by Unknown
The father restrains himself.
‘Do you remember, Roger, my saying that I didn’t want you to smoke till you were twenty?’
‘Oh, it’s that, is it?’ Shutting his mouth tight, ‘I never promised.’
Almost with a shout, ‘It’s not that.’ Then kindly, ‘Have a cigar, my boy?’
‘Me?’
A rather shaky hand, passes him a cigar case. Roger selects from it and lights up nervously. He is now prepared for the worst.
‘Have you ever wondered, Roger, what sort of a fellow I am?’
Guardedly, ‘Often.’
Mr. Torrance casts all sense of decency to the winds; such is one of the effects of war.
‘I have often wondered what sort of fellow you are, Roger. We have both been at it on the sly. I suppose that is what makes a father and son so uncomfortable in each other’s presence.’
Roger is not yet prepared to meet him halfway, but he casts a line.
‘Do you feel the creeps when you are left alone with me?’
‘Mortally, Roger. My first instinct is to slip away.’
‘So is mine,’ with deep feeling.
‘You don’t say so!’ with such surprise that the father undoubtedly goes up a step in the son’s estimation. ‘I always seem to know what you are thinking, Roger.’
‘Do you? Same here.’
‘As a consequence it is better, it is right, it is only decent that you and I should be very chary of confidences with each other.’
Roger is relieved. ‘I’m dashed glad you see it in that way.’
‘Oh, quite. And yet, Roger, if you had to answer this question on oath, “Whom do you think you are most like in this world?” I don’t mean superficially, but deep down in your vitals, what would you say? Your mother, your uncle, one of your friends on the golf links?’
‘No.’
‘Who?’
Darkly, ‘You.’
‘Just how I feel.’
There is such true sympathy in the manly avowal that Roger cannot but be brought closer to his father.
‘It’s pretty ghastly, father.’
‘It is. I don’t know which it is worse for.’
They consider each other without bitterness.
‘You are a bit of a wag at times, Roger.’
‘You soon shut me up.’
‘I have heard that you sparkle more freely in my absence.’
‘They say the same about you.’
‘And now that you mention it, I believe it is true; and yet, isn’t it a bigger satisfaction to you to catch me relishing your jokes than any other person?’
Roger’s eyes open wide. ‘How did you know that?’
‘Because I am so bucked if I see you relishing mine.’
‘Are you?’ Roger’s hold on the certain things in life are slipping. ‘You don’t show it.’
‘That is because of our awkward relationship.’
Roger lapses into gloom. ‘We have got to go through with it.’
His father kicks the coals. ‘There’s no way out.’
‘No.’
‘We have, as it were, signed a compact, Roger, never to let on that we care for each other. As gentlemen we must stick to it.’
‘Yes. What are you getting at, father?’
‘There is a war on, Roger.’
‘That needn’t make any difference.’
‘Yes, it does. Roger, be ready; I hate to hit you without warning. I’m going to cast a grenade into the middle of you. It’s this, I’m fond of you, my boy.’
Roger squirms. ‘Father, if any one were to hear you!’
‘They won’t. The door is shut, Amy is gone to bed, and all is quiet in our street. Won’t you — won’t you say something civil to me in return, Roger?’
Roger looks at him and away from him. ‘I sometimes — bragged about you at school.’
Mr. Torrance is absurdly pleased. ‘Did you? What sort of things, Roger?’
‘I — I forget.’
‘Come on, Roger.’
‘Is this fair, father?’
‘No, I suppose it isn’t.’ Mr. Torrance attacks the coals again. ‘You and your mother have lots of confidences, haven’t you?’
‘I tell her a good deal. Somehow—’
‘Yes, somehow one can.’ With the artfulness that comes of years, ‘I’m glad you tell her everything.’
Roger looks down his cigar. ‘Not everything, father. There are things — about oneself—’
‘Aren’t there, Roger!’
‘Best not to tell her.’
‘Yes — yes. If there are any of them you would care to tell me instead — just if you want to, mind — just if you are in a hole or anything?’
‘No thanks,’ very stiffly.
‘Any little debts, for instance?’
‘That’s all right now. Mother—’
‘She did?’
Roger is ready to jump at him. ‘I was willing to speak to you about them, but—’
‘She said, “Not worth while bothering father.”’
‘How did you know?’
‘Oh, I have met your mother before, you see. Nothing else?’
‘No.’
‘Haven’t been an ass about a girl or anything of that sort?’’
‘Good lord, father!’
‘I shouldn’t have said it. In my young days we sometimes — It’s all different now.’
‘I don’t know, I could tell you things that would surprise you.’
‘No! Not about yourself?’
‘No. At least—’
‘Just as you like, Roger.’
‘It blew over long ago.’
‘Then there’s no need?’
‘No — oh no. It was just — you know — the old, old story.’
He eyes his father suspiciously, but not a muscle in Mr. Torrance’s countenance is out of place.
‘I see. It hasn’t — left you bitter about the sex, Roger, I hope?’
‘Not now. She — you know what women are.’
‘Yes, yes.’
‘You needn’t mention it to mother.’
‘I won’t.’ Mr. Torrance is elated to share a secret with Roger about which mother is not to know. ‘Think your mother and I are an aged pair, Roger?’
‘I never — of course you are not young.’
‘How long have you known that? I mean, it’s true — but I didn’t know it till quite lately.’
‘That you’re old?’
‘Hang it, Roger, not so bad as that — elderly. This will stagger you; but I assure you that until the other day I jogged along thinking of myself as on the whole still one of the juveniles.’ He makes a wry face. ‘I crossed the bridge, Roger, without knowing it.’
‘What made you know?’
‘What makes us know all the new things, Roger? — the war. I’ll tell you a secret. When we realised in August of 1914 that myriads of us were to be needed, my first thought wasn’t that I had a son, but that I must get fit myself.’
‘You!’
‘Funny, isn’t it?’ says Mr. Torrance quite nastily. ‘But, as I tell you, I didn’t know I had ceased to be young, I went into Regent’s Park and tried to run a mile.’
‘Lummy, you might have killed yourself.’
‘I nearly did — especially as I had put a weight on my shoulders to represent my kit. I kept at it for a week, but I knew the game was up. The discovery was pretty grim, Roger.’
‘Don’t you bother about that part of it. You are doing your share, taking care of mother and Emma.’
Mr. Torrance emits a laugh of self-contempt. ‘I am not taking care of them. It is you who are taking care of them. My friend, you are the head of the house now.’
‘Father!’
‘Yes, we have come back to hard facts, and the defender of the house is the head of it.’
‘Me? Fudge.’
‘It’s true. The thing that makes me wince most is that some of my contemporaries have managed to squeeze back: back
into youth, Roger, though I guess they were a pretty tight fit in the turnstile. There is Coxon; he is in khaki now, with his hair dyed, and when he and I meet at the club we know that we belong to different generations. I’m a decent old fellow, but I don’t really count any more, while Coxon, lucky dog, is being damned daily on parade.’
‘I hate your feeling it in that way, father.’
‘I don’t say it is a palatable draught, but when the war is over we shall all shake down to the new conditions. No fear of my being sarcastic to you then, Roger. I’ll have to be jolly respectful.’
‘Shut up, father!’
‘You’ve begun, you see. Don’t worry, Roger. Any rawness I might feel in having missed the chance of seeing whether I was a man — like Coxon, confound him! — is swallowed up in the pride of giving the chance to you. I’m in a shiver about you, but — It’s all true, Roger, what your mother said about 2nd Lieutenants. Till the other day we were so little of a military nation that most of us didn’t know there were 2nd Lieutenants. And now, in thousands of homes we feel that there is nothing else. 2nd Lieutenant! It is like a new word to us — one, I daresay, of many that the war will add to our language. We have taken to it, Roger. If a son of mine were to tarnish it—’
‘I’ll try not to,’ Roger growls.
‘If you did, I should just know that there had been something wrong about me.’
Gruffly, ‘You’re all right.’
‘If I am, you are.’ It is a winning face that Mr. Torrance turns on his son. ‘I suppose you have been asking yourself of late, what if you were to turn out to be a funk!’
‘Father, how did you know?’
‘I know because you are me. Because ever since there was talk of this commission I have been thinking and thinking what were you thinking — so as to help you.’
This itself is a help. Roger’s hand — but he withdraws it hurriedly.
‘They all seem to be so frightfully brave, father,’ he says wistfully.
‘I expect, Roger, that the best of them had the same qualms as you before their first engagement.’
‘I — I kind of think, father, that I won’t be a funk.’
‘I kind of think so too, Roger.’ Mr. Torrance forgets himself. ‘Mind you don’t be rash, my boy; and for God’s sake, keep your head down in the trenches.’
Roger has caught him out. He points a gay finger at his anxious father.
‘You know you laughed at mother for saying that!’
‘Did I? Roger, your mother thinks that I have an unfortunate manner with you.’
The magnanimous Roger says, ‘Oh, I don’t know. It’s just the father-and-son complication.’
‘That is really all it is. But she thinks I should show my affection for you more openly.’
Roger wriggles again. Earnestly, ‘I wouldn’t do that.’ Nicely, ‘Of course for this once — but in a general way I wouldn’t do that. We know, you and I.’
‘As long as we know, it’s no one else’s affair, is it?’
‘That’s the ticket, father.’
‘Still—’ It is to be feared that Mr. Torrance is now taking advantage of his superior slyness. ‘Still, before your mother — to please her — eh?’
Faltering, ‘I suppose it would.’
‘Well, what do you say?’
‘I know she would like it.’
‘Of course you and I know that display of that sort is all bunkum — repellent even to our natures.’
‘Lord, yes!’
‘But to gratify her.’
‘I should be so conscious.’
Mr. Torrance is here quite as sincere as his son. ‘So should I.’
Roger considers it. ‘How far would you go?’
‘Oh, not far. Suppose I called you “Old Rogie”? There’s not much in that.’
‘It all depends on the way one says these things.’
‘I should be quite casual.’
‘Hum. What would you like me to call you?’
Severely, ‘It isn’t what would I like. But I daresay your mother would beam if you called me “dear father”’
‘I don’t think so?’
‘You know quite well that you think so, Roger.’
‘It’s so effeminate.’
‘Not if you say it casually.’
With something very like a snort Roger asks, ‘How does one say a thing like that casually?’
‘Well, for instance, you could whistle while you said it — or anything of that sort.’
‘Hum. Of course you — if we were to — be like that, you wouldn’t do anything.’
‘How do you mean?’
‘You wouldn’t paw me?’
‘Roger,’ with some natural indignation, ‘you forget yourself.’ But apparently it is for him to continue. ‘That reminds me of a story I heard the other day of a French general. He had asked for volunteers from his airmen for some specially dangerous job — and they all stepped forward. Pretty good that. Then three were chosen and got their orders and saluted, and were starting off when he stopped them. “Since when,” he said, “have brave boys departing to the post of danger omitted to embrace their father?” They did it then. Good story?’
Roger lowers. ‘They were French.’
‘Yes, I said so. Don’t you think it’s good?’
‘Why do you tell it to me?’
‘Because it’s a good story.’
‘You are sure, father,’ sternly, ‘that there is no other reason?’ Mr. Torrance tries to brazen it out, but he looks guilty. ‘You know, father, that is barred.’
Just because he knows that he has been playing it low, Mr. Torrance snaps angrily, ‘What is barred?’
‘You know,’ says his monitor.
Mr. Torrance shouts.
‘I know that you are a young ass.’
‘Really, father—’
‘Hold your tongue.’
Roger can shout also.
‘I must say, father—’
‘Be quiet, I tell you.’
It is in the middle of this competition that the lady who dotes on them both chooses to come back, still without her spectacles.
‘Oh dear! And I had hoped — Oh, John!’
Mr. Torrance would like to kick himself.
‘My fault,’ he says with a groan.
‘But whatever is the matter?’
‘Nothing, mater.’ The war is already making Roger quite smart. ‘Only father wouldn’t do as I told him.’
Mr. Torrance cannot keep pace with his son’s growth. He raps out, ‘Why the dickens should I?’
Roger is imperturbable; this will be useful in France. ‘You see, mater, he said I was the head of the house.’
‘You, Rogie!’ She goes to her husband’s side. ‘What nonsense!’
Roger grins. ‘Do you like my joke, father?’
The father smiles upon him and is at once uproariously happy. He digs his boy boldly in the ribs.
‘Roger, you scoundrel!’
‘That’s better,’ says Mrs. Torrance at a venture.
Roger feels that things have perhaps gone far enough. ‘I think I’ll go to my room now. You will come up, mater?’
‘Yes, dear. I shan’t be five minutes, John.’
‘More like half an hour.’
She hesitates. ‘There is nothing wrong, is there? I thought I noticed a — a — —’
‘A certain liveliness, my dear. No, we were only having a good talk.’
‘What about, John?’ wistfully.
‘About the war,’ Roger breaks in hurriedly.
‘About tactics and strategy, wasn’t it, Roger?’
‘Yes.’
‘The fact is, Ellen, I have been helping Roger to take his first trench.’ With a big breath, ‘And we took it too, together, didn’t we, Roger?’
‘You bet,’ says Roger valiantly.
‘Though I suppose,’ sighing, ‘it is one of those trenches that the enemy retake during the night.’
‘Oh, I — I don’
t know, father.’
The lady asks, ‘Whatever are you two talking about?’
‘Aha,’ says Mr. Torrance in high feather, patting her, but unable to resist a slight boast, ‘it is very private. We don’t tell you everything, you know, Ellen.’
She beams, though she does not understand.
‘Come on, mater, it’s only his beastly sarcasm again. ‘Night, father; I won’t see you in the morning.’
‘‘Night,’ says Mr. Torrance.
But Roger has not gone yet. He seems to be looking for something — a book, perhaps. Then he begins to whistle — casually.
‘Goodnight, dear father.’
Mr. John Torrance is left alone, rubbing his hands.
BARBARA’S WEDDING
The Colonel is in the sitting-room of his country cottage, staring through the open windows at his pretty garden. He is a very old man, and is sometimes bewildered nowadays. He calls to Dering, the gardener, who is on a ladder, pruning. Dering, who comes to him, is a rough, capable young fellow with fingers that are already becoming stumpy because he so often uses his hands instead of a spade. This is a sign that Dering will never get on in the world. His mind is in the same condition as his fingers, working back to clods. He will get a rise of one and sixpence in a year or two, and marry on it and become duller and heavier; and, in short, the clever ones could already write his epitaph.
* * *
‘A beautiful morning, Dering.’
‘Too much sun, sir. The roses be complaining, and, to make matters worse, Miss Barbara has been watering of them — in the heat of the day.’
The Colonel is a very gentle knight nowadays. ‘Has she? She means well.’ But that is not what is troubling him. He approaches the subject diffidently. ‘Dering, you heard it, didn’t you?’ He is longing to be told that Dering heard it.
‘What was that, sir?’
‘The thunderstorm — early this morning.’
‘There was no thunderstorm, sir.’
Dispirited, ‘That is what they all say.’ The Colonel is too courteous to contradict any one, but he tries again; there is about him the insistence of one who knows that he is right. ‘It was at four o’clock. I got up and looked out at the window. The evening primroses were very beautiful.’
Dering is equally dogged. ‘I don’t hold much with evening primroses, sir; but I was out and about at four; there was no thunderstorm.’