“And I have heard of you, my lady, from others in Bath. Despite my imitation of a recluse since coming here, I have been about enough to hear of your patronage to the most enlivening events in town. I am sorry that family business has kept me from meeting you.” Julia’s words were delivered with sincerity and an incredibly lovely smile.
Her pride flattered, Lady Huntington launched into a description of a party she had attended the night before, where all the elite of Bath had been present. Julia listened attentively, as evidenced by the play of emotion on her features.
Nathaniel watched as she reacted with appropriate interest, surprise, and amusement as Lady Huntington described the machinations of society’s members to jostle for importance. He enjoyed watching her lips twist with humor, only to part in some surprise, and then she laughed, the sound musical to him.
“Wouldn’t you say that is the case, Doctor?”
Julia’s coppery-brown eyes lifted to his, full of mirth, and her eyebrows raised expectantly.
Had a question been addressed to him?
He darted a quick glance at Lady Huntington and he knew he had missed something important. Her lips were pressed together, but she fought to maintain her reproving expression, and her gray eyes sparkled with the mischief of a much younger woman.
He ought to own up to his inattention. “I am sorry, my lady, my thoughts wandered elsewhere. What is it you asked me?”
She made a faint sound of disapproval. “Doctor Hastings, as you have called upon me as both friend and physician today, you really ought to be more attentive, but I will forgive you this time. I can plainly see your mind is on much more important matters.” Her tone may have sounded serious to Julia, but Nathaniel easily caught the playful note in her words.
Had Lady Huntington seen him staring at Julia, paying more attention to her smiles than the conversation? He tried to ignore the heat creeping up the back of his neck and into his ears. Nathaniel hated to blush, and it alarmed him he had yet to grow out of that cursed reaction.
“Lady Huntington asked if you thought the gentry in Bath a little ridiculous, given that they are here instead of in London during the season, as that means they aren’t as important as they think they are.” Julia spoke clearly, completely unaware of his thoughts or Lady Huntington’s sly implications.
“Oh.” His throat felt tight and dry, but he hastily took up the thread of the conversation and worked to keep his eyes away from Julia’s distracting countenance.
He only half succeeded.
“The doctor has told me about you, Miss Devon, and of your desire to become a companion or governess,” Lady Huntington said, offering them refreshment. They were sipping tea when she made this pronouncement.
Nathaniel had barely spoken to Julia about the idea, but the turn in conversation pleased him. He wanted to understand more of her thoughts on the matter, and he hoped the dowager countess would point out Julia’s largest obstacle in the matter, her youth and appearance. The idea of Julia entering a household in a serving position, to look after the children of strangers, where there could possibly be a man in the house who took advantage of her position, had become a concern to him.
“I know it is not entirely conventional for a woman with family to enter into such employment.” Julia did not appear at all concerned about the conversation. “But I am at a point in my life where I cannot see another path. My sisters are grown and my father has little need of me at home. I would like to be useful, but independent enough to make my own choices. I cannot do that as a spinster daughter.” A wry twist of her lips kept her words from sounding too self-deprecating.
Did she really count herself a spinster already? Plenty of women, outside of the nobility, did not marry until their mid-twenties. She was three and twenty, was she not? Could life be so difficult for her that it would be better to work than be with family?
“I understand and I applaud you for your decision.” Lady Huntington’s declaration brought him out of his thoughts. “The role of an unmarried woman in society is a difficult one. While I married the earl, barely out of my youth, I had a sister who did not make a match until her thirtieth year. She taught at a school for girls, you see. I asked her time and again to live with me, but she had that same independence of spirit. I believe she would have been happy to continue in that way, had she not met her vicar.”
“I am glad she was happy. I hope I shall be as well.” Julia’s shoulders went back and she sat straighter. “But first I will have to find a position.”
Lady Huntington leaned forward, her narrowed gaze inspecting Julia closely. “I think you will, dear girl. You have the same look about you as my sister, Elizabeth. It is a certain determination in your eyes.” The dowager glanced at Nathaniel, one corner of her mouth tilting upward. “And you have certain friends who are willing to help you in your endeavors.”
“Which is why I brought Miss Devon to visit today. I wanted you to meet her, not only to enjoy her acquaintance, but if you should hear of a fitting position you might recommend her personally.” Nathaniel delivered those comments as if he meant them, though inwardly he regretted his decision. As much as he wanted Julia to succeed, to find happiness, he wanted her to be safe and cared for too.
“Oh, I am sure I will find something perfect for her. And you must let me, Miss Devon.” Lady Huntington took one of Julia’s gloved hands in her older, wrinkled grasp. She fixed the young woman with a serious stare. “You are a lovely girl, and I can see a great deal of intelligence and good breeding in you. Let me help. As I have told our good doctor, I enjoy taking on these sorts of projects.”
Julia returned the elderly woman’s sincere smile, her posture relaxing. “Thank you, my lady. I greatly appreciate your interest.” As Lady Huntington released Julia’s hand, they both turned to him, Julia with hopeful eyes and the dowager with a knowing glint in hers.
Nathaniel forced his smile. “Wonderful. With Lady Huntington’s assistance, you will have a position as soon as you should want it.”
“You may count on that.” Her ladyship’s chuckle, Nathaniel suspected, was tinged with more humor at him than any personal satisfaction she felt in his declaration. Her next comment caught him completely off guard.
“Doctor Hastings, I haven’t forgotten you. How does your search go to fulfill that position we were speaking of last?”
He tried to keep his face neutral, but Nathaniel had to look away to answer. A painting of a bowl of fruit, on the wall behind Lady Huntington, captured his interest. “I haven’t made any progress, I’m afraid. I have been too busy to give it much thought.”
Lady Huntington nodded, and he could hear the speculative note in her tone. “I see. Then I will redouble my efforts on your behalf.”
She changed the subject again immediately, but her meaning was not lost on Nathaniel. Lady Huntington would keep her word to Julia and find a place for her, and likely a very good one, but she wanted Nathaniel to consider offering her a different sort of position all together. There had been a time when Nathaniel dreamed of asking Julia to marry him, but with nearly five years passed, and their lives changing, would they even suit each other anymore?
Would she even want him? Though her circumstances had obviously changed, searching for employment instead of an advantageous marriage, had she changed enough to want to marry a man like him? He would never be wealthy, he could never hold a title, and his work as a physician came nearer trade than any other thing a gentleman might do and still call himself by that title.
Nathaniel didn’t know if he had enough to offer, if he was enough, to ask for Julia’s hand. He did not even think he dared ask to court her. He could not give her the life she knew, or even a cottage in the country, if he practiced in Bath as he intended.
When they finally took their leave of Lady Huntington, walking along the Royal Crescent back towards the baron’s townhouse, Julia tucked her arm through his. It was the proper thing to do, for him to escort her during the short walk to her home,
but the feel of her gloved hand on his arm lifted his heart.
With Julia at his side, talking cheerily about their visit and her enjoyment of Lady Huntington’s company, he wanted to stand taller. He couldn’t help but smile as she spoke of her surprise that the woman she’d heard about was an outspoken, yet benevolent, soul. Indeed, every word from her filled him in a way he didn’t entirely understand, but he knew he was the better for it.
By the time they reached the baron’s home, Nathaniel could at last admit what he had denied ever since the first moment he saw her again in her cousin’s house.
He loved Julia and had never stopped in the first place. But what, if anything, can I do about it? He despaired of ever figuring out matters of the heart.
Chapter Fifteen
Julia stepped inside the townhouse and a maid hurried into view, taking her coat, hat, and gloves. “The post came while you were out, miss,” the young woman said. “There was something for you. Emily took it to your room.”
“Thank you.” Julia’s good cheer from visiting Lady Huntington, and Nathaniel’s company, improved still more under this bit of news. She made her way upstairs as swiftly as she could, while still maintaining a measure of ladylike poise. Since arriving in Bath, Julia had not been happier than she was at that moment.
Nathaniel wished to continue their friendship. He had treated her with affability and respect. She’d met the often talked of Lady Huntington, and she knew she found an ally in the woman if ever she needed one.
The letter waiting for her must be from one of her sisters. Who else would write her in Bath?
She shut the door to her bedroom upon entry and hurried to the desk beneath the window. The letter sat on top and she recognized Christine’s hand immediately. She lifted it and broke the seal hastily, moving to use the sunlight from the window to read.
To My Dear Julia,
I will not waste time on pleasantries, except to tell you I have never been as happy in my life as I am as Mrs. Thomas Gilbert. My joy is such that I wish all the world could find what I have, a true partner and friend, a love that is unconditional and complete.
I have never been the best with words, especially written.
Julia smirked to herself. Their governess always despaired of getting Christine to sit and write anything, whether it was a list of groceries or a thank you note. It almost surprised her to receive a reply from her sister with such speed.
But I had to reply the moment I received your letter. Julia, if N.H. is in Bath, if he is in your sphere of society, if you are able to speak to him at all, you must tell him how you feel. It is not vanity or pride that urges you to speak to him, but that you love him still. I am not ignorant of where your heart lies. When you spoke to me of N.H. you bore your heart and I knew your feelings for him remained unchanged. He must know. You must unburden yourself.
Be brave, Julia, as you taught me to be brave. If he does not return your feelings, at least you will know and then you can move forward with your life, without regret. Be truthful.
If he does return your feelings in any measure it would be worth the risk. I love you, and I want you to be happy.
Please, pass on my best wishes to our cousin, and extend to her an invitation to come visit as soon as she may. My heart aches for what she is going through and she should know she has a place to go where people will love and care for her. I think her boys would love the horses.
Julia sighed and shook her head, amused by that sentence. Christine thought everyone should love horses, whether they did or not.
She read Christine’s signature, her new surname signed with enough flourish that Julia could see the contentment in each curling letter. Then she read the whole of the missive again, lingering over her sister’s advice. While Christine’s nature was more impetuous than hers, Julia could see the wisdom in making a clean breast of things with Nathaniel. Hadn’t he done the same to her, in the study? If he could be so free with his speech and his feelings, could she?
But she had only just regained his friendship. That comfort was like a balm to her wounded feelings.
She folded her sister’s letter and held it close to her heart, looking out the window onto the street. Her mind barely took in the carriages passing by, so lost was she in thought.
Could she be brave as her sister urged?
Julia put the letter away in her trunk. Her hand stilled upon the bright blue yarn she’d purchased when deciding to make Virginia a shawl. She fingered the yarn, her heart undecided, then lifted it. She thought best when her hands were busy. Perhaps she ought to consider things more carefully before making a decision.
Chapter Sixteen
“If I have learned anything from all of this, it is that life is far too short a thing to waste on frippery.”
Julia glanced up at Virginia’s words, startled from her work knitting a sky-blue scarf.
The shawl for Virginia was safely tucked away, meant to be a surprise to cheer her. They were in her sitting room, passing the hours between supper and bed together in silent work. Virginia had been industriously repairing some of her sons’ tattered items, trying to keep her hands and mind busy, while Julia reflected on her visit with Lady Huntington and Nathaniel.
“Look at this.” Virginia held up the little pair of breeches. “Look at the size of Edward’s little legs. It seems only yesterday I was embroidering his Christening gown. Now he is a great big boy who tears his clothing, chasing imaginary dragons.” She rested the article on her lap and smoothed out the legs with her hands. “And then there’s Charles. My wonderful Charles. We have not had enough years together, Julia.”
What could she say to such a thing? It was true. Julia knew how fragile life was, having lost her mother only six years previous. She could name fully a dozen people of her acquaintance, without much thought, who had lost a spouse, a parent, or a child before they ought.
“All I can think of is the time I’ve wasted in ridiculous pursuits or childish behavior. Why have I worried what other people think of me? Why did I spend more time visiting near-strangers, for a quarter of an hour to gossip, when I could have been home with my babies or with Charles?” Virginia lifted her needle and stabbed the trousers viciously, pressing her lips tightly together.
Julia lay down her work in her lap and considered her cousin carefully before speaking.
“I cannot imagine how it is to lose a husband. I know you love him. Watching the care you’ve given him, hearing the two of you speak to each other, has allowed me to see what true love in a marriage is like.”
Virginia’s hands slowed and she closed her eyes against her emotion, but a tear fell down one pale cheek despite her efforts. She dashed it away with the hand holding the needle and gasped when it grazed her skin. “Blasted needle.” Virginia stood and thrust the clothing, thread, and needle all into the basket at her feet. “I can’t—” She turned and strode to the window, pulling back the lace curtains, peering down into the night.
“You cannot do this to yourself, Ginny.” Putting her work down with care, Julia went to the window to stand next to her cousin. She wrapped an arm around Virginia’s trembling shoulders. “Please, don’t spend this time in regrets. We cannot stop living because we fear losing the people we love. And we cannot give up when they leave us. Life is about treasuring the happy times, our dearest family and friends, while we have them.”
“It is a pretty speech, Julia, but not one I wish to hear at the moment.” Virginia shook her head and leaned her head against the window pane. “With Gerard contesting the will, there is nothing certain in my future. I only wish I’d spent my time better in the past.”
“What would you have done differently?”
“Only as I said. I would’ve worried less about what people thought of my actions. I would have not complained to Charles about our estate, insisting we renovate and redo the rooms in newer styles. They will all be out of date again within a few years.” She lifted one shoulder in a weak shrug. “I would’ve spent mo
re time with the boys and Charles. Taken them on more picnics, built more snow forts. Things like that.”
“You wish you had made more memories?” Julia asked. When Virginia nodded, Julia continued, keeping her tone soft. “I think you must be easier on yourself, Ginny. After I lost my mother, my world went all to pieces. But being with Christine and Rebecca, sharing our memories of her as often as we could, brought me peace.”
Julia stepped back and turned her cousin to face her. “Charles is not gone yet, and you have your sons. We will find a way to make sure you keep them. I know you must mourn, and there is a time for that, but you must also think of the life yet ahead of you.”
“I am tired, Julia.” The admission came out half sob and half gasp. “And though Charles is still here, it feels as though he has already gone. I miss his arms about me. I miss our conversations. I miss him.” She dropped her forehead to rest against Julia’s shoulder.
Nothing could be said in the face of such grief. Julia could only offer the comfort of her arms and her company to her cousin. Virginia did not cry long, stoically forcing back her emotions.
“I am grateful you are here,” she said at last. “But I must tell you that your visit has troubled me too.” She gave Julia a knowing look, raising her eyebrows.
“In what way?” Julia asked, stepping backward. “Have I been a burden? I haven’t tried—”
Virginia shook her head and a short laugh escaped her. “Dear Julia, no. Not in that way. What I wish to say is that I am troubled by your future plans. You have been a godsend in every possible way. It’s only that I worry you are choosing a path that will not bring you happiness.”
The Gentleman Physician: A Regency Romance (Branches of Love Book 2) Page 15