“Alright, don’t do anything stupid. Call me tomorrow so I can tell you when to pick me up,” she replied.
“Yeah I’ll swing by early,” I said getting up. I kissed Vanessa on her forehead and bent down to kiss Shakira on hers. Her skin was so soft; it felt like I was kissing nothing.
I limped through the door and closed it quietly before making my outside to wait for my cab to pull in. The driver helped me in and we drove to my house. I paid him and walked up to my door, trying to work out what approach I was going to take. I didn’t know what to expect when I walked inside. I didn’t know what to say or what to think but I knew I had to stay moderately calm. As I opened the door the strong stench of rubbish hit me. I walked into the living room to see Myah huddled on the sofa in a tatty blanket. She had been living in squalor. There were dishes piled up in the kitchen sink, ants roaming the floor where she hadn’t taken out the rubbish bags; disgusting smells lingered in the air. She was a disgrace to herself.
“Get up, pack your stuff and get out of my house now!” I shouted strictly. She jumped up, dropped the blanket and ran up to me to stroke my face. She looked withered and feeble, as if she hadn’t moved from that spot since I left.
“Oh Jayden, you’re back. I thought, I thought you were dead,” she said, sounding joyful to see me.
I pushed her back and she fell to the floor. “Don’t touch me like that. You have two minutes, two fucking minutes to pack your shit and get out before I rip your face off. You got me beaten up on my birthday at my own party. Then you had the cheek to tell me that you’re pregnant like I would actually care. Your two minutes has started,” I said, desperately trying to contain myself for my own sake.
“Jayden I’m so sorry, you don’t understand. I know I made a mistake but you have to forgive me. I was angry at what you two had in the first place. Anyone could see there were still feelings there on both parts. Then you called me her name and that was the last straw. I felt like I had to do something,” she cried. I went upstairs and grabbed a bag. Since she didn’t want to get a move on I thought I’d help her along, instead of standing there listening to her contemptible excuses. I dashed everything of hers I saw in the bag then went back downstairs. Whatever was left here I was planning to throw away. I grabbed her by the arm and dragged her to the door throwing her out onto the ground, and then I did the same with her bag.
“I swear to God, if I see you around here again or if you go near Vanessa, I’ll kill you! You don’t know how hard it is to maintain composure after what you did to me. There were so many other ways to handle such a situation and you chose to get me stabbed up,” I bawled. She was speechless. She could see the rage running through my veins. Her frail body scuttled to her feet and ran, grabbing her bag on the way. I walked back inside and slammed the door. I was heated up, but now she was gone things could only move up. I went in the kitchen and picked up my post then went to sit in the living room. My head was pounding but I felt relief float over me as I opened one of the letters:
Dear Mr Jayden Ace Daley,
We have received your letter regarding your talent and interest in the music industry. We have acknowledged your ambition to become an artist and would like to invite you to a meeting to discuss what you would like to do and the reasons why you have decided to take a career in music. We would also like to hear a sample of your work in order to make the decision of granting you a contract. Your appointment will be held at 1pm on the 19th October at the East Bank Centre. Please take this opportunity to express your deepest emotions on the subject and perform effectively. We look forward to seeing you and we hope you’re successful in your progress towards becoming a musician.
Yours sincerely,
Music Nation
What I was reading was surreal. I remembered contacting Music Nation with a few samples I had made a few months ago, but I never thought I would actually get a reply. I had the opportunity to get signed. I jumped up on the sofa with my healing body and shouted at the top of my voice, but then I recognised that they had said the 19th, which was today. I shut up quick and swiftly looked at the time. It was 11:30 a.m. I wondered if I could get ready and make it in time but what would they think of my appearance. I wouldn’t say I was looking my best only a few days after getting beaten up but I really didn’t care. I was planning to give it a shot and take the decision on the chin. I went upstairs, freshened up, and then I snatched the letter off the table as I flew through the door. I knew if I took the bus I wouldn’t make it on time so with my last tenner I paid for a cab to drop me there. I couldn’t mess this up. It was my only chance to start making legal money and making something of myself. In the car I was desperately thinking of what I should say but then I told myself to relax and worry about it when I got there. The key to pulling off a short notice performance is knowing how to adapt and improvise in any context, just in case things didn’t go to plan. Surprisingly I wasn’t nervous but I didn’t want to get too cocky; anything could happen.
The car pulled up in front of the centre and that’s when I started to feel a bit funny. This was actually my chance to reform. Change for the better, for my mother, Maurice and my new family; a chance to finally put my bleak past behind me. I got out and entered the centre confidently. There were quite a lot of people there, which kind of made me feel better. We had to wait until our name was called to know when to go into the room with the decision makers. I took a seat and watched people walk in and out of the room for the next hour. Some were crying; others were smiling. I didn’t know what to expect but I had no time to think as suddenly my name was called. I stood up and opened the room door, trying to appear alert and ready to take on one of the biggest challenges of my life. I know it was only music but music is what makes me. There was a long table with judges sitting behind it. They asked for my letter and told me to take a seat.
“Hello Jayden, my name is Melanie and I’ll be judging your audition today alongside my colleagues here. How are you today?” she asked respectfully.
“I’m cool, what about you guys?” I said, trying to sound somewhat decent. They frowned at my informal speech but that was something I couldn’t change. I was raised in an environment where it had already been integrated in my vocabulary. It didn’t affect the way I was able to produce good music.
“We’re fine, thank you. Now let’s begin. What makes you want to be an artist?” she asked generally.
“Well being raised in London, I had a difficult upbringing. My dad left me at the age of five and my mum was killed when I was eighteen. These streets are corrupting the youths of today’s generation and maybe through music I could provide some sort of positive influence. We’re like the walking dead. We have no knowledge of ourselves because we try to be people we’re not. I know me getting involved in music wouldn’t make a big change but It’s a start. I want to be able to inspire other young people to see that the roads don’t have to dominate their lives. They can channel their energy into something their good at,” I said proudly.
Just looking at the faces in front of me showed me that they were touched by my speech. I tried to be as formal as I could and it seemed to work. “Well Jayden, at this moment in time I’m speechless. We understand your reasons for being interested in this subject and we have been profoundly affected by your story. Would you now like to give us a sample of your work? Take your time, there’s no rush,” said Melanie, before conferring with her fellow judges.
I took out my phone and played a beat. It was the only resource I had in this music thing and it had been good to me. I felt nervous but when I realised that the bars I was going to say weren’t lies, that they were the truth from deep within, I had nothing to worry about. I had to give it my best shot; for Vanessa and Shakira. They were my main priority in life now and getting this contract would mean a fresh start for all of us. I gave them a demo of a piece I wrote a short while after Donny died. That was when I knew I had to get out of this gang life. I was tired of death following me everywhere I went and th
at was the driving force behind my passion to succeed. When I finished there was a tense silence that filled the air. I waited in suspense for them to say something; anything. Even if they were going to let me down I just wanted them to put me out of my misery. Their faces didn’t give anything away and I was starting to feel a sinking feeling in my stomach. They huddled together and the slight sound of whispering lingered.
They all turned to me. “We very much like what you’re about, Jayden. You want to express your message through music and we believe it would be effective. You have the potential to be a good musician. We would like to grant you a contract that would provide all the resources you need in order to put you on the path to success. Providing that you’re committed and this is what you really want,” Melanie said graciously. I could see in their faces now that they were genuinely happy for me. I was gobsmacked. “You lot aren’t serious?” I said, trying to ignore the awful pain in my shoulder and leg. They all smiled when they heard my reaction but what did they expect? They would never be able to know what this meant to me. I walked up to the desk to get a copy of my papers then went to leave. When I got outside I forgot all about the pain I was feeling and dropped to my knees. To think I could have missed an opportunity like this if I hadn’t come home today made my heart skip a beat. I was actually going to make it. It wasn’t just a dream anymore. I had finally found my path in which the only direction was forward.
***
On my way home I called Vanessa and told her the good news. She sounded so happy for me. “Babe that’s brilliant. I can’t believe this is actually happening to you,” she cheered down the line.
“I know. I was so shocked but it’s all for you and Shakira now. It’s just about us,” I replied.
“Well you’re not going to be seeing much of us. You’re going to be in the studio, making videos and stuff so we’re going to be distant,” she said with her voice gradually fading.
“I’ll make time for you. We’re in this together. Don’t ever think otherwise,” I tried to assure her.
“Don’t forget to pick me up tomorrow,” she said concluding the conversation.
“Bye,” I replied, feeling a bit deflated. I didn’t want her to think that she was going to be neglected but I hadn’t thought about the travelling I’d be doing and the late nights I’d be working. I knew it would put strain on the relationship but I was ready to take that strain on. That night when I went to Vanessa’s house had been the start of my changing perspective. I shoved the phone in my pocket and made my way home on the bus. I was feeling beyond elated but walking through the blocks seemed dead. There was no noise; no crowds of youngsters wasting their time on the street corner; it was deserted for once. Upon opening my front door a letter fell from the letter box. It was literally a mission to bend down and pick it up with my aching body but I managed. When I opened it the content was spelt out using letters from a newspaper. I knew something was odd so I read on:
NEWS GOT AROUND THAT YOU GOT RUSHED AT YOUR OWN BIRTHDAY BASH. YOU MUST FEEL LIKE A REAL PRICK. IT’S A SHAME I WASN’T THERE TO FINISH YOU OFF. A LITTLE BIRDIE TOLD ME YOUR SOFT FRIEND MAURICE KILLED HIMSELF ASWELL. LIFE”S A BITCH FOR YOU RIGHT NOW. I WONDER HOW YOU WOULD FEEL IF I GOT HOLD OF THAT NEW BABY OF YOURS. NEWS TRAVELS FAST DOESN”T IT? I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU JAYDEN AND YOU KNOW WHY I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU. I MIGHT HAVE TO PAY A LITTLE VISIT TO YOUR FAMILY SOON. LOOK OUT FOR ME. I DON’T NEED TO TELL YOU WHO THIS IS FROM, DO I?
This bastard was tormenting me. He was the reason for all the faults in my life and he still hadn’t given up. It went far beyond a joke after he killed my mum and raped my best friend, now he wanted to take away the little life I had left. I ran upstairs to pack some clothes. I got my gun and pushed it under my clothes. If he was coming for me and my girls I was prepared. I never thought I would be able to take a life but for Vanessa and Shakira I would do anything now. I made my way to Vanessa’s house, looking over my shoulder with every glance I could spare. When I arrived I cleaned up the place for her return the next day then unpacked my stuff. I needed somewhere to hide the gun. I didn’t want Vanessa to know I had it until I told her about the situation with Jamal but I couldn’t keep something like this from her for long. We had a baby in the house now so I couldn’t continue slacking the way I was. I went to lie down in bed. I thought about me getting signed and the threat Jamal had sent me. When I made it big - and I was going to make it big - Vanessa, Shakira and I were moving out the ends. It was the only way to ensure we were all safe and provide a better environment for Shakira to grow up in. I didn’t want her living the way my generation lived. It was unfair. I loved the place I was raised in; it was a part of me and my mum, and I didn’t want to leave, but it was time for a change. They say change is for the better.
Chapter Nine
I went to get Vanessa from the hospital the next day. The night before I had written down a few lines that I thought would be good for my first day at work, so I planned to go to the studio later. When I got to the hospital she was already packed and ready to go. Shakira was in a baby carrier, wrapped warmly in a pink blanket.
“How you doing there baby girl?” I said with raised intonation. She smiled at me, prompting me to smile back. “You set to go?” I asked Vanessa.
“Yeah, I can’t wait to get home and have a proper shower,” she sighed.
“Yeah you need one still,” I kidded.
She gave me a weak punch on my arm as I picked up the baby carrier. Vanessa paid for the cab and when we pulled up outside the house I helped her out. “I see you cleaned up,” she said, smiling as she stepped inside.
“Yeah we got a baby living here now so we can’t be living like shit anymore,” I replied.
“Excuse me! We weren’t living in shit in the first place,” she cursed. She sat down and took Shakira out of the carrier. “Jayden, I’m going to put Shakira to bed, have a shower then I’m gonna sit down and talk to you because I feel that you’re holding something back from me,” she said inferring, that I had something to hide.
“I’m sorry but I’m going to the studio now. We can talk when I come back. I won’t be gone too long,” I said, rapidly avoiding an awkward situation. She sighed as she walked up the stairs.
I made my way to the studio, which was only minutes away. I needed to start small and work my way up, so I recorded the lines I wrote to see how it sounded then called it a night. I didn’t want Vanessa getting irritated on her first day back home neither. I had my own agent now, whose job was to keep me on the straight and narrow and enhance my chances of success. I was so grateful for this contract it was unimaginable.
Walking back home, outside seemed lifeless. There wasn’t much movement. There wasn’t much sound. My surroundings resembled a graveyard. My thoughts seemed so much louder when everything else was quiet. Jamal was circling through my head constantly as I spent most moments wondering what he had planned next for me. For the first time it crossed my mind as to why he was doing this to me. Why was he so persistent in trying to ruin every part of my life? Was it because of a problem he had with himself? Did he have something to prove? All these questions repeatedly were burdening me and needed to be answered if my mind was to rest.
***
When I got back I heard Vanessa singing in the shower. I went upstairs and stood outside the door. She sounded great. All this time I’d known her and I never knew she had this hidden talent. It was then she stopped and I heard her talking to herself. “He’s been lying to me all this time. I can’t believe he would hide something like this. After we made an agreement to make this work and He’s keeping secrets already.” I froze. She must have been talking about the gun, the letter and everything else. Now I had to come clean with her because I didn’t want to lose her. I went in to the bedroom and lay next to Shakira on the bed. I looked at her pale face and automatically thought of Maurice. Maybe this was the blessing I’d asked for. I still hadn’t got over the fact that she cheated on me with my closest friend, but
Vanessa getting pregnant seemed to be a blessing in disguise. This little girl would change everything; change me. I heard the bathroom door open and footsteps walking towards the bedroom door. I took Shakira’s hand and watched her sleep. Vanessa opened the door and stood in the doorway, dripping wet with a towel tightly wrapped around her.
“Move from my baby with your filthy hands!” she scorned.
“Why you carrying on like this?” I said, amazed at her insensitive attitude.
“You know why, so don’t act dumb with me Jayden because I’m far from stupid!” she replied coming closer.
“Seriously, explain yourself,” I said, calling her bluff. I wanted her to tell me what the problem was before I said what I thought it was.
She walked to the other side of the bed and bent down. “What is this doing in the house?” she asked, holding up my gun. I quickly stood up and grabbed it from her hand.
“You shouldn’t be looking through my stuff. You had no right!” I shouted. Shakira began to cry.
“Don’t try blaming this on me. We have a baby in this house and you’re rolling with a gun. You must be foolish! And there’s me thinking this music thing would help you realise that this street life isn’t the way to go. You’re the same one that made out like it was our root to happiness but you’re back tracking already,” she said as I saw tears build up in her eyes.
“Blood don’t tell me anything because you don’t know the half of it. You don’t know what I’ve been through and you want to cuss me after I’m trying to protect your scrawny ass!” I shouted defensively. Shakira cried harder and louder. I dashed the gun on the floor and picked her up.
“Put my baby down before I have to get wicked on you Jayden!” she threatened. I ignored her chat, ran down the stairs and out the door. “Where the hell are you going? Come back with my baby now!” she cried from the doorway.
Tales of the Hood Page 8