by Sanja
Caroline gasped and lay back in her chair, absolutely astounded. 'Twenty-five thousand pounds!' she exclaimed shakily. 'But, Mr Manson, my aunt had very little money.'
In the last few years your aunt has been dabbling on the Stock Exchange,' he replied calmly. 'She had a very good broker and has been extremely clever. She was always a keen business woman, although when she was your age she had no opportunity to show her prowess. She was always careful with money and her gambles paid off.'
Caroline lit a cigarette with trembling fingers. She still couldn't take it in. She was rich! She had independent means!
'I had no idea,' she exclaimed, shaking her head. 'Oh, Mr Manson, what can I say?'
'I suggest you say nothing,' he replied with a little smile. 'Miss Sinclair was nearly eighty. She had had a long life and I suspect she would be glad that her end came so swiftly and that she was no burden to anybody. She wanted you to have the money to do the things that she never had the chance to do. She told me many times that you reminded her of herself when she was young, although of course, in those days young girls did not leave home and have their own flats in London. Nor did she have the chance to run around with young men as girls do nowadays. Take the money and enjoy it as she intended you to do. However, if I might make a suggestion, don't advertise the fact too blatantly that you are now a rich young woman. For- tune-hunters are all to plentiful, I'm afraid.'
Caroline sighed. 'Thank you. I'd like you to continue as my solicitor if you would. Then any problems I encounter can be talked over with you.'
'Very well, Miss Sinclair. I should be always ready to offer any advice if necessary. And now I'll leave you. I think it would be as well if you came into my office tomorrow morning and we will discuss the details and your immediate plans. Right?'
'Yes, of course. And thank you. I'm very grateful for all you've done.'
'Not at all,' he answered with a smile. 'It's my job, you know. And now, if you ladies will excuse me...?'
After he had gone, and Miss Beale had gone upstairs to pack her things, Caroline sat for a long time staring into the fire. It was so unbelievable. Suddenly she was a woman of means. Free from all ties. She could give up her job, go anywhere she liked, the world was amazingly her oyster.
Free. The word seemed to mock her. Even now, with all the sadness of Aunt Barbara's death, the sudden shock of finding herself in this enviable position, the love she bore for Adam Steinbeck wove its own fetters about her. She would never be free of loving
Adam and she might as well admit it. She still wanted him just as much. Although she now had the chance to go anywhere that took her fancy, she found the thought of leaving Adam in England tortured her. How could she go thousands of miles away from him? How could she?
But with an effort she dragged herself back to the present. She felt so alone, and she felt she must know someone who cared about her. Then, like a drowning man seizes at a straw Caroline remembered John, and with a swift burst of energy she rose and went out into the hall where the telephone was installed. She rang his rooms in Radbury and miraculously he was in and answered her ring.
'Caroline!' he exclaimed, his voice warm with pleasure. 'I'm so glad you've rung. I got your letter this morning telling me about your aunt. I'm very sorry. Please accept my condolences.'
'Thank you, John. Oh, it's lovely to hear your voice.' Truthfully, his obvious pleasure at hearing from her had warmed her heart, and she really sounded thrilled to speak to him.
'Hey,' John's voice was teasing, 'don't use that tone on the telephone. Save it for when I'm home with you. I've never known you so enthusiastic with me.'
'Oh, John,' she exclaimed with a sigh, 'I was sitting here feeling thoroughly dejected and miserable and suddenly I thought of you. I picked up the phone and there you are. It's wonderful!'
'I see. Well, honey, is it all over?'
'Yes, it's over. But I've a surprise for you. I am now the inheritor of this house and twenty-five thousand pounds.'
'What?' John was as astounded as she had been.
'Yes. I was dumbfounded. Poor Aunt Barbara. It certainly was a closely guarded secret and she didn't use any of the money to make her own life easier. Only her solicitor knew she was gambling on the stock market.'
'Amazing!' John dispelled his breath in a low whistle. 'So now you're an heiress. At least no one can now accuse you of wanting my money.' He chuckled. 'Seriously though, Caro, are you all right? You sound rather het up and nervous. You're not going back to work now, are you?'
'Not tomorrow at least,' she replied. 'I'm going to see the solicitor in the morning. I'm staying here tonight with Miss Beale, she was Aunt Barbara's companion, and then we'll both be leaving. I'm going to put the house up for sale. It's a great barn of a place, and besides, I don't need a house, not just for myself. I'll arrange that with Mr Manson tomorrow.'
'And our week in Paris? Is that to be postponed?'
Caroline sighed. 'I don't know, John. When do you come back home?'
'I suppose I could come tomorrow,' he replied slowly. 'I've very little to clear up. Why?'
Caroline shivered involuntarily. 'Do come back tomorrow,' she murmured, so softly that he could just hear, 'I need you, John. We'll decide about Paris then.'
'Will do,' answered John in return. 'When you speak to me like that, you know I'd do anything.'
After they had rung off, Caroline mounted the stairs to her room, and looked around sadly. No longer would she be coming here for holidays, or for Christmas. No more Saturday visits from Aunt Barbara at the flat.
She felt as though one phase of her life had ended and another was just beginning. As she sat on her bed she wondered whether she had been right in telling John that she needed him. Wouldn't she have been more truthful if she had said that she needed Adam and if she could not have him then any man might fill the gap?
Amanda was astonished and pleased at Caroline's unexpected inheritance. On the few occasions she had met Caroline's aunt, she had thought her a rather pleasant old lady, but certainly no gambler. Aunt Barbara's rather shabby attire and undemanding manner had really hidden the true Barbara Sinclair.
Caroline was amused by her shocked countenance, which turned to amazement when Caroline told her she intended to pay five hundred pounds into Amanda's bank account.
Amanda spread wide her hands. 'Honestly, Caroline, are you sure? I mean, that's an awful lot of money to ge giving away.'
'Why not?' exclaimed Caroline with a sigh. 'I want to do this for you and goodness knows I can afford it.'
'What can I say?' cried Amanda, hugging her impulsively.
'I'm glad you're pleased,' replied Caroline, hugging Amanda in return. 'We've been such good friends, Amanda, and I'd like to think of you with something to fall back upon. I'd also like us to find another flat which we can share. I don't want us to lose touch with one another as we will if I leave here. I don't know what I'm going to do yet. I'm going to resign from Steinbecks, of course, and have a holiday somewhere, and then. . .who knows? I may find myself another secretarial post. I can't imagine myself being continually idle. I would have no point in my life if I had nothing to do.'
'But, Caroline, you can go on a world tour. . .anything of that kind. Surely you want to visit other lands, meet other kinds of people?'
'I don't know.' Caroline shrugged her slim shoulders helplessly.
Intuitively, Amanda said: 'Caroline, you're not still hankering after that man?'
They both knew which man she meant.
Caroline forced a smile. 'I must get changed. John's coming home from university today and he's calling for me at six.'
Amanda frowned. She was well aware of Caroline's nervous disposition. With a determined stiffening of her shoulders she said:
'Caroline, you haven't answered my question.'
'No. So I haven't,' remarked Caroline shortly, and walked away into the bedroom.
While Caroline was washing at the basin Amanda lit a cigarette and paced restlessly
round the living- room and then she walked to the door of the bedroom. She was worried about Caroline. It was obvious that her inheritance meant less than nothing to her compared with something else, Adam Steinbeck.
'Tell me,' Amanda said suddenly, 'this "John" you're going out with; who is he? What does he do?'
'I told you, he's at Radbury University,' replied Caroline, wriggling into a slim-fitting jersey dress of a creamy colour which toned with her skin and silvery hair.
'I know you did,' persisted Amanda. 'But where does he come from? What's his surname? What do his parents do?'
'Such a lot of questions,' exclaimed Caroline lightly, but a hot flush stained her cheeks, belying her attempt at banter. 'His mother is dead.'
Amanda suddenly felt something go click inside her. All the little things that Caroline had merely hinted at during the past few months fell into place. Her failure to tell Amanda his surname; their chance meeting when Caroline had never done such a thing before; the expensive sports car; the visit to Paris; and finally his mother being dead.
'Is his name Steinbeck, by any chance?' said Amanda.
Caroline swung round, her hairbrush in her hand, and her face gave Amanda her answer.
'Yes,' she said with a sigh. 'I'm quite glad you know at last. I've wanted to tell you often enough, goodness knows.'
Amanda shook her head in a bewildered fashion. 'What are you playing at, Caroline?' she cried. 'Is this some obscure way of playing off his father? Or are you genuinely interested in him? In view of your reactions to Adam Steinbeck's name I should say the former is probably the case.'
Caroline shivered. 'It's not really either of your conclusions,' she explained, brushing her hair slowly. 'I like John, I'm not having revenge on Adam, but I don't really understand myself why I'm going out with him.'
Amanda snorted angrily, 'Caroline, are you making use of this boy? Pretending he's Adam, simply because he's that man's son?'
'No.' The word was torn from Caroline, and bright tears sparkled in her eyes. 'I really do like him, Amanda. He's kind and sweet. . .and oh, God, I've got to have somebody.'
Amanda sighed heavily. Caroline was too strung up to care what she said. 'And John,' she continued relentlessly. 'Does he just like you?'
'No.' Caroline replaced the hairbrush on the dressing table. 'He says he's in love with me.'
'I thought as much,' sighed Amanda. 'Caroline, can't you see, you're only hurting yourself more by persisting with this. Find yourself a new boy-friend. One who has no connections with the Steinbeck family. Now you've got the money you can meet all kinds of people.'
'No.' Caroline was adamant. 'As long as John is satisfied, I'm all right.'
Amanda flung the end of her cigarette into the hearth. 'And what's to be the outcome? Has he asked you to marry him?'
'Not yet.'
'But he will, no doubt,' groaned Amanda. 'And what will you say? Yes?'
Caroline applied a coral lipstick to her mouth. 'I might,' she shrugged, voicing for the first time a thought which had been on her mind for some time. 'After all, I don't want to become an old maid.'
Amanda looked aghast. 'Caroline Sinclair! You're only eighteen years of age. That sort of comment is downright ridiculous and you know it.'
'Oh, all right, Amanda. Don't go on,' exclaimed Caroline with feeling.
'But I must,' exclaimed Amanda. 'Don't you see?
You're letting this infatuation for Adam Steinbeck drive you to doing things you wouldn't normally contemplate.'
'It's not infatuation,' cried Caroline angrily.
'Very well. But you've just become an heiress. Don't throw your life away now. You've everything to live for. Every dream you've ever had can come true.'
'Except one,' said Caroline harshly. 'Amanda, I love Adam. I will never; love anyone else and it's driving me crazy. Can't you see?' She twisted her hands. 'Nothing has any meaning without him. I need him, Amanda, but he just doesn't want to know.' She bit her lip. 'And so I have John. At least part of John is Adam. He can talk about him and I enjoy his company. Why is it wrong to do that?'
'Because you're torturing yourself,' cried Amanda. 'Caroline, we've been like sisters. Please, give this boy up. Give yourself a chance to forget them both. Go away.'
'No.' Caroline shook her head. 'I'm afraid I'm too much of a coward to do that.'
Suddenly a horn sounded in the mews below. Caroline hurried through to look out of the window, pulling on her red coat.
'It's John,' she said. 'I've got to go, Mandy.'
Amanda sighed. 'All right. See you later.'
Caroline hurried down the stairs, pushing the last few minutes out of her mind. Her conversation with Amanda was over. What she had said had to be. She needed John, and it was good to know he loved her.
She reached the entrance to the flats just as John was coming in and they almost collided with one another.
'Caro,' he exclaimed softly, surveying her flushed cheeks. 'Oh, come here. ..' and he pulled her to him, his mouth seeking hers.
She clung to him momentarily and then released herself breathlessly.
'Hello, John,' she whispered. 'It's good to see you again.'
'Likewise, I'm sure,' he grinned down at her. 'You must have missed me. Come on, let's go.'
He put her into the sports car and slid in beside her. 'I love you,' he murmured, and then started the engine.
They had dinner at a quiet restaurant in Soho where they could talk. Afterwards they sat for hours over drinks, companionably discussing Caroline's future.
John was quite effusive to begin with and then for a while there was silence between them, each busy with their own thoughts. Then with a muffled groan, John said:
It's no good, Caroline. I've got to ask you now. Will you marry me?'
Caroline, after her conversation with Amanda, was not surprised. She had sensed something like this was about to happen.
'I'll be down from the university next year,' he continued when she did not reply. 'I wanted to wait until then, but after this sudden windfall you've had I was afraid you might go off and meet someone else in the meantime. I know we haven't known each other very long and that you say you don't love me, but I love and need you. This affair has precipitated things and I know we could have a good life together.'
Caroline drew on her cigarette and looked thoughtfully at him. How could she agree to marry him? She would only hurt him in the end.
'You're very sweet, John,' she began slowly. 'I'm really quite fond of you, but there's something you ought to know about your father and me.'
John looked steadily at her. 'I think I already know,' he said softly. 'You were in love with him, weren't you?'
'Yes.'
'I guessed as much, the way you liked me to talk about him. I'd have been blind not to have guessed.'
Caroline flushed. 'I didn't know I was so transparent.'
'You weren't to anyone else,' he replied, sighing, 'but I'm in love with you, Caroline, and I think I know you pretty well.'
'I wonder if you do.' Caroline frowned. 'If you do, you must surely see that I can bring you nothing but unhappiness.'
'Nonsense.' John was angry now. 'If I'm prepared to take the risk, why can't you?'
'You don't understand,' she cried achingly. 'Do you know why we split up?'
'I suppose Dad didn't want to get in too deep,' remarked John quietly. 'I'm sorry if that sounds crude.'
'No, perhaps you're right,' admitted Caroline reflectively. 'He told me I was too young for him, and he was too old for me.'
'Oh.' John looked down at his cigarette. 'Was that the only reason?'
'No. He thought I was going out with another boy while he was in America in November.'
'And were you?'
'Not in the way he thinks. It's a long story. I haven't the heart to explain it all to you. He wouldn't let me explain it to him.'
'So he was jealous.'
'I suppose so. Oh, John, why am I telling you all this?'
&nbs
p; 'Because I asked you and because you're getting it out of your system. My father, as you have already learned, is a stubborn man. He is also a fool.'
Caroline flushed. 'I'll take that as a compliment to me,' she said, trying to lighten the conversation.
John sighed. 'And do you still love him?'
'I think so. . .oh, what's the use of lying, I know so.'
'I see.' John looked very thoughtful. 'Doesn't your sudden wealth make any difference?' he asked suddenly.
'Not to my feelings for him, no.' She smiled. 'You see I'm a very poor risk.'
'Not to me,' he replied quietly. 'The way I feel, I'd take you on any terms.'
Caroline shrugged. 'Knowing all this?' she exclaimed in amazement.
'Yes.' John was serious. 'I know you feel very miserable at the moment, but I'm convinced I can change all that. Give me the chance to try.'
Caroline hesitated. She wanted to be fair.
'Give me time to think,' she murmured softly. 'You're going too fast for me.'
'I personally think that you need shaking out of yourself,' he stated firmly. 'I don't believe you feel as deeply for my father as you think you do. He is too old for you. You need a boy of your own age. . .like me.'
Caroline felt immeasurably older than John at that moment. It was obvious from his words that he had
never felt anything so deeply that nothing could dislodge it. Was it like that with his feelings towards herself? Might she not hurt herself more than him in the long run? And that being so, had she the right to take the risk?