight. I was thinking of the best way to approach Vanessa when I saw her but there were so many distractions and the guys at the b
ack were acting intimidating. There was no way I was going to make up with my girl with a black eye tonight. My fighting days were over. My ego was at its peak right now and I wanted it to stay that way until things fell back into place. I got off the bus at the next stop and the guys followed. They could have been going anywhere but when I turned down Vanessa’s road, which was a dead end, I turned around to see the guys still on my tail. I didn’t break a sweat because I knew I was near her house. I stopped in front of her gate and walked up to the door.

  “Little sweet boy going to give his girl some flowers,” the guys laughed.

  I turned around. “I haven’t got time for this shit so why don’t you lot piss off and find a whore,” I replied defensively, hoping Vanessa would whip open the door anytime soon.

  “Who are you talking to you prick?” one of the guys said, standing forward. I tried not to give the reaction that they were seeking but I didn’t take intimidation lightly.

  “Well your mum didn’t tell me your name last night when I finished with her so I guess I have to point,” I said, thinking that was a great comeback. If Maurice was still here we would have been laughing over that one for ages.

  “Alright cool, badman, just remember my face you hear?” he said, walking away with his followers trailing behind him. The thing’s guy’s do for a little bit of attention was becoming more pathetic each and every time.