by Shaw, Robin
I left my book bag against the wall in the hallway and I laced my fingers with Mariska’s. Mounting the steps until we reached the second floor, she accompanied me into my mother’s room. The door was wide open. My eyes zeroed in on the unmade sheets on her bed, something that wouldn’t have happened if she were alive. She’d been particular about that. I whirled around when I couldn’t stay in her room for one more second and Chase stepped inside with Beth. I owed him his own time to be in our mother’s room like I’d been.
After we’d left Chase alone with Beth in our parent’s room, we showered and dressed in my childhood bedroom.
“You’re smiling,” Mariska commented softly, breaking the silence we’d maintained since we’d gotten here.
I gave her a nod. “Those tie-dye pajamas you’ve got on are uglier than the ones you have in your dorm.”
She rolled her eyes. “The colors are just louder than my other tie-dye stuff.” She was under the covers of my bed, and patted the opposite side. Under normal circumstances, this situation would’ve gone in a different direction, and even though I knew that I wasn’t going to get any sleep, I sank down on the bed and winded hands around her waist. As she passed her fingers through my hair, we looked at each other, until her eyes fell closed.
***
WHEN I MARCHED INTO the kitchen to brew some fresh coffee, Chase was already sitting at the table. I nodded my head at him and he tried to give me a slight smile but he was crushed, just like I was. I didn’t know how long he’d been here, and I didn’t ask. He had the same clothes on from last night and I doubted that he even washed his face or showered like I’d thought he had earlier this morning.
At the counter, I took three mugs, since Beth didn’t drink coffee, and I started the coffee machine. Dad had gotten one similar to what I had in my house. Then, I opened the refrigerator and eyed all of the vegetables and lean meats mother had already cooked. In the center, there was a huge uncooked turkey. I tried to ignore it, but it was right smack in my face. Mother loved to make a big feast on Thanksgiving Day, despite the fact that we hadn’t had any family or other guests over after Nana had passed away. I thought cooking helped her escape, but she hadn’t had it in her anymore to be hospitable to guests. I didn’t want to dwell on the general state of melancholy Mother seemed to have always been in. I took the slices of bread and the mozzarella cheese out of the fridge. I started making what I’d learned was Chase’s preferred version of grilled cheese sandwiches at the end of this summer.
“Beth’s asleep?” I asked him about a half an hour later. Chase had told me that Beth was an early riser. I figured it was enough time for him to wake up from the four cups of coffee he’d had. The plate in front of him with four grilled cheese sandwiches were untouched.
“Nah,” he grunted and swallowed more of his coffee. “She’s emailing her professors with an explanation about why she’s going to miss her classes.”
Turning off the stove, I slid the last grilled cheese sandwiches onto Beth and Mariska’s plates and left them by the stove. “We should do the same. I’ll tell Mariska to do that too.”
Chase shrugged his shoulders indifferently, when Dad appeared at the entrance of the kitchen in his button down shirt, argyle sweater and dark slacks. He had dark bags under his eyes as well. Chase didn’t blink an eye, but it’d always startled me how light Dad was on his feet. He was taller than us and twice as broad as Chase and I. He made for a pretty intimidating looking lawyer.
“You look like shit,” Dad said, with his eyes on Chase. “People can barely get passed that scar on your face. You can’t look like a bum, too.”
“Yeah, well. Tough shit. If I am too indecent for them, then they can go fuck themselves.” Not sparing Dad a glance, Chase got up and poured himself more coffee. “When’d you get in anyway? I didn’t hear you.”
“I was in my study. Make yourself look presentable. People will be stopping by to give their condolences.” He paused and sighed deeply. “I can’t believe I am saying this but take after Hunter.” He exited with an air of arrogance like he’d done in many instances.
Mariska
A TALL OLDER MAN, whom Chase and Hunter bore a striking resemblance to, brushed against my shoulder in the hallway. I said good morning and apologized, thinking that it was due to my clumsiness, but I didn’t think he heard me.
The strong smell of coffee hit me when I came into the kitchen. Chase was drinking his coffee and Hunter pushed the chair out for me and I sat next to him. I touched Chase’s hand briefly, but he didn’t acknowledge me. I’d thought Beth would’ve been down here with them. Hunter shook his head “no” at me. I was going to ask Chase if he was all right, but that was the dumbest thing I could’ve done. How could he, or Hunter, be all right?
“And why does he give a fuck about how I look?” Chase raised himself from the seat, appearing to not talk to anyone in particular. “That won’t change anything.” The table shook under the force of his hands on it, but I didn’t think he was aware of it.
Hunter gave Chase a sharp look. “Chase, I feel you on this, but you gotta chill out.” He lowered his gaze to Chase’s plate of uneaten sandwiches and he cautiously dropped his voice. “You’re going to get sick if you function on only coffee all damn day. I know you haven’t gotten any sleep. Fuck what Dad said. He feels powerless. We’re all powerless in this situation. Mom was taken way too soon. I don’t think Dad can say those words now, or ever.”
Beth had slipped into the kitchen by the time Hunter was done speaking. Standing behind Chase for a second, she wrapped her arms around his chest and placed her head on the middle of his back. She was tiny compared to him, but, without speaking to him, she was getting him to relax a considerable amount. Hunter gestured me to eat like everything was normal and I did just that, because my heart ached for he and Chase. Minutes later, Chase had two plates of grilled cheese sandwiches in his hand and she held another mug of coffee for him. Beth touched our shoulders on their way out.
“Was he talking about your Dad?” I asked Hunter as he took the napkin from his lap to wipe his mouth.
“Yeah, he was,” he replied, “Dad knows how to work his magic on people.” A resigned expression passed over his strong features and, sipping some coffee, he said, “Don’t forget to email your professors like Beth did. If you’re going to have problems with your classes, tell me. I’ll get you on the first plane back to Miami.”
I nodded my head, but I wasn’t going to return to Miami, even if my grades would be affected. I could take a lower grade, or drop a course if it came to that. Hunter didn’t understand that I wasn’t going to bail on him ever again. Especially when he was doing his best to be a dependable brother and son—despite the likelihood that there was a slim to none chance that he’d admit that he still wanted to be the kind of man his mom could be proud of, even in her death.
There were light raps on the door and I knew that there’d be incoming and outgoing traffic here all day. Before he went to answer the door, Hunter leaned in and kissed me on the cheek, while he held the other side of my face in his hand.
***
THE WAKE ON SATURDAY and Sunday had gone by in a blur. It’d been an open casket service. I’d never been to one before and, while the sadness had been palpable, the smiles, some of the memories I’d overheard people recall, made me really wish Chase and Hunter had reunited with her. Charlotte Keller-Lovell was a beautiful petite woman. The funeral home had done her make-up decently and she’d looked like she was just resting. There’d been an endless stream of people, who’d given their condolences. Some who were Mr. Lovell’s colleagues, but most of the people were neighbors. Hunter had worn a brave face and thanked everyone for paying their respects. On the other hand, Chase seemed to retreat further into himself and I could sense Beth’s worry.
Last night, Beth and I had rocked ourselves back and forth on the rocking chairs out on the porch. We’d agreed that the Lovell men should have time and space to begin to grieve together—without u
s being in the house with them. However, they’d kept to themselves. She and I had shared with each other that Chase and Hunter hadn’t talked about their mom. I knew that there was a lot of bad blood; Hunter had broken into his parent’s house when he’d been high and demanded money from his mom. I knew that must’ve been frightening for her, and for Chase, as he’d been there too.
We were at the cemetery and the workers were putting their mom’s ivory white marble casket into the ground. Mr. Lovell had told us to stay back and we obediently complied with his request. It was the only communication we’d had with him. Chase and Hunter dropped white roses into the ground and pictures of them with their mom inside. Everyone else had left from the funeral. After Chase said something to his mom, he allowed himself to fall into Hunter’s open arms. Across from his sons, Mr. Lovell stared at the workers as they began shoving dirt to cover her casket.
Chapter 23
Hunter
I FELT LIKE I was going to break down as I’d watched mother’s burial. I’d known her plans since I was nine years ago, the day Nana had been cremated. After mother and I had had a few drinks outside on the porch, she’d told me that she’d wanted a service in a church and to be buried. Dad had been the one to supervise the coordination of the wake and the funeral. I hadn’t seen anyone check up on how he was doing, so I’d figured that I ought to do it now.
After Dad said come in when I’d tapped on his door, I found him slouched over the couch in his impressive office, which also served as a pull out bed. As I made more strides into his office, the hypnotic smell of bourbon overwhelmed my senses and my gaze dropped to the tall, dark glass of the alcoholic drink.
“Come. Sit down, Hunter. You drink bourbon, don’t you?” he asked me in a dry tone, the reddish-brown eyes that Chase and I had inherited from him flickered with bitterness.
“I haven’t had a drop of the stuff in years.”
He lifted the cup to his mouth and took greedy gulps of the bourbon. Like me, it’d take a few more drinks for him to be full-on drunk. We were big guys and I’d recalled, from the company parties we’d all attended when he’d made partner, that he’d a high tolerance for alcohol.
“How about snow?” He sent me a pointed look. “You mess with that stuff, although it seems like you haven’t touched it since you’ve been under my roof.”
I’d given him a lot of problems, due to my addiction. He was letting it all out now. My record wouldn’t have been expunged if it weren’t for him. Despite being a corporate lawyer, he knew very good criminal lawyers.
“I don’t do any drugs. Not even an aspirin when my hands get stiff,” I clarified for him. “Mom must’ve gotten those guerillas to get me off of the streets and into treatment.”
“Who else could it have been? I knew you boys were going to be pansies. And you were practically bottle-fed bourbon. It’s no wonder you’re an addict. But Chase—he kicked it. He experimented, like teenagers do, and got over that phase. He would’ve been a part of the win over Tampa…”
The smell of the bourbon intensified. I felt like I was breathing it in and I was so tempted to wash down my feelings tonight with just one glass, for old time’s sake. For mother. It’d been a ritual that he’d known about for years and hadn’t done anything to stop. Instead, however, I bounced from his office.
***
MARISKA HAD ALL OF her damp hair on one side as she spread product into a section of her hair and began combing through it. She didn’t notice I was here, until I locked the door. As she whipped around with a surprised expression that slipped from her face, her robe fell open. My gaze fell to her perfect stiffened nipples and back up to her face. She brought the wrap around to tie it.
“Don’t,” I told her and slowly strolled over to her, “cover yourself up.”
Her hands settled to her thighs and the robe parted farther apart this time, without any extra effort on her part. With her skin glowing like she’d spent her entire day at the Paloma’s Edge beach, all the blood rushed from my brain and straight to my groin. I did nothing to mask my growing erection. It was becoming uncomfortable for me. I wanted to readjust myself or take off my pants all together.
In the precise moment that the sheer white robe hit the floor, Mariska slid the chair from the night table back. She motioned me with her finger to come closer to her. And when I did, she took hold of my hands and her harsh breath lingered in my ears. I was turning her on, as much as she was exciting me.
I was speechless when her passionate gaze collided with mine, her chest flush against mine. Awkwardly, she unbuttoned my jeans, as if she hadn’t done it before and then it occurred to me why this was different; the bright lights were on and exposed every flaw on our bodies, or rather every decadent inch of her skin. After I kicked off my shoes and pants, I held the back of her head in my hand.
“We can stay together like this. Nothing else,” I told her, honestly hoping that she’d still want me to do at least a little more to her.
She pulled my head down to her forehead. “Why is it okay now?” she asked against my lips.
“Because I don’t think I’ll fucking walk straight, if I am not deep inside by the end of the night.”
A satisfied smiled crossed her face as she yanked down my boxers. Squatting, she tugged my boxers down my legs and lowered herself to take it off me completely. Before I even stepped out of my boxers, my cock jerked forward to full attention a fraction from Mariska’s face. She grasped me in her soft hands, which was smoother than usual, due to her hair cream. As she stroked me thoroughly, until I thought I’d bust in her hands, she planted a quick kiss to my head and then she steadied herself by gripping onto my thighs. She pushed me forward a little and my knees hit the edge of the seat before I sat down. Mouth opened wide, Mariska eased my cock to the back of her throat, then out. In fast and slow plunges. Her eyes became unfocused. With her lips gripping my shaft, light tears streamed down her face. I pushed her shoulders back so she’d more room, but I didn’t want out of her mouth either. Bracing her hands on the beginning of my ass, Mariska squeezed each cheek and I instantly exploded into her mouth. She laved at my crown, murmuring when she slid me past her lips, deeper again, taking me at the sides of her mouth to relax her throat muscles. My hands buried into her hair. Hips churned as another orgasm tore through me with a ferocity I’d never experienced. I emptied straight into her throat.
After she swallowed, her mouth curved and she asked me, “Did you bring any condoms with you?”
Mariska
HUNTER PULLED ME INTO his lap. My legs hung over the sides of the chair as my wetness came into direct contact with his hardening cock. His mouth moved over mine as he took himself in his hand and ran circles over my entrance with the head of his penis. I found myself kissing him senseless as I gyrated on him. I squirmed when he inched inside me. I couldn’t accommodate him easily. Hunter lifted me up and I was standing again, my legs spaced out, toes curled onto the carpeting of his bedroom floor. His turned his head so that his face was at level with my vagina. A grin pulled at the corners of his lips as he jerked his head up, and proceeded to lick and suck on my navel in tandem with the painstaking rhythm he was applying as he caressed the length of his groin in his strong, large hand. He was getting thicker and longer than he had gotten before. The image made me moan.
Bringing his head back a slight, he blew over my clit and my knees felt weak. Then, he planted his tongue at my cleft and turned his head again, pushing and swirling through my folds.
As I was getting wetter, he fingered me and I pushed my fingers into his thick head of hair in order to hang on. I was so connected to him. He needed to lose himself inside me. When I came undone, all over Hunter’s mouth, he ran his tongue over his lips until it was clean. As I breathed raggedly, Hunter hauled himself up from the chair and carried me to the bed. Warmth rushed through me faster this time around, because he didn’t divert his gaze from me. He opened the pocket at the crotch of his boxers and took out a condom.
F
eeling brazen, I said, “Take your time putting that on. I wanna know just how you like it done,” between choppy breaths.
Hunter trailed toward me, a ghost of a smile played over his lips and he was as solid as he was going to get. When he hovered over me, he kissed me and we both made gratified sounds. I liked tasting us on my tongue. He ripped open the condom packet. His kiss journeyed toward my chest, suckling each nipple before he pulled from me. Reaching between us, I grabbed his length, enjoying how smooth and firm he was, the perfect depiction of who he was. I reached the tip and came in contact with the fluid evidence of his excitement. I rubbed it between my fingers, and on top of my groin.
Sucking a breath through his teeth, he rolled the condom down his impressive cock. Taking a precaution looked so much hotter than it sounded. “Always tell me what you need me to do,” he told me through a tight voice.
I raised my hips and looked at him directly. I wanted to say, “Make love to me,” but I didn’t want him to change his mind again. I took a fortifying breath. “I want you. Only you,” was all I could manage. It was honest enough not to scare him off.
A look flashed over his face that was puzzling. There was a deep emotion in it, but I couldn’t tap into it. He’d push me away. As he settled between my legs again, I wrapped my legs around him and touched his flexing jaw with my hands. His hair had grown enough hair at the front and top of his head that it now automatically parted as it fell forward. Hunter passed his lips over mine, as his fingertips skimmed along my inner thighs. When his tip brushed over my folds and filled me to the hilt, I felt a little discomfort, not the pain Beth had described about her first time. My hands drifted over his washboard abs and then glided to where we were joined. I massaged his sack and he grunted. His head flew back and my pulse thrummed at how beautiful he was.