Rather than acknowledge the farewell, he went out the door and rushed away from the house, trying to hold all other memories of Julia Devon at bay.
Chapter Four
Julia and Virginia walked arm in arm about the walled-in garden, watching the boys play with a rubber ball. The weather had been dry enough that Virginia did not worry about mud, but she had made sure everyone wrapped up warmly against the chill of January. The crisp air did a great deal of good for Julia, allowing her to think more clearly on her meeting with Nathaniel Hastings. After years of thinking about him, wondering what might have become of him, she at last knew that he succeeded in his desire to become a physician.
What else had he done in that time? Had he found love and married? Did he wonder at her being Miss Devon still? She knew she ought to put it from her mind, ought not to dwell on things she could not know, but Julia had held the image of him in her heart too long to dismiss her thoughts with any ease.
“You certainly are far away from here today, cousin,” Virginia said at length, startling Julia back into the present. Virginia’s mouth listed up at one corner and her head tilted to one side. “What are you thinking of?”
“I’m sorry,” Julia said, shaking her head in an attempt to rid herself of her troublesome thoughts. “It is nothing of consequence. I am merely remembering the past.”
Virginia nodded and brought her eyes back toward the garden path. “I find myself often in the past, when I have time to do more than live in the present. I am forever thinking of Charles and his illness. What might I have done, I wonder, that could have helped him? He never allowed anyone to worry over him if he coughed or took a fever. When it became worse, I let him talk me out of physicians and seeking treatment. He always got better, after a time.”
Julia shrunk at the knowledge of her selfish thoughts and determined to do a better job of caring for her cousin. Wallowing in her own misery was out of the question with Virginia’s husband at death’s door.
“I am certain you did all you could, at the time. He convinced you he was well. Please, don’t blame yourself.”
“Charles says the same thing,” Virginia tilted her head back to glimpse the light blue skies, a glimmer of tears in her eyes. But Virginia seemed to make a decision, for she abruptly smiled and met Julia’s eyes, changing the topic swiftly.
“It is time for both of us to look to the future, Julia. Charles has had many a frank discussion with me and we have laid out a plan, which is reflected in his will and estate papers. He didn’t want me to worry after he is gone from us, and I have a very firm direction. It is a cold sort of consolation, but at least there is a plan.”
“Truly, that is good news.” Julia forced a more pleasant smile. “He loves you very much.”
“And I him. Charles is right, Julia. As difficult as it is to move forward, we must have an idea of what comes next. I wonder if I might ask you what your plans are? I understood, from my mother, that there is no immediate need for you at home. You are my indefinite guest, and I am grateful for your company. But what comes next for you?”
Julia’s stomach clenched as she thought on her father’s parting words to her, announcing she would prove no more useful to the family than a spinster-companion for the rest of her days. It hurt to think on, especially after seeing Nathaniel and wondering what might have been. After her sister’s marriage, Julia had little time to spare a thought for herself before being whisked away to Bath.
“I haven’t thought on it much,” she admitted, looking down at her half-boots on the stone walk. “I have kept house for my father, but he wishes me to make myself useful to others for a time. He is rarely at home in the country as it is.”
After several seconds of silence, Virginia slowed their steps. “We are friends, Julia. You may speak to me freely without fear of censure or word getting back to our parents. Has he banished you from home?”
Julia’s eyes prickled and she could not meet her cousin’s eyes, feeling the shame of having such a father. “I believe so. I was sent away with no word saying when I might return. And I don’t really wish to go back, not now that Christine and Rebecca are elsewhere, but it is my home. The only one I’ve ever had. Father is upset with me.” She lifted one shoulder in a limp shrug and tried to laugh, but the sound was choked off quickly by her tears.
Virginia took Julia by the hand to lead her around a little hedge, out of sight of the children, before embracing her tightly. “There, there, Julia. You may cry all you wish here. Heaven knows, we’ve seen our share of tears lately.”
That caused Julia to sob more, her hand over her mouth and her face buried in her cousin’s shoulder. For many years, Julia had been the strong one for her sisters, and she fully expected to be Virginia’s confidant and support, but having permission at last to give vent to her feelings undid her.
After a time, Julia brought herself back under control and moved away, pulling out a handkerchief to wipe at her tears. “Oh, Virginia, I do not wish to add to your burdens.”
But the baroness only laughed in a quiet, gentle way. “I think the secret to life is to share burdens with each other. Somehow, that makes it easier to bear one’s own tragedies, knowing there is someone in whom to confide.”
“Wise words indeed,” Julia said between a sniffle and a grin. “I’m not sure what came over me. But I am better now. Thank you.”
“You are most welcome. And I want to tell you, Julia, that you have a home with me for as long as you wish. Not just here, in Bath, but back at the estate or wherever else I may go. You are my favorite cousin.” Virginia reached out to squeeze Julia’s hand, then stuck her head around the hedge to check on her boys. After a satisfied nod, she met Julia’s eyes again and fixed her with a narrow gaze.
“I want you to tell me everything about your troubles. Maybe together, we may find some solutions for you.”
“I could not possibly do that to you, Ginny. I am supposed to be taking care of you during my stay.”
Virginia squared her shoulders and raised a remonstrating finger to her cousin. “Don’t force me to use my rank, Julia. While you may have been sent here under the impression you are my caregiver, I declare that you are my guest and it falls to me to care for you. At least at present. I will hear no further argument on the matter. Besides—”she paused and a little of the humor left her—“it gives me something to think on outside of my own troubles.”
After considering her cousin’s situation and attitude, Julia at last relented. “Very well. I’ll tell you everything you care to know. Where should I begin?”
“Tell me why you’ve been sent away.”
“My father thinks I’ve encouraged my sisters to be disobedient,” Julia admitted, her lips twitching upward. “Christine married for love, not connections, before she was to go to London for her season.”
“I heard the match was unexpected. My mother lamented being unable to take Christine about in society, but that was all I knew of the matter. Is her match terrible?”
“Not at all. She is very happy, and Mr. Gilbert will provide well for her. But the marriage is not what my father wished. If he could, he would have arranged my marriage as a favorable business contract and done the same for both Christine and Rebecca. But when I failed him, and then Christine defied him, I think he decided I was a poor example to my sisters.” Julia tilted her head to one side and sighed. “He prefers to be in control. Sending me away puts him back in that position. He wishes me to feel my dependence upon him and relent to doing things his way.”
Virginia shook her head and motioned to the walkway. They continued their rounds, the children playing without noticing the dramatic turn for the adults in their company.
“I often marvel at how my mother thinks on marriages and matches. She thought Charles to be beneath me, as he is but a baron and I am daughter to an earl. But I love him, and he had money enough, and an old family name. She relented, in the end.”
“I don’t think such a match is forthcoming for
me. I haven’t the means to go about in society," Julia said with a shrug. “I am older than most debutantes and I have only my father’s disapproval. If I made a match he didn’t wish for, he would withhold my dowry. But I refuse to marry someone he chooses for me.”
“That is reasonable. But you ought not to rule out marriage completely. There may be someone out there for you.” Virginia tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, watching her sons play.
Nathaniel Hastings’s infectious smile immediately came to Julia’s mind. But he had not worn an expression like that yesterday. He hadn’t looked pleased at all.
“I’m not certain that I’m suited to marry,” Julia said hastily, banishing Nathaniel from her mind. “Caring for my family’s home all these years has given me a frightful taste for independence.” She forced a light-hearted tone, and Virginia arched her eyebrows at that declaration. “Would a husband give me that?”
“It depends on the husband,” Virginia countered, but her lips moved upward. “Independence. You want to make your own way in the world?”
“That would be ideal, yes. To be beholden to no one. If I must leave my father’s house and protection, I would like to have some sort of security.” Opening her mind to those possibilities was like opening a door out of a dark room, feeling the sunshine on one’s face at last. It occurred to Julia that she could move forward on her own, without her father’s approval or money. After all, she was legally of age to be independent of him.
“You could be a paid companion. Or a governess. Heaven knows, you’re marvelous with children. Or you could scandalize our entire family and become a housekeeper.” Virginia tossed her head back and laughed. “Oh, the letters Mother would write if you did that!” She met her cousin’s eyes, hers sparkling with good humor. “Think on it, Julia. I will help you however I can. Introductions, letters, anything. I would offer to hire you myself, but I have the feeling that independence means eschewing your relations for a time.”
Julia started to nod, a spark of hope growing in her heart. “Thank you, Virginia. I will think on this and make some inquiries. But I will stay with you, for as long as you need, before I make any decisions.”
“Thank you, Julia.” Virginia gave her hand a fond pat before she went to call the boys inside for tea.
With the door to her father’s house closed to her, a window had opened, blowing new possibilities Julia’s way at last.
∞ ∞ ∞
Nathaniel tried not to smirk as he caused his friend pain. It was completely unprofessional to be entertained by a patient in need of stitching, but he couldn’t help it. Timothy Olivier had been getting in scrapes since their childhood, enough that they had both doubted his ability to make it to twenty years of age. But here they were, Timothy a respected barrister in Bath and Nathaniel a physician, both nearer to thirty than twenty.
“You haven’t explained what happened,” Nathaniel said, carefully inserting his curved needle into the cut above Timothy’s eyebrow. He made his stitches as small as possible, doing a fair job of it.
“It’s not a story worth telling.” Timothy closed his eyes and sighed. “I’m sorry, Nate. I know I should’ve called a surgeon. I’m sure this is beneath you.”
“Nonsense. I may not be a sawbones, but I can handle a needle and thread. Besides, I am of the opinion that physicians should be more hands on. We have better training than surgeons.” He tied off the last stitch and stepped back, surveying his handiwork critically. “You shouldn’t scar too badly. If you keep your hair the way it is, most of the mark will be covered.”
“Thank you.” Timothy stood and went to a mirror at his dressing table across the room, inspecting the black stitches with interest. “Can’t raise my eyebrows for a while though. That’s a shame. I love to do that. Raise them high and glare down my nose at people. Makes them uncomfortable.”
Chuckling, Nathaniel finished washing his hands in the basin, brought for his use, and wrapped his instruments carefully. He would need to wash everything when he returned home.
“Does your wife know about that little cut?” he asked, pulling his coat back on.
“Not yet. But she’ll think it’s dashing.” Timothy flashed a smirk over his shoulder. “She thinks everything I do is dashing, charming, or romantic. The woman is head over heels for me.”
“And you for her. Don’t pretend otherwise. Positively indecent, the way you both carry on.” Nathaniel shook his head in a despairing manner and dropped his shoulders.
“Isn’t it, though?” Timothy laughed and came close enough to slap his friend on the back. “You ought to let us have you to dinner. Mary’s sister is in town, and she’s lovely. Could be a good match,” he added slyly.
Nathaniel grimaced and shook his head. “I’ve no wish to make a match. With any lady. Ever.” He snapped his doctor’s bag closed on the final word.
Timothy smirked and shook his head. “You’ve plenty to recommend you as a match, I’m certain.”
“To recommend me?” Nathaniel scoffed. “I am accessible to my patients at all hours of the night and day, tending to their needs, visiting apothecaries. I’m barely better than a tradesman. Except I deal in death and illness instead of fine furnishings and household wares. How does that recommend me?”
“What a thing to say,” Timothy responded, his eyebrows shooting up before he remembered his injury and winced, raising a hand to touch above the stitches. “Ouch.”
“We ought to bandage it, to keep the wound clean.” Nathaniel opened the bag again, wondering where his mind had gone that he would forget such a basic necessity.
“Bother the bandage. Where did your bitter disposition come from? You’re usually irritatingly optimistic.”
With a roll of clean bandages in his hands, Nathaniel paused and considered the question. It did not take him long to come to a conclusion, but he wondered if he ought to say a word of it to Timothy. They were old friends. Timothy knew about what happened, years ago in London, when Nathaniel first met Julia Devon.
He stiffened his back and turned to his friend. “Sit and I’ll tell you all about it.”
Timothy pulled a chair away from his writing desk and sat with a dramatic flourish of his hands. “There, Doctor. I’m following your orders. What happened?”
Unrolling the cloth, Nathaniel stood behind his friend and began to work the bandage around his head, folding it in half length-wise to make it less obtrusive. After his first pass around the skull, Nathaniel forced out his explanation.
“She’s here, in Bath. Julia Devon. She’s related to one of my patients and I saw her. We even spoke.”
Timothy made a sound of interest. “What did you say to her?”
“Nothing of consequence. We exchanged information about the patient she is helping to care for.” He snipped the bandage with a pair of scissors and made certain it would stay in place. “She is unmarried.”
“Good. Serves her right.” Timothy stood and reached up to tousle his hair, trying to cover as much of the bandage as he could with his light-colored curls. “That woman nearly broke you.”
Nathaniel crossed his arms and went to the window, staring down into the street at the people passing by, in carts and covered chairs, some on foot, everyone with a place to go. He wondered what Julia was doing at this moment. He would go to the baron’s house again tomorrow. Would he see her? Or would she keep out of his way, as she had the day before?
“I can’t say that I wish her ill, or ever have,” he said at last, barely loud enough for Timothy to hear.
“Because you are a gentleman.” Timothy came to the window, searching Nathaniel’s face. “But seeing her put you in a foul mood.”
“That isn’t entirely her fault. She was nothing but considerate. Worried, even, that her presence would change the way I cared for her family.” Her sympathy for her cousin’s plight, when he thought on it, had been genuine. Her promise to stand by the family and help all she could was compassionate.
“You ought to talk to her
about it,” Timothy said, tilting his head and narrowing his eyes. “Have it out, as civilly as possible.”
“There is nothing to say that has not already been said,” Nathaniel argued, raising a hand to rub at his forehead. “Her father made it clear my attentions were unwanted and unwelcome. She made me understand that we could have no life together, since I had no fortune or title. No lofty connections. Or don’t you remember?”
“Oh, I remember. For a good six months after, you were the reckless one and I had to be responsible for everything.” Timothy snorted. “But that was almost five years ago. Obviously, it bothers you to this day. That’s why I think you ought to speak to her. Make your peace with the situation. Tell her it hurt, but you’ve put it behind you, and you wish her well. Then maybe you can turn your mind to finding a woman who would see what a fine husband you’d make. Plenty of physicians marry, you know, and support families.”
Nathaniel met his friend’s eyes and saw the earnest concern in them. How would he even begin a conversation like that with Julia? While it was true he’d been hurt by the Devons, dredging up the past would only cause more pain. Or worse. What if she laughed at him, because he hadn’t moved on? Sneered at him for bringing up their past?
Five years ago, he thought she loved him as much as he loved her. He had even convinced himself, at another point, that only her father disapproved of the match. He very nearly went back to her, to tell her he would wait until she was free. But Timothy had talked him out of it. It hadn’t been hard. Nathaniel’s pride was as damaged as his heart, after all.
“Maybe you’re right,” he said out loud, to ease the look of worry Timothy wore. “If the chance presents itself, I will have a frank conversation with her.”
But Nathaniel knew the odds of such an opportunity arising remained slim, especially since he wouldn’t go searching for it. It struck him as best to leave Julia Devon alone. His heart would be safer for it.
The Gentleman Physician: A Regency Romance (Branches of Love Book 2) Page 4