by Sanja
Caroline turned away and ran her hands round her neck and under her hair at the back. 'You certainly have changed,' she said achingly. 'You really had me fooled.'
'I might say the same thing about you,' he replied, buttoning his overcoat. He strolled to the door.
'You've forgotten your bracelet,' she said, a lump in her throat.
'Your bracelet,' he corrected her and let himself out of the flat.
CHAPTER FIVE
The next day was, of course, Sunday, and Caroline woke late feeling utterly depressed. She had never felt so unhappy and life seemed uninteresting and uninviting. She lay in bed, feigning sleep, until lunch time, allowing Amanda to get up alone. She dreaded facing her and the barrage of questions that would have to be answered. She supposed she was a coward, but this had been the most important thing in her life and now it was gone. She still could hardly believe the happenings of the previous evening and she hoped they had only been a bad dream.
Amanda douched this hope when she came in about twelve o'clock carrying the box containing the bracelet.
'Is this yours?' she exclaimed with a smile, when she saw Caroline's eyes were open.
'No,' replied Caroline shakily, tears welling up in her eyes. 'It belongs to Adam Steinbeck. He forgot to take it with him last night. I'll have to return it to him.'
Amanda frowned. 'Honey, I know I'm an inquisitive blighter, but why are you crying? He came, didn't he? He didn't.. .well. . .' Her words and their meaning were perfectly clear.
'He hasn't seduced me,' replied Caroline flatly, 'if that's what you're hinting at. Quite .the reverse. Our little affair, to use the term loosely, is over. Don't ask me why. I just don't understand it myself.'
Amanda perched on the end of her bed. 'Perhaps he's been hearing stories about you and this Mark Davison you went out with. That kind of news travels swiftly.'
Caroline sat up abruptly. Until now that thought had not occurred to her. She had told Amanda what a horrible reputation he had, and Amanda had advised her to have nothing more to do with him.
'Oh, Amanda,' she exclaimed, 'do you think it's possible? He went into the office yesterday because he asked why I was absent. But who would want to tell him tales like that, the minute he was home?'
'Maybe somebody else is interested in him, honey,' remarked Amanda shrewdly. 'Your date with lover- boy was asking for trouble. I honestly don't know why you went. It served no useful purpose whatsoever.'
Caroline sighed. 'I told you, I was only thinking of Adam.'
'Even to my ears that sounds a likely tale,' said Amanda gloomily. 'Or should I say unlikely?'
Caroline groaned. 'Amanda, what can I do?'
'I should let that be an end of it,' said Amanda solemnly. 'Really, Caroline. You're better out of it altogether.'
'I'm not, I'm not,' cried Caroline achingly. 'Amanda, I love him.'
Amanda sighed heavily, staring at her friend. 'Are you serious?'
'Never more so,' replied Caroline, burying her face in her hands.
'My God!' Amanda was completely flabbergasted. 'Well, kid, good luck! You're going to need it.'
'But anyway, Mandy, why not tell me about this business with Mark? Why did he just clam up like that?'
'Look, honey. Steinbeck is nearly forty, you're seventeen.'
'Nearly eighteen,' contradicted Caroline quickly.
'Okay, even so, it's a hell of a difference. Anyway, Steinbeck goes away. Four days later you're out with a boy of nearer your own age. What would you think? I'd think you wanted Steinbeck for his money and Mark Davison for something else.'
'Amanda! Heavens, Adam is much more attractive than Mark Davison! He's the most attractive man I've ever met.'
'Honey, you're biased.'
'Maybe one day you'll see him too, and then you'll know,' replied Caroline. 'Oh, Amanda, what can I do? I've got to do something.'
'I should let things slide for the time being,' replied Amanda slowly. 'You know what they say about absence making the heart grow fonder.'
Caroline sighed. 'Maybe you're right. But I shall send that bracelet back tomorrow. Whatever happens I don't want it.'
On Monday morning, Caroline put the jewel box containing the bracelet in her shoulder bag and took it to work. She could only hope Adam would be in that day, thus enabling her to send the bracelet back via a messenger. She did not want to take it to him herself, but as she sat in the bus on her way to the Steinbeck Building she realised she could hardly send anything as valuable as that with the messenger boy. If it should get lost! Or stolen! Her stomach plunged sickeningly.
No! She would have to deliver the thing herself to his office. If she left it with his secretary she would be sure of it arriving safely.
When she asked Miss Morgan for permission to go up to the chairman's suite, her senior looked astonished. She did not dare refuse her request, however, as she did not know just what the situation was between Caroline and Adam Steinbeck. It was most irregular and most humiliating to have to subordinate herself to an inferior.
'Mr Steinbeck won't be in this morning,' said Miss Morgan tersely.
'That's quite all right,' replied Caroline quietly. 'His secretary will do in this instance.'
'Oh, very well. It's already nine-thirty, and as your coffee break begins in fifteen minutes you had better go now.' She felt and sounded frustrated.
'Thank you,' Caroline smiled, and then turned away to get her handbag.
The lift took her up to the twelfth floor and she stepped out on to the pile-carpeted corridor. Each door indicated its occupant in small gold letters and she had no difficulty in finding 'Steinbeck'.
She knocked and entered Laura Freeman's office, but to her surprise the room was empty. However, there were signs of Laura's occupation, so she surmised that the secretary would not be long in all probability.
There was another door opening off the room, which presumably led to Adam's office. It was closed and Caroline wondered what was beyond. She looked about her nervously, smoothing her shining hair and the heavy red woollen material of her slim-fitting dress. A mirror hung on one wall and she walked across to it and peered at her reflection. She was sure Adam's secretary would be very chic and efficient and she didn't want to appear gauche or untidy.
Her large green eyes looked back at her and she sighed as she remembered again her last meeting with Adam. Her eyes reminded her of her purpose here. They still looked rather hollow, giving her face a haunting beauty.
Suddenly, she had the feeling that someone was watching her and she swung round guiltily. Then she flushed. Adam himself was leaning against the jamb of the door through which he had just entered, regarding her intently. He had obviously just arrived in the building as he was still wearing his overcoat. His almost animal magnetism reached out to her and she shivered. She had never believed one man could ever affect her in this way. Her bones seemed to melt into water at his glance. His eyes on her were broodingly intense and she moved uncomfortably, twisting the box containing the bracelet between her fingers.
After what seemed like an eternity, he straightened up and walked into the room.
'Did you want to see me?' he enquired, his voice curt.
'Well, yes and no,' she replied awkwardly. 'I merely came to return your bracelet. I intended leaving it with your secretary, but she wasn't here. I've been waiting for her.'
Adam looked thoughtful. 'We can't talk here,' he said abruptly. 'Miss Freeman will be back at any moment. Come into my office.'
Passing her, he opened his office door and allowed her to precede him into the room beyond. As she
passed him, brushing against his chest, she felt her heart pounding and it was all she could do to prevent herself from pressing herself against him.
His office reminded her of his study at Slayford, except that the wide windows revealed the roofs of London instead of the gardens of his home.
Adam closed the door, and taking off his coat he hung it near the door on an ebony stand. Then he
crossed to his desk, flipping over some confidential letters which were awaiting his inspection.
Caroline stood awkwardly in the centre of the room, unaware of what to do next. She felt like a schoolgirl again, up before the headmaster.
'Don't worry,' remarked Adam, glancing up at her. 'This room is soundproof, so no one can hear our conversation. And no one will enter without permission from me.'
Caroline looked down at the toes of her shoes. Then with a stiffening of her shoulders she looked up at him again. Today he was wearing a dark blue suit and matching waistcoat and looked every inch the business tycoon he was.
'So you came to return the bracelet?' he observed, thrusting his hands into the pockets of his trousers.
'Yes. I suppose that's all, then. I've already done what I came to do.' She placed the bracelet on the side of the desk behind which he was standing.
Adam gave her a studied glance. 'On Saturday evening I was rather rude. I apologise.'
'That's quite all right.' Caroline's voice was cool.
'I'm not in the habit of doing that sort of thing,' he continued. 'I suppose I did it very badly?'
'I think you did it very well,' replied Caroline, in an
aloof tone. 'You made your position perfectly clear.'
Adam's eyes narrowed slightly and he shrugged. 'I see. Well, I'm sure it won't be difficult for you to find yourself another escort. I believe there is a young man in this building in whom you are interested.'
Caroline stiffened. So he did know about Thursday evening!
'Do you mean Mark Davison?' she asked angrily.
Adam seated himself behind his desk in the deep armchair: He looked assured and sophisticated and Caroline wanted to break down the barrier he had put up between them.
'I believe that is the young man's name,' agreed Adam easily, lighting a cigar with casual movements.
'I thought it would be,' exclaimed Caroline. 'Who told you about him?'
Adam raised his eyebrows. 'As it's true I hardly think that matters,' he replied slowly. 'He took you to the cinema last week, while I was in the States.'
'Yes, he did. I intended telling you, but I haven't had the chance.'
'Oh, did you?' Adam sounded disbelieving.
'Yes, I did.' She sighed. 'Oh, what's the use! You won't believe me whatever I say.'
'Let's say I already know what you were going to say,' he drawled infuriatingly.
Caroline bent her head. He was so stubborn. She was at a loss to make him see reason. Of course it sounded bad, but sometimes things happened that way.
'Look, Caroline,' he said suddenly, 'I have something to say to you. Sit down.'
'Don't bother,' she retorted, and turned away.
'I said sit down,' he commanded, and with a helpless
shrug she subsided into the seat opposite him.
'Now, listen to me. You might think it's only jealousy that has caused the rift between us and I want to make it clear that it's not. Sure, when I heard about you and Davison I was mad, flaming mad, and jealous too. The minute my back was turned there you were, out with some other kid. Okay, that was that. Maybe you had your reasons. But it made me realise that you're only seventeen, and at seventeen you can't be expected to remain faithful to one man. You want good times, young people to associate with, and I could not and would not want you between dates with other young men. Now do you understand? It's for your own good. You proved when you went out with Davison that you need entertainment all the time. Not just when I can give it to you.'
'You're wrong,' she cried, twisting her fingers together. 'Adam, it wasn't like that! Let me explain!'
'What can you explain? That it was just a flash in the pan? That you'll be a good girl from now on? Let's face it, Caro, I'm too old for you. You're not interested in settling down yet, and I guess that was what I had in mind.'
Caroline burst into tears. To hear him saying that he had wanted her to that extent and now knowing everything was finished almost broke her heart.
'What does age matter when you love somebody?' she whispered brokenly.
'You don't love me.. .or anyone,' he retorted. 'Caro, I'm just a big adventure to you. You don't want to be serious. And I'm afraid I do.'
'You told me before you went away. . .well.. .you know what you said.'
'And I meant it,' he muttered, standing up restlessly. 'God, Caroline, I haven't changed. I've simply come to my senses. Probably this affair has been the best thing that could happen, for you at least.'
Caroline dried her eyes. She felt awful. 'You can't have cared much, either way,' she protested, half to herself, and Adam angrily stubbed out his cigar.
'Stop saying that,' he said angrily. 'Look, I'm leaving for the Caribbean in three weeks' time, on the yacht. When I get back you'll have forgotten all about me and you'll thank me for this.'
Caroline looked up at him. How she longed to be going with him. How could he believe she was so fickle? Why, oh, why had she allowed Mark Davison to talk her into such a crazy thing? Looking at him, his dark eyes holding hers, she felt her senses stirring with the primitive emotions he aroused in her.
'Oh, Adam,' she breathed. 'Don't make this the end, please I'
Adam bit his lip. The warmth of her beauty, the haunting unhappiness in her eyes were doing strange things to him and his willpower was being sapped by his physical need of her.
'Do you think I wanted it this way?' he snapped harshly, moving round the desk to her chair.
She rose deliberately to her feet so that her body was touching his. Her instinct seemed to tell her that her nearness would overcome his strength. With a groan he pulled her to him, parting her mouth with his own, and her arms slid round his neck compulsively. Words were unneccessary for the next few minutes and Caroline was breathless and clinging to him when there was a knock at the door. For seconds longer their mouths clung together and then reluctantly he put her away from him, smoothing his ruffled hair, where Caroline's fingers had entwined.
Caroline herself smoothed her own hair, and said: 'Ought I to go?'
Adam shook his head and called, 'Come in.'
Laura Freeman entered, and when she saw Caroline her eyes widened in astonishment which turned to envy when she noticed Caroline's bare mouth and flushed complexion. It was obvious what had occurred and she felt furious that her plan had not worked.
Adam was seated on the edge of his desk. He looked calm and composed and Caroline wondered what this frigid-looking secretary of his would think if she knew just how passionately he had been making love seconds before. Laura Freeman was all she had expected and more, and Caroline could sense Laura's hostility towards herself. With unexpected intuition she felt sure that it had been this woman who had told Adam about Mark Davison.
'I wondered if you were ready to do the letters, Mr Steinbeck,' said Laura, with a forced smile. 'I'm afraid I didn't know you were engaged.' She looked coldly at Caroline.
Adam also looked at Caroline, rather wryly she thought, but she refused to meet his eyes.
'No,' said Adam slowly, dragging his eyes away from Caroline. 'Could you wait a few minutes, Miss Freeman? I'll ring when I'm ready.'
Laura stifled her annoyance. 'Of course, sir,' she replied politely, and withdrew, closing the door with a definite click.
Caroline looked thoughtfully across at Adam.
'Have we shocked her?' she asked, half amused.
'Very probably,' he agreed, lighting another cigar, and not looking at her.
Caroline rose to her feet. 'I suppose I ought to be getting back. Miss Morgan will be wondering whether I've gone home.'
'Yes,' said Adam.
'Is that all?' she whispered, feeling the chill creeping over her again.
'Caro,' he groaned, 'what do you want me to say? I love you? God knows I do. I need you? That too. But I do not intend ruining your life, or alternatively allowing you to ruin mine.' He ran a hand through his short hair. 'Caro, if you ever did anything like that and we were married, I thi
nk I'd kill you! Now do you understand?'
'But, Adam—' she exclaimed.
'I'm busy,' he muttered, and turned away.
With a sob, Caroline ran to the door, wrenched it open, fled across Laura's domain and out of the door into the corridor. Once there, the tears would not be denied and she buried her face against the wall, sobbing achingly.
Caroline spent Christmas with Aunt Barbara in Hampstead. Aunt Barbara was a spinster and lived in a large house which stood in its own grounds. Caroline was very fond of her aunt, for she had always been kind to her and allowed her to do most of the things she had wanted to do. There had never been a lot of money, but that hadn't seemed to. matter. They had been great friends and Caroline had learned all she knew about London from the old lady.
When she left to live with Amanda, Aunt Barbara acquired another elderly lady to come and be companion to her in exchange for a small salary. Her name was Miss Beale and she was in similar circumstances to Aunt Barbara except without any relatives at all. They shared the household duties and the situation worked out very well. They spent their time knitting and playing cards or dominoes and always welcomed Caroline when she visited them, bringing youth into the old house.
Caroline had never been made to feel guilty about leaving the menage and she was grateful to be allowed to live her own life. After all, Aunt Barbara was in her seventies and was really her great-aunt, for she had been her father's aunt first of all, and she could have clung to Caroline in her twilight years. But Barbara's own youth had been marred by family ties and she had no intention of allowing Caroline to feel that she was a burden.
So Christmas passed quietly enough. Caroline by now had partly resigned herself to her parting from Adam, but whenever she saw his name in the paper or read anything concerning him, she felt the familiar longing sweep over her and she usually found herself in tears.